Having Vicki back in the house, for me changed the entire dynamics of it. I suppose because I hadn’t had to do without her before I hadn’t realized just how much I needed her in my life. I realized how valuable she was while she was gone. She was great at her job, but that wasn’t her only value. As a matter of fact, to me, it was a small part of it. The real value was her smile every morning. It was always so warm and genuine. People smiled at me all the time, but none of those smiles ever gave me the same feeling. While she was gone I went around with an empty, lonely feeling in my chest. And then there was the baby. I really tried not to get myself too excited about it. I tried to be willing to allow Vicki to raise him and not announce or broadcast the fact that he was mine. I know that it won’t truly be fact to anyone else until there is a DNA test, but in my heart somehow I know that he is mine. To my lawyers, that made me naïve.
I’ve tried more than once to tell Cassandra about it. Every time I begin to broach the subject I imagine how angry she’s going to be. Hurt, I could handle. I could profusely apologize and do all that I could to make the hurt go away. But Cassandra wasn’t the type of woman that would get hurt over something like this. She would get angry and she would be out for blood… mine, by way of my bank account. She would also be angry with Victoria and that would be the worst part. She’d be out for her blood too and I couldn’t just stand by and watch that happen. So, in order to stave off the drama, I just haven’t told her… yet.
“Alex!” Speaking of Cassandra…
“I’m in here!” I called to her. I was in the nursery. It was coming along beautifully.
She stepped up behind me in the room I was having made into a nursery. I heard her snort. We’d already had words about this and she didn’t know yet that he was mine. “This is a ridiculous expenditure,” she said.
“You’ve already voiced that opinion, Cassandra, but thank you. I can afford it.”
“Who does this, Alex? Who makes a nursery in their home that they don’t need for the maid’s child? If I didn’t know any better I would think she was your mistress.”
I turned to look at her. Each time I did lately and I saw the hatefulness that was set in the lines around her eyes and her mouth, I wondered what I’d ever seen there in the first place. “What makes you think she’s not?” I asked her.
She looked at me suspiciously for a few seconds and then she said, “Even you wouldn’t stoop low enough to sleep with the help.”
I let it go for now. She was going to focus on Vicki being the help. It was going to make me angry. I tried another tactic, guilt. “In my defense, I did believe at one time that I would need this. You let me believe that.”
It didn’t hit the mark. She wasn’t going to feel guilty about it. I’m not sure if she even possessed such an emotion. “Let’s not beat that old dead horse again, Alex. What time does our plane leave?”
“At four.” I had a meeting with an important client in Belize. Cassandra, of course, insisted on coming along and making it a “vacation.” I am planning on using the time in paradise to let her know about the baby. It had to be done. I didn’t want to do it here. Maybe she’d calm down before we got back.
“I don’t understand why we couldn’t have left earlier. You’ve wasted this entire day on this ridiculous project of yours when we could be lying on a beach by now.”
“I’m not going to Belize to lie on a beach. I’m going to work.”
“Of course you are. That’s all you know how to do. I’m going to lie on the beach… all day, every day.”
“We’re only staying until Friday.” It was Wednesday now. I didn’t want to be gone too long.
“Are you kidding? A day and a half in Belize? You’re crazy. I won’t have time to do anything. I want to go shopping and have dinner in that little restaurant we found last time, right on the beach. A day and a half? What kind of a vacation is that?”
“It’s not a vacation,” I said again. “It’s work, Cassie.”
“Fine. Then when you wrap up your business we can stay an extra week and that can be the vacation.”
She was on a permanent vacation. She could actually go anywhere she wanted to by herself. For some reason, she wanted me on her arm. Maybe I was the trophy and not her. “I don’t have a week to waste sitting on a beach in Belize, Cassandra. I run a corporation. I have to work. If you want to have money to go on a vacation ever you’ll understand that. We have plenty of beaches around here if you want to sit on one.”
She snorted. “Right, I’ll sit next to a couple of tattooed teenagers making out or a fat, middle-aged woman chasing her dirty little brats around down at your favorite hangout. Jesus Alex, you’re a billionaire. Act like it.” She was such an incredibly obnoxious snob that sometimes I could hardly stand it.
I turned on her and said, “Exactly how should a billionaire act, Cassandra? Maybe I should be a snob like you and talk mean about people and down to them?”
“He should act like he has some class. He shouldn’t be trolling nasty beaches and broken down piers in Seal Beach. He shouldn’t be having breakfast with his maid and he really shouldn’t be designing nurseries for her. It gives people the wrong idea. I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but this has to stop!”
“Or what, Cassie? You’ll leave me? Been there and done that, remember? You came back because you can’t live off the paltry million dollars a year alimony you were ‘entitled’ to!”
“I shouldn’t have to live off of that. I’m entitled to a lot more and you know it.”
“No, I don’t know it. You didn’t work for any of this. Hell, even as a wife you’ve been sub-par! You spend your days in pursuit of your own beauty and your own pleasures. None of it has anything to do with me or you being my wife.”
“Oh really?” she said, with narrowed eyes. “So you’d rather have some woman who let herself go? Some fat chick with dark roots and cellulite?”
“Jesus, Cassie. You’ve missed the point, which is that it’s not about how you look! It’s never been about looks! I don’t want a wife that I can present to the world like a trophy for crying out loud! I want a wife that I enjoy talking to. I want a wife that makes me want to come home at night. I want a wife that will hold my hand and walk on the beach… my beach! And, most of all, I want a family… something you refuse to give me.”
Rolling her eyes she said, “Too bad. You’ve got me and you’ve also got enough money to go to Russia or China and adopt an orphan or something. Make sure you hire lots of nannies though because I’m not taking care of them. This is like the time you insisted on getting that stupid puppy I didn’t want. Maybe the kids will get ran over by a delivery truck too. I have to go pack.” She turned and left the room, the same way she always did when we talked about having a family. She left me feeling sick this time. She was a terrible person. I heard her heels on the tile floor and then I heard her say, “I need my things packed before two. I’ve laid out what I plan on taking. Make sure it’s all packed and handled with care.”
“Yes ma’am,” I heard Victoria’s voice. She must have been in the hallway while we were arguing. I wondered how much she heard, and I wondered how many other times she’d heard us. When I think about finally ending it with Cassandra and telling Vicki that I want to be with her and try and make a life with her and the baby… I worry sometimes about some of the things she may have heard me say to Cassandra. Between that and the lawsuit nonsense, I had to wonder what she must think of me.
VICTORIA