CHAPTER XI.
"It is with considerable difficulty that I remember the original era ofmy being: all the events of that period appear confused and indistinct.A strange multiplicity of sensations seized me, and I saw, felt, heard,and smelt, at the same time; and it was, indeed, a long time before Ilearned to distinguish between the operations of my various senses. Bydegrees, I remember, a stronger light pressed upon my nerves, so that Iwas obliged to shut my eyes. Darkness then came over me, and troubledme; but hardly had I felt this, when, by opening my eyes, as I nowsuppose, the light poured in upon me again. I walked, and, I believe,descended; but I presently found a great alteration in my sensations.Before, dark and opaque bodies had surrounded me, impervious to my touchor sight; but I now found that I could wander on at liberty, with noobstacles which I could not either surmount or avoid. The light becamemore and more oppressive to me; and, the heat wearying me as I walked, Isought a place where I could receive shade. This was the forest nearIngolstadt; and here I lay by the side of a brook resting from myfatigue, until I felt tormented by hunger and thirst. This roused mefrom my nearly dormant state, and I ate some berries which I foundhanging on the trees, or lying on the ground. I slaked my thirst at thebrook; and then lying down, was overcome by sleep.
"It was dark when I awoke; I felt cold also, and half-frightened, as itwere instinctively, finding myself so desolate. Before I had quittedyour apartment, on a sensation of cold, I had covered myself with someclothes; but these were insufficient to secure me from the dews ofnight. I was a poor, helpless, miserable wretch; I knew, and coulddistinguish, nothing; but feeling pain invade me on all sides, I satdown and wept.
"Soon a gentle light stole over the heavens, and gave me a sensation ofpleasure. I started up, and beheld a radiant form rise from among thetrees.[2] I gazed with a kind of wonder. It moved slowly, but itenlightened my path; and I again went out in search of berries. I wasstill cold, when under one of the trees I found a huge cloak, with whichI covered myself, and sat down upon the ground. No distinct ideasoccupied my mind; all was confused. I felt light, and hunger, andthirst, and darkness; innumerable sounds rung in my ears, and on allsides various scents saluted me: the only object that I coulddistinguish was the bright moon, and I fixed my eyes on that withpleasure.
[Footnote 2: The moon.]
"Several changes of day and night passed, and the orb of night hadgreatly lessened, when I began to distinguish my sensations from eachother. I gradually saw plainly the clear stream that supplied me withdrink, and the trees that shaded me with their foliage. I was delightedwhen I first discovered that a pleasant sound, which often saluted myears, proceeded from the throats of the little winged animals who hadoften intercepted the light from my eyes. I began also to observe, withgreater accuracy, the forms that surrounded me, and to perceive theboundaries of the radiant roof of light which canopied me. Sometimes Itried to imitate the pleasant songs of the birds, but was unable.Sometimes I wished to express my sensations in my own mode, but theuncouth and inarticulate sounds which broke from me frightened me intosilence again.
"The moon had disappeared from the night, and again, with a lessenedform, showed itself, while I still remained in the forest. My sensationshad, by this time, become distinct, and my mind received every dayadditional ideas. My eyes became accustomed to the light, and toperceive objects in their right forms; I distinguished the insect fromthe herb, and, by degrees, one herb from another. I found that thesparrow uttered none but harsh notes, whilst those of the blackbird andthrush were sweet and enticing.
"One day, when I was oppressed by cold, I found a fire which had beenleft by some wandering beggars, and was overcome with delight at thewarmth I experienced from it. In my joy I thrust my hand into the liveembers, but quickly drew it out again with a cry of pain. How strange, Ithought, that the same cause should produce such opposite effects! Iexamined the materials of the fire, and to my joy found it to becomposed of wood. I quickly collected some branches; but they were wet,and would not burn. I was pained at this, and sat still watching theoperation of the fire. The wet wood which I had placed near the heatdried, and itself became inflamed. I reflected on this; and, by touchingthe various branches, I discovered the cause, and busied myself incollecting a great quantity of wood, that I might dry it, and have aplentiful supply of fire. When night came on, and brought sleep with it,I was in the greatest fear lest my fire should be extinguished. Icovered it carefully with dry wood and leaves, and placed wet branchesupon it; and then, spreading my cloak, I lay on the ground, and sunkinto sleep.
"It was morning when I awoke, and my first care was to visit the fire. Iuncovered it, and a gentle breeze quickly fanned it into a flame. Iobserved this also, and contrived a fan of branches, which roused theembers when they were nearly extinguished. When night came again, Ifound, with pleasure, that the fire gave light as well as heat; and thatthe discovery of this element was useful to me in my food; for I foundsome of the offals that the travellers had left had been roasted, andtasted much more savoury than the berries I gathered from the trees. Itried, therefore, to dress my food in the same manner, placing it on thelive embers. I found that the berries were spoiled by this operation,and the nuts and roots much improved.
"Food, however, became scarce; and I often spent the whole day searchingin vain for a few acorns to assuage the pangs of hunger. When I foundthis, I resolved to quit the place that I had hitherto inhabited, toseek for one where the few wants I experienced would be more easilysatisfied. In this emigration, I exceedingly lamented the loss of thefire which I had obtained through accident, and knew not how toreproduce it. I gave several hours to the serious consideration of thisdifficulty; but I was obliged to relinquish all attempt to supply it;and, wrapping myself up in my cloak, I struck across the wood towardsthe setting sun. I passed three days in these rambles, and at lengthdiscovered the open country. A great fall of snow had taken place thenight before, and the fields were of one uniform white; the appearancewas disconsolate, and I found my feet chilled by the cold damp substancethat covered the ground.
"It was about seven in the morning, and I longed to obtain food andshelter; at length I perceived a small hut, on a rising ground, whichhad doubtless been built for the convenience of some shepherd. This wasa new sight to me; and I examined the structure with great curiosity.Finding the door open, I entered. An old man sat in it, near a fire,over which he was preparing his breakfast. He turned on hearing a noise;and, perceiving me, shrieked loudly, and, quitting the hut, ran acrossthe fields with a speed of which his debilitated form hardly appearedcapable. His appearance, different from any I had ever before seen, andhis flight, somewhat surprised me. But I was enchanted by the appearanceof the hut: here the snow and rain could not penetrate; the ground wasdry; and it presented to me then as exquisite and divine a retreat asPandaemonium appeared to the daemons of hell after their sufferings in thelake of fire. I greedily devoured the remnants of the shepherd'sbreakfast, which consisted of bread, cheese, milk, and wine; the latter,however, I did not like. Then, overcome by fatigue, I lay down amongsome straw, and fell asleep.
"It was noon when I awoke; and, allured by the warmth of the sun, whichshone brightly on the white ground, I determined to recommence mytravels; and, depositing the remains of the peasant's breakfast in awallet I found, I proceeded across the fields for several hours, untilat sunset I arrived at a village. How miraculous did this appear! thehuts, the neater cottages, and stately houses, engaged my admiration byturns. The vegetables in the gardens, the milk and cheese that I sawplaced at the windows of some of the cottages, allured my appetite. Oneof the best of these I entered; but I had hardly placed my foot withinthe door, before the children shrieked, and one of the women fainted.The whole village was roused; some fled, some attacked me, until,grievously bruised by stones and many other kinds of missile weapons, Iescaped to the open country, and fearfully took refuge in a low hovel,quite bare, and making a wretched appearance after the palaces I hadbeheld in the village. This hovel, howeve
r, joined a cottage of a neatand pleasant appearance; but, after my late dearly bought experience, Idared not enter it. My place of refuge was constructed of wood, but solow, that I could with difficulty sit upright in it. No wood, however,was placed on the earth, which formed the floor, but it was dry; andalthough the wind entered it by innumerable chinks, I found it anagreeable asylum from the snow and rain.
"Here then I retreated, and lay down happy to have found a shelter,however miserable, from the inclemency of the season, and still morefrom the barbarity of man.
"As soon as morning dawned, I crept from my kennel, that I might viewthe adjacent cottage, and discover if I could remain in the habitation Ihad found. It was situated against the back of the cottage, andsurrounded on the sides which were exposed by a pig-sty and a clear poolof water. One part was open, and by that I had crept in; but now Icovered every crevice by which I might be perceived with stones andwood, yet in such a manner that I might move them on occasion to passout: all the light I enjoyed came through the sty, and that wassufficient for me.
"Having thus arranged my dwelling, and carpeted it with clean straw, Iretired; for I saw the figure of a man at a distance, and I rememberedtoo well my treatment the night before, to trust myself in his power. Ihad first, however, provided for my sustenance for that day, by a loafof coarse bread, which I purloined, and a cup with which I could drink,more conveniently than from my hand, of the pure water which flowed bymy retreat. The floor was a little raised, so that it was kept perfectlydry, and by its vicinity to the chimney of the cottage it was tolerablywarm.
"Being thus provided, I resolved to reside in this hovel, untilsomething should occur which might alter my determination. It was indeeda paradise, compared to the bleak forest, my former residence, therain-dropping branches, and dank earth. I ate my breakfast withpleasure, and was about to remove a plank to procure myself a littlewater, when I heard a step, and looking through a small chink, I behelda young creature, with a pail on her head, passing before my hovel. Thegirl was young, and of gentle demeanour, unlike what I have since foundcottagers and farm-house servants to be. Yet she was meanly dressed, acoarse blue petticoat and a linen jacket being her only garb; her fairhair was plaited, but not adorned: she looked patient, yet sad. I lostsight of her; and in about a quarter of an hour she returned, bearingthe pail, which was now partly filled with milk. As she walked along,seemingly incommoded by the burden, a young man met her, whosecountenance expressed a deeper despondence. Uttering a few sounds withan air of melancholy, he took the pail from her head, and bore it to thecottage himself. She followed, and they disappeared. Presently I saw theyoung man again, with some tools in his hand, cross the field behind thecottage; and the girl was also busied, sometimes in the house, andsometimes in the yard.
"On examining my dwelling, I found that one of the windows of thecottage had formerly occupied a part of it, but the panes had beenfilled up with wood. In one of these was a small and almostimperceptible chink, through which the eye could just penetrate. Throughthis crevice a small room was visible, whitewashed and clean, but verybare of furniture. In one corner, near a small fire, sat an old man,leaning his head on his hands in a disconsolate attitude. The younggirl was occupied in arranging the cottage; but presently she tooksomething out of a drawer, which employed her hands, and she sat downbeside the old man, who, taking up an instrument, began to play, and toproduce sounds sweeter than the voice of the thrush or the nightingale.It was a lovely sight, even to me, poor wretch! who had never beheldaught beautiful before. The silver hair and benevolent countenance ofthe aged cottager won my reverence, while the gentle manners of the girlenticed my love. He played a sweet mournful air, which I perceived drewtears from the eyes of his amiable companion, of which the old man tookno notice, until she sobbed audibly; he then pronounced a few sounds,and the fair creature, leaving her work, knelt at his feet. He raisedher, and smiled with such kindness and affection, that I felt sensationsof a peculiar and overpowering nature: they were a mixture of pain andpleasure, such as I had never before experienced, either from hunger orcold, warmth or food; and I withdrew from the window, unable to bearthese emotions.
"Soon after this the young man returned, bearing on his shoulders a loadof wood. The girl met him at the door, helped to relieve him of hisburden, and, taking some of the fuel into the cottage, placed it on thefire; then she and the youth went apart into a nook of the cottage, andhe showed her a large loaf and a piece of cheese. She seemed pleased,and went into the garden for some roots and plants, which she placed inwater, and then upon the fire. She afterwards continued her work, whilstthe young man went into the garden, and appeared busily employed indigging and pulling up roots. After he had been employed thus about anhour, the young woman joined him, and they entered the cottage together.
"The old man had, in the mean time, been pensive; but, on the appearanceof his companions, he assumed a more cheerful air, and they sat down toeat. The meal was quickly despatched. The young woman was again occupiedin arranging the cottage; the old man walked before the cottage in thesun for a few minutes, leaning on the arm of the youth. Nothing couldexceed in beauty the contrast between these two excellent creatures.One was old, with silver hairs and a countenance beaming withbenevolence and love: the younger was slight and graceful in his figure,and his features were moulded with the finest symmetry; yet his eyes andattitude expressed the utmost sadness and despondency. The old manreturned to the cottage; and the youth, with tools different from thosehe had used in the morning, directed his steps across the fields.
"Night quickly shut in; but, to my extreme wonder, I found that thecottagers had a means of prolonging light by the use of tapers, and wasdelighted to find that the setting of the sun did not put an end to thepleasure I experienced in watching my human neighbours. In the evening,the young girl and her companion were employed in various occupationswhich I did not understand; and the old man again took up the instrumentwhich produced the divine sounds that had enchanted me in the morning.So soon as he had finished, the youth began, not to play, but to uttersounds that were monotonous, and neither resembling the harmony of theold man's instrument nor the songs of the birds: I since found that heread aloud, but at that time I knew nothing of the science of words orletters.
"The family, after having been thus occupied for a short time,extinguished their lights, and retired, as I conjectured, to rest."