CHAPTER XVI.
"Cursed, cursed creator! Why did I live? Why, in that instant, did I notextinguish the spark of existence which you had so wantonly bestowed? Iknow not; despair had not yet taken possession of me; my feelings werethose of rage and revenge. I could with pleasure have destroyed thecottage and its inhabitants, and have glutted myself with their shrieksand misery.
"When night came, I quitted my retreat, and wandered in the wood; andnow, no longer restrained by the fear of discovery, I gave vent to myanguish in fearful howlings. I was like a wild beast that had broken thetoils; destroying the objects that obstructed me, and ranging throughthe wood with a stag-like swiftness. O! what a miserable night I passed!the cold stars shone in mockery, and the bare trees waved their branchesabove me: now and then the sweet voice of a bird burst forth amidst theuniversal stillness. All, save I, were at rest or in enjoyment: I, likethe arch-fiend, bore a hell within me; and, finding myself unsympathisedwith, wished to tear up the trees, spread havoc and destruction aroundme, and then to have sat down and enjoyed the ruin.
"But this was a luxury of sensation that could not endure; I becamefatigued with excess of bodily exertion, and sank on the damp grass inthe sick impotence of despair. There was none among the myriads of menthat existed who would pity or assist me; and should I feel kindnesstowards my enemies? No: from that moment I declared everlasting waragainst the species, and, more than all, against him who had formed me,and sent me forth to this insupportable misery.
"The sun rose; I heard the voices of men, and knew that it wasimpossible to return to my retreat during that day. Accordingly I hidmyself in some thick underwood, determining to devote the ensuing hoursto reflection on my situation.
"The pleasant sunshine, and the pure air of day, restored me to somedegree of tranquillity; and when I considered what had passed at thecottage, I could not help believing that I had been too hasty in myconclusions. I had certainly acted imprudently. It was apparent that myconversation had interested the father in my behalf, and I was a fool inhaving exposed my person to the horror of his children. I ought to havefamiliarised the old De Lacey to me, and by degrees to have discoveredmyself to the rest of his family, when they should have been preparedfor my approach. But I did not believe my errors to be irretrievable;and, after much consideration, I resolved to return to the cottage, seekthe old man, and by my representations win him to my party.
"These thoughts calmed me, and in the afternoon I sank into a profoundsleep; but the fever of my blood did not allow me to be visited bypeaceful dreams. The horrible scene of the preceding day was for everacting before my eyes; the females were flying, and the enraged Felixtearing me from his father's feet. I awoke exhausted; and, finding thatit was already night, I crept forth from my hiding-place, and went insearch of food.
"When my hunger was appeased, I directed my steps towards the well-knownpath that conducted to the cottage. All there was at peace. I crept intomy hovel, and remained in silent expectation of the accustomed hour whenthe family arose. That hour passed, the sun mounted high in the heavens,but the cottagers did not appear. I trembled violently, apprehendingsome dreadful misfortune. The inside of the cottage was dark, and Iheard no motion; I cannot describe the agony of this suspense.
"Presently two countrymen passed by; but, pausing near the cottage, theyentered into conversation, using violent gesticulations; but I did notunderstand what they said, as they spoke the language of the country,which differed from that of my protectors. Soon after, however, Felixapproached with another man: I was surprised, as I knew that he had notquitted the cottage that morning, and waited anxiously to discover, fromhis discourse, the meaning of these unusual appearances.
"'Do you consider,' said his companion to him, 'that you will beobliged to pay three months' rent, and to lose the produce of yourgarden? I do not wish to take any unfair advantage, and I beg thereforethat you will take some days to consider of your determination.'
"'It is utterly useless,' replied Felix; 'we can never again inhabityour cottage. The life of my father is in the greatest danger, owing tothe dreadful circumstance that I have related. My wife and my sisterwill never recover their horror. I entreat you not to reason with me anymore. Take possession of your tenement, and let me fly from this place.'
"Felix trembled violently as he said this. He and his companion enteredthe cottage, in which they remained for a few minutes, and thendeparted. I never saw any of the family of De Lacey more.
"I continued for the remainder of the day in my hovel in a state ofutter and stupid despair. My protectors had departed, and had broken theonly link that held me to the world. For the first time the feelings ofrevenge and hatred filled my bosom, and I did not strive to controlthem; but, allowing myself to be borne away by the stream, I bent mymind towards injury and death. When I thought of my friends, of the mildvoice of De Lacey, the gentle eyes of Agatha, and the exquisite beautyof the Arabian, these thoughts vanished, and a gush of tears somewhatsoothed me. But again, when I reflected that they had spurned anddeserted me, anger returned, a rage of anger; and, unable to injure anything human, I turned my fury towards inanimate objects. As nightadvanced, I placed a variety of combustibles around the cottage; and,after having destroyed every vestige of cultivation in the garden, Iwaited with forced impatience until the moon had sunk to commence myoperations.
"As the night advanced, a fierce wind arose from the woods, and quicklydispersed the clouds that had loitered in the heavens: the blast torealong like a mighty avalanche, and produced a kind of insanity in myspirits, that burst all bounds of reason and reflection. I lighted thedry branch of a tree, and danced with fury around the devoted cottage,my eyes still fixed on the western horizon, the edge of which the moonnearly touched. A part of its orb was at length hid, and I waved mybrand; it sunk, and, with a loud scream, I fired the straw, and heath,and bushes, which I had collected. The wind fanned the fire, and thecottage was quickly enveloped by the flames, which clung to it, andlicked it with their forked and destroying tongues.
"As soon as I was convinced that no assistance could save any part ofthe habitation, I quitted the scene, and sought for refuge in the woods.
"And now, with the world before me, whither should I bend my steps? Iresolved to fly far from the scene of my misfortunes; but to me, hatedand despised, every country must be equally horrible. At length thethought of you crossed my mind. I learned from your papers that you weremy father, my creator; and to whom could I apply with more fitness thanto him who had given me life? Among the lessons that Felix had bestowedupon Safie, geography had not been omitted: I had learned from these therelative situations of the different countries of the earth. You hadmentioned Geneva as the name of your native town; and towards this placeI resolved to proceed.
"But how was I to direct myself? I knew that I must travel in asouth-westerly direction to reach my destination; but the sun was myonly guide. I did not know the names of the towns that I was to passthrough, nor could I ask information from a single human being; but Idid not despair. From you only could I hope for succour, althoughtowards you I felt no sentiment but that of hatred. Unfeeling, heartlesscreator! you had endowed me with perceptions and passions, and then castme abroad an object for the scorn and horror of mankind. But on you onlyhad I any claim for pity and redress, and from you I determined to seekthat justice which I vainly attempted to gain from any other being thatwore the human form.
"My travels were long, and the sufferings I endured intense. It was latein autumn when I quitted the district where I had so long resided. Itravelled only at night, fearful of encountering the visage of a humanbeing. Nature decayed around me, and the sun became heatless; rain andsnow poured around me; mighty rivers were frozen; the surface of theearth was hard and chill, and bare, and I found no shelter. Oh, earth!how often did I imprecate curses on the cause of my being! The mildnessof my nature had fled, and all within me was turned to gall andbitterness. The nearer I approached to your habitation, the more deeplydid I feel the sp
irit of revenge enkindled in my heart. Snow fell, andthe waters were hardened; but I rested not. A few incidents now and thendirected me, and I possessed a map of the country; but I often wanderedwide from my path. The agony of my feelings allowed me no respite: noincident occurred from which my rage and misery could not extract itsfood; but a circumstance that happened when I arrived on the confines ofSwitzerland, when the sun had recovered its warmth, and the earth againbegan to look green, confirmed in an especial manner the bitterness andhorror of my feelings.
"I generally rested during the day, and travelled only when I wassecured by night from the view of man. One morning, however, findingthat my path lay through a deep wood, I ventured to continue my journeyafter the sun had risen; the day, which was one of the first of spring,cheered even me by the loveliness of its sunshine and the balminess ofthe air. I felt emotions of gentleness and pleasure, that had longappeared dead, revive within me. Half surprised by the novelty of thesesensations, I allowed myself to be borne away by them; and, forgettingmy solitude and deformity, dared to be happy. Soft tears again bedewedmy cheeks, and I even raised my humid eyes with thankfulness towards theblessed sun which bestowed such joy upon me.
"I continued to wind among the paths of the wood, until I came to itsboundary, which was skirted by a deep and rapid river, into which manyof the trees bent their branches, now budding with the fresh spring.Here I paused, not exactly knowing what path to pursue, when I heard thesound of voices, that induced me to conceal myself under the shade of acypress. I was scarcely hid, when a young girl came running towards thespot where I was concealed, laughing, as if she ran from some one insport. She continued her course along the precipitous sides of theriver, when suddenly her foot slipt, and she fell into the rapidstream. I rushed from my hiding-place; and, with extreme labour from theforce of the current, saved her, and dragged her to shore. She wassenseless; and I endeavoured, by every means in my power, to restoreanimation, when I was suddenly interrupted by the approach of a rustic,who was probably the person from whom she had playfully fled. On seeingme, he darted towards me, and tearing the girl from my arms, hastenedtowards the deeper parts of the wood. I followed speedily, I hardly knewwhy; but when the man saw me draw near, he aimed a gun, which hecarried, at my body, and fired. I sunk to the ground, and my injurer,with increased swiftness, escaped into the wood.
"This was then the reward of my benevolence! I had saved a human beingfrom destruction, and, as a recompense, I now writhed under themiserable pain of a wound, which shattered the flesh and bone. Thefeelings of kindness and gentleness, which I had entertained but a fewmoments before, gave place to hellish rage and gnashing of teeth.Inflamed by pain, I vowed eternal hatred and vengeance to all mankind.But the agony of my wound overcame me; my pulses paused, and I fainted.
"For some weeks I led a miserable life in the woods, endeavouring tocure the wound which I had received. The ball had entered my shoulder,and I knew not whether it had remained there or passed through; at anyrate I had no means of extracting it. My sufferings were augmented alsoby the oppressive sense of the injustice and ingratitude of theirinfliction. My daily vows rose for revenge--a deep and deadly revenge,such as would alone compensate for the outrages and anguish I hadendured.
"After some weeks my wound healed, and I continued my journey. Thelabours I endured were no longer to be alleviated by the bright sun orgentle breezes of spring; all joy was but a mockery, which insulted mydesolate state, and made me feel more painfully that I was not made forthe enjoyment of pleasure.
"But my toils now drew near a close; and, in two months from this time,I reached the environs of Geneva.
"It was evening when I arrived, and I retired to a hiding-place amongthe fields that surround it, to meditate in what manner I should applyto you. I was oppressed by fatigue and hunger, and far too unhappy toenjoy the gentle breezes of evening, or the prospect of the sun settingbehind the stupendous mountains of Jura.
"At this time a slight sleep relieved me from the pain of reflection,which was disturbed by the approach of a beautiful child, who camerunning into the recess I had chosen, with all the sportiveness ofinfancy. Suddenly, as I gazed on him, an idea seized me, that thislittle creature was unprejudiced, and had lived too short a time to haveimbibed a horror of deformity. If, therefore, I could seize him, andeducate him as my companion and friend, I should not be so desolate inthis peopled earth.
"Urged by this impulse, I seized on the boy as he passed, and drew himtowards me. As soon as he beheld my form, he placed his hands before hiseyes, and uttered a shrill scream: I drew his hand forcibly from hisface, and said, 'Child, what is the meaning of this? I do not intend tohurt you; listen to me.'
"He struggled violently. 'Let me go,' he cried; 'monster! ugly wretch!you wish to eat me, and tear me to pieces--You are an ogre--Let me go,or I will tell my papa.'
"'Boy, you will never see your father again; you must come with me.'
"'Hideous monster! let me go. My papa is a Syndic--he is M.Frankenstein--he will punish you. You dare not keep me.'
"'Frankenstein! you belong then to my enemy--to him towards whom I havesworn eternal revenge; you shall be my first victim.'
"The child still struggled, and loaded me with epithets which carrieddespair to my heart; I grasped his throat to silence him, and in amoment he lay dead at my feet.
"I gazed on my victim, and my heart swelled with exultation and hellishtriumph: clapping my hands, I exclaimed, 'I, too, can create desolation;my enemy is not invulnerable; this death will carry despair to him, anda thousand other miseries shall torment and destroy him.'
"As I fixed my eyes on the child, I saw something glittering on hisbreast. I took it; it was a portrait of a most lovely woman. In spiteof my malignity, it softened and attracted me. For a few moments I gazedwith delight on her dark eyes, fringed by deep lashes, and her lovelylips; but presently my rage returned: I remembered that I was for everdeprived of the delights that such beautiful creatures could bestow; andthat she whose resemblance I contemplated would, in regarding me, havechanged that air of divine benignity to one expressive of disgust andaffright.
"Can you wonder that such thoughts transported me with rage? I onlywonder that at that moment, instead of venting my sensations inexclamations and agony, I did not rush among mankind, and perish in theattempt to destroy them.
"While I was overcome by these feelings, I left the spot where I hadcommitted the murder, and seeking a more secluded hiding-place, Ientered a barn which had appeared to me to be empty. A woman wassleeping on some straw; she was young: not indeed so beautiful as herwhose portrait I held; but of an agreeable aspect, and blooming in theloveliness of youth and health. Here, I thought, is one of those whosejoy-imparting smiles are bestowed on all but me. And then I bent overher, and whispered 'Awake, fairest, thy lover is near--he who would givehis life but to obtain one look of affection from thine eyes: mybeloved, awake!'
"The sleeper stirred; a thrill of terror ran through me. Should sheindeed awake, and see me, and curse me, and denounce the murderer? Thuswould she assuredly act, if her darkened eyes opened, and she beheld me.The thought was madness; it stirred the fiend within me--not I, but sheshall suffer: the murder I have committed because I am for ever robbedof all that she could give me, she shall atone. The crime had its sourcein her: be hers the punishment! Thanks to the lessons of Felix and thesanguinary laws of man, I had learned now to work mischief. I bent overher, and placed the portrait securely in one of the folds of her dress.She moved again, and I fled.
"For some days I haunted the spot where these scenes had taken place;sometimes wishing to see you, sometimes resolved to quit the world andits miseries for ever. At length I wandered towards these mountains,and have ranged through their immense recesses, consumed by a burningpassion which you alone can gratify. We may not part until you havepromised to comply with my requisition. I am alone, and miserable; manwill not associate with me; but one as deformed and horrible as myselfwould not deny herself to me. My companion
must be of the same species,and have the same defects. This being you must create."