“Go away, Carter.”
“It’s me. Jules.”
In a scramble, I shoved my list inside my notebook and slid it under my pillow. I flipped over on my bed. If possible, Jules’s hair had turned three shades lighter and she was tan—in a good way, not in the I’ll-have-skin-cancer-kind-of-way. Pfft. Summer fun with friends is highly overrated.
“Do I know you?” I tapped my head. “I’m positive I do. Is it Julia? No, wait. Jemini?”
“You dork.”
I laughed with her. “Sorry, it’s just been weeks since I’ve seen anyone.”
She plopped down on the bed. “That’s why I’m here. The Program is more than halfway over, and we should celebrate. I’m here to connect you with the outer world. Ask me anything.”
More like she was still feeling guilty, but I was never one to turn down a celebration. What an opportunity. I wished she’d given me fair warning so I could come up with a good list.
“Did Ava move to Antarctica?” Jules gave me the look. “I’ll take that as a no. Has summer been completely boring and a flop and you can’t wait for school to start?”
“Definitely,” she said with a smile. “Go ahead, ask me about him.”
“Who?” I twirled a piece of my hair like I didn’t have a clue what she was talking about.
“Michael—your soul mate?”
“Oh, right.” I sighed. “How’s he doing?” Not that I expected her to know details.
She hesitated, her eyebrows scrunched. “Well, it’s been kinda weird. Since you haven’t been around, things have shifted. I’ve actually seen him a couple times. Other than his pointy ears and occasional voice impersonations and random movie trivia, he’s not too bad. Or maybe we’ve all just matured now that it’s almost our senior year.”
“Huh.” That was all I could say, when questions were screaming on the inside. He was moving up the social ladder? What if he’d completely forgotten about me? This required immediate attention. “I’m so glad you stopped by. Are you willing to help me out on a little adventure?”
She bit her lip.
“Come on. You owe me one.” I grabbed a bag from my closet. This idea wasn’t on the list, but it was a fantastic one. “Wait here.”
Five minutes later, I stood outside my bedroom door, still hidden from Jules’s view. I made sure the helmet piece was on straight, and I smoothed the black cape. “Are you ready?”
“Cassidy, if this is one of your crazy—”
I leaped into the room, wielding a Jedi light-up sword thing and sliced at the air with it. “I’m here with a message from the galaxy.” I used my best Darth Vader voice, which wasn’t very good. “You should take Cassidy out on a date.” Then I pulled my best life-threatening fight moves meant to instill fear in the hearts of all. Or at least enough mild panic that he’d follow through. “Then ask her to prom.”
Jules squealed and burst out laughing. Finally, I pulled the helmet off because I couldn’t breathe very well and felt slightly claustrophobic and tucked it under my arm. “Should I suggest he takes me out on a date—or go right to prom?”
“Good one. Except I’m here to make you laugh, not the other way around.” She rolled off the bed. “Get that ridiculous thing off and we’ll go pop the frozen pizza in the oven and watch a marathon of romantic comedies.”
“Right. Of course, I was totally kidding.” Before I left the room, I added one more to my list.
8. Dress as Darth Vader with a message from the galaxy. With my awesome fight moves, convince him to ask me on a date. (Consider switching that to prom!)
***
Every day was filled with team building activities. We all had to crisscross our arms and hold hands and then without letting go, unravel the human knot. All fun and games unless you were holding sweaty palms—not Zeke’s.
I lost myself in the day-to-day routine. Every afternoon we had quiet time to journal. I desperately wished for my candy stash in those moments. One day, on our lunch break, I found a spot in the shade and pulled out War and Peace, hoping to finish it and impress my teachers this fall.
Zeke plopped down next to me and stretched out his lanky legs. Since our little fight where I hadn’t explained why I was angry, we’d only talked in short sentences and spent time together because we had to as partners. Several times, I’d tried to explain that I wasn’t the rich brat he took me to be, but each time, the words caught in my throat. Why would he believe me?
“Heavy reading,” he said.
“No kidding. It weighs like twenty pounds. You try hauling it around everywhere.”
He flashed me a smile as if to say Lame joke but I’ll smile to make you feel better. The smile faded and he grew serious. “Sorry about the other day and sorry about that first sharing day and everything else. I didn’t mean to come down so hard on you.”
“No problem.” I couldn’t help but stare at his smile. I had noticed some time in week three or week four that his bottom teeth were crooked in the most adorable way.
I struggled to pay attention to the tiny words on the page. They blurred in front of me. I closed it with a huff and bit into my brussel sprout and tuna sandwich on organic gluten-free bread. This was the perfect time to tell him everything about prom and smoke blasters and my family’s financial status.
He fiddled with his lip ring. “For the record, I think you’re brave.”
“Thank you.” Keeping it short and sweet was the way to stay away from word vomit. “Um, for what?” Reading War and Peace?
“It’s hard to be the first to share, even if you weren’t able to go into details.”
I swung my legs around and stared him in the eyes. “You should understand a little bit about that.” So much for short and sweet, but I’d wanted to bring this up since that first day.
“How’s that?”
“You haven’t exactly shared too much about your life.”
Something flicked off in his eyes like he was trying not to remember. His slender hands twisted together and he was the one staring at War and Peace.
“Sorry about that. You don’t have to share anything with me.” Would I ever just shut up? That’s how I got into the whole mess in the first place.
He untwisted his hands and stared off. “My dad’s in jail. My mom took off. I live with my uncle, who moves around because of his job. I’ve been to a different school every year. This coming year is no different. I’ll be spending my senior year, again, as the new student. A stranger. It takes a few months just to have a decent conversation with someone. End of story.”
“Sorry,” I whispered. In comparison, I could never share my story. It would just confirm his initial thoughts on my bratty background. Even if my family wasn’t rolling in green dough, we were still together.
“So really, why are you here?” He focused on me.
“I got in trouble.” There was something ironic about half-truths. Almost like adding both butterscotch and hot fudge sauce to ice cream at the same time. And at this point, we were kinda friends. “I like to be a woman of mystery.”
He looked away and played with his lip ring.
I felt stupid for not telling the truth after he opened up. “It’s not that I don’t trust you or anything, obviously we’ve done enough trust exercises to be past that point but…”
“But what?”
“Well, I, er, you know…”
How would he possibly understand my life of proms and pranks when his dad was in jail? My story would look like a mockery with me the rich, spoiled brat he pegged me to be.
“You know what?” He stood and brushed off his jeans. “I’ve been trying all week, but it takes two in a friendship, and I’m clearly alone in this one.”
Week Five
Mr. Skeeter pulled Zeke and I aside and quietly mentioned that if we couldn’t figure out a way to get along then he’d assign extra partner assignments.
Week Six
Yay! This was almost over! I’d never have to see Zeke again. Fr
iends! Parties! Here I come.
Chapter 7
It was the last day of the Adventure Program. After lunch, Mr. Skeeter led a special meeting. “Circle up!”
Those had become famous words that I never wanted to hear again. He wanted us to spend the afternoon alone, thinking, and writing in our journal. Hopefully we’d find peace with ourselves and experience that transformative moment when all the answers came together in one final glorious moment, as if heaven opened up and the Lord himself visited.
Somehow, I doubted I’d have some kind of hallelujah moment.
I hunkered down behind the school about ten yards from the woods. The silent landscape stretched out before me, the wild flowers in scattered bunches, the bramble of bushes, and the trees cropping up.
I thought about one thing. When this was over, I needed to kick things into high gear with Michael. I had one year and only one prom left. Obviously, my accidental meet-ups with him over the past year hadn’t worked. All the times I wrote my name as Mrs. Michael Greenwood in pretty cursive or carved our initials into tree trunks encircled by a heart or daydreamed about our wedding had done nothing to actually further our relationship.
I was so lost in trying to find my focus that I didn’t hear Zeke sneak up behind me until he plopped down. He crossed his arms over his knees, focusing on the wild flowers I’d noticed moments before. “Hey.”
I glanced sideways. “So we’re talking now?”
“I’d hate to leave our budding friendship on such a bad note. I’m really not a bad guy.”
I smiled. “Sometimes we’re all misunderstood.” I wanted to tell him the truth so bad, but he’d probably scoff and think even less of me.
He let out a soft sigh that I don’t think he meant for me to hear, like everything was my fault.
Maybe if I opened up about something personal that would fix everything. “Can I ask you a question?”
He perked up, hope lighting his eyes. “Anything.”
“I just want you to know hard this is for me—to ask anyone for help therefore admitting my own weakness.” I took a sip of water.
“Go ahead. I’m listening.”
“I have somewhat of a personal question to ask.”
“I’ll try to answer if I can.”
“You’re a guy…”
“That’s what I’m told.”
“I wondered if you could share some of the guy point of view with me.”
“Um, I guess.”
“You should see this one girl work it at my school.” I decided not to mention certain names like Ava Abbot in an effort to be gracious. And Karma. “She flips her hair, sticks out her total boob job and bats her eyes like she’s got a fake eyelash blocking her vision. She’s mean and shallow.”
“I’ve seen my share of those girls. What’s your point?”
“Well…do you have any pointers?”
“On what?” His look of peace faded into one of extreme disappointment.
“On how to snag a boy without all those fake things.” I kept talking, the words shooting out like leaves in a windstorm, swirling around him, making it worse. “I mean what can a nice, ordinary girl like me do to get the attention, of well, a boy like you?” I realized my mistake. “Not that I want to snag you because I don’t. I already know who I’m going to marry, so this isn’t even for me…but for a friend who feels like she’s a bit too plain Jane to get the boy she knows she’s destined to be with and he barely notices her.”
Silence settled between us, sharp and fast. Zeke’s lips formed into a line, almost disappearing into his mouth. He took several deep breaths, in and out, before he managed to say anything at all to me.
He spoke, his words soft but packing a punch. “I should’ve known the first day you were trouble. You might not care, but I do. All this time, you haven’t shared one thing about yourself that is deeper than the layer of nail polish chipping on your fingernails.”
Ouch. But he didn’t stop there.
“You’ve been one of the hardest people to get to know. I’ve tried. Everything’s a joke for you or a chance to ramble on about bits and pieces of your life that mean nothing to anyone else. I’ve worked hard to change my life around, to turn out different than my dad.”
I straightened up. “That means you failed as a friend because you obviously didn’t get to know me very well.” Or I didn’t let him in, a tiny voice said in my head.
He pushed his face into mine and I couldn’t help but notice his flawless skin tone. The pores on his nose were practically invisible. “You don’t have me fooled one bit. You have a world of hurt and mistrust buried inside that you like to cover up with a bunch of meaningless babble instead of talking about the real stuff. I don’t know what or who it is that hurt you but I hope someday you figure it out so you can move forward with your life. I wish you the best. I really do. Just far away from me.”
For a brief second I wanted to break down and cry, but anger flared to the surface, burning bright and true. “Thank you for caring so much for my emotional well-being. I can’t wait to tell my parents and friends about the wonderful guy I met here.” I had to stop and take in a cleansing breath before I said something I’d regret.
He stood and brushed the dirt off his pants. He started to walk away but stopped to hammer the final nails in the proverbial coffin. “And about snagging a guy like me? You can forget it. Even if a guy’s good looking doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a heart or doesn’t want a nice girl. But I wouldn’t put you in that category, so go ahead and flip your hair and bat your eyes because that might be your best shot.”
“Well, fine then.” Good comeback, Cassidy.
“Have a nice life.” Then he walked away.
His words pierced my heart. That wasn’t me. I hadn’t been trying to be like Ava, so I couldn’t believe he equated me to the likes of her.
So much for using this time to plan and think about my life. At this moment, I didn’t have much heart to figure it out anyway.
Chapter 8
Ahhh. The sweet feeling of waking up on my own, without the blaring sound of my alarm clock. No Adventure Program! Yay!!! And? My grounding was over—everything crucial to life like the Internet, my phone, YouTube, and seeing my friends.
I should be running over to Jules’s or maybe Elena’s to catch a few minutes with a friend. I should be running downstairs to embrace my parents in a huge hug and tell them how grateful I was for the experience and that it was their best decision ever in the history of their parenting. But I had one prerogative. Michael. He’d be glad to see me.
Leaving the Darth Vader helmet in my closet—worst idea ever—I went downstairs and breezed through the doorway. “Hi, Mom!” I said it extra loud and chipper.
“Cassidy?” Mom whirled around and opened her arms. “Come here.”
My feet were rooted to the ground even though I wanted nothing more than to feel her hug. She made up the ground and pulled me into her arms. For a brief second I laid my head on her shoulder like I was a little girl who’d scraped her knee. I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting off the tears. I refused to cry.
“It’s finally over, honey. You were such a trooper.”
I broke away, my voice cracking at first but I quickly hid that with a cough. “Thanks.”
She smiled, her eyes finding mine, her love for me shining through. “What are you going to do today? Sure you won’t be bored?”
I plastered on a smile. “I’m going to head out for some ice cream.”
My hand was on the doorknob before my mom responded. “Remember, no sugar.”
“No problem. I didn’t really want ice cream anyway, or cake. I mean the frosting will just rot all my teeth and what with school coming all our extra money needs to go to clothes and food and what about the mortgage. Heavens! Wouldn’t want to fall behind in that area…” Shut up, Cassidy! I took a deep breath. “I’ll be home later.”
I didn’t stick around to see the look on Mom’s face. I borrow
ed the van and drove to Ye Olde Ice Cream Shoppe. I ordered from the outside window and found a spot at one of the tables. I was almost done with my hot fudge sundae when my friends exited from a blue two-door car.
Michael climbed out of the front seat, followed by Elena. Out of the back tumbled Jules, Ava, and Jasper. I froze, unable to move, unable to think. Elena spotted me first, and I debated running away.
She was the first to reach me. “Hey, girl. Your grounding over?”
I wanted to act as normal as possible. “Today. Just like I said six weeks ago at the start of summer. But I know how summer gets with time slipping by faster than a roller coaster.” I waved my hand and forced a laugh. “It’s so hard to keep track of everything. Never mind who’s coming or going.” Or when your friend has been set free from prison.
Elena pulled back, her face paling a bit under the suntan she most likely acquired from the hours spent lazing in her backyard without me. I knew that would happen but seeing the result of my absence and how smoothly their lives had continued and changed, prickled under my skin. An uncomfortable feeling, and I’d never felt that way with my friends.
I tilted my head and pasted on my best smile. “How about drinks? Soda? Iced-tea? On me.”
“Really?” Michael perked up. He’d barely sent me a glance but the mention of free food got his attention.
I had hoped my subliminal message would steer them toward ordering drinks, but Michael and Elena ordered sandwiches and fries. Jules and her gang asked for cones. “Great. I’ll be right back.”
I strode through the doors, mumbling their orders over and over again. It couldn’t be too hard to mess up a sandwich and fries for Elena, and a burger with no pickle—or was that extra pickles—for Michael. The cones I could remember. I arrived at the register and placed the order, going with extra pickles on the side.
I pulled out my change purse and opened it to find nothing but a couple dimes. I could’ve sworn I had more than that. I must’ve spent the last of my money on my ice cream. The girl behind the counter looked at me, her eyes blinking, waiting for me to fork over the cash or a card.
“Well, you see, I’m an old-timer here, by the way I’m Cassidy. I know customers aren’t allowed to rack up a credit but I was wondering…” I ran out of words and the last breath seeped out.