I could see in his eyes he meant it, he would stop the drug taking for me. He really would do anything and it made me feel even worse.
"It's not the drinking or drugs Johnny, I just can't love you enough because my heart belongs to Ethan, it always has." I shook my head.
"I'll give you anything you want, everything. Please don't do this, think of what I can give you Ali.
Please think about it." he begged.
"I've never been with you for your money Johnny, possessions and fast cars have never interested me. I was with you for you, not for what you could give me." I said shaking my head willing him to understand.
"Don't do this." he whispered.
"I'm sorry, I love him Johnny. I need to be with him. I don't want you to hate me, I'll always love you too, and I'll always owe you for what you've done for me these last four years." I said honestly.
He waved his hand dismissively, "I've done nothing for you except disappoint and hurt you."
"Trust me Johnny, you've been the most important thing to me for the last four years and I'll always be grateful." I promised.
I stepped back and opened my purse pulling out the engagement ring he gave me. I held it out to him and he laugh humorlessly. "I don't want that, you keep it, it's yours."
"I can't Johnny." I said offering it to him again.
He shook his head, "Keep it or sell it, it's worth a lot of money. You could buy yourself something with it."
Jeez he is so adorable when he's clean. He sat down on the sofa and put his head in his hands looking defeated and so sad he was killing me.
I sat down next to him and put my arm around his waist. "I don't want you to hate me, I know you probably do right now and I deserve that, but I hope one day we can be friends." I said honestly.
He laughed, "I could never hate you Ali. As much as I want to hate you right now, I can't. I love you." he mumbled smiling sadly.
"You know, when you're clean like this you're one of the nicest guys I've ever met. You should be like this more often, you should get clean for yourself Johnny." I said wiping my face on the back of my hand.
"Yeah maybe." he said shrugging.
"I know you're hurting right now and I'm probably the last person you'd want to talk to or anything but if you do need to talk then call me ok." I said standing up.
"I don't think I'll call, maybe further down the line we could be friends but..." he trailed off shaking his head sadly.
I nodded, the thought of not seeing him again was awful. I loved him, but just not enough, not the way I should. I put the engagement ring down on the coffee table. "I truly am sorry." I said honestly.
He smiled sadly and nodded, "Me too."
I looked at Ethan who was just watching the whole exchange silently, his body was still alert in his overprotective stance, ready for trouble as usual. I nodded and he moved back so I could walk past him out of the door.
"Johnny, you'll have a new guard tomorrow morning." Ethan said.
"Yeah ok. Take care of that girl, never take her for granted." Johnny said putting his head back in his hands.
"I'll take care of her I promise, and I'm sorry too." Ethan said putting his hand on the small of my back and guiding me towards the door.
I didn't look at Ethan as I walked out of the house. Andrew stood up straighter as we walked out of the front door looking at us curiously. I couldn't talk about it so I headed over to Ethan's car and leant against it waiting while he spoke quietly to Andrew and Max. I didn't want to know what they were saying. I couldn't think about anything other than Johnny's devastated face and the tears that I put there.
I was such a bitch, I'm putting my happiness over his. I had always vowed to stay with Johnny and make him happy because of what he did for me. It didn't matter to me that he didn't make me completely happy or that I didn't love him enough. I would have stayed with him and tried my hardest to make him happy forever, his happiness was more important to me than mine. Funny how that changed as soon as Ethan came back, he turned me into some kind of selfish girl that put herself first even though I didn't even deserve to be happy.
After a minute or so I heard things smashing inside the house, holy shit what the hell is he doing? I pushed off of the car and ran towards the house to go and see if he was ok but Ethan grabbed me around the waist stopping me.
"No Lia, if he's angry you're not going anywhere near him." he said sternly.
"Ethan, I need to see if he's ok." I said struggling to get out of his hold as something else crashed inside the house. "Ethan let go!" I shouted trying to push him off of me.
"I'll go," Andrew said gripping my shoulder. "You two go home, I'll call you in a little while."
Ethan forced me towards the car still struggling, Johnny wouldn't want Andrew there to check on him. He didn't even know him.
"Ethan please let me talk to him and see he's ok." I pleaded as he opened his car and blocked the way so I had nowhere else to go but in.
"Andrew's got it," he said shaking his head and moving my legs inside the car, "You can't go in there Lia, think of the baby, what if you got hurt by accident?" he said looking at me pleadingly.
He's right, the baby could get hurt, I nodded and he shut the door quickly and headed round to the drivers side. I didn't look at him as he started the car and pulled away, I put my forehead against the window watching the lights of the house get further and further away as silent tears fell down my face.
I knew I'd done the right thing but it's so hard to hurt someone you love and I'll never forgive myself for that. Ethan gripped my hand holding it tightly as he drove towards his, well our, apartment.
I pulled my cell phone out and called Chris. He answered almost immediately. "Hey Ali." he chirped.
"Chris, I need you to go to Johnny's and make sure he's ok." I choked out around my sobs.
"What? What do you mean? Why wouldn't he be ok?" he asked sounding confused.
"We broke up." I mumbled.
He gasped, "Holy shit, seriously?"
"Yeah, please go there and make sure he's ok." I asked pleadingly.
I heard him curse under his breath and him banging around in the background. "Yeah ok, I'll go there now. What happened? What did he do?" he asked.
I shook my head, "He didn't do anything, this is my fault. Just go look after him. Tell him I'm sorry."
I said snapping my cell phone shut.
I couldn't talk anymore, I pressed the phone against my forehead. My head was pounding, I felt sick, I just needed this day to be over. Hopefully tomorrow when I woke up everything would look better and Ethan and I could start over.
Chapter 21
I couldn't talk to Ethan when we got to his apartment, I couldn't talk about it yet. I felt awful, Johnny didn't deserve this. "I'm going in the bath, there's food in the kitchen for you." I mumbled as I walked in heading straight for the bathroom.
I ran a bath and laid in it rubbing my hand over my stomach telling myself over and over again that I'd done the right thing, that Johnny would be fine and he'd find someone who would make him happy and be good enough for him. I cried silently not wanting Ethan to know I was upset, I mean it must be hard for him to see me crying over another guy when I was supposed to be happy that we were together. It was impossible to be completely happy though when every time I closed my eyes all I saw was Johnny's devastated face promising me he'd change.
After quite a long time Ethan knocked on the bathroom door. "Lia, can I come in?"
Wiped my face and swallowed the lump in my throat. "Yeah sure."
He walked in and sat on the floor by the side of the tub reaching his hand into the water taking mine and holding it tightly. "Ok?" he whispered.
I nodded, "Yeah, I'm sorry I'm so upset Ethan. You shouldn't have to see this." I said apologetically.
He laughed humorlessly, "Lia, I know you love him, I understand. You don't need to hide in the bath." he pulled our intertwined hands out of the water and kissed the back of mine lightly. "Th
e water's cold, you should really get out." he pushed himself up off of the floor and grabbing a towel from the side.
I pulled the plug out and stood up, he wrapped the towel around me and then lifted me out of the bath carrying me into the bedroom. He sat on the bed and held me on his lap. "Are you regretting it?" he asked quietly.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my forehead to his, "Ethan, never. I just didn't want to hurt him, I feel awful and he was so upset." I said looking into his beautiful blue eyes.
"But you're not regretting leaving him for me?" he asked looking at me hopefully.
"No tough guy, I promise. You and I are meant to be together, you said that yourself." I said smiling reassuringly.
His body relaxed slightly as he breathed a sigh of relief. "Good, I was worried. Johnny will be fine I promise, and I'll make you and the baby happy forever I swear." he said kissing me lightly. I felt my heart skip a beat when his lips touched mine. He pulled away and smiled at me tenderly.
"I'm tired." I mumbled hugging him tightly. My head was pounding from all the crying and I just wanted this day to be over.
He didn't say anything he just pulled on the towel lightly making it fall off of me then pulled the sheets down on the bed and moved me into the bed. He pulled his t-shirt off over his head and held it out to me. Damn he is so adorable. I took his t-shirt and threw it on the floor snuggling into the bed naked. He smiled and unbuttoned his jeans pulling them off and climbing in the bed in his boxers.
I laughed and scooted closer to him, "So I'm naked and you get to keep your underwear.... Is that how it's going to be Ethan?" I teased.
He grinned and shook his head pulling them off quickly and throwing them on the floor. He pulled me closer to him wrapping his arms tightly around me, I put my head on his chest and listened to his heart beating steadily in his chest until I fell asleep.
I woke to the sound of buzzing and lifted my head from Ethan's chest just as he silenced the alarm.
"Sorry I forgot to cancel it." he whispered brushing my hair from my face lightly.
"It's ok." I mumbled sleepily pulling myself up to the pillows.
He moved closer to me, our noses almost touching. "So, how are my two favorite people this morning?" he asked looking at little worried.
I smiled and kissed his lips lightly. "We're good today." I said honestly, after a good nights sleep I felt a lot better, I still felt guilty, but I woke up in the arms of the man of my dreams, I couldn't ask for more than that.
His face lit up and he kissed me again tangling his fingers into my hair holding me closely. "I'm glad, I was a little worried you were going to change your mind overnight." he admitted looking at me nervously.
"Ethan Scott, I'm not going to change my mind, I love you silly boy. I know it was probably hard for you to see me crying for someone else but I don't ever want you to doubt that I love you." I said shaking my head.
"I know you love me Lia." he whispered looking at me softly.
"Do I have to go to college today?" I asked looking at him pleadingly. He'd arranged for the rest of this week and next week off so I wanted to spend some time with him.
"Well I don't really want you to go anywhere alone just in case the stalker guy's still interested in you, but you should go to college, you don't want to get kicked out. So I'll just come with you." he said looking at me apologetically.
"Ethan you have the week off, I thought we could spend some time together." I whined making him laugh. "And besides, I'll need to drop out anyway." I said shrugging.
He looked at me confused, "Why do you need to drop out?"
"I'm pregnant Ethan, did you forget?" I teased.
He laughed and shook his head before bending his head and kissing my stomach. "I didn't forget, I just don't know why you'd need to drop out."
"I'm not even sure I should be dancing while pregnant, and I'd have to drop out sooner or later anyway so I don't see the point in dragging my ass out of the bed if you have the week off." I said pulling him back up so our faces were level so I could look into his beautiful eyes.
"I don't want you to drop out Lia, dancing has always been your dream. Maybe you could defer for a year or something?" he suggested looking deep in thought.
"Yeah? And who's going to look after the baby while I'm in college next year then tough guy?" I asked sarcastically.
He smiled, "Must you always be so sarcastic? What's wrong with me looking after the baby?" he asked looking at me like I said something stupid.
Damn my boy is so freaking sweet! "You have to work tough guy."
"Well I could change to night guard, then we could share looking after the baby. We'll work something out." he said tracing his hand up my side softly making me get goosebumps.
"And when exactly are you planning on sleeping if you're a night guard? On the job, or while you're supposed to be watching the baby?" I teased.
He sighed, "I don't know Lia, I promise we'll work something out. I'll cut down my hours, get a different job, something. Just don't drop out of college ok?" he said looking at me pleadingly.
"Damn Ethan you really are adorable." I said looking at him in awe. He would change his life and get a different job just so I could finish college? I didn't deserve this boy. He honestly is the nicest and most thoughtful guy in the world. He rolled his eyes and kissed me again ending the conversation.
A couple of hours later and Ethan and I were sitting in the waiting room of the hospital. Ethan had pulled some strings with his boss and had managed to get us an appointment at short notice.
Apparently his boss was connected with a lot of people and got preferential treatment in all kinds of places.
Ethan was holding my hand, grinning happily and I couldn't help but smile back, he looked so damn excited to be a dad it was just crazy. "You a little excited there tough guy?" I teased.
He laughed, "Hell yeah I'm excited. So do you think they'll do a scan today and we can see?" he asked rubbing my stomach lightly with his other hand.
"I don't know, maybe."
"Miss Jones." the Doctor called.
Ethan jumped up grinning and practically dragged me into the room making me giggle. We sat down opposite the desk and I must admit I was a little excited too, I really hoped they would scan me and then maybe they'd be able to tell me for sure how far gone I was.
"Ok so what can I do for you Miss Jones? Your notes don't say anything, I was just asked to free up and appointment by a friend of mine." the guy said smiling and looking at me curiously.
"Well I'm pregnant and I just needed to ask a few things really." I bit my lip nervously.
"Ok well fire away."
"Well, I'm currently in the middle of a dance degree and I was wondering when I should stop dancing, I don't want to hurt the baby or anything." I said wincing slightly. I just hoped that if I was a month gone that I hadn't already done some damage because I didn't know.
"Well if your body's used to dancing then there's no reason for you to stop at all. You can dance right up to your due date but you just need to be careful when circling your hips as that can sometime cause problems, but if you're a trained dancer then even that should be fine. Things like that very rarely cause problems to people like you, it's only really people that aren't used to exerting themselves in that way that need to be careful during pregnancy." he smiled reassuringly.
Wow did that mean I could finish until the end of the semester? It was only another four months away then at least I would have completed two years and not stopped half way through my second year.
"So I don't need to drop out of college? I could dance until the summer?" I asked needing to make sure I understood everything right.
"I see no problem with that at all." he said nodding along.
I looked at Ethan and he grinned happily and gave my hand a little squeeze. He turned back to the doctor. "Is there some way we could find out how far along she is?" he asked hopefully.
"We usually go by the date of the l
ast menstrual cycle for now, that's a rough enough guide at this stage. When you're twelve weeks they'll give you a ultrasound scan and that will then give you the exact time of conception almost down to the day." he said smiling.
"Can't we get a scan done today?" Ethan asked looking at him hopefully.
"Well it's not standard practice."
"I know, but Trent said that you'd give us anything we needed. Well we need to know how far along Lia is and the due date if that's possible." Ethan said a little more forcefully.
The doctor sighed and nodded picking up his phone and calling through to someone to arrange an ultrasound. While he was talking Ethan brought my hand to his lips kissing the back of it lightly a happy smile on his face. I loved making him happy and my heart skipped a beat.