And none of us have yet eaten our four ounces of rice.
June 11
My food buddy and I ate a bite of spinach this morning. I don't like spinach and I'm not at all sure I like Alex.It's Sunday, so after breakfast Alex and Julie went off to the dining room and prayed there while Dad, Lisa, Charlie, Syl, and Matt prayed in the sunroom.
Jon looked conflicted about which group to join but ended up in the dining room with Alex and Julie. I guess he figured since he sleeps in the dining room, it was okay to be there.
I'm not feeling real religious these days and Mom never has, so we chose to organize our fabulous food supply, one cabinet for food that hasn't killed us and another
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for food we're going to try next and another for food we get from town. We also separated all the food with expiration dates from over a year ago. We didn't throw it out, because who knows how desperate we might get when we run out of rice, but we tucked it away where it wouldn't tempt us.All this while Charlie and Lisa and Syl and Dad sang hymns. Matt kind of hummed along.
Eventually Gabriel decided to blow his horn, which broke up the sunroom revival meeting. The dining room Catholics (and potential convert) lasted a little longer.
While Mom and I flattened the cartons, we gave thanks, in our own way, for the merciful bounty that's come our way.
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***
Chapter 11 June 12
Jon and Julie biked into town to get our Monday food. Julie offered to drive the van, and Mom nearly had a fit.When they got back, they were loaded with a dozen bags of food.
"One bag for each of us," Julie said. "Including Gabriel. And an extra bag for Lisa."
There was less in each bag than we used to get, but it was still very nice of them to include extra for Lisa and to throw in a bag for Gabriel. With all the food in the house and none of it poisoning us so far, the food from town is pretty much a supplement.
Amazing. Enough food for all of us.
"I don't know how we're going to do it," Mom said. "But let's have a feast tonight."
"Like a party?" Julie asked.
"Exactly like a party," Mom said. "Lisa, is it all right with you if we have a party in the sunroom?"
"It's a wonderful idea," Lisa said. "Why don't we move our mattresses into the dining room and spread blankets out, like a picnic."
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"Miranda, go tell the guys they need to come in early tonight," Mom said. "Alex, too, of course. Julie, you go upstairs and tell Syl.""A party," Dad said when I told him. "Great idea. We have a lot to celebrate. Matt's marriage, and our homecoming, and the food, and our move to Mrs. Nesbitt's."
Matt didn't look all that excited, and Alex looked uncomfortable, but Dad didn't notice. Dad always liked parties.
Charlie, Syl, and I lugged Dad and Lisa's mattresses into the dining room. Lisa took Gabriel into the kitchen with her while I gave the sunroom floor a good mopping. Julie and Charlie went to Mrs. Nesbitt's to get her silverware and glasses. We've been eating in shifts, so we never needed service for ten.
Since we've gone three days without food poisoning, we had a lot of opened cans to eat from. Plus rice and shad.
The electricity cooperated by staying on almost all evening, so in addition to cooking on the woodstove, we used the microwave. There was no way we could cook enough for ten people at one time. So first we had a few sips of vegetable soup, and then we shared bites of spinach and mushrooms, and then the main course of rice, shad, and green beans. We each had two dried figs for dessert.
Then the party began. We're used to spending the evenings together in the sunroom, Bible studies in one corner, chess and card games in another, but the whole idea of a party is to play the same games together. Charlie suggested charades.
"What's charades?" Julie asked.
I had the feeling Alex didn't know, either, but to be fair about it, I doubt Jon does and it's not like I've ever played.
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Charlie explained about acting out names of songs or movies or books, and we divided into boys vs. girls. The boys went into the kitchen to come up with their titles, and we girls stayed in the sunroom to work out ours. Gabriel was an honorary girl. Mom sacrificed a piece of typing paper for us to write our titles on, and Jon donated the use of his Phillies cap for the girls' slips of paper and his Yankees cap for the boys'. Then Charlie coached all of us on how to divide words into syllables and to cup your ear for "sounds like."It turned out to be hard coming up with names of things. You want something that's perfect to stump the other team, but it's not like I've seen a lot of movies lately or read a lot of books. And all the songs seemed too obvious. But we each came up with two names, put them in the cap, and played.
Alex went first, and he pulled out Mom's choice of Little Women , which was much too easy. Lisa went next, and she got Matt's title, Finnegans Wake , which was impossible, even though Mom said she had tried to read it once.
But it didn't matter, because whether we did well (Dad and Syl were the best at acting things out, and Mom was the best at guessing) or miserably (Jon, with me a close second), it was a lot of fun. It feels like such a long time since I've done anything silly. At least intentionally silly.
We played until the electricity went off, but we were still enjoying ourselves, so Syl ran upstairs and got Matt's old guitar.
"I've been teaching myself," Syl said. "I'm not very good yet."
She had to be better than Matt, though. He got the guitar for his fourteenth birthday, played it nonstop for three days, and never looked at it again.
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Syl strummed chords and Charlie sang, and then we all sang. Julie, it turns out, has a pretty voice, and with candles and the woodstove for light, you could see Alex's face glowing with pride. Which made me kind of like him again, at least for a minute or two.After we'd finished massacring every Beatles song we could remember any of the words to, Charlie said to Syl, "I'd like to learn how to play the guitar. My fingers were always too fat before. Would you mind if I learned with you?"
"Not at all," Syl said. "That would be fun."
"I'd like to learn, too," Julie said. "Could we start tomorrow?"
"There's no point," Alex said. "We'll be leaving in a day or two."
"I don't want to go," Julie said. "I want to stay with Hal and Lisa and Gabriel." She paused for a moment. "And Charlie, too," she said. "And Jon."
"We've stayed too long as it is," Alex said. "You know what the plan is, Julie. It's not open for discussion."
"It's not fair!" Julie yelled. "No one asked me what I want to do!"
I'd write what Alex yelled back at her, but he switched to Spanish. I didn't understand what they were saying, but there was no doubting the tone.
Matt and I have had our fights, but we never sounded that bad. The fights we had were over hogging the computer or getting in each other's way. He was mean. I was a pest. We had fights like that with Jon, too.
But this, whatever it was they were saying, was much deeper, much angrier. I guess it was the fight brothers and sisters have when they don't have parents to stop them.
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For a moment I was afraid Alex might hit Julie, but that was just in my head, since he didn't step any closer to her. But he must have said something really bad and Julie must have said something even worse because she ran outside, slamming the door behind her."She'll freeze out there," Lisa said.
"No," Alex said. "She'll be all right. Let her cool off."
He had to have felt all of us staring at him. "I'm sorry," he said. "She doesn't want to leave. But it's the right thing."
"Is it?" Dad asked. "You know how much we love Julie. She's family. She'll be safe with us."
Alex shook his head. "I know you mean that, Hal, and I'm grateful. But there's food now and it feels safe. Things change too fast."
"Even if we left, we'd take her with us," Dad said. "She'll always have a home with us."
"If you have a home," Alex said. "For as long as you have food. No, the
decision's been made, and it's the right one, even if Julie doesn't see that. No matter what happens, we trust the church to protect her."
Which was more than Alex was doing, letting her run outside without a coat. I got up, grabbed one, and carried it outside.
Julie was standing by the garage, close to where I'd been the night Mom kicked me out. Only it was raining that night, so I got to suffer more. I grinned at winning the martyr contest.
"I brought you this," I said, handing Julie the coat.
"Thank you," she said, putting it on. "What's Alex doing? Explaining how wonderful the church is?"
"Pretty much," I said. "Would you rather stay with us? Even if Alex goes?"
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"Yeah," Julie said. "But he won't let me. Carlos said I had to go to the convent. We told him about it, and he couldn't find anyplace else for me to stay, so he said I had to go there. I told him I didn't want to, but he said I had to anyway. And Alex said Carlos was right.""It's a shame you couldn't find your aunt and uncle," I said. "Alex told me about them, how you could have stayed there while he worked in the oil fields."
"We didn't want to live in Tulsa," Julie replied. "I'd have been stuck taking care of my cousins. You think Gabriel cries a lot? He's nothing compared to them. And Alex'll be much happier in a monastery than he would be in an oil field."
"Monastery?" I said. I don't think I've ever said that word before. "Alex wants to enter a monastery?"
"Didn't he tell you?" Julie asked. "I thought Alex told you everything. I thought maybe he'd like you so much, he'd change his mind."
I almost burst out laughing. The last living boy in America drops into my bedroom only he wants to be a monk. I think that pretty much sums up my life.
"He doesn't like me that much," I said. "And he never told me."
"It isn't what he used to want," Julie said. "Before. He wanted to be president of the United States. And I bet he could have been. He's so smart and he worked all the time. But after we left Carlos, Alex said he'd take me to the convent and then he'd enter a monastery. There's a Franciscan one in Ohio that's still open. I'm never going to be a nun, though. I'll stay as long as I have to and then I'll come back here. If you're gone, I'll try to find you."
"We won't be going anytime soon," I said. "Mom
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doesn't want us to leave, and since Dad and Lisa and the baby can stay at Mrs. Nesbitt's, there's no reason for them to go, either.""People leave," Julie said.
I knew she was right, even though I couldn't picture us leaving anytime soon. "If we do go, we'll let you know," I said. "I promise you that."
"And I promise you, you're going to freeze without a coat," Charlie said, approaching us. "It may be the middle of June, but it's freezing out here."
"Not freezing," I said, gratefully taking my coat from him. "It's definitely above freezing."
"You're right," Charlie said. "It's got to be at least forty." He laughed. "I used to hate hot weather," he said. "Just breathing made me sweat. But now I think about hot summer nights and everything I would give up for one."
"What?" Julie said. "What would you give up?"
Charlie laughed again. "I don't know," he said. "Not any of you and I don't have anything else. I guess I don't have anything to barter."
"I used to think there'd still be stars in the sky," Julie said. "In the country, I mean. We used to spend summers in the country with Fresh Air Fund families, and there were always stars. I had a postcard once of a painting with big crazy-looking stars."
"Starry Night," I said. "Vincent van Gogh painted it. I saw it in a museum in New York. You're from New York, aren't you, Julie? Did you ever see it?""No," Julie said. "But I've been to museums. I went on a school trip to the Natural History Museum once. We looked at the dinosaurs for hours."
"The dinosaurs are gone," I said. "Just like the stars."
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"The stars are there," Charlie said. "Hiding behind the ash clouds, but they're still there.""I don't believe in anything I can't see," I said.
"You don't have to see God to believe in Him," Julie said. "You can feel Him and la Santa Madre and the saints. Like you can feel the sun, even though we can't see it anymore."
"I can't see the stars and I certainly can't feel them, so I've given up believing they're there," I said. "As far as I'm concerned, they no longer exist."
"Look at it this way," Charlie said. "Do you think there's life on other planets?"
"Yeah," I said. "And I hope they're having a better time of it than we are."
Charlie laughed. "Okay, then," he said. "Picture Princess Leia on her planet, or a Klingon, or some eight-eyed thing with four brains. And whatever it is, it's outside on a hot June night, looking at the ten thousand stars in its sky. Our sun is one of them. It can see our sun better than we can, and it has a name for it, like we have names for the stars. But Princess Leia doesn't know we're standing here looking up to where the stars used to be. Does that mean we don't exist just because she can't see us?"
I had never thought about that before: all the life on all the other planets throughout the universe as unaware of our lives, our suffering, as we are of theirs.
I wondered how many teenage boys there were out there and how many of them planned on becoming monks, and I laughed.
Charlie laughed with me and Julie did also. We were probably all laughing at different things, but that was okay. We were alive, we were together, and somewhere in the June sky there were stars.
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June 13
Moving day.Naturally it poured.
Mom stayed in and watched over Gabriel while the rest of us lugged stuff over to Mrs. Nesbitt's. Food, blankets, sheets, the clothes we've been sharing with everyone else. Lots of books.
I didn't believe it until Dad came back for Gabriel. But they really are gone. Even if it's just down the road. There are only five us now, and it's so quiet.
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***
Chapter 12 June 15
Lisa came over this morning, distraught."Alex says he's taking Julie away tomorrow," she said. "Miranda, you're the only one he listens to. Please talk to him."
I don't know where people have gotten the idea that Alex listens to me. Matt listens to Syl and Jon listens to Julie, but that seems to be where the listening ends.
Still, I told Lisa I'd give it a try.
I walked outside to where the guys were chopping wood. "I was wondering if I could borrow Alex for a few hours," I said, nice and casually. "I'd like to do some house hunting, and Mom doesn't like me to go alone."
"Good idea," Matt said. "Alex, you don't mind, do you? You and Miranda had great luck last time."
"Sure," Alex said. I get the feeling chopping wood is one thing he isn't going to miss at the monastery.
We walked back to the houses and got our bikes. It was as warm a day as I could remember, almost muggy, and we biked slowly.
"No country this time," I said. "Let's do Fresh Meadows instead."
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"All right," Alex said.Well, that was easy. Maybe he was in an agreeable mood. Or maybe he didn't like looking at half-eaten bodies any more than I did.
When I was a kid, I used to fantasize about living in Fresh Meadows. It's at the other end of town from us, five or six miles away, and it's where the doctors and lawyers live. Or lived before everything happened.
"These are nice houses," Alex said as we climbed our way through an already shattered window. "The rich kids lived here, huh?"
"No one was rich in Howell," I said. "But the richer kids lived here."
"I like your house better," Alex said. "It reminds me of home. All the people stepping over each other. We were pretty crowded."
I pictured Alex and Julie and Carlos living in a filthy tenement, with everybody yelling in Spanish and hitting each other. "Where was that?" I asked.
"West End Avenue and Eighty-eighth Street," Alex said.
There went my tenement fantasy. Actually, there went most of m
y ideas about Alex and Julie and where they came from. It costs a lot more money to live on West End Avenue and Eighty-eighth Street than it does to live in Fresh Meadows.
I guess Alex sensed my surprise. "My father was the super," he said. "Not much salary, but they let us live in the basement apartment, by the laundry room and the furnace."
"Oh," I said. "No wonder our house reminds you of home."
Alex laughed. "It's better than I made it sound," he said. "It was a nice apartment. But crowded and noisy."
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We walked through the house together, taking whatever pickings we could find. I taught Alex the cosmetic bag trick, and he admired the travel-sized shampoos and soaps. We went through three houses that way, all of them previously ransacked, probably more than once. But each had a little something we could use, and we both enjoyed the quiet and the nice furnishings."No food today," I said. "No misers in this neighborhood."
"No," Alex said. "The rich don't starve."
"Are there special places for rich people, do you think?" I asked. "Did you ever see any?"
"There are safe towns," Alex said. "But they're hidden. Even Carlos couldn't find one."
Syl had mentioned trucks going to safe towns. Truckers must know where they were located even if the Marines didn't.
"We're safe enough where we are," I said. "We have food and shelter. Julie would be safe, too, if you let her stay with us."
"No," Alex said. "We're leaving tomorrow."
"But why?" I cried. "Charlie's staying. He's no more a part of the family than you are."
"Did you hear yourself?" Alex asked. "That's exactly why Julie has to go. No matter how much you say you love her, she isn't a part of your family. She's Carlos's sister and mine, not yours."
"Carlos isn't here," I said. "We are. You could be, too. You could both stay with us."
"No," Alex said. "Carlos told us what we should do, and we're doing it."
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"You really will make a great monk," I said. "You have the obedience thing down pat.""I have no idea what kind of monk I'll be," Alex said. "Or even if the order will take me in."