“I’ve had worse,” Beth quipped, trying to ease the tension radiating off him. Instead, he went absolutely still, as though he were holding himself on the edge of a point.
“I know,” he acknowledged quietly.
Beth laid her hand over the one cradling her cheek and sought his eyes. “I’m okay.” She put all her will behind matching her expression to the words.
He studied her face, as though trying to determine the truth for himself. Finally, he nodded, then tilted her head and began to clean out the bite.
“That bastard won’t touch you again.”
Beth blew out a breath and closed her eyes. “He’s not going to stop, Braden.”
“I don’t care. We’ll send you somewhere until we can handle him. But I won’t have him near you again.”
Beth heard the resolve in his voice, read the deadly promise in his eyes. He wasn’t going to be reasonable about this. “I can’t leave.” Beth pulled away when he reached for the antibiotic ointment. “It’ll only delay the inevitable. And make things worse for your family.”
“I want you out of that monster’s path. We can handle him, but I don’t want you involved,” he argued. “Don’t fight me on this.”
The moment he stepped back, Beth stood and moved away from him. “I can’t. You don’t understand. You didn’t face him in the dressing room mirror. You didn’t hear the things he said.”
Beth repressed a shudder as the ghost of Markko’s words slid across her ear. “He wants me dead and he’s determined to make me suffer. He’ll try to get his hands on Lucy, if only to torment me.”
“Then she goes, too,” he said, as though that settled the matter.
The thought of Lucy’s vibrant energy leaving the house left a hollow feeling in Beth’s stomach. Lucy had the unique ability to infuse everyone and everything she touched with a warm, happy energy. A selfish part of Beth wanted her here, buffering the darkness and doubt that lurked around every corner. But the thought of Lucy dead, lying in a pool of her own blood, her vibrancy and warmth utterly silenced, cut straight through her.
“Lucy should go. But I can’t. He’ll only hurt the rest of your family. If he can’t get to Lucy, he’ll try to hurt the rest of you.” Beth clenched her fists against the fears that battered her. “Or he’ll go after my family in Boston. Whatever it takes to draw me out, he’ll do it. I won’t let another person die because of me.” Beth cut off Braden’s protest with a stony glare and a sharp gesture. “You can’t protect me from this. Send Lucy somewhere. Keep her out of it. But I need to be here. This has to end.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” Lucy strode into the kitchen, Chase hot on her heels.
“Lucy…”
“I won’t be sent away like a child, Beth.” Lucy pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge. “My life is here. I won’t put it on hold. Besides, I’m perfectly capable of defending myself if it comes to that.”
“Lucy, please.” Anxiety twisted Beth’s stomach. She had to make Lucy understand. “You don’t understand the things he’ll do…” Beth swallowed against the horror that clogged her throat. “He’s determined to hurt me. You’re nothing but a means to an end for him. Please, let your family protect you.”
Lucy wilted and leaned against the counter. “I’m sorry this upsets you. Really, I am. But I’m not leaving my family, my home, my life. We’ll work this out. I’ll be careful. I’ll even let this one—” Lucy said as she jerked her thumb in Chase’s direction, “—dog my every step without complaint. But I’m not leaving.”
“Even knowing how much additional strain it’ll cause? I could face this so much easier if I knew you were somewhere safe. Please?”
Lucy responded with a toothy grin. “I think the fact that you would try to guilt me into leaving bodes well for our friendship. You must already be getting attached to me. I like that.” Her sharp green eyes cut the space between them. “I’m attached to you too, though. So, sorry, I’m not going anywhere.”
“This is ridiculous. I don’t care if we have to haul you to the car, you’re leaving,” Braden raged.
Beth’s expression stopped him in his tracks. “What, with a jack and a Taser?”
He shoved his hands in his pockets and scowled. “I just want you safe.”
“I think we can all agree that is our priority.” Mr. Edwards strode into the kitchen, followed by Anna. “But I agree with Elizabeth. Sending the girls away is unlikely to accomplish anything.” He raised a halting hand when Braden opened his mouth to argue. “I understand your concern.” He turned to stare at Beth. “I am sorry. Markko should never have gotten near you. We would not have allowed you to go shopping if we thought he’d be so bold as to approach you in broad daylight, in the middle of town.” He sighed and wiped a hand over his face. “This is not going to be as easy to resolve as I’d hoped. I understand from Chase that Markko confirmed what we already feared? His brother is dead?”
Beth jerked her head in a nod.
“Then there will be no end to this until he’s dead himself.” Mr. Edwards placed a hand on Beth’s shoulder. “We’ll work this out,” he promised. “But from a place of strength. For now, you must remain here.”
“We protect our family,” Anna agreed, shooting a significant look at Braden.
“Now, do I need to call Mike to come out here and take a look at you?” Mr. Edwards maneuvered Beth around and tilted her chin to inspect the bump on her head.
“No, sir. I’m fine.”
A heavy frown marred his face. “Sir? Really, Elizabeth, I must insist you call me Matthew.”
“We’re hardly formal in this house, sweetheart. First names are fine,” Anna added. How did they continue to make such an uncomfortable and volatile situation feel so normal? They acted as though they’d done nothing more than give her their stamp of approval, rather than say they’d protect her from death and dismemberment. They treated her as family.
In the face of everything else, why does that scare me?
***
Beth pulled the bedroom door shut behind her; relived to be out of bloodstained clothes. Raised voices filtered down the hallway and snagged her attention.
“I said no, Chase,” Braden growled, tightly leashed fury soaking his tone. “She’s got enough to deal with.”
“You aren’t doing her any favors,” Chase responded, eerily calm in the face of Braden’s temper. Beth was beginning to realize Chase was rarely anything else.
“She’s not ready. You didn’t see her last night. I’ve never seen anyone suffer as much under a change as she did. I won’t put her through that any more than necessary.”
Beth moved closer to the doorway, careful to keep her footsteps quiet and her breathing shallow.
“That’s the problem,” Chase replied. “You don’t know what that sort of change does to a person. You’ve never seen the wolf as a burden, as a disease.” Chase huffed, the only audible sign he was frustrated. “You’ve never seen the change kill someone. Never seen it take such a toll that the heart stops under the burden. I have. More than once.”
Shock tore through her. She’d never imagined the shift could have killed her.
“And you want to expose her to more of that?”
“It’s to her credit she’s come this far on her own. But she’ll continue to suffer every month until she finds a balance with the wolf. She can learn. If she couldn’t she’d be dead already. Either the shift would have killed her or she’d have done it herself.” Chase’s tone, as much as the words, struck Beth. Before now she hadn’t believed he held anything but contempt for her.
“She can’t take any more right now. There will be time for this later.” Braden paused, “Just drop it.”
“You may think you’re helping her,” Chase argued, “but you’re only rendering her helpless. It’s going to get her killed.”
“I said drop it.” Braden snarled, his tone as threatening as a fist.
Beth took a deep breath and pushed open the door. “Chase is r
ight.” She edged into the room, skirting around Braden. Chase was sprawled in an armchair by the desk. To look at him she’d never know he’d been arguing.
“Beth?” Braden beckoned her with a hand. “I didn’t know you were there.”
Chase didn’t look surprised in the least.
“I think your brother has a point.” Beth rubbed her damp palms against her jeans and forged ahead. “I don’t know how to control this, this…” She forced herself to take a deep breath and sputtered, “This wolf.”
“That’ll come.” Braden crossed the distance between them. He reached for her again, but stopped short when she didn’t move. “It doesn’t have to be now.”
“When?” Beth steeled her resolve. “I’ve been ignoring this for a long time. I can’t anymore.”
“You survived. No one could have expected more.” He wrapped fingers around her wrist and pulled her to him.
Beth resisted the urge to push her head into his chest and just give in.
He’ll make it easy for me. I know it.
But he couldn’t shield her forever. The wolf was always there, at the back of her mind, waiting for the next moon. She’d face it again sooner rather than later. Avoiding it only guaranteed another rough month. Beth pressed her hand flat against Braden’s chest, the steady beat of his heart pulsed beneath her fingers.
She stood her ground.
“I can’t live like this anymore.” She withdrew her hand and skirted Braden. “You can teach me?” She asked, directing the question to Chase.
Chase straightened from his relaxed position and assessed her with serious gray eyes. A furrow cut a deep path between his brows. “Yes. If you’re willing.” He stood, glanced at Braden and headed for the door. “We’ll start tomorrow after lunch.”
“You don’t have to do this.” Braden’s voice was thick with tension and something else she didn’t recognize. “You’ve survived this long without putting yourself through this. It can wait until things are more…stable.”
“No.” Beth tried to push away from him, unwilling to back down but attempting to avoid the argument. “I’m sorry.”
His large hand closed on her elbow, holding her in place. “I’ll teach you myself after all this is over, but slowly. You can ease into it. You don’t have to choose the hardest road, Beth.” He pulled her around to face him, one hand brushing the side of her cheek and threading through her hair.
It was hard not to wilt beneath his pleading look and gently caressing fingertips.
He doesn’t understand.
“It’s my choice, Braden. Finally. My choice. I want answers. I want control.”
“What’s the rush?” He withdrew his hand and paced away from her. “I can answer all of your questions. Show you everything you need to know. Over time. Chase…” Braden glanced toward the door his brother had disappeared through, hostility plain on his face. “Chase won’t be patient. Or kind. He’ll push and pull at you until you’re exhausted and spent. Give yourself some time.”
“No. I’ve waited this long because I didn’t have an alternative! What was I supposed to do? Google it? Do you have any idea how much crap comes up when you search werewolves on the internet?” Beth reined in frustration that had been mounting for years. “I survived because there wasn’t any other option. Now there is. I need to understand everything about how to control this.” She slashed the air with her hand when Braden opened his mouth. “No. Not soon. Not slowly. Now. Markko is out there, and I know your family will do their best to protect me, but I have to be able to protect myself. I need to do this.”
“Fine.” Braden physically deflated as he gave in. “But let me teach you.” He reached for her again, running his fingers down the side of her face, gently skimming over the top of the bite Markko had left before moving down to rub her arm.
It took every ounce of will she possessed to resist leaning into his touch.
Don’t.
She couldn’t depend on him. She had to figure this out for herself, learn to deal with it on her own. She couldn’t count on him to always be there, easing the way.
Rely on yourself.
She forced herself to pull away. “No. I can’t trust you to push me hard enough. Chase will.”
The corners of his eyes tightened and his mouth pressed into a thin, hard line.
“Please, Braden. This has to be my way.”
He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers. “Fine.” He jerked away from her and stalked out the door.
Alone in the office, Beth sank into the closest chair, suddenly lonelier than she’d been in days.
Chapter Nineteen
A bead of sweat rolled down her neck, slipped beneath her tank top and traced a path down her spine.
“Concentrate.” Chase prowled the woods around her, close but out of sight.
“I am!” All she did was concentrate, focus, fail and try again. “This isn’t helping.”
“Because you aren’t trying.”
Beth surged to her feet, brushing forest debris from her clothes. “The hell I’m not. All I do is try. I’ve been trying all damn week!” She stalked across the small clearing they used for practice. Every day for the last week they’d gone out into the forests surrounding the Edwardses’ home and for hours Beth struggled to force herself to shift. She returned every night, cold, exhausted and furious with her lack of progress.
“Had enough?” Chase asked with an edge of malicious humor.
“Could you be less helpful?” Beth snapped back.
“I told you what you need to know.”
Beth angled her head to the right, in the direction she thought he stood. “Oh, I’m sorry. That’s right. Listen. I just have to listen and everything will fall into place. Right. Thanks.” Beth collapsed back to the ground, shoved fingers through her hair and tried to resist the temptation to pull it all out.
“Whiner.”
The bastard is amused!
Beth pulled her fingers from her hair and dug them into the earth beneath her.
“You ready to head back?”
“Sure.” Beth didn’t move from her reclined position. “I’ll follow you.”
“Nice try.”
Beth shrugged.
Worth a shot.
The thought of their house and a hot shower pulled her to her feet. The thought of wandering around the forest for an hour or so weighted her limbs. Every time they came out here Chase brought her through a different section of forest. And every night he made her find her own way home. She’d yet to manage it in under an hour or without Chase’s snarky hints.
“You’ve denied your senses for a long time. Until you learn to focus them, you’re stuck.”
“Focus on what exactly?”
“Anything. Everything,” he answered. Leaves rustled to her left. He was moving.
“That’s specific.” Beth followed the tree line, seeking any movement that would give away his location.
“What are we having for dinner tonight?” Chase asked from behind her.
Damn.
“What?”
“What’s on the menu?” He dropped to the forest floor, weight on his palms and legs extended in front of him.
“Beats me.” She didn’t ask why he cared, though she knew he wanted to make a point. He rarely said anything otherwise.
“Hmm.”
Beth watched the black soles of his sneakers move up and down as he tapped out a rhythm.
“How far do you think we are from the house?”
“I don’t know.” How far had they walked after lunch? Fifteen, twenty minutes? “Less than a mile.”
His angled his head back, eyes closed to his surroundings. His foot stopped bouncing. He held completely still and drew a deep breath. “Mmm.” He collapsed back to the ground, feet resuming their rhythmic tapping. “Pot roast.”
“You can’t be serious.” Beth scowled in his direction. Why she’d thought he’d be better at this than Braden she had no idea. “You expect me
to believe you can smell what your mother is making for dinner?”
“Sure.” He stood up, forest debris raining down his jeans. He grinned at her. “Well, I can’t. But the wolf can.”
Beth knocked her head against the tree behind her. “Whatever.”
“Don’t believe me?” He shoved his hands in his pockets and tilted his head to the side.
“It’s a bit far-fetched.”
“Right up there with werewolves?” He punctuated his sarcasm with a toothy grin.
Doesn’t he ever get tired of teasing me?
“Fine. You can smell what your mother’s cooking. You can shift at will.” Beth pushed away from the tree and headed toward their house. “And I can’t. Fantastic.”
“Want to know why?” He fell into place beside her, long strides shortening to match her pace.
“I’ve been asking all week,” she answered, pushing a branch out of her way.
“You’re scared,” he continued before she could interrupt. “You don’t see the wolf. You see the nightmare your mind created for you.”
Beth spun on him, anger fueling her. “I didn’t make it up! I didn’t imagine being chased through the woods. I didn’t imagine Rachel’s shredded throat. I was there! I watched it happen.” Her hands flexed involuntarily at her sides, fingernails digging into her palms. “I felt her blood, her flesh slip through my fingers. I didn’t have to create a nightmare. I held it in my arms!”
“And every time you think of the wolf, you see it again.” He advanced on her, forcing her to back pedal. “Don’t you?”
“Yes!”
The weight of his stare pinned her to the spot. “That’s why you can’t change. It’s not half as hard as you think it is. You’ve done it enough that it should come naturally. A reflex. Muscle memory. But every time you think about it, every time you reach for it, all you see is the monster.” Chase paced closer to her, shoulders hunched, eyes intent. “The wolf didn’t kill Rachel.”
“I watched her die. I know what killed her.”
“Who. Not what. Ivan killed your friend. The wolf was only the weapon he chose to accomplish it.” Chase backed off even as his words reached in to suffocate her. “The wolf isn’t the monster, Beth. You can’t move forward until you accept that.” Chase fell back into place next to her.