I go and stand in front of him. He takes hold of the zipper, fits it in and pulls it up in one easy movement.
I slide my eyes up from the zipper, meeting his on the way up. “Thanks.” My mouth is so sticky it is like talking through a mouthful of chewing gum.
His eyes smile at me. “No worries.”
“Where you two off to?” I jolt away from Nathan at the sound of Cal’s voice like I’ve just heard a gun go off.
Nathan pulls his own black helmet from off the handle bars. “I’m just taking Alex out for a ride to Dalby Forest,” he answers in an even tone. He puts his helmet on. I can sense the tension between them. Even if I hadn’t overheard their conversation last night, I’d know something was off.
I can’t bring myself to turn around and acknowledge Cal, but I also can’t let on that I overheard their conversation, so I force myself to relax and try to act no differently than I normally would around him.
“Well you’ve got a good day for it,” Cal comments, pointing up at the sky. “I’ll catch you later.” And with a nod, he disappears into the house.
“You getting on or not?” Nathan says, his voice now monotone, and I can’t tell if he’s being arsey or joking.
“On,” I say. I pick my helmet up, put it on and fasten the chin strap, then I gingerly climb onto the seat behind him.
He turns the key in the ignition. The explosion of the engine startles me as its power vibrates up through my body. My nerves instantly kick in.
I put my hands around his waist, holding on, but keep a safe distance between us.
He kicks the bike stand away and rolls it forward, quickly gaining speed.
Without meaning to, I squeal out when he takes the bend at the top of the driveway. I grip hold of him tighter, practically digging my fingers into his ribs. I feel his low laughter rumble through his body.
It’s only a matter of seconds before we’re at the end of the driveway. He stops the bike, resting his foot to the floor, and takes hold of both my hands and pulls me in closer to him. My heart stutters.
With a quick check, he pulls out onto the road and we roar off in a trail of dust, leaving my stomach still somewhere on his driveway and my heart completely in his hands.
Chapter 16
The Beginning
Nathan pulls up at the entrance to Dalby Forest to pay. He lifts his visor, gets some coins out of his pocket and hands them to the guy at the entrance.
He takes the ride slow down the main road, leading us right into the heart of the forest.
It’s been years since I’ve been here. The last time I came was when I was a kid with my mum and dad. I’d forgotten what a beautiful place it really is. I always think of beautiful sights as being other places in the world, always forgetting about the ones in my own back yard. The trees are lush and green, the sun is beating down, and I can’t think of anywhere I’d rather be right now than here with Nathan, my arms wrapped tightly around him.
After a few minutes, Nathan turns off onto a narrow track just wide enough for the bike to fit down. As we cut through the bushes it opens out onto a big lake completely surrounded by the forest. He pulls the bike around and parks it up by the bushes, and turns the ignition off. I climb off the bike. My legs are like jelly. It takes me a moment to get them working properly.
I lift my visor up a touch, allowing me to look around properly. This place is a hidden oasis. It’s really secluded. The sun is glinting off the water, a rainbow of colours rippling down to the water’s edge. “It’s beautiful here,” I murmur.
Nathan pulls off his helmet, hangs it on the handle bar and kicks the bike stand out. He turns his head to look at me, resting his chin on his shoulder. “I thought you might like it.”
His tousled hair is stuck to his forehead from the helmet. The urge to want to reach out and brush it back off his face is overwhelming. I bind my hands together in front of me.
Nathan stands, leaving the bike between his legs and takes his jacket off. Then he swings his long leg over and gets off the bike. “You’re okay to take this off.” He reaches over and taps my helmet with his fingers. “There’s no one around.”
Hands shaking, I fumble with the chin strap. Finally I undo it. As I remove the helmet, my damp hair sticks to my head too - attractive. I run my fingers through my hair, trying to make it look nicer.
I turn and see that Nathan is watching me. He looks away and unhooks the rucksack that was fastened to the side of the bike. He sits the bag on the bike seat, opens it up and pulls out a folded-up picnic blanket and a small cooler bag.
I look at him with open surprise.
He shrugs. “You mentioned a picnic when I took you on the ill-fated hunting trip and I thought today was as good a day to have one.”
A smile broadens my lips.
“Don’t get excited,” he’s quick to add, moving away from me, “it’s nothing fancy, just some sandwiches.”
But I can’t help it, I am excited. Nathan is doing something thoughtful for me. He has been thinking of me.
I take off my jacket and put it and the helmet down on the bike seat. I go over to where Nathan has set down the blanket on the grass a touch in from the shoreline.
I watch him as he sits down on the blanket, stretches his long legs out in front of him and looks up at the sky. Emotions squeeze tightly on my heart. I turn away, looking out over the lake.
Warm from the heat and wanting to feel the water on my skin, I pull off my trainers and roll up the bottoms of my jeans. Treading carefully over the pebbly edge, I step into the shallow water, letting the cool water tickle over my feet. I breathe in the clean air deeply, letting the tranquilly settle all over me like a shield. I feel a sudden sense of freedom here. I feel safe here, like nothing can touch me. I hadn’t realised how much of a prisoner I had felt until just now, not that I’ve ever been a prisoner with Nathan, far from it. I’ve been a prisoner of my own being and Nathan bringing me here has done more than I thought it would. Maybe he knows more about me than I realise.
I turn around, the water splashing around my feet as I let a smile ghost my lips. “Thanks for bringing me here.”
“No probs.” He shrugs. A smile briefly flickers over his face. “So how was the ride?” He tips his head in the direction of his motorbike. “As bad as you thought it would be?”
“It was okay, I guess, well once I’d gotten used to the crazy speed you drive at.”
He throws his head back and laughs. “I don’t drive that fast.”
I widen my eyes and put my hands on my hips. “Er, yeah you do.”
He purses his lips. “You wait for the ride back, then. I’ll show you what fast is.” He flashes his eyes daringly at me.
I shake my head disapprovingly, then, suddenly feeling mischievous, I kick water at him.
“Oi!” he yells jumping to his feet.
“Afraid of a bit of water?” I taunt.
He pushes his tongue between his teeth, giving me a dangerous look. He shakes his head. My stomach tumults.
“Actually you look like you could do with a good wash … ” I tease, lifting my foot, readying to kick more water at him.
He moves so quickly I have no time to react and the next thing I know he’s behind me, wrapping his arms around me, pinning mine by my side. His body pressed up against mine. I can feel his heat radiating through our clothes, and his heart beating against my back. It stutters mine into irregular beats, doing inexplicable things to me.
“Now what you gonna do?” he whispers jokingly into my ear. His hot breath blows down my neck, taking mine and I’m left breathless. My heart reaches out to him, stuttering, sending feelings so strong flowing through me I’m powerless to stop them.
Then I feel it. It’s like a dirty bomb filled with pure emotion imploding between us, splintering off in all different directions. And I know he feels it too by the way his whole body stiffens against me.
“Alex,” he practically breathes my name. He releases his hold on me but doesn’
t move away. I slowly turn to look at him, my whole body trembling. My shoulder brushes against his chest.
And when I meet his eyes, I just know.
The warm breeze passes by, moving the water around us, washing it up against our legs. “Your boots,” I say, not moving my eyes from his, “they’ll be getting soaked.”
Without a word he slips his hand into mine and leads me over to our blanket. Nathan sits first, then me beside him, facing him. He doesn’t let go of my hand and I don’t want him to, ever again.
My mind won’t take me anywhere close to the words I want to say, I have no idea where to go from here, and it seems neither does he. So, I opt for what I do best - small talk. “Do you ever come here to shift?” I gesture to the beautiful woods surrounding us, pushing my damp feet into the blanket.
“Sometimes.” He runs his thumb over the back of my hand, his rough skin tickling mine, leaving a heavenly trail of warmth wherever he touches. “Not as often I’d like, though. It’s a bit further out and I tend to stick to local places like … ” He pauses, not finishing his sentence. I see a flicker of regret in his eyes.
We both know what he was going to say. He was going to say the woods near my home, the woods where he saved me.
I know his eyes are on me so I avoid them and cast mine out over the scenery behind him. “It really is pretty here,” I say, filling the awkward silence.
“Are you okay?” he asks ignoring my attempt. He slides his fingers in-between mine gripping hold of my hand.
“I’m fine,” I answer instinctively. Well, except for the fact I have no clue what’s going on here between me and you, I fail to add.
“Fine,” he echoes, his tone disbelieving. It makes the hairs on my arms prickle. “You don’t seem fine. I’d say the dead giveaway is that you can’t even make eye contact with me when the subject of your attack comes up.”
My insides freeze solid. I pull my hard eyes back to his. “And how would you expect me to be?” There’s zero tone to my voice.
“I’d expect you wouldn’t be fine. I’d expect you’d be hurting.”
I shrug. Biting my lip, I look away.
“Talk to me, Alex.”
My eyes snap up. “You want me to talk you?” I almost laugh. “Five weeks down the line and now you’re asking how I’m feeling.” I rub my face roughly with my hand. “And this coming from the man who told me I had to basically suck it up and get on with it on the first day.”
“I was wrong and insensitive ... and I’m sorry.” His tone is intense.
I flicker a surprised look his way and my gaze turns suspicious. “What’s your end game, Nathan? Why do suddenly want to help me?”
“No end game.” He grips my hand tighter. “I just want you to know that you can talk to me about anything.”
I feel a wave of anger and grief coming from somewhere deep within. Tears are threatening my eyes. I look away, a sigh escaping me. “I miss Carrie so much it hurts like a physical pain inside that will never go away.” I swallow back the tears. “I miss Angie and Tom. I miss my life, my job, my home, my friends, and I hate what I’ve become. I hate everything about me. I hate that I have to drink blood, but most of all,” I pause, taking a breath, “I hate that I actually enjoy doing it.” I look back at Nathan, my lips quiver and a tear leaks from my eye.
He reaches his hand up to my face and brushes my tear away, his touch gentle. “What about your boyfriend? Do you miss him?”
At the mention of Eddie, my free hand starts to fidget, picking at the fluff on the blanket. “Ex-boyfriend,” I say, and even I can hear the bitter tone in my quiet voice. “We’d broken up before all of this happened. And no, Eddie is actually the one thing I don’t miss.”
“Would you have ever got back together if things had turned out differently?”
“No.” I rub my eyes dry. “Being cheated on once was bad enough, but twice was a joke. I might have been an idiot to go back the first time but I’m not a complete idiot that I’d have done it again.”
He runs his fingers up my arm. My skin hums and all I want him to do is kiss me now.
“What about you?” I ask, finding my weak voice as I fight the urge to lean into him.
“What about me?” he asks, his tone soft, his eyes taking hold of mine. Nathan has me, and whatever he chooses to do, I’ll follow.
“Well, I’m assuming you don’t have a girlfriend because I’ve never heard you talk about one.” I’m nervous. I don’t know if I want to know the answer.
“No. I don’t have a girlfriend.” His eyes flicker to my lips. I part them to let the breath I was holding out.
“Boyfriend?”
He throws his head back and roars out a laugh. “No!”
“Did you?”
“What, have a boyfriend?” His mouth is twitching with amusement.
“No, well, yeah.” I’m flustered. “What I mean is did you have a previous, er, relationship?”
“Yes, Alex, I have had girlfriends. No boyfriends, though.” He grins at me and winks.
Girlfriends - plural. Of course. You don’t go through life looking like Nathan and only ever have one girlfriend.
“Anyone serious?”
“One.”
Ahh. My heart gives an unpleasant twist.
“Was she like you - a shifter, I mean?”
“Yes.”
“Why did you break up?”
“Because she didn’t like what I became after I left the army.”
“And what was that?”
He stares deep into my eyes. A sudden coolness overtakes the warmth. It sends an unexpected chill running through me. “Uncaring. Hard. Cold,” he answers dryly.
I swallow down. “And what were you before?”
“Uncaring ... hard ... cold.” He grins, his warmth instantly returning.
I hit him jokingly in the chest. He catches hold of my hand, keeping it there. I glance at it, then back to his face. His brilliant eyes are depthless and I’m falling further and further into them. I feel like I’m swimming in cool water on a hot summer’s day, with no way of ever reaching the edge.
Nathan has both of my hands in his, my heart held in sync between them, and it can no longer keep up, left only with the option of tripping over itself, again and again, waiting for him to reset it.
I take a deep breath. “There must have been something good that she saw in you when you first got together,” I say from out of my tacky mouth. I feel like someone’s poured glue into it.
He shrugs, lightly. “You’d have to ask her that.” He presses his lips together, letting his eyes drift into a long blink, and all I want is him, forever.
“Well, seeing as though I can’t do that, you know, me being dead to the world an’ all, I guess I’ll have to go off my own impression of you.”
He leans closer with interest. He’s so close to me now that as he speaks his hot breath scorches over the skin on my face, blistering my lips. “Oh yeah and what’s that?” He smiles. “Apart from what I already know - what was it you said? - that I’m an arsehole and a bastard.”
I grin sheepishly, a blush rising in my cheeks. “I believe I actually called you an arse and that was when you were been an arse, but since you’ve been nicer to me, I know different.”
He lifts an intrigued eyebrow.
“I know there’s a lot more to you than you allow people to see. You’re guarded but you care. You love your family a lot. I know you’d do anything for them, and the way you love your horses is amazing. And I also know that for some reason you think it’s your job to save the world and everyone in it. I mean, look at what you did in Iraq, saving all those people.”
“That was my job.” He lets go of my hands and I instantly know I’m losing him. I can see him starting to close up.
“It wasn’t your job,” I say in a small voice, “and you saved me.”
He hangs his hands on the back of his neck and closes his eyes. “You were different,” he says, voice low.
My pul
se races. “How so?”
He opens his eyes. The way they study me cuts straight to my heart. I swallow against the thickness in my throat. He opens his mouth to speak and closes it again. I see his face shut down completely and whatever he was going to say is lost. And after a long moment he simply says, “I don’t know. You just were.”
The frustration I feel is insurmountable. It practically blisters under my skin. “Can’t you ever answer a question truthfully?” I challenge.
“Don’t start.” He casts a warning glance my way and all that he manages to do is to annoy me further.
Angry, I get to my feet. “Just when I think we’re getting somewhere, Nathan, you shut down on me, again!”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Nothing. I’m talking about nothing. Just forget it.” I stomp off in the direction of the track.
“Why do you always have to walk away from me?” he calls angrily from behind.
He’s right, this is twice now I’ve walked away from him when he’s tried to do something nice for me, but I’m so sick of asking him this question and the instant I do he shuts down.
“Because you annoy the crap out of me!” I yell back.
He’s behind me now. Hooking my arm, he swings me around to face him, pulling me close. “You know what?” His face is angry but his eyes hold a lot of depth. “You annoy the crap out of me too but it still doesn’t stop me from wanting to do this.”
Then he takes my face in his hands and kisses me.
Chapter 17
Surprise
I feel like the sky has fallen in on me. Of all the ways I ever imagined this would happen, this was not one of them. It didn’t even radar on my list but it’s gone right to the very top.
Nathan is nothing like I thought he would be. I imagined him to be rough and impatient. He’s not, he’s intense and passionate.
My legs are like jelly, nearly giving out, but Nathan’s strong arms around me are keeping me upright. My body is shivering under his touch. Wherever his hands go, my skin instantly responds.