thirty
It felt very odd for Sean to be taking his father to church. He wondered at the tenseness he felt, and then realized how much he craved his father’s approval of the church he attended.
As the pastor had said, they were once again studying the life of Jesus Christ. Each time Sean looked down at his own Bible, his eyes drifted to his father’s lap and the Bible resting there, remembering the Christmas his mother had given it to him.
Sean had been about nine that Christmas, and very interested in boats and sailing. He simply couldn’t understand why his mother was so excited to be giving her husband a new Bible. A Bible? Surely his father would be disappointed. To Sean’s surprise, he wasn’t.
On Christmas morning it was the last gift to be opened, and Sean had watched his mother sit on the edge of her chair. He had no idea how long she had waited for that Bible to arrive, praying it would be on time and undamaged.
Sean could see in an instant that his father was thrilled with his gift. He caressed the leather binding and touched the pages before turning unsuspectingly to the front where his mother had written some well-chosen words.
Sean recalled the way his father’s eyes swam with tears as he looked across the room at his spouse. It was some time before Sean was able to see what his mother had written, but he knew they were words he would never forget.
My darling Patrick,
No day passes that I don’t rejoice in our marriage. No month goes by that I don’t see you growing in the Word. With each new year our love increases. And when at last we stand in heaven, I’ll thank our eternal Father for blessing our life together here on this soil.
All my love,
Theresa
The Bible was no longer new, and the woman who had written the message had gone on before them, but her message was as powerful to Sean now as it was the first time he had read it. Sean suddenly felt overwhelmed with the loss of his mother. It wasn’t really his mother’s death that grieved him as much as his father’s having to be alone, and how little he now knew his father because of the mistakes he had made.
With an effort Sean pulled his mind back to the present. He had missed half the sermon while his mind wandered to events of the past and things he couldn’t change. There was the present and the future to think about, and in those he could play a part. It was time to talk with his father; not the small talk they’d been uttering for days, but real talk.
Having come to this decision, Sean remembered they were going to Duncan’s for dinner. He prayed for patience over the delay, and then asked God to bless them when the timing was right.
The conversation over dinner was lighthearted and fun. Duncan and Lora were thrilled to meet Patrick and welcomed him into their home with all the love and graciousness that Charlie and Sean had come to expect.
The party of five was just finishing their coffee and dessert when Duncan’s deputy came to the door. He said he had a problem at the office that would not wait. Duncan regretfully bid his wife and guests goodbye.
Sean and Patrick both offered to help the women with cleanup, but Lora said the kitchen was too small for so much help. She showed them into a spacious, comfortable living room and left them alone.
Patrick was silent as his gaze took in the room, and it was a few moments before he realized Sean was staring at him. Their eyes met, so alike in shape and color, and Sean finally asked the question that had been on his mind for more than five years.
“Why didn’t you come back?
Patrick’s eyes slid shut for just an instant, relieved that his son finally wanted to talk.
“At first, it was because they needed me, Sean.”
“We needed you too.”
“I know you did, but at the time, I believed they needed me more.”
Sean was quiet as the remembered pain flooded back in upon him, and then he realized exactly what his father had said.
“What did you mean—at first?”
Patrick seemed reluctant then, but Sean never took his eyes from his father, forcing Patrick to take a deep breath and tell his story.
“As selfish as this is to admit, it was almost a relief to have a catastrophe on my hands the moment I returned to the islands. I was so busy for the first seven months that I had little time to miss you kids and your mother.
“But then things began to regulate. Not enough so that I felt I could leave, but enough so that I had more time on my hands—time to think about all I’d lost. The evenings were the worst. When daylight disappeared and there was nothing more I could do for the day, I’d go back to our empty little house that had miraculously survived the hurricane and sit alone until I thought I would die of loneliness, or worse yet, have to keep on living. Then the lies began.”
“The lies?” Sean broke in softly, not fully believing what he was hearing.
“Yes, lies,” Patrick admitted. “It was easy, you know, to lie in the letters and tell you I was doing well and praying for you. But I wasn’t. I was so eaten up with bitterness that God would take my wife when I believed I needed her most that I stopped praying.”
“But you continued to minister to the people there?”
“Yes, I did, and only a select few knew I was struggling. When I finally made it to Santa Rosa, Katie told me how your backsliding had been slow in coming. I couldn’t help but think how alike we are.
“Not that I was happy about such a comparison, but three years had passed before I made it back to California and spiritually, I was still on shaky ground. In fact, it was in Santa Rosa that I got things straight, and in a way I have you to thank.”
“Me?”
“Yes, Sean, you. When I watched your mother’s health decline, I thought I’d felt as helpless as a man could, but at least I knew where she was. It was worse with you. I’m thankful that Katie spared me nothing. She told me, sometimes at the top of her voice, how disappointed she was, and how I’d missed you by only a few weeks. I can’t tell you the pain I felt to think that my 17-year-old son was out wandering the state and possibly the country, on his own. The decision to leave was yours, Sean, but I should have returned sooner. I just kept telling myself that I couldn’t face all of you. You thought I was a pillar of spiritual strength. In actuality, I was a mass of pain and anger.”
“I still don’t understand where I came into the picture.”
Patrick took a breath; remembering was painful. “The helplessness Sean—that was my final downfall. You were gone and I didn’t know where. I had no other choice but to call on God and give myself back to Him completely. My despair was so great that I don’t believe I would be here today had I not done just that.”
Patrick fell silent at this point, giving Sean time to think. Of all the scenarios he had conjured up in his mind, the idea of his father living in bitterness against God was not one of them. But so much made sense now. Sean could never reckon the man who left California with a man who could leave his family for years, but now Sean saw that it could happen.
Sean wanted to thank his father for baring his heart so completely, but there was a little more he had to know.
“You said you had been in Santa Rosa for a visit, so I assume you went back to Hawaii two years ago.”
“Yes, I did. I stayed with Rigg and Katie for about two months and then with Maureen for a few weeks.”
“Did you take Marc with you?”
“No,” Patrick smiled. “Your sister had become quite grown up, and she told me very seriously that she wished to remain in Santa Rosa. I felt it was for the best, so I went back alone.”
“What brought you back now?”
“Time. When I left two years ago I decided I would not stay away for more than a two-year period, no matter what was happening on the islands.”
“Were you in Santa Rosa when Kate had her miscarriage?” Sean’s voice was as impersonal as it had been during the entire conversation.
“No.” Patrick suddenly looked older than Sean had ever seen him. “Rigg told me when he go
t to Maureen’s. He also told me that she deliberately kept from mentioning me in her letter to you because she didn’t know if Rigg would catch me before I sailed.”
“I’m glad he did.” Sean spoke thickly, no longer able to hide his breaking heart.
“Are you really, Sean? Are you really glad?” Patrick’s voice was desperate, and Sean saw the tears in his eyes.
Lora and Charlie planned to join the men at that moment, but the sight of Patrick and Sean embracing in the middle of the room stayed their action.
As they turned away, Lora saw the tears in Charlie’s eyes and assumed they were tears of joy, as her own were. She would have been surprised to know that Charlie’s tears came from believing she had just lost the most precious thing she’d ever found.
thirty-one
The next three days were a time of joy and laughter for Sean and his father. They talked almost nonstop. Sean learned of his sisters’ activities and those of his beloved nieces. Aunt Maureen had sent her love also, and Sean had even taken time to write to her.
Patrick also spent time getting to know his daughter-in-law, and joined the family with renewed purpose in prayers for her salvation. But it was obvious that something had changed between husband and wife.
That Charlie was trying to give Patrick and Sean time together was clear, but she seemed to be doing so at the expense of her own marriage. Patrick said as much to Sean one evening when they were alone in the living room.
“It’s time for me to go, Sean.”
“So soon?”
Patrick nodded. “It is soon, but my presence is not helping your marriage, and I think that needs to be a priority right now.”
Sean’s face was a mask of confusion. Finally he spoke. “She seems to have drawn farther away from me every day you’ve been here, and yet I know she likes you.”
“Have you had a chance to ask her about it, like when you retire for the night?”
Sean hesitated for only a moment. “We don’t share a bedroom.”
Patrick was not surprised at the lack of intimacy in the marriage. He had been happily, intimately, married for over 20 years himself, and he knew the signs. He had seen Sean touch Charlie, but they never looked at each other the way Rigg and Katie did—in a way that told how one found the other to be wonderful and desirable.
Patrick decided to keep most of his thoughts to himself, and when he spoke his look was kindness itself. “You’re nearly strangers, Sean, but I can see she cares for you, and unless I miss my guess, you’re in love with her.”
“You’re right. I do think I’m in love, but how can I be?” Sean voiced the question that would not leave his mind. “As you said, we’re practically strangers.”
“I’ve always believed that love can happen very fast. Believe me, love is what gives a marriage joy, but the factor that’s going to stand the test of time is your—”
“Commitment,” Sean finished for his father, and Patrick’s eyes grew suspiciously wet.
“Yes, commitment. Some people feel this is some sort of duty, but in fact it gives a marriage very real stability.” They talked for the next hour and then spent another hour in prayer.
Sean went to bed in a quandary of emotions, at peace with God and his father, but saddened to see the parent he had come to love all over again leave. He knew Patrick planned to tell Charlie the next day that he would be leaving the day after.
Suddenly Sean didn’t feel quite so sad. He was more than ready to work on his relationship with his wife, and his father was right—his presence was something of a hindrance. If only he and Charlie had already come to the point of conversing as husband and wife should, Sean would have felt on more stable ground. As it was, he felt only confusion.
Charlie had constantly put Sean and his father together as though she approved of the relationship, and yet she suddenly seemed to disapprove of Sean. The smiles he had begun to see more and more frequently had disappeared altogether, and in the evenings when they had some time to work on the reading, Charlie would take herself off to her room and not come out before morning.
Sean prayed about the time he could approach Charlie, wanting desperately to lean on God for this. He fell asleep as he always did, asking God to bring his wife to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.
“I really would like to pay you for the room and board.”
“I won’t even discuss it with you,” Sadie told Patrick in a no-nonsense voice. “You’re Charlie’s father-in-law, and that makes you family. I don’t charge family.”
Sadie’s hands were on her hips, her eyes daring Patrick to argue with her. Patrick eyed her for just a moment before he spoke graciously.
“Then I thank you, Sadie, for your hospitality.”
“You’re welcome,” Sadie told him simply and turned away, looking for something to do with her hands. He was the most handsome man she had seen in years, and for some reason, Sadie felt a bit flustered in his presence. But flustered or not, she felt it was a pity he had to leave.
Sadie’s wayward thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of Sean and Charlie. They were there to walk Patrick to the train station. Patrick, his manner once again quiet and gracious, thanked Sadie for the last time. He was unaware of the way she stood in front of the boardinghouse and watched him leave.
“Charlotte, I can’t thank you enough,” Patrick said as he pulled his daughter-in-law into his sturdy embrace. The walk to the train station had been very quiet. Charlie realized in that instant how much she’d come to care for her husband’s father.
“Do you really need to leave?” she asked in all sincerity.
“I’m afraid so. Taking the afternoon train like this will make for a long evening and a sleepless night, but I really must be on my way. I’ll write, and you know I’ll be praying for you.”
The words made Charlie feel like crying, and she nearly broke down as she watched Patrick and Sean embrace unashamedly for long moments. She moved a few yards down the platform to give them some time alone.
“I know that God is going to do mighty things in your life, Sean, and I believe one of the first will be the salvation of your wife.” Patrick’s voice was low, but Sean caught every word.
“I’m praying you’re right.”
“Pray believing, Sean.” Patrick spoke with conviction. “God loves her more than you do, and nothing would give Him greater joy than to bring Charlotte to Himself.”
Sean wondered how he’d gotten along for so many years without this man. The thought caused him to put his arms around his father once again.
The next few minutes passed in a flurry of activity as last-minute passengers boarded and the final whistle blew. Patrick hugged his beloved children one last time, and they stood waving after he boarded and until the train was out of sight.
Both husband and wife were very quiet as they headed home for the evening. They were done working for the day, but the hour wasn’t at all late. Sean’s thoughts turned to his marriage, and he hoped they might be able to talk as soon as they were home. Charlie, however, surprised him and put an immediate stop to any such plans.
Just as they approached the back of the livery, Sean watched Charlie veer off.
“I’ve got some things I need to do in the livery, Sean.”
The young husband was so surprised that he didn’t speak for a few seconds. “Is there something I can help with?” he finally asked.
“No,” Charlie answered a little too emphatically as she moved toward the barn. “I’ll be in later.”
Sean didn’t have a clue as to what he should say to that, so he stood still until she disappeared into the rear door of the livery. He spent a few moments in prayer before turning and going on to the house.
thirty-two
He’ll stay, Charlie told herself as she stood in the warm, dim barn, but only because he has to. He’d have left today if he could have, and after seeing his father he’ll probably be watching for a chance to run. The thought caused an ache in Charlie that she would not hav
e believed possible. It also started her tears.
As a child it had become familiar to hurt inside, knowing that her grandfather would often have liked to rid himself of her. With Sean it was much more than just hurt, it was . . .
The thought hung on like a bad headache, and Charlie’s arms went around her middle, as though the pain was centered there. It wasn’t. The pain was higher and squeezed around the region of her heart like a cruel fist.
She wondered during one brief moment of near insanity what Sean would do if she went back into the house and told him she was in love with him. He might go down on his knee and declare his own love and then take her in his arms. After all, he did care some; she was sure of that. And then she knew it would never happen.
“He’d laugh in your face, Charlie, and you know it.”
Sean was so surprised to hear his wife’s voice that it halted his progress through the back door. He had stayed in the house until he could no longer stand it. It had never occurred to him that she wasn’t alone in the livery. Maybe someone was trying to hurt her. It was this thought that propelled him forward, his face a mask of worry.
“Charlotte?” Sean blurted as soon as he spotted her in one of the stalls, instantly feeling contrite over the way he had startled her.
Charlie had come away from the wall of the stall where she was leaning and was now kneeling on the ground. She frowned when she realized she hadn’t brought her gun. After all, it could have been anyone.
Sean didn’t like that frown, but he came forward anyway. Charlie watched as he lowered himself to the ground and leaned against the wall of the stall, as she had been doing. He just stared at her as she sat back on her heels, her knees just inches from his outstretched legs. The window above them lit the stall, casting a soft light around Charlie’s red hair.