Laz kisses the inside of my thigh as he slips off my shoe and then repeats his actions when he removes the other. His thumbs runs along the inside of my thighs as he pushes my legs open wider. When his head dips low, and the tip of his tongue touches my clit, my hips buck at how good it feels.
Laz grins. “You like that?”
I lick my lips as I attempt to slow my breathing. “Mmm.”
This time, he goes in with no mercy and spreads my lips apart and tastes me. He throws my legs over his shoulders and yanks my ass to the very edge of the bed. A warm tingle builds throughout my body, and when he inserts a finger inside me and sucks my clit, I explode.
“Laz, oh, God. Yesss!” I cry out, trembling. I ride the wave of ecstasy, and my entire body relaxes as I come down.
“That was the sexiest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. I nearly came just watching you,” he says as he climbs on top of me and kisses my lips.
I taste myself on him, and when the tip of his cock touches my folds, I can’t believe how much I still crave him.
My hands slide down his back until they land on that sexy ass of his. “I think it’s your turn.”
I wiggle my hips, and his lust coated eyes stare into mine. “Don’t tease me like that, baby, or I’ll be tempted to slide right inside you.”
Without saying another word, he reaches over into his nightstand, and I hear the foil crinkle between his fingers as he rips open the package. He rolls the condom down his shaft and then repositions himself between my legs and leans down. “You don’t know how many times I’ve dreamed of having you just like this.”
I bite my lip, and my fingers trail along his strong jawline as he thrusts his hips and enters me in one fluid motion.
He sucks in a quick breath between his teeth. “Damn. I’m almost afraid to move. I don’t want to come already. But you feel so fucking good.”
I kiss his lips. “Don’t hold back.”
He kisses me back and pulls back just a bit before plunging into me again. Soon, we’re both panting, and sweat slicks our skin. When he drives into me, he’s hitting just the right spot, and that familiar tingle begins to build again.
An involuntary moan escapes me, and Laz’s movements become more rigid. He cries out just as I come for the second time. “Oh, shit. I’m coming. You feel so good.”
He pumps into me a few more times before his body collapses on top of me. Both of us lie there in the still of the darkness, and the only sound in the room is us attempting to catch our breath.
This changes everything.
We lay there in the stillness of the dark, and my fingers trace the contours of his chiseled chest. I can’t remember the last time I felt so relaxed, and given what happened earlier this evening with Carlos, that’s really saying something because today wasn’t exactly peachy.
Some may say sleeping with Laz so quickly was a slutty move, but it felt right. I feel like I know Laz better than anyone else I've ever dated even though I've only known him a few weeks. We've connected on a deeper level, and he’s treated me better than Carlos did for the entire six months we were together.
The rings Laz wears on his necklace catch my attention, so I pick them up and twirl them between my fingers. “I noticed you always wear these. Who did they belong to? Your parents?”
“Actually ...” He trails off. “Each ring represents one of my mothers. Wearing them around my neck keeps them both close to my heart.” He picks up the necklace, and one wedding ring is encrusting several with diamonds all the way around. “This one belonged to my mother—the one who raised me. Pop put this on her finger the day they got married, and the day before she died, she took it off and gave it to me—told me to give it to the girl I wanted to marry. She said it brought good karma to her marriage and it would make her happy to know that one day my wife would wear it too.” He slides the band down the gold chain and picks up the plain gold band that rests on the chain. “This one belonged to my biological mother.”
“Was she married?” I wonder out loud.
“No. This ring was apparently the only thing she had of any value. When she left me behind with my parents, she left a note, and inside the note was this ring. It was her mother’s, and it was the only thing she owned of her biological mother’s, so it was her prized possession and she left it for me.”
I think about how sad that is, and it makes me wonder if my son will ever think of me the way Laz thinks of his mother. Will he think of me fondly, or will he feel nothing but hatred because he believes I abandoned him?
“Do you still keep in contact with your biological mother?”
He shakes his head. “She died when I turned nineteen, and then my adoptive mom died about five years ago.”
My heart breaks for him. “My God. That’s awful.”
I sigh. “I didn’t take it well. I didn’t know how to cope with so much loss, and unfortunately, I was surrounded by people in the music business who were all too willing to show me ways to self-medicate so I didn’t have to feel any pain.”
While I don’t condone taking drugs in any manner, I understand why he did what he did after listening to his explanation. Everyone deals with pain in their own way. Sometimes, the way we deal with it drags us further into darkness as it did with Laz. The key is finding a way back into the light like Laz did.
“What made you turn things around?”
“My father. He needed me, and I had to get my shit together in order to take care of him.”
When he mentions his father, something comes to mind. “Can I ask you something?”
“You can ask me anything. I don’t want any secrets between us.”
I prop my head up with my hand so I can see his face. “When Candace and I first arrived here, Robert told us that your father lives here, but I haven’t seen him. You just said you had to take care of your dad … What happened to him?”
He stares up at me and then tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “He got sick … really sick. He has ALS, and it’s incurable. At this point in his life, he needs constant care, so Robert and I take care of him. We have a nurse that comes in to work the night shift too.”
“So you stopped using cold turkey to be clearheaded for your father?”
“I didn’t do it on my own.” The corners of his mouth turn down in a slight frown. “I went to rehab and detoxed within the facility and was released with a prescription of Suboxone and an appointment for outpatient counseling. Eventually, I weaned off the medication with the help of my doctor, but I still go to counseling because I find it beneficial in my recovery.”
“How often do you go?”
“Three times a week. It’s always first thing in the morning.”
Things begin to click in my head. “That’s why you don’t eat breakfast with us.”
He nods. “Yes. I either go to a session, or I work out every morning. Having a routine really helps me stay focused.”
To know he’s turned his life around and has stepped up to the plate to care for someone he loves makes me admire him even more. Not many men in the prime of their lives would drop everything to care for a parent. He’s obviously a loving son. Lazarus Rawlings is definitely someone special, and to know he loves his adoptive father that much causes my mind to drift to my own son.
Laz turns onto his side and throws his arm around me, pulling me close so we are nearly nose to nose. “What’s on your mind?”
“Getting to know you and your background has really got me thinking …”
“About your son?” he questions. “You’re curious about him.” The last sentence isn’t a question, simply a statement because I’m sure he can read it all over my face.
“I am,” I admit. “But I’m not going to butt into his life. I’m sure his adoptive parents don’t want to have me poking my nose in their business.”
“Maybe they would be open to the idea of you having contact with your son.”
“I doubt that. I mean, would you want me around if you were in their
shoes?”
“Yes,” he says matter-of-factly. “As long as your heart was in the right place, which yours clearly is, then I would welcome you with open arms. Have you ever had any contact with your son’s parents?”
I shake my head. “No. I haven’t been back to the agency since I gave birth.”
“Was your adoption a closed one?”
“It was an open one. Part of the deal was that I was to receive yearly updates on my son.”
“Have you ever gotten those?”
I shrug. “I’ve never checked with the agency. I figured I should leave the situation alone. Like I said before, it feels wrong to intrude. I just want my son to be happy.”
His fingers trace my face. “And you think he’s happier without you in his life?”
“I’m sure he is. I mean, come on, who needs the likes of me in their life?”
His blue eyes lock onto mine. “I do.” He leans up on one elbow and hovers over me so he can stroke my cheek. “As a matter of fact, I don’t think I can be without you ever again.”
I bite my bottom lip, doing my best to contain a smile, but I fail miserably. This beautiful man is stealing my heart. I’m afraid there’s no going back now.
24
Feeling Inspired
Lazarus
The water sprays down on her back, and as I rub soap onto her shoulders, a melody comes into my mind. I begin to sing, making up the words as I go along.
She turns around. “You have a beautiful voice. Why don't you sing anymore?”
“I don't know,” I answer honestly. “Sometimes, your muse leaves you, and sometimes. it takes a while before you find it again. I can't sing unless I feel inspired.”
She smiles. “Are you saying I inspire you?”
“You’ve inspired me twice already tonight.” I wiggle my eyebrows as I continue to lather up her shoulders.
“You’re so dirty.” She giggles.
“And you like it, so I think that makes you as filthy-minded as I am.” I give her my most wicked grin.
She leans in and kisses my lips. “Only when it comes to you.”
I kiss her back. “And it had better always stay that way.”
Her arms snake around my neck. “Seriously, though, you should sing again. Your voice is amazing.”
The feel of her naked body against mine feels so right.
“Maybe I will if you’re game for doing a song with me. I think we could be great together.”
Her fingers trace the hairline along my neck. “Me too.”
The water beats down against my back as we remain locked in one another’s arms. This woman is stirring so much emotion within me; I feel like I’m floating on a damn cloud when she looks at me with those big brown eyes. I’m feeling things—things I didn’t think were possible for me to experience again. My heart ... I’ve done my best to protect it because the women I have loved, my mothers and Jenna, have all died, leaving me crushed. It’s difficult for me to open up, but Drea … She makes me want to. I want her to know me—the real me—because I think I’m falling for her. She makes me want to sing.
She bites her lower lip, and I see the unmistakable lust in her eyes. I crush my lips to her, loving the way she tastes. Water rolls over my shoulders and down my chest. Small puddles form where her puckered nipples rub against my skin.
My cock throbs, aching to get back inside that sweet pussy of hers, and my erection presses against her stomach.
She pulls back and smiles. “Again? You’re insatiable.”
I shrug as I cradle her face in my hands. “What can I say? You’re addictive.”
She stares up at me. “I am?”
My fingers trace her face. “Oh, yeah.”
The mood between us shifts from playful to serious as my hands slide down her smooth back to the curve of her toned ass. I press her back against the cool tile wall, grip the back of her thigh, and hoist her leg around my hip. Her hands snake into my hair, and it’s clear to me that I’m never going to get enough of this woman.
She’s one addiction I never want to give up.
Having Drea in my bed is quickly becoming my new obsession. This is dangerous on so many levels, but I don’t care. I want her, and she’s good for me. I’m going to explain what’s going on to Peter before anyone else has the chance to. Maybe if he understands this isn’t a game for me—that I have real feelings for this woman—then he’ll back off on his reservations of me being involved with a girl in the group.
My issues, though, are so minor compared to what Drea is wrestling with. I don’t like seeing her upset.
“You still thinking about Carlos?” I ask as I play with a strand of her thick brown hair.
She rolls her head over on the pillow so she can stare at me. “Carlos is my biggest fear. Him finding out about our son—it gives me nightmares. I'll do whatever it takes to keep him from finding him. I don't want him to disrupt my son’s life.”
“Is there any way he can find out about him? I mean, can he find where he is?”
She shrugs. “I don't know. I guess anything is possible, but I did list father unknown on my son's birth certificate. Carlos would have to go through a lot to get to him. It would take a lot of time and money, and honestly, I don’t think Carlos really cares that he has a son. I think all this is mainly about getting back at me, but it still scares me that he might really try to track our son down and do something crazy.”
Thinking about what she said, I have a question pop into my mind. “Do you know where your son is?”
She rolls her head back so she can stare straight up at the ceiling as she thinks about what I've just asked. “Yes and no.”
“What do you mean?”
She sighs. “I mean, I could know more about him, but I feel like it’s best to leave things alone, you know?”
“You aren’t the least bit curious to find out about him?”
“I think about him every day,” she whispers. “But when I gave him up, I gave away my right to know things about him. I don’t want to confuse him. I want him to be a normal kid with one mom. Me staying away, it's what's best for him.”
“Says who? I would’ve loved to have my birth mother in my life.” I pause as I think about all the different types of adoptions. “It sounds like you had an open adoption—one that you could see the kid if you want to since the birth parents send letters.”
“How do you know so much about this?”
My lips pull into a tight line. “Adopted, remember? I've done my fair share of internet searches on adoptions. I know that closed adoptions are rare in this day and age and that most birth parents have some type of communication with her biological child if they want to.”
“In a perfect world, that would be ideal, but given the situation and who his father is, staying away is what's best for him. If I poke around too much, Carlos might catch wind of where our son is, and I can’t have that. Carlos is crazy and unpredictable, and I don’t want him anywhere near our son. I won’t put him in danger like that.”
My heart breaks for this beautiful woman. Anyone can see how much love she has for the little boy and how badly it hurts her not to have any contact with him because of who his father is. I wish it didn’t have to be this way for her. I wish I could fix it for her, but I can’t. The only thing I can do is respect her wishes and be there for her when she feels sad, reminding her I’m living proof adoptive children can have enough love in their heart for two mothers.
25
Practice Makes Perfect
Drea
“Ladies, you all did a hell of a job on your first public performance at the club the other night, so I want to congratulate you on The Vixen’s show being a success.” Everyone in the room is smiling as we listen to Laz praise us. “With that being said, I saw a lot of room for improvement during that performance, and we’ll get to work on all our weak points this week.”
Laz passes out the folders with our itineraries for the week while we finish breakfast. One thing
I’ve gotten to know about Laz is he very much likes to keep to a routine, and in turn, he likes to keep those around him on task as well. At first, some of the girls bucked at the idea, but soon everyone fell into line with it, and all Laz’s planning helps us get a lot done in a short amount of time because there’s not a lot of time to mess around.
“Stylist session?” Candace questions as she goes down her list. “We’re getting hair and makeup done?”
Laz sets the last folder down in front of Annamea. “Not exactly. I’m having a stylist come over and work with all of you so we can figure out a unified look for the group. Right now, we’re kind of a hodgepodge of styles. That shit needs to be cleaned up for marketing purposes. Each one of you will have a little bit of their individuality, but the overall feel of the group style vibe must be the same.”
Candace nods. “I completely agree. I can’t wait to see what look they come up with for me.”
“Me too,” Cam chimes in while he rests his chin in the palm of his hand while staring at my sister. “Something see-through would be nice.”
Candace rolls her eyes. “You’re such a perv.”
“Hey, I want to see you naked. I’m not afraid to admit that,” he tells her.
“In your dreams.”
“Every night.” Cam winks at her, and I chuckle.
I’ve got to hand it to the man. When he sets his sights on something, he doesn’t give up easily, no matter how many times Candace blows him off.
“This is so exciting,” Laycee says to me. “I bet they put you into something amazing since you’re the lead vocalist.”
I turn to where she flanks my left side. “I’m sure I won’t always be the lead singer. Laz just picked me for the first song.”
“Girl, who are you kidding? You’re the best singer in the group. Of course, you’ll always be our lead. You’re totally like our Beyonce.” She bumps into me and smiles.