Nathan looks at me unexpectedly, catching me staring. I quickly look away, focussing my attention onto Jack.
I know he’s still looking at me. I can feel his quizzical stare. I ignore the temptation to look back at him, pick up my glass and take a sip of my wine for something to do.
I put my glass back down on the table. Nathan shifts his position in his seat. His foot brushes against the bare skin on my leg under the table. Heat sears, almost painfully, up my leg. I wish I’d worn my jeans now, not my shorts. Did he do that on purpose? No, why would he? To get my attention for some reason, maybe?
I look at him.
He smiles and mouths, ‘Sorry.’
I smile back. It feels awkward and clumsy.
With shaky fingers, I pick my wine up again and take a big gulp, then another. It coats my insides like warm honey. But still, my leg is burning from his touch, it’s kindling, like wood crackling white.
Every single time Nathan touches me, I get that feeling of electricity sparking, and now I know I don’t feel like that because I’m a Vârcolac, I feel it because of him. It’s like all my feelings are imploding at once. Nathan’s touch can set off lightning bolts to strike under my skin. It’s exhausting, he’s burning me out. I’ve never in all my life had a reaction to anyone like I do him.
I know it’s just chemical. The intensity and level of my feelings probably do have something to do with the changes I’ve been through. My body is so screwed up it doesn’t know its left from its right anymore, which is why I know these feelings for Nathan will go as soon as I sort myself out.
Erin reaches over and picks up my plate, which is still bearing half the meal Jack made, and sits it atop her own empty plate.
“I’ll take them,” I say, taking both our plates from her hands. “You stay there and take it easy.”
She smiles gratefully at me and says, “Thanks.”
I go around the table collecting all the plates. As I approach Nathan, my heart starts to up its tempo. Heat is practically radiating off me. He looks up at me as he hands me his plate. “Thanks,” he says, low.
I mutter something incoherent and quickly move away, carrying the plates over to sink.
I will get past this. I will stop feeling like this.
“Who’s up for some dessert?” Jack asks, an enticing tone to his voice, as I take my seat back at the table. “It’s Lemon Torte with Jersey Cream.”
There’s collective and very enthusiastic yeses from Erin and Sol.
“None for me, thanks,” I say quietly.
“I’ve got to put the horses in for the night, dad,” Nathan says, getting to his feet. “Save me some for later.”
“Yeah, me too,” Cal adds. “I’ll go give Nate a hand.” Cal gets up and kisses Erin on the top of her head. “Won’t be long, babe.”
I end up with some dessert. Jack was insistent; said I need to put some meat on my skinny bones. I’ve never thought of myself as skinny before, but he is right, I do look a tad on the thin side. I’ve lost a fair bit of weight since I’ve been here and I don’t look good for it. Still, I can’t seem to eat the dessert. I just pick at it, forking tiny amounts into my mouth at a time.
I think it was a race between Sol and Erin as to who could finish first as their plates are cleared in no time. That’s typical of Sol, though, and Erin is eating for two after all.
I glance at Erin’s pregnant stomach. There’s a tiny baby in there. I feel a sharp stab of envy. Erin is doing the one thing I’m never going to be able to do. Well, not unless I want to create an abomination, that is.
“When’s your baby due?” I ask Erin.
“Thirtieth of September,” she answers. She wipes up a bit of left-over cream from her plate with her finger and licks it off. “I’ve got just over five weeks left.”
“Not long then.” I smile.
“Nope.”
“Do you know what you’re having?”
She shakes her head, smiling. “We wanted a surprise.” A big yawn escapes her. “Sorry,” she says, covering her mouth with her hand.
“You tired, love?” Jack asks.
She pushes her chair back, allowing her to stretch her legs out. “Yeah, it just came over me all of a sudden. I’ll go get Cal, tell him I’m ready to go home. I hope you don’t mind me leaving straight after dinner.”
“Don’t be daft,” Jack chides good-naturedly. “You’ve got to take good care of yourself and my grandchild.” He smiles warmly
“I’ll go get Cal for you,” I say getting up. “Save your legs.” Really, I could do with the walk and fresh air after all that food.
“You sure you don’t mind?” she asks.
“Course not.” I pull my cardigan on.
I head straight for the stables, thinking they should have Honor and Hope out of the paddock by now. I’m just near the front of the barn, probably only about fifty feet away from the stables, when I hear them talking. And I don’t what it is that stops me from moving or why I expanded my hearing in the first place, but what I’m hearing isn’t exactly filling me with confidence ...
“Nate, you need to think about what you’re going to do about Alex. Just be serious and think about it for a minute. You can’t keep her hidden away here forever.”
“Why not? She’s safe here.”
“I disagree. I think it’s only a matter of time before she’s discovered by them, and you know what’ll happen to you, to all of us, when they find her here. Alex being here puts us all in danger, and I’ve got Erin and the baby to think about.”
“They won’t find Alex because they’re not looking for her. They don’t even know she exists.”
“It’s just a matter of time, Nate, just a matter of time.” Sigh. “You really don’t have many options.”
“So what do you propose I do, Cal? Throw her out into the streets, let her fend for herself. That’d be plain fucking stupid and you know it. I might as well just deliver her to their doorstep.”
Silence.
“Please tell me you’re not serious.” Nathan sounds angry.
“Just hear me out,” Cal's tone is mild but forced.
The hairs on the back of my neck prickle, sending a shiver running down my spine.
“No,” Nathan says.
“Just listen for a minute before you start kicking off. If you give Alex to the Originals, if you give them the one thing they’ve wanted for the last four hundred years, you’ll be a fucking hero in their eyes. There’d be no comeback for you killing the arsehole who changed her in the first place, and we’d all be safe. There’d probably even be a reward in it for you.”
“Money? Jesus Christ, Cal, do you actually have any comprehension of what you’re actually suggesting I do?” Nathan’s voice is full of incredulity. Well, at least that’s what I think it sounds like and what I’m really hoping it is. “You want me to actually sell Alex to them?!”
“No.” Cal’s voice breaks ever so slightly. I hear him swallow down and the increase in his heartbeat tells me he’s lying. “That’s not what I’m suggesting at all.”
“Yes, it is.”
“No, it’s not. This is about all of us - dad, Sol, Erin, the baby - about our lives. You know what the Vârcolacs are capable of and what you’ve got us into by saving her. Don’t get me wrong, I like Alex, I do, but … ”
“No, you don’t. You don’t have any fucking regard for her whatsoever.”
Sigh. “Fine, I don’t like Alex, but that’s not the point … ”
“It’s completely the point.”
“Fucking hell, Nate!” Cal sounds exasperated. “What is it with her? If I didn’t know better I’d think you’d … ” Silence. “Have you?”
“No.”
“But you want to.”
“We’re done talking.”
I hear Nathan’s footsteps move across the floor and the stable door bangs shut. It opens quickly again as Cal follows him. I slide inside the darkened barn, pressing my back up against the brick wall and hold my
breath.
“Nathan, wait.”
“I don’t wanna hear it, Cal, seriously.”
“Just stop a minute, will you?”
Nathan stops walking. “What?” There is nothing in his tone that’s interested.
“If you’ve got feelings for Alex, then this all makes a little bit more sense, and I get it, I do. She’s a stunner but you know nothing can ever come of it.”
“I don’t have feelings for Alex. I feel responsible for her, that’s all.” Silence. “You know, Cal, when you come out with ridiculous shit like this is the time when I wonder just how the fuck we’re related at all.”
My heart drops down to the cold, hard ground. Bitter tears bite at my throat.
“Nice, bro, thanks.” Silence. “Nate, you know I’m just worried about us all, worried what could happen if they find out about her.”
“They won’t, so nothing will happen.”
“Fine.” Sigh. “Just say you’ll consider what I’m saying.”
“Consider it, considered it, and Alex stays put.” Nathan starts walking again.
“Okay, fine,” Cal says, following him. “Whatever you think is best.”
I keep hold of my breath and still my beating heart as they pass by the barn. Then I let the tears flood into my eyes as my weary body slides down the wall to the floor. I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my cardigan around them.
Well, at least now I know I should always trust my instincts when it comes to people. Looks like I was right about Cal after all.
Chapter 15
In His Hands
I don’t know what I feel most. Disappointment, I think.
I’m disappointed with myself. And that’s not because I thought for a brief, stupid moment that Cal might actually be a good guy, but because, even as much as I hate to think it, Cal is partly right in what he said last night.
I am putting them all in danger by being here.
Nathan keeps me here out of some misplaced sense of responsibility, apparently. And I’ve allowed him to do so because I’m afraid to be alone. I’ve got no one and nowhere else to go.
I should leave. I know I should. But the problem is I can’t seem to bring myself to. I spent all of last night trying to do just that. The furthest I got was the end of the drive. And yes, I know just how weak and selfish that makes me.
There are two reasons I can’t leave.
One, I’m afraid.
Honestly, I don’t think I’d survive out there alone. I’ve never truly been alone before. I’ve never had to fend for myself. After my parents died, Carrie, Tom and Angie took care of me. They did everything for me because I had no care to carry on. Then from their home I moved straight in with Eddie and he just took over where they left off. And now I’ve let Nathan, Jack and Sol do exactly the same.
It really would be easier if Nathan would just show me the door and push me out of it, because then I’d have no choice but to leave and finally try and fend for myself.
But if he did do that, it would crush me. You see, Nathan is reason number two as to why I can’t leave. If I’m being completely honest, he’s the only reason.
The thought of leaving and never seeing Nathan again is so painful that I can’t even express it into words. I think I’m way past the element of a crush now. My feelings for him have gotten so out of control that I can’t even distinguish just exactly what they are.
Am I in love with him? Quite possibly.
And even if I was the strong person I’d liked to be, the bottom line is I don’t want to leave him. Not now, not ever.
I wish I were a better person but obviously I’m not. And no matter how hard I might try to convince myself to leave, it’s clearly not going to happen anytime soon.
I roll onto my back and let my eyes drift over the clear sky above. There’s not a cloud to be seen today and the sun is beating down hot. You don’t see many days like this in my little part of the world, so you have to make the most of them while they’re here. The freshly cut grass is cool beneath my back but the sun’s hot rays are set to warm the rest of my body.
I love the smell of freshly cut grass. It reminds me of normality, something I miss with an almost physical ache. I run my fingers through it, disturbing it, redistributing the smell into the air. I close my eyes and inhale deeply. Then I hear Nathan’s approach.
My heart starts to beat just that little bit faster and nerves ripple over my skin. I fight to ignore the feeling.
“Hey,” he says. His voice sounds huskier than normal, I notice, and I can feel the cool of his shadow on my body as he stands beside me.
I inhale another deep breath, readying myself to see him for the first time since last night, then I open my eyes.
He’s wearing aviator shades. They really suit him. My heart skips a couple of beats. I force a calm and say, “Hi,” in the most even voice I can manage.
He smiles down at me. He looks exactly like my version of perfection. He makes my head hurt. “Weather’s really great, isn’t it?” he says, completely unaware of the internal battle that’s raging inside me.
I rest up on my elbows. “Yeah,” I answer, “it’s lovely.”
I notice he’s carrying a shiny blue motorbike helmet in one hand and a black leather jacket in the other, and that he himself is dressed in black leather pants and a plain white T-shirt, and is wearing his trade mark motorbike boots. My first thought is he must be really hot in those leather pants. I’m warm and I’m only wearing a vest and my denim shorts. My second thought: he looks really hot in those leather pants.
“You’re gonna need these.” He tosses the helmet and jacket to me. I catch the helmet but the jacket lands in a heap on my stomach. “And you might want to put some jeans on too,” he adds, nodding down at my bare legs. I don’t miss how his eyes skim up them.
I sit upright, glancing down puzzled at the helmet and jacket. “Why? What for?”
“We’re going out for a ride.”
“Ride? On what?”
“My bike.” He thumbs over his shoulder.
I look past him and see waiting on the other side of the garden fence the red Ducati that lives in the barn.
So, it is his bike. That makes him even sexier, if possible. Crap.
“I didn’t know you rode a motorbike?” I say, putting the helmet down on the grass and sitting the jacket next to it.
He crouches down beside me, so close I can feel his heat. He pulls off his sunglasses, hangs them off his T-shirt and looks me straight in the eye. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me.” His tone is low, intimate.
I feel a white, hot thrill shoot through my blood, throwing me off-balance. I put my hands down to the ground to steady myself.
“Go put some jeans on,” he tilts his head in the direction of the house, “and we can get going.”
Pulling myself together, I shake my head and say, “Thanks for the offer, but no thanks.”
“What?”
“No way am I getting on that thing.” I gesture at the beautiful, but monstrous, motorbike.
“Why not?” he asks, laughing.
“Well I could fall off it for starters … ”
“You’re not gonna fall off it.” He chuckles. “But if you did, you’d heal quickly anyway.” His smile is all fox.
I pull a face at him. “Yeah, well that’s not a theory I fancy putting to the test, thanks all the same.”
I start to get to my feet but he takes hold of my arm, keeping me there. I glance at his hand, then up at his face. “Come out with me,” he says, his tone is inviting and daring, and it’s making me feel like we are the only two people in the world right now.
Trembles erupt deep within me. “I can’t.” My voice is barely working. “I can’t risk being seen by people in case they recognise me, remember?”
“You won’t be seen,” he assures me, not moving his eyes from mine. “I’ll keep you safe.”
I can’t think straight. His touch is distracting.
Then he
lets go of my arm and the spell is broken. “I’m just gonna take us up to Dalby Forest, that’s all.” He lifts his voice but his tone is still smooth. “Come on, it’ll be fun.”
Fun? I really don’t think I should be considering the word fun and Nathan in the same sentence in my current state.
I tuck my hair behind my ear. “You’re not trying to take me hunting again, are you?” I let my obvious distaste at that thought spread plain across my face.
He laughs. It’s a slow, dry laugh, and sexy as hell. “No, Alex. I’m not going to try and take you hunting again.” I love it when he says my name.
He gets to his feet. “Don’t make me beg.” A grin plays like a tune on his face.
“Fine,” I huff. “I’ll come.”
He smiles a winning smile.
I pick the jacket and helmet up, and get to my feet so that we’re just stood here facing one another. I’m not sure what to do, or just exactly what it is he’s waiting for. He still hasn’t looked away from my face and my pulse has started to beat loudly in my ears.
“Jeans,” he finally says, raising his eyebrows.
“Oh yeah, of course.” I flush as the realisation thuds into me like a ton of bricks. “Hold these. I won’t be a minute.” Embarrassed, I shove the helmet and jacket into his arms and quickly make for the house.
Nathan’s already sitting astride the bike when I get back, the helmet and jacket waiting for me on the seat behind him.
“You were quick,” he comments.
“Would you rather I go back in and take a bit longer?” I flash my eyes at him.
He chuckles, shaking his head. “Just get your ass on the bike.”
I slip the leather jacket on. It fits perfectly. I wonder where it came from. Maybe it belonged to an ex-girlfriend. Jealously spikes me. I hate that he can make me feel this way without even knowing. I try to zip it up, but the zipper's stiff and I can’t do it.
“Come here.” Nathan gestures to me.