“I don’t know how.” Beth brushed passed him, willing the answers to come to her. Every time she closed her eyes, every time she thought about the wolf, she saw Ivan leap, heard Rachel scream. Beth wiped her palms against her jeans, certain if she looked down she’d see Rachel’s blood coating them. “The memory’s always there. I can’t ignore it.”
“No,” Chase agreed. “But you can learn to see past it.”
The trees around them thinned, yards ahead green lawn sprawled toward the house.
“Don’t look so defeated.” Chase sped up. “Pot roast, remember?”
And a hot shower.
The thought buoyed her until she saw Braden’s car in the driveway.
“Besides, you’re making progress.”
“That bad, huh?”
Chase stopped midstride, a quizzical look on his face. “What?”
“You’ve been brutally honest all week. If you’re doling out false compliments I must be doing worse than I thought,” Beth quipped.
“I say what I mean.” Chase jerked his head in the direction of the forest behind her. “You got yourself home tonight.”
Beth glanced over her shoulder. They’d walked straight back to the house. No circles. No aimless wandering. No mocking or self-deprecating remarks. “I followed you.”
“Did you?” Chase leaped up the porch steps. “I thought I was following you.”
Beth stopped midstride. She hadn’t even thought about where she was going.
Luck?
She didn’t think so.
Chase held open the screen door for her. Her mouth watered as the rich aroma of pot roast engulfed her.
“Told you.” Chase laughed.
***
Braden pulled a beer out of the fridge and popped the top off the bottle on the side of the kitchen counter. His mother’s voice rang down the hallway, sending him lunging for the door to the living room.
“Don’t even think about it. You can help me get set up for dinner.”
“Hi, Mom.” Braden set the beer down and started pulling plates out of cabinets.
“Hi, honey.” She kissed him on the cheek. “Haven’t seen much of you this last week.”
Braden shrugged. “I’ve been busy.”
“Don’t forget the placemats,” she said as she set rolls on the stove to cool. “I just expected to see a bit more of you, that’s all.”
“I’ve got a job in Portland, Mom.” He counted out silverware for each place setting. “There were some other things to take care of as well.”
“I’m sure Caleb would have stepped in, had you asked.” There was no admonishment in her tone, but Braden felt her disapproval all the same.
“Look, I needed to get things sorted in the office and, clearly, my help wasn’t necessary.” Braden slammed down the last of the silverware and reached for his beer.
“Not necessary,” his mother agreed. She sighed and turned on him with an expression so soft he ground his teeth together. “But I know you were missed.”
“Put ice in the pitcher on the counter, will you? I’ve made iced tea,” she instructed, deftly switching topics. “Hi Beth, would you tell Lucy, and Matthew if you see him, that it’s time to eat? Chase, wash your hands.”
Braden turned as Beth edged out of the kitchen. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, and then ducked out to find Lucy before he could say anything.
I doubt I have anything to say that she wants to hear.
He hadn’t seen her in nearly a week, not since they’d argued in the study. What did she want from him, anyway? She said she needed to master the change? All right. She wanted Chase to be the one to teach her? Fine. He’d stepped out of her way, hadn’t he? She could hardly complain that he’d taken the opportunity to spend a few nights in Portland, straightening out loose ends at the office, fixing the door to her apartment, collecting some of her clothes, even moving her Jeep to his garage.
She didn’t have any trouble telling me exactly what she wanted from me the other night. If she wants me around more, she can damn well say that, too.
***
Beth pulled her feet beneath her and leaned into the corner of the wooden porch swing. The air was crisp against her cheeks and the night so dark she couldn’t see the tree line at the edge of the property. But the porch was quiet, the air smelled of the coming summer and she was as far away from Braden as she could get.
Dinner had been almost as strained as her first breakfast in the Edwards house. She hadn’t seen Braden much in the last few days; either he’d been staying in Portland or commuting during extreme hours of the day. From the moment she’d walked in this evening to find him home, he’d broadcasted hostility. Sitting next to him had been as uncomfortable as sitting next to a porcupine. When he wasn’t ignoring her, he snapped out one word answers between tearing through his food and glaring at Lucy, who kept trying to draw them into conversation.
What’s his problem, anyway?
One minute he’s supportive and understanding—albeit a bit grudgingly—of her decision to take control, the next he abandons her at his parents’ house without so much as a word. Again. And now that he was back, he acted as though he barely knew her, rather than, than…
Than what, exactly?
They were hardly lovers, at least not anymore. So what did that leave?
The thoughts chased each other around her head until she grew dizzy with doubts and insecurities.
One thing was certain. She missed him.
And just what do I do with that?
“Spoon for your thoughts?” Lucy relaxed into the seat next to her and held up two spoons and a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. “Not so fast,” she said, jerking her hand back when Beth reached for a spoon. “Something’s giving you premature forehead wrinkles. Spill.”
“Your brother.”
“Ah. Say no more.” She handed over a spoon and pried off the top of the ice cream. “Men. Let’s ask Ben & Jerry what they think.”
Beth sighed around a mouthful of Chocolate Therapy. “What’s his problem anyway?” she asked, reaching for another spoonful.
“Beats me.” Lucy shrugged. “You guys have a fight or something?”
“He’d have to stick around to fight. I haven’t seen him all week.” Beth jabbed at the ice cream with her spoon.
“Hmm. What about before?”
“Before?”
“Yeah, before he up and disappeared? Something must have happened.”
“Not really. We disagreed but he came around.”
“He’s not acting like it,” Lucy observed, pushing the swing back and forth with her toe. “Classic Braden. Ignore the problem. Sulk and brood.”
“Like that solves anything,” Beth grumbled.
“I didn’t say it was rational. What did you expect? He’s a guy. If he isn’t yelling and fighting through conflict, he’s sulking and brooding until he gets over it.”
“Yes, God forbid he actually tell me whatever it is that’s pissed him off.”
Lucy threw her head back and laughed. “What kind of men have you been dating?” Her eyes danced with mirth. “The men I know deal with conflict in one of three ways—they beat it up, they brood about it or they ignore it all together. If you hold out for Braden to tell you what’s crawled up his ass, you’ve got a long wait ahead of you.”
Beth groaned. “How long is long?”
“A decade, maybe two?” Lucy sobered a little. “The point is, if you want this resolved, you better figure out what started it and approach him. So, back to the original question, what did you fight about?”
“He didn’t want me to work on learning to control the shift.” Beth sighed and twisted to face Lucy. “He said it could wait until after Markko wasn’t a threat.”
God only knows when that will be.
Nothing had happened in the last week. No sign of Markko. Nothing.
“And you didn’t want to wait?” Lucy asked, redirecting Beth’s thoughts.
“I didn’t w
ant to wait,” Beth agreed.
“I can understand that. You’ve waited long enough.”
“Yeah. He didn’t get it.” She still didn’t understand why. She’d expected him to push her to embrace the wolf. As far as she could tell, his entire family thought of it as perfectly normal.
“He obviously gave in though.” Lucy stared out at the woods, a smile curling her lips. “Anything else?”
Beth studied her hands for a moment. “I think I might have hurt his feelings.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. After I told him I wouldn’t wait, that I couldn’t wait, he offered to help.” Beth winced even as she thought the next words. “I asked Chase instead.”
“And you sit here, wondering why he’s pissed?”
“You’re laughing at me!”
“Well, yeah. I mean, come on. How many men have you dated?”
“I can see how that might have hurt his feelings or something, but I explained why.” Exasperated, Beth turned to Lucy and pinned her with a frustrated glare. She stopped laughing. Mostly. “Chase is less likely to baby me…it’s not like I’ve got a ton of time.” Beth looked back toward the tree line, searching the shadows. “I don’t want to be defenseless.”
“You aren’t defenseless. You have us, Beth. I wished you believed that,” Lucy whispered.
“Your family’s been great. More than I expected.”
“What, the Taser and the trunk didn’t impress you?”
“You know what I mean.” Beth bumped her shoulder against Lucy’s. “I just don’t want to be dependent on you guys. I need to be able to take care of myself.”
“You are one of the most capable women I’ve ever met.”
Beth snorted.
Capable is not how I’d sum up the last few years.
“I’m serious. The things you’ve endured…I don’t think I could have managed. You survived both the attack and the change. Either could have killed you. It’s admirable.” Lucy set the ice cream between them and wrapped cold fingers around Beth’s hand. “But there’s no shame in relying on someone.”
Knowing that and trusting that are two different things.
“He does care about you.” Lucy broke the tension with an exasperated sigh and roll of her eyes. “He’s reacting like a typical alpha male. Crush the problem. Protect the female. Trust me, I know. Baby sister talking here.”
“How do you deal with it?”
“First…I tell them to shove it up their asses.”
Beth laughed. The picture of pint-sized Lucy telling Braden or Chase or anyone to shove it anywhere was ridiculous yet crystal clear in her head.
“Seriously. You’ve got to set boundaries. Like now. If Chase had his way, he’d be my permanent shadow until Markko crawled back under his rock. Instead, I let him drop me off at work in the morning and I let my father pick me up. I could make an issue of it. I know I can take care of myself.” Lucy shook her head, a rueful expression on her face. “So do they for that matter. But it isn’t worth the argument. Compromise.”
“I can’t compromise on this, though. I’m not willing to wait and I don’t think Braden could push me to learn as quickly as Chase can.” Beth reflected on the last week, familiar frustration rushing through her. “Then again, I’m not getting anywhere with Chase either.”
“Nah. Chase knows what he’s doing. He helped me through my first year of the shift.”
“Really? I thought you were older than Chase.”
“I am, but he’s been dealing with his wolf for a long time. I didn’t take the bite until I was nineteen. Everyone helped, but Chase and I have always been close.” Lucy seemed far away. “He’s a great teacher—probably knows more about the wolf than anyone I’ve ever met. You made a good call.”
“That doesn’t solve the situation with Braden.”
“It’s like I said, compromise. Look, you guys haven’t exactly had the best week of your relationship, you know? He shoved you in a trunk and you hit him in the head with a jack. You both find out you don’t know each other as well as you thought. Add that to the fact that you basically told him you didn’t need him, more than once if I’m not mistaken, and it’s no wonder he’s been hiding from you.”
“I never said that.” Though a part of her wanted it to be true. She didn’t want to need him, didn’t want to rely on him. That she found herself wanting him as much as she did scared her silly.
“You didn’t have to.” Lucy popped the lid on the ice cream and stood up. “You told him what you needed, good for you. But his alpha male brain interpreted that to mean you didn’t need him.”
“So what do I do? I can’t give him what he wants.”
“Or you don’t want to. Either way, find a way to let him be protective, or supportive, or whatever. Trust me, I know my brother. His ego’s bruised.”
Beth considered what she could offer as an olive branch. Or even if she wanted to extend one. She didn’t like that Braden had been hurt by her decisions, but at the same time, it was his ego dictating that hurt. She didn’t deserve the cool regard he used when they were in the same room. Besides, she wasn’t trying to jump-start anything, just smooth things over and decrease the tension between them.
Still, Lucy’s right. I have to approach him.
“I don’t know what to say to him…” Beth looked to Lucy for a suggestion.
“Sometimes, all you need is a fresh perspective. A different look at an old problem,” Lucy offered. “Sounds like maybe you’ve hit a wall with Chase. Maybe another opinion will make more sense.”
Two birds with one stone.
“Thanks.”
“Sure.” Lucy smiled brightly and pulled the door open. “Worst-case scenario? Shove him up against the wall and kiss him. I hear that works, too.”
“Good night, Lucy.”
Chapter Twenty
Braden sat relaxed on the guest bed; ankles crossed and propped up on several pillows, completely focused on his laptop.
Beth knocked lightly on the open door. “Hey.”
“Hey.” He answered, not bothering to glance up.
Short and gruff. Great.
“Haven’t seen you much this week.”
He finally looked up, the weight of his stare pinning her in the doorway. He set his laptop aside and swung his legs off the bed.
“I had to take care of some things at work.”
“Right. Of course.” She shifted from foot to foot, tempted to retreat down the hall.
He exhaled and the lines of tension seemed to flow off his back like water. “You don’t have to hover in the doorway, I won’t bite.”
“Promise?” She sat on the edge of the bed next to him. “You seemed a little hostile at dinner.”
He dragged his hands through his hair and then scrubbed at his face. He exhaled a groan and said, “Sorry. It’s been a long week.”
His lifted his hand, pushed her hair over her shoulder and allowed his palm to slide down the length of her back. “I got things in order at work. Hopefully, I won’t need to go in again.”
It didn’t escape her notice that he left himself the option.
His hand continued to stroke her back, as though he wasn’t even aware of doing it. She forced herself to remain still under the caress, afraid if she moved, she’d shatter the peace between them. Instead, she allowed herself to enjoy the warm weight of his hand and the way he always seemed to be reaching for her, as though he couldn’t help himself.
“I missed you.” The words tumbled out before she realized she’d thought them.
His hand abruptly dropped away. “How’d it go with Chase?”
And just like that, the gulf between them reopened and swallowed the preceding minutes.
“Frustrating.” She sighed. “It’s harder than I thought it would be. I’m not making much progress.”
“The shift is going to be uncomfortable until you get used to it, but it shouldn’t be as painful as before.”
“I wish that were the problem.
I haven’t been able to shift at all.”
Braden’s forehead creased in confusion and his warm hand settled back against the small of her back. “At all?”
She shook her head in confirmation.
His hand started moving in small, soothing circles. “Chase give you any idea what the problem is?”
“He thinks I’m afraid of it.”
“Of the shift?”
“Of the wolf,” she corrected. “He said I don’t have an accurate picture of what the wolf is, and that as long as I associate it solely with Rachel’s death, I’ll continue to struggle.”
“Hmm.” He moved closer, his arm snaking around her, encouraging her to lean toward him. “Let me guess. He’s been trying to get you to focus your senses.”
“Yeah.” Beth pulled away. “How’d you know?”
“Because I know Chase and he never does things the easy way.”
“There’s an easy way?” Beth asked, searching his face for an answer.
“Well, more than one way, at least.” He pulled his hand away from the nape of her neck, fingers trailing lightly down her arm, leaving a wake of goose bumps. “What’s he got you focusing on?”
Beth’s heart lodged in her throat. Braden’s stare seared through her clothing, warming her skin with a flush that spread from her chest up through her neck. His fingers continued to trail up and down the inside of her forearm, shooting dancing bolts of awareness through her. “I…” She had to stop, take a deep breath and focus on his words, rather than his fingers. “Everything. He’s not specific. Just focus, focus, focus. If I focus any harder, looks really will kill and he’ll drop dead.”
Braden laughed and curled his fingers around her forearm, keeping her from putting space between them. “Chase is excellent at the big picture. He can assimilate information from all of his senses faster than anyone I’ve ever met.” His other hand slipped into her hair and pulled her face toward him. “The rest of us mere mortals generally need something a little more singular.”