“You take such good care of me,” I said, sighing and closing my eyes again.
“Someone should. I mean, besides Hunter, who is doing a great job, by the way. That asshole.” I snorted.
“Yeah, he’s the worst.” The best. The absolute best. Christ, he was out right now buying a damn car just to tote our kids around in.
“You picked yourself a good one,” Renee said.
“That I did.”
It didn’t feel like I had picked him, or he had picked me. We’d picked each other. Equally. For reasons we didn’t even understand at the time.
I thought about that first night when we’d flipped the recliner. I’d known that night that I could trust him. I could always trust him. With me and with Spawns. He was going to take care of us.
Over the next few days, I was completely wrapped up in school, work, the clinic and human-growing. My grades had started to slip a little, and the only thing I could think to do about it was cut back my hours at work, which I did. Hunter told me he could pick up the financial slack. We still had a pile of his money that we could always use, but I wanted to save as much of it as we could for the babies. It was still a relief to know it was there.
The whole Vegas disaster kept bugging me. I was totally guilty of bailing on Hunter and I just couldn’t figure out what my problem was. There was absolutely no reason I couldn’t suck things up and marry him. None. So why did I keep holding back?
It was Pinterest that finally gave me the idea. Well, Pinterest and Hunter. He mentioned us maybe going away for an actual non-eloping getaway and suggested the Norumbega Inn. My head exploded and I got online as soon as I can to start looking up ideas. I spent hours of time I didn’t have looking things up. It really was a sickness.
I called Hope about it the next day.
“So I have kind of a crazy idea,” I told her.
“Oh, I love those kind. Do tell.” I laughed and filled her in.
“Do you think it’s doable? I mean, by this summer?” I asked.
“Honey, you are talking to the queen of planning. If you asked me to, I could have this whole shindig ready for you next weekend.” That was probably true.
“Right, but it might be a little cold.”
“True, true.” We hatched some more plans and she hung up after promising she would start getting things together.
Next, I hunted down Jos. I had to let her in on the secret as well because I needed her musical expertise.
“Dude, this is my dream. I’m so happy you asked me. I’ve got your back,” she said, squeezing my hands for a second and then dashing downstairs to get her laptop.
Of course Dusty was down there so he immediately found out, and he asked if he could get the Steiners involved.
“That actually makes sense. But don’t tell them yet. This is a long way off and I don’t want the surprise spoiled beforehand.” Dusty just gave me a thumbs up.
“Secrecy, you got it.”
I was so giddy about my secret plan that Hunter noticed.
“What are you so happy about?”
“I got my pants on without busting the zipper,” I said, showing him. I’d had to thread a rubber band through the buttonhole so they’d stay up, but that didn’t matter. They were on and they weren’t going anywhere. Gold star for me.
“You get excited about the oddest things,” he said, poking his finger at the button.
“Hey, it’s all about the little things.” Keeping Hunter in the dark about this plan was going to be rough, but if I could pull it off? It was going to be incredible.
Taylor’s entire family, including her dad, came over to Hope and John’s house for Christmas Eve. Hope didn’t do anything halfway, so I wasn’t surprised by the two Christmas trees standing in the foyer. Taylor’s dad let out a low whistle. This was his first visit.
“Fancy digs,” he said, looking up at the chandelier.
Every year Hope did a theme for the decorations and ornaments and this year it was blue and silver, so everywhere you looked there were blue and silver ornaments, ribbons and bows. She also had little winter scenes set up and Bing Crosby crooning in the background.
Hope passed around hot toddies to those that were of age, or not pregnant, and we all settled in the formal living room around the fire. Seven wheeled around, covering everyone with tinsel and telling them what she was asking Santa for. I’d gotten her a pink guitar last year, so this year I went with a new guitar strap and some glittery picks. It wasn’t a huge gift, but she got plenty of stuff from her parents and Mase. I wouldn’t go so far as to say she was spoiled, not in a bad way anyway. She got what she needed, and she knew we all loved her to pieces, which was what I wanted for our babies.
Taylor was showing now and seeing it made my heart thump with joy. Every time I looked at her my eyes slid down to her belly. Usually I’d catch her resting her hand on the bump, completely unaware she was doing it.
Her morning sickness had subsided a lot and we were both hoping it would go away completely when she started her second trimester. I never thought that I would know so much about pregnancy, but I’d been cramming my brain full of as much information as I could get my hands on. I even stole Taylor’s books read them when I had down time on campus. I’d gotten some very interesting looks when people walked by me reading What To Expect When You’re Expecting in the Union. Not that I gave a fuck. They weren’t the ones with a pregnant fiancée.
Taylor was deep in conversation with her mother and Hope about various pregnancy symptoms and I was keeping my two cents out of it.
Darah was playing cat’s cradle with Seven and Mase, John and Joe were chatting with Taylor’s dad about the economy, politics and capitalism.
I just sat and watched my family.
I had lost a lot, but I had gained so much. My life might have been so different if my mother hadn’t had a sister like Hope. I might have ended up in foster care and who knows where I would be now. Probably not engaged and preparing for twins while in my senior year of college. Or maybe I would. Maybe life would have still led me to Taylor. There was no way to know.
I jumped a little when someone tapped me on the shoulder.
“You’ve got your speculating face on,” Taylor said in my ear.
“Do I?” I said, turning and putting my arm around her. She had a gray sweater dress over leggings and boots and I just wanted to take her home so I could get her naked. Her sex drive was way up and I was definitely enjoying the perks of pregnancy.
“Yeah. What are you thinking about, baby?” She put her hand on my chest.
“Life. How it can change. And how good it can be.” I smiled down at her and she sighed.
“It is good now, isn’t it? And just think, next year Spawns will be here. Are you going to dress up as Santa?” I grinned at her.
“You bet I am. They’re going to be too young to know what the hell is going on, but we’re still doing it.” She nodded.
“Absolutely.”
We ended the night singing carols together and Taylor fell asleep in my lap. Tomorrow we were going to her mom’s for Christmas day after we’d opened our own presents at the house.
“By the way, I didn’t get you a present this year. Your presents are right here,” Taylor said when we got home, pointing to her bump. I leaned down and kissed the spot she’d pointed to.
“I know that’s a lie,” I said, getting back up and kissing her forehead. “But even if it was true, that would be more than okay with me. You’ve already given me more than I could ever ask for.” She snorted.
“You always say the nicest things, you asshole.” I laughed and carefully picked her up to carry her upstairs.
“Happy Christmas Eve, Missy,” I said.
“Happy Christmas Eve. Our last without screaming children. We should probably treasure it, but all I want to do is put on my pajamas and pass out as you sing to me.” I set her down on her feet in our bedroom and went to the dresser.
“Well, I can certainly help with t
hat.” I pulled out two wrapped packages.
“What is this?” she asked as I handed one of the presents to her. I ripped open the other one. I already knew what was in it, but it seemed more fun this way. I loved watching her face as she unwrapped the pajamas I’d gotten for her. They had peacock feathers all over the flannel while mine were covered in the number seven. Of course.
Taylor giggled and stripped, pulling on the pajamas. I helped her button them and then put mine on.
“I think we should make this a tradition. We each get a new set of pajamas on Christmas Eve and then we all put them on and sit around and sing together.” I’d made it a rule to sing to the babies every single night. Taylor and I used to play and sing together and called it “music sex” but this was something different. I thought of it more as family music time.
“I like that. And I was also thinking that we should give them each a book to read. There’s this tradition in Iceland where everyone gives each other books on Christmas Eve and they spend the night reading. I want our kids to love books.” I adjusted my guitar strap and sat next to her, fiddling with some of the strings.
“Our kids are going to love books. I don’t think there is any way they wouldn’t,” I said. “But we can definitely add that. I don’t want our kids to be dumb.” Taylor smacked my arm.
“Our kids aren’t going to be dumb. And even if they are, we’re going to tell them they’re smart. Because everyone is smart in their own way.” She had a very good point.
“That’s true. At least we know they’ll probably be able to sing.” Taylor had a beautiful voice.
“True. If we have enough then we can be the new Von Trapp family.” That made me laugh really hard.
“You think that’s funny, but this could be our ticket to ride. I mean, what’s the point of having children if you can’t exploit them for money.” She winked.
“Exactly. Put ‘em to work as soon as you can.”
“That’s all I’m saying.”
We sang some carols and I made hot chocolate and flameless s’mores which Taylor ate the majority of. I let her because she was carrying our babies.
“I hope we don’t suck as parents,” she said, licking Nutella off her fingers.
“We’re not going to suck. And if we do, we have a lot of people who will tell us we’re sucking and give their opinions on how we can stop sucking.” Between all the people in our house and our two families, we were already drowning in unsolicited advice. I just figured we would figure it out when they got here. Besides, none of the advice-givers had raised twins, so at least we had that as a reason to ignore them.
“And if we mess it up, we have enough money to afford fancy therapy for them. There’s no losing.” She patted her belly.
“You guys are set,” she said to them.
I liked to think I was skilled at giving Taylor presents. They weren’t always material things, and I always tried to make sure they were a surprise.
This year, my girl outdid me.
“Do you like it?” she asked, twisting her fingers together as we sat on the floor of the living room next to the artificial tree.
I opened my mouth to say something, but no sounds would come out. I just sat there, looking at the beautiful silver pocket watch. On the back it was engraved To Hunter from Taylor and Spawns. We love you more than the stars.
One side of the face was the watch part and the other had the sonogram picture with the two babies circled.
“Oh, Taylor,” I said, my voice cracking. I used one hand to wipe my eyes as I held onto the watch with the other.
“I read somewhere that a watch is a customary gift, so I thought this would be nice. And who the hell wears an actual watch, these days anyway? This seemed a lot cooler. But if you hate it, I can exchange it or something.” She rambled while I tried to collect myself. Finally I looked up at her, ignoring the tears. They were going to come and I couldn’t stop them.
“It’s beautiful. I love it,” I said, leaning toward her to give her a kiss. I wrapped her in my arms and held her tight.
“You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, Taylor Elizabeth Caldwell. Never doubt that for a second.” She sighed, as if in relief.
“Oh, good. I wasn’t sure. I thought maybe it was dorky—” I stopped her with a kiss.
“It’s perfect,” I said, resting my forehead against hers. “It’s perfect. You’re perfect.” She chuckled.
“I know that’s not true, but who am I to argue with you?”
She opened my present next, which made her cry as well.
“It’s beautiful.” Carefully, she drew out the necklace from the velvet-lined box.
“It’s a Celtic knot that symbolizes motherhood,” I said as she examined it. The silver was twisted to make several entwining hearts, with a single diamond in the center. After the twins were born I planned to get both Taylor’s and their birthstone added as well. One thing was for sure, having the babies was a great excuse to buy Taylor presents.
“It’s so beautiful, Hunter.” She turned and lifted her hair so I could clasp it around her neck. It rested just below her clavicle. Perfect. Her fingers stroked the silver.
“I love it, thank you.” She gave me a kiss and then we got dressed to head down to Waterville.
Christmas with my parents and Tawny started out subdued and quiet. We had our traditional Christmas lunch of quiche, bacon, croissants and fruit. Well, I skipped the bacon. And everyone else got to have coffee. I wanted to stab someone with my knife just to get a sip. The entire time, Mom had the radio station that played twenty-four hour Christmas Carols on. It was much less grand than Hope and John’s, but it was also more comfortable because it was the same every year for us. Even Dad seemed more relaxed, despite Tawny giving him dirty looks every now and then.
Mom had hauled out the fake tree and covered it with all the ugly ornaments Tawny and I had made during grade school that she refused to throw away.
“Mom, this one is literally raining macaroni everywhere,” I said, pointing to one that was a portrait of an animal? Probably? Something like that.
“No way, Kid. You made that for me with love and I will keep it forever,” she said, standing between me and the ornament. I was going to argue.
After lunch we all exchanged presents, including those that Hunter had got for my mom and dad. I told him he didn’t have to, that I had already picked out a bracelet for my mom and a set of books for my dad, but he refused.
“Thank you, Hunter, this is lovely,” Mom said about the vase she unwrapped and then Dad was thrilled with the shaving kit.
“Ass-kisser,” I muttered under my breath, and Hunter just gave me a smug smile. He was trying to get my parents to like him more than me and it was working.
“Okay, I know it’s early, but I couldn’t resist,” Dad said, handing me a package. “This is for them.” I didn’t need to ask who “them” was.
I unwrapped the box to find two infant onsies each with “my grandpa loves me” on the front.
“Oh, Dad. You’re such a dork.” I got up and hugged him.
“I couldn’t help myself.”
But then Tawny gave me a gag gift that she called the “after baby kit” that included a bottle of tequila, coffee, a membership to a company that would send you a different kind of cheese every month and a box of tampons. Mom was pissed at her for the gift, but I was kind of excited about it. Even if the temptation to break out the tequila was something I had to actively fight against.
“Can you take anything seriously?” Mom said to Tawny.
“Mom, it’s fine. It’s just a joke, calm down,” I said, being the peacemaker between the two of them. Tawny got up from the couch and I followed her.
“You doing okay?” I asked. She’d escaped to her room. Mom kept our rooms like they were since we lived here so Tawny’s angry band posters were all still up. She rolled her eyes as she lay back on her bed.
“Yeah, fine. Why?” She covered her face with one of h
er arms. Her tone was flat. Yup. Definitely something up.
“Talk to me. I know I’m the younger sister, but I might be able to offer some sort of advice. Or I can just listen.” I nudged her feet and she uncovered her face.
“I think…” she said, her face going white as she took a shaky breath. “I think I like girls.”
Oh.
OH.
I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. I really needed to hurry up so she didn’t think I was upset about it.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
“Okay,” I said, hoping she would tell me what led her to this particular conclusion. It was shocking, to say the least. I’d never heard her say or do anything that would indicate her feelings about that, but what the hell did I know?
“I’m still kind of freaking out.” I could see that. Her hands trembled as she stared at them.
“Tawny, you can talk to me. About anything. Especially something that has you so tied up inside. Please talk to me,” I said, squeezing her foot.
She took another breath.
“Well. I guess I just… I don’t know. I signed up for one of those stupid online dating sites. Not one of the good ones that you have to pay for. One of the free ones. So basically I started getting dick pics and creeper messages right away. I just sat down and was thinking ‘God, I would rather eat glass than go on another date with a guy’ and then, I don’t know. It was like I opened a dam and all these thoughts and questions started rushing through. I’ve never enjoyed being with a guy. Maybe that’s TMI, but whatever.” There was no such thing between the two of us. She was getting emails and texts with all my gross pregnancy details.
“I do not find penises arousing. Like, not at all. I look at one and ugh.” She shuddered and I laughed. I couldn’t help it.
“So you like girls,” I said.
“I think so?” She made a growling noise and covered her face with her hands. I got up and hugged her.