The static of the speakers crackles in the hallway as the assistant principal requests that I come to the office.
“Is everything okay?” Hope asks with wide eyes.
I shrug. “I’m sure it’s nothing.” I give her a tiny wave as I turn the corner to the office, but freeze in my tracks when I see Sheriff Moore standing in the office with my social worker.
They’ve found Dad. Or Mom.
That has to be it.
I’ve never put much thought into what would happen if they ever found either of them. I never even think much about my parents anymore. At first I’d try to figure out where they were or imagine what they were doing. But then I gave up. It didn’t really matter, did it? It’s not as if you can force people to be parents. Of course, there’s always court-mandated child support, but you can’t force someone to love another person.
I walk into the office with my heart in my throat. “Hi, Sheriff Moore, Ms. Bremner.”
Sheriff Moore takes his hat off. “Why don’t we step into the principal’s office so we can have some privacy.”
I nod as they guide me inside.
Ms. Bremner sits next to me and places her hand on my shoulder. “It’s your sister.”
“What’s wrong?” I ask even though I already know they know. It’s a small town—of course they found out she’d been fired from her job. They would have to give her some time to find another job, not as if that would fix my personal issues with her.
“First, you need to know she’s going to be fine,” Ms. Bremner says as she exchanges a glance with the sheriff. “She’s in the hospital. A friend stopped by late last night and Hayley wasn’t answering the door, even though he could see she was in the trailer. She was unresponsive so he called an ambulance. Your sister had alcohol poisoning.”
My face remains blank. I don’t know how to process this information. At a certain point the human mind has to reach its capacity for horrible news. There’s a buzzing in my ears as I feel myself shutting down, emotionally and maybe even physically.
Ms. Bremner continues, “We were informed this morning of her condition. Listen, Parker, we have a lot of questions about your care. But right now, we’ll take you to see her. She’s awake now, a little worse for wear, but she will be fine.”
I look at my hands, clasped tightly in my lap. I know the adults are expecting me to say something. I feel as if I have no other option but to finally admit the truth, as much as it hurts.
“I don’t think she wants to see me,” I say.
“Parker, when was the last time you were in the trailer?” Sheriff Moore inquires. “When we went to inspect it, the heat wasn’t working, it smelled of cigarette smoke, and it appeared as if you haven’t been there in a while.”
“I spent last night at a friend’s, but I spend most nights at the trailer,” I reply in a nearly robotic voice. This can’t be happening.
“As you know, Hayley’s guardianship is contingent on her holding a job and providing suitable living quarters for you. None of those requirements are currently being met. Quite frankly, she’s in no condition to be your guardian.”
I nod, because there’s no getting around it anymore. It was only a matter of time before social services found out about Hayley. I was fooling myself in thinking I could get away with it. That I could hold on for the next 450 days until I could leave town with my diploma and college scholarship in hand.
Ms. Bremner gives the sheriff a warning look. “These are all things we can discuss later. But, Parker, you know we’re here for you. You should’ve said something.”
I know I should’ve, but then what? I’d get pulled out of the trailer and sent with some foster family. I’ve contemplated filing for emancipation, but that takes a lawyer, which requires money. Even if I were considered a legal adult, I’d still have to find somewhere to stay. That also costs money.
There’s a price to everything: freedom, and now, admitting the truth. Although I have yet to fully understand what the cost will be of the revelation about Hayley, I do know one thing: I won’t be able to afford it on many levels.
Ms. Bremner puts her arm around me. “Let’s go see your sister.”
I want to object, but I’m worried about Hayley. She’s my family. I didn’t inherit the gene from my parents that allowed them to turn off the ability to care. There’s also a gnawing idea that’s been growing in my head that this is my fault. That our fight prompted her to drink even more than usual.
Sheriff Moore holds open the door for me as I exit the office, grateful everybody is in class so nobody witnesses me being escorted off the premises by the police.
Nobody likes hospitals.
What’s to like? The bright fluorescent lights, the cold linoleum floor, the sickness and death wafting through the air?
Ms. Bremner takes me to Hayley’s room. There’s a privacy curtain between her and an older man sleeping with his mouth open. The only noise in the room comes from his snores and the machine beeping next to him.
Hayley looks so tiny in her bed. She has an IV in her arm, dark circles around her eyes, and her hair appears darker since it’s been pulled away from her face. It looks as if she hasn’t had a proper shower in days. Probably because she hasn’t. I didn’t even think about how no heat affected our hot water. I’ve been showering at Lila’s.
“Hayley,” I whisper. My chin starts to tremble. This is my fault. I shouldn’t have said anything to her yesterday. I should’ve simply sat on the floor, done my homework, and kept my mouth shut.
Hayley opens her eyes. When she sees me, she turns over on her side with her back to me. I look at Ms. Bremner for a hint about what I’m supposed to do. Not only with my sister, but with my life.
“I’ll leave you two to have some privacy,” she says as she gives me a pat on my arm.
I cautiously walk over to the other side of the bed so Hayley has no choice but to see me. “Hayley, are you okay?”
She laughs. “Of course not. Do I look okay?”
“Who found you?”
“Evan.”
I guess I should be grateful to him for calling an ambulance, but it should’ve been me. I should’ve been there for her. I’m all she has.
“Oh, Hayley.” My voice rises because I can no longer control my emotions. Tears start flooding down my face. I fall on my knees and wrap my arms around my sister. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry I said those things to you. I’m sorry you’re stuck here because of me. I’m sorry I ruined your life.”
Hayley starts shaking as she finally lets go of everything pent up inside her. “It’s not your fault. I did this to myself. What are we going to do?”
My sister and I hold on to each other tightly, making us one unit. One miserable and crying unit.
What are we going to do? I don’t know. I have absolutely no idea.
“We’ll figure it out,” I tell her.
Neither Hayley nor I put ourselves in this situation. Our dear old parents did this to us. We’ve been left to pick up the pieces. We survived that, and we’ll survive this. We have to—there aren’t any other options for us.
“I messed everything up, didn’t I?” she asks, her voice small.
“No. I’ll talk to Ms. Bremner—the most important thing is for you to get better. For you to get help.”
“How much is all this going to cost?”
I hadn’t even thought about the monetary costs of all this, only the emotional. We have Medicaid, but we’ll still have to pay something for her stay in a hospital. I heard Sheriff Moore and Ms. Bremner talking on the ride over. Hayley will need to go into counseling or some kind of rehab. There’s no way they’ll let me stay with her unless she completes some program.
“I’ll take care of it,” I promise her as I gently stroke her hair, something I’ve often seen caring mothers do on TV. Our parents weren’t affectionate people, but I want to comfort Hayley, and in a way, comfort myself. “You focus on getting better.”
All I can do now is hold on to th
e hope she’ll get help and maybe, hopefully, this will turn her around and she’ll reclaim her life.
“I’m sorry,” Hayley weeps.
“Me too.” I hold my sister tightly. No matter what the future holds, I will be here for her. She gave up her life as she knew it when she came back for me.
Now it’s time for me to take care of her.
“Parker.” Ms. Bremner knocks on the door to Hayley’s room. “You have a visitor.”
I look at the clock. I’ve only been at the hospital for less than an hour, but have spent most of it wrapped around my sister. She needs to know she’s not alone. We’re going to get through this together.
Together. Like how most families handle hardships.
“I’ll be right back.” I kiss Hayley on her forehead.
I walk out into the hallway, not sure who would be here to see me except Ms. Bremner or a police officer.
I hardly get a chance to process who it is because she’s hugging me so tightly the second I exit the room. “Parker, hon, how are you doing?”
“Mrs. Kaplan?” I’m stunned. My arms are limp around my sides, trying to figure out not only why she’s here but how she even found out.
She releases her grip and puts her hands on my shoulder as she examines me. “Are you okay?”
I nod. “I’ll be fine.”
“Hope called and said you might need me.”
Hope called? Hope? She must’ve seen me leave school with the police. But still, she called her mom?
“Sweetie, you don’t need to do this on your own.” She holds my hands as she turns her attention to Ms. Bremner. “What can I do to help? What does Parker need? What does Hayley need?”
“We’ll be fine,” I assure her.
“Parker.” Mrs. Kaplan places her hands gently on my face. “You do not need to do this alone. Please let me help.”
All I can do is nod. In what seems like my current default setting, I begin to cry, tears streaming from my eyes. I find myself sinking down to the floor, the exhaustion getting the best of me. Mrs. Kaplan sits on the floor with me and rocks me back and forth as I let it all go. This has been too much. The last year has been too much. Clearly, Hayley and I need help.
What we really need is a mom.
Ms. Bremner starts explaining the situation to Mrs. Kaplan. “Bottom line: Hayley is going to need to complete an alcohol program and get a job before Parker can live with her again. In addition, the residence must get back to a proper living condition.”
“Parker will stay with us for as long as she needs,” Mrs. Kaplan says without hesitation. “We have an extra bedroom for her. Hope can take her to school. I can contact our lawyer to make arrangements and whatever requirements we need to do. We’ll take care of it.”
My first thought: Thank you, Mrs. Kaplan, for stepping up when we need someone the most.
My second: Hope is absolutely going to hate this plan.
“What about Hayley?” I ask, not wanting to leave her alone, especially in that trailer.
“We’re going to hold her for the night and figure out what kind of treatment she’ll need,” Ms. Bremner says. “There are a few programs we’ll look into. When she gets back, we’ll assist her in getting a job. When she’s proven to be stable, we can discuss incorporating you back in.”
“But she’s my sister—I can’t leave her.”
“What’s best for both of you right now is for Hayley to get help. You’ll be able to visit her.”
“How long before I can move in when she gets back? Days? Weeks?” I’ve spent the last year devising a plan to get out of that trailer, out of this town. Now all I want is to get back there as soon as possible.
Ms. Bremner looks at Mrs. Kaplan. “I’m not going to lie. It may be months.”
I turn to Mrs. Kaplan. “I can’t stay with you for months. I’ll talk to Lila’s parents—”
Mrs. Kaplan cuts me off. “Hon, you are welcome to stay as long as you want. It’s not a problem. In fact, I insist. I know you’re used to being on your own, but I want to help you.”
She does. She always has. That’s the kind of person Mrs. Kaplan is. But it’s not fair to Hayley that she’s going to be stuck in some program while I’m being spoiled rotten by Hope’s mom.
A mom. I look at Mrs. Kaplan. I’ve always ached for a mom like her. Someone who’s selfless and caring. I get to have it, even for a brief moment of time. Hope’s bound to resent me for it, but she’s had this life for sixteen years. All I want is a few days of not having to do everything on my own. To have someone who cares.
Maybe being around Mrs. Kaplan will show me how I need to be when Hayley gets back. I can be that person for her, the one who will take care of things.
I can have the life I’ve always wanted for a fleeting moment. All I have to do is say yes.
“Hayley will be taken care of?” I ask, wanting to ensure I’m not abandoning my sister.
“Of course,” Ms. Bremner confirms.
I look at Hope’s mom. Her eyes are filled with concern, her generous heart practically bursting out of her chest.
I squeeze her tightly and exhale a breath I feel I’ve been holding for over a year.
“Yes.”
I know this may sound really crazy with everything going on, but I insisted on going to work.
Mrs. Kaplan dropped me off after we went to the trailer so I could pack up everything I’d need for an extended stay. Peter told me I could take the night off, but with such a huge shift in my life, I wanted desperately to hold on to the only two things that haven’t changed for me: school and work.
“I’ve got something for you,” Peter tells me two hours into my shift. I go to the kitchen and see a small pizza loaded with veggies. “You’re about due for your break. Head to the back room and enjoy.”
“Thanks,” I reply as I walk to the small room with a foldout table and two chairs. It’s the first time I’ve sat down in silence since everything happened with Hayley. I’m going to visit her tomorrow and talk with Ms. Bremner about our options. It’s nice we’ll have choices for once. We’re so used to having things forced on us, having a say in a major decision is a welcome change.
I lean back on the chair as I slowly chew my food, enjoying my break.
There’s a knock on the door and I’m stunned when I see Brady standing there.
“Hey,” he says sheepishly as he comes over to hug me. “Mrs. Kaplan came over and told my family everything. I’m so sorry.”
“Thanks.” I wrap my arms around him. His embrace always gives me comfort and makes me feel safe. Maybe things won’t be so bad after all. Hayley’s going to get help. I’ve got a warm place to sleep. And Brady appears to be back.
“I’ve been such a jerk the last couple of days. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
Ever since everything fell apart, I’ve realized how often people apologize to me. While the sentiment is appreciated, I sometimes wish people would stop feeling sorry and simply say the truth. How refreshing it would be if people stated the truth about my circumstances: That totally sucks.
I feel a little bit of the weight off me now that Brady admits to his distance, but everybody’s allowed to have a few days off.
“Are you okay staying with Hope? I know how you two are.” He grimaces slightly, probably not thrilled his girlfriend and best friend will be living under the same roof.
I shrug. It’s not the Hope part I’m focused on—it’s being around her mom. “If I’d realized all it would take for Hope to be nice to me was to know my truth, I would’ve told her right away. And I don’t know if you know this, but Hope was the one who called her mom to help me. I never thought I’d ever be so grateful to Hope Kaplan in my life, but if it wasn’t for her, well, I don’t know what I would’ve done.”
“You could stay with us.”
“You’ve already done too much.”
He has. It’s really not fair how much of a burden I’ve had to be on Brady’s and Lila’s fa
milies. They didn’t ask to have to take care of another kid. A night here and there is one thing, but an indefinite amount of time?
“But we can do more.”
“Brady, I don’t want this to come off the wrong way, but you don’t have to worry about it. I would like, if only for a few days, maybe a couple weeks, to be a regular girl, a normal friend and girlfriend. Granted, I’m a regular girl mooching off a family I’m not close with, but I want the stability. I want you not to have to stress over where my next meal will come from. Or if I need a ride. You shouldn’t feel like you have to be my guardian. It hasn’t been fair to you.”
It hasn’t been fair to anybody. While I appreciate that he’s been so sweet and attentive to me, it will be nice to be a normal couple. I know I’m fooling myself because there’s nothing normal about my situation, but for the first time in a year, I’m going to be in a stable living situation.
And for the first time in my life, I’m going to be around a real mom. That’s what I’m most excited about. Lila’s and Brady’s moms have been great. They’ve been sweet and understanding, but Hope’s mom is special. She seems to have this desire to nurture people. Hope appears bothered when her mom tries to take care of her. Mrs. Kaplan isn’t going to have any fight from me. I want to be taken care of.
Brady thinks over what I have to say about not needing him to take care of me. After a few beats, he takes my hand. “I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t want to.”
I lean into him. “I know.”
“Plus …” he says before taking a deep breath.
I wait for him to finish his thought, but instead he grinds his teeth. “Plus?” I prod.
His face has a blank look. He quickly shakes his head and smiles. “Nothing. Everything’s good, right?”
I don’t know how things are going to be tomorrow or next week. Don’t even bother asking me about next year. Right now, things are okay. With everything I’ve been through, okay is more than fine with me.
Five minutes to closing, I’m wiping down the tables when the front door dings. I let out a little sigh. It’s the worst when someone comes right before we close and orders a pizza.