There are nods of agreement as they move toward the door. Nic and Mike are already in the hallway when Marco pauses beside me. He inclines his head in Jacey’s direction before saying under his breath, “I’m sorry about that. Shocked the hell out of me. Wasn’t much point in denying anything since she wouldn’t have believed a word of it.”
I clap him on the shoulder, giving him a weary smile. “It’s fine, brother. Thanks for being here. Watch your back.”
“Always do,” he says, before frowning. “Well, except for that whole poisoning thing.” He joins the others, still muttering under his breath.
I shut the door and lean wearily against it for a moment. She’s watching me. Can’t deal with anything else right now. I know it’s childish, but instead of approaching her, I veer toward the bedroom and directly into the bathroom. I turn on the shower, letting the water heat while I remove my clothing. So much blood. I’ve never been more grateful to have a roomy shower with a bench seat built into the wall. I adjust the showerhead and let the water cascade over me as I lean my head back and attempt to make sense of this latest mindfuck. As close as I am to Nic, Mike, and Marco, we don’t talk about the fucked side of what they do for the family. They’re not your garden-variety thugs, so they don’t spend their days and nights killing. Taken a life? Undoubtedly. An innocent one? No. My father didn’t operate that way, and I have no reason to believe that Rutger does either. The Morettis primarily run a diverse and varied operation. There are legitimate businesses, but there are also some lucrative ones that are not. It is those that pay off the most but provide the biggest risks. And along with that comes the type of people who are necessary to deal with. The ones who will kill to protect their turf and those looking to attain money and power by stealing it from another. Nic, Mike, and Marco primarily provide protection when engaging with them. I have little doubt they’ve seen far more in their line of work than I have in my limited capacity with the family.
There was very little chance I would have left Caulder alive tonight. Taking a life is not my first inclination. Ever. I could have ruined him financially or made him suffer by stripping away everything he owned, but a man like that wouldn’t have left town with his tail tucked between his legs. No, as a general rule, the more evil the man, the more reckless. He made the connection between Jacey and me when he saw her at the compound. Even with her dark hair, with Clint calling her name loudly when she panicked, he recognized her. I probably said her name as well. He left knowing, and there was no way around it. Jacey would have been back on his radar. Hell, a woman such as her probably never left it. He might not have gone after her immediately, but he most certainly would have started digging around. Hunter Wrenn basically gave Caulder his daughter, jerked her away, and then took a chunk of his business as well. Getting revenge would have appealed to the piece of shit.
Leaving him alive hadn’t been an option. Quite simply, it had come down to him or Jacey. There was no way I’d let him hurt her again. And he would have. I never want to see that look of terror on her face again. If ridding the world of one sadistic fucker is what it takes, then I’ll do it every time. Any man who gets his kicks out of hurting women doesn’t deserve to draw a breath. No choice. And that’s what it came down to. Yes, I was beyond furious, but once Marco stopped me, I took time to think. I have the right and the obligation to protect those I love.
Love?
What the…
Do I even know the true meaning of love? The purest love I’ve ever felt is in that damn dream. Was she so intertwined with the girl in the dream that I can no longer separate fantasy from reality?
No. I’ve always seen her.
I relax as I acknowledge the truth of it. My response each time Jacey’s near can’t be denied. I have feelings for her—strong ones. I’m not sure if either of us really knows how to love in the way that romantic love is portrayed. But who-the fuck-ever said that everyone is supposed to be the same?
I turn off the water and get out of the shower, feeling more at peace with that part of my life. As for whoever beat me to Caulder, that’s on the back burner until tomorrow. There’s nothing I can add that hasn’t been said or suggested. Considering conspiracy theories will add nothing but a sleepless night, and I need to recharge for the game ahead. Because I’m done. I want this over with, and I’m ready to do whatever it takes to accomplish that. But for now, fuck it all. I’ll sleep, and it will be with Jacey in my arms. I need her softness. The comfort I feel when her body is tight against mine.
I just need her.
Tonight, that’s as close to heaven as I can get.
12
Jacey
I use the other bathroom to shower since Tony isn’t coming out of the one in the bedroom anytime soon. No doubt he needs some time alone. Not that I can blame him, considering the night he’s had. Neither of us is used to living with someone else in such close quarters, so I take my time as well to give him some privacy. Half an hour has passed when I walk softly into the now darkened bedroom. I tug the short T-shirt I’m wearing down farther, wishing I’d put on my pajama pants. I’ll need to go to my apartment for clothing tomorrow. I have one clean suit left to wear to the office, but that’s pretty much it. The lamp on my side of the bed is still on, but his is off. He’s lying on his back with one arm over his head and the other resting at his waist. I creep across the room and do my best not to disturb him as I ease my way under the cover before flipping off the light. I don’t know why, but the darkness seems oppressive tonight. Despite my good intentions, I shift around as I attempt to push away my unease. I almost jump out of my skin when a hand touches my arm. “What’s wrong? You seem nervous.” How can he possibly know that?
Even to my own ears, my voice sounds unnaturally high when I say, “Oh, no. I’m fine. Just trying to get comfortable. You know how that is.”
His sigh says he doesn’t believe a word. The bed shakes as he moves. Then his body bumps against my side. “Come here, Duchess. If there was ever a need for a fucking cuddle, it’s now.” He doesn’t have to tell me twice. I make a few awkward maneuvers before ending up with my head on his chest and one arm around his waist. His arm comes around me, and I’m snuggled in a warm cocoon that smells amazing. “Better?” he asks, sounding faintly amused.
“Mmm, much.” I love feeling his skin beneath me. Without thinking, my fingertips begin drawing lazy circles across his stomach—marveling at his hard abs. Not an ounce of fat there. I circle his belly button, completely lost in the moment.
I’m not a virgin…far from it. I had a few short relationships in college. I intentionally block out the men I slept with at my father’s directive. But this is the first time I’ve ever really felt the desire to explore a man’s body. And unlike past experiences, I don’t want to stop. In fact, I feel as if it will cause me physical pain if I do.
Tony’s voice is strained when he asks shakily, “Duchess, what are you doing?” My hand is on his lower stomach now, just inches away—
“I don’t know,” I murmur truthfully. What am I doing? Must stop.
But I can’t.
Something inside me needs this heady feeling of control. I know Tony isn’t the type of man I should have some kind of sexual therapy session with, but I want this. I need it in a way I don’t fully understand. Then my fingers close around him, and instead of fear, there’s only wonder.
I want him. The throbbing between my legs tells me I’m not imagining it.
“Jacey,” he hisses but doesn’t attempt to pull away. Instead, his hips lift as a ragged groan escapes him.
As much as I want to make him come in this unguarded way, my body is humming with desire. I remove my hand, wiggle out of my panties, and scramble onto my knees until I’m straddling him. His cock rests against the curve of my ass. “I want you, Tony,” I breathe.
His hands come to my hips, holding me in place. “Need condom,” he mutters in frustration.
I laugh. I can’t help it. Something about that is funny. I
glance down, able to make out the outline of his face in the dark. “Really? Of all the things that might kill us, you’re worried about an STD?”
“Fuck, no,” he growls. “I’ve been tested and so have you. But you could get pregnant.”
“I’m still on the pill. Damn, Moretti, this whole safe-sex discussion isn’t very mobster-like of you. You’re kind of ruining the whole spontaneous moment we were having.” Before I can even process what is happening, he picks me up by my waist, positions me just so, and impales me on his hard length. I cry out in surprise, and he freezes.
“Duchess, are you all right? Fuck, you make me so crazy. I didn’t think.”
Oh, my God. I am perfectly fine. And amazed. I stretch to accommodate his size. I’m not experiencing discomfort, but rather an adjustment to the unfamiliar fullness. Tingles of pleasure are shooting through me, and I smile at the gorgeous man beneath me. This feels right. “I’m good,” I assure him.
He lifts his hand and strokes the side of my cheek, and I can honestly say the look in his eyes is awe.
When looking at me.
After the day we’ve had…
Only this man.
I can tell he’s still concerned, so I go with something ridiculous. “You know we could avoid this next time if you give me a little warning before you shove your dick inside me. Something like, ‘Hey, Duchess, batten down the hatches, I’m coming inside.’”
He’s shaking. I’m certain he’s not crying, so I figure he’s found my humor funny. “And I’m ruining the moment, Duchess? You sound like you work on a loading dock somewhere. I’ll admit, though, it’s kind of hot.”
I pull my T-shirt over my head and toss it on the floor. Then I lift my hips just enough to get his attention and lower once again. His indrawn breath tells me I’ve more than got it. I force out a loud yawn and stretch my arms over my head. “I’m pretty tired now. Could we pick this up later? Maybe next week? I have to work tomorrow, and it’s getting late.”
I smirk at when he grunts, “No fucking way,” before tightening his grip on my hips and raising me several inches, then bringing me back down again. I moan at the exquisite feeling coursing through me. He sets an easy rhythm, and we move perfectly in sync. After a few moments, I grow impatient, needing more. Harder. I doubt this man has ever held back like this, and for the first time, I want him to take charge. I want my body to be his. I kick upward with my legs, and his hands drop away, letting me take the lead, which turns out to be better than imagined. Because now that he’s not guiding my movements, his hands are free to roam. He cups my breasts, then rolls the nipples between his thumb and forefinger. I’ve never known how sensitive they were. His fingers dance over my nipples, and I’m struggling to keep focused. I feel him everywhere. I throw my head back and lean into his hands more, loving the way he’s touching me. Caressing me. The soft touches against the hard pulls. Pleasure. Pain. I’m tingling everywhere. It’s never been like this. The grunts he’s making and his ragged breaths.
“God, you’re so fucking sexy, Duchess. Want you so bad.” Then he drops one hand between my legs to where we join and begins rubbing my clit.
“Ride me, beautiful. Ride me hard. However you want me.”
His words. His touch. His body flexing beneath mine. The warmth of his skin beneath my hands. I’ve never come during intercourse before, so I’m in shock as my orgasm approaches. I’m coated in a fine sheen of sweat. The sound of our slick bodies coming together is intoxicating. I look at his face, and what I see nearly tips me over. This strong, amazing man is looking at me in...wonder. Me... Then his thumb, coated in my essence, presses firmly on my clit. “Tony…I’m, God, yes,” I shriek as my body spasms around him. His hands are back on my hips as he pulls me down harder while thrusting upward. The added stimulation is enough to send me over once again. A few moments later, his harsh exclamation tells me that he’s found his own release. It’s probably not what you’re supposed to do in the afterglow, but I collapse on his chest in a limp heap. I’m too tired to even separate myself from him, so I’m grateful when he gently lifts me off. Holy shit. Is that what sex is meant to be like?
“Wore you out, didn’t I, Duchess?” he asks, then laughs before smacking my ass lightly. I don’t have the energy to protest, so he can do whatever he wants to it. Wait, not that. To my surprise, he keeps me in his arms and maneuvers to the edge of the bed before getting to his feet. “We’ll take a quick shower before we crash,” he explains as he moves toward the bathroom.
“I don’t have the energy,” I protest sleepily.
“Unless you want to sleep in the wet spot all night, I think you’ll appreciate it. Don’t worry, I’ll do most of the work.” And he does. He puts me in the shower, keeps an arm around me, and washes first me, then himself. It occurs to me that I should feel awkward about him seeing me naked. The bedroom was dark, but that isn’t the case now. I probably look like a homeless person, but I don’t have it in me to care. When you practically maul a guy in bed, it’s a little late to have an attack of nerves after the fact. Besides, I might be on the thin side, but the girls are still perky and where they’re supposed to be. Plus, I’ve had a recent wax job, so I don’t look like a yeti down there. Wait, when did I last shave my legs? Shit. Okay, so maybe there was a little extra hair in places, but he didn’t seem to mind. And if the way he constantly had a hand on my ass was any indication, he approved of that area. I’ve often wondered how things would be between us when and if we ever had sex. A part of me has feared it would be as disappointing as all my experiences have been. That night, when Caulder…
I block it.
I will not let him ruin this for me.
He took too much of my fucking life. I refuse to give him another second of it.
Even though it was fast and furious at the end, tonight was perfect. I was comfortable enough to joke around. I had no idea I could ever be that way with a man—especially during sex. But with Tony, everything was easy. So natural and effortless.
Tony Moretti is the right man for me at this point in my life. I want more, but I won’t presume he’ll want me when this is all over. He’s shown me something I didn’t believe exists. Sex isn’t simply an act of going through the motions. Or trying to go somewhere else in your head until it was over. No, it can be fun, exciting, fulfilling, and everything else written about in books that I’ve never believed existed. As Tony dries me and leads me back to bed, I have only one thought left in my head: maybe there is someone out there other than a child who could love me unconditionally.
And I allow myself to feel something I gave up on long ago.
Hope.
13
Tony
“You two finally did the deed, didn’t you?” Marco smirks in a way that makes me want to punch him. Bastard. “You forget I read people for a living. Not necessarily to see if they’d had sex with their crush.”
“Who had sex?” Nic asks as he walks in the door of the club with Mike trailing a few steps behind. “I can tell you who hasn’t lately.” He grimaces.
“Are you referring to me?” Mike asks, looking up from his phone. “Not that it’s any of your business, Nicoli, but I had relations with a nice lady a few nights back. And before you ask, no, I will not tell you her name. I had no clue that you were not as fortunate. I’ll be happy to give you some advice if you’d like.”
“What the fuck?” Nic groans. “You’ve been out getting lucky, dude, while I’ve been sitting at home watching reruns of Jeopardy?” He looks at us incredulously. “What is wrong with this picture, gentlemen? Who would you have said was the least likely to have gotten laid?”
Marco glances at me and grins before looking at Nic once more. “Well, apparently that would be you, buddy.”
Nic narrows his eyes at Marco before saying, “Well, at least I’m home relaxing instead of riding by Nina Gavino’s place a dozen times a night in hopes of seeing her out walking the neighbor’s dog.” He leans a hip against the bar and lifts a brow, “So
tell us, oh ladies’ man, what’s the grand plan? You see her, park your car, and start strolling down the sidewalk? Pretend you were in the area?” Shaking his head, he adds, “Dude, you were as sick as a dog at her place. You can’t come back from that—ever. In her mind, you’ll always be the guy who nearly shit his pants in front of her. Wait…that didn’t actually happen, did it?”
The humor has long since fled from Marco’s face as he glares at the other man. “Mind your own fucking business, Nicoli. Your time at home would be better spent brushing up on your barbecue skills. I mean, after that embarrassing loss to Tommy, it’s obvious there’s work to do.”
Despite my irritation over Marco’s weirdly intuitive guess that Jacey and I slept together, I can’t help smiling. He’s hit Nic where it hurts—his cooking skills. Over a year later and he hasn’t gotten over losing to Tommy. “Guys,” I interrupt, attempting to break this up before they draw their fucking guns on each other. From the look on Nic’s face, that’s a possibility.
I’ve never been more grateful to hear the door open and see Lee walking in. “This isn’t over, asshole,” Nic snaps at Marco…but wisely decides to let it go for now. Apparently even he doesn’t want to look like a whiny little bitch in front of Lee.
Handshakes and hugs are exchanged, and we head to my office. I had one of my guys pick up some sandwiches and drop them off, so by unspoken agreement, we eat first, making small talk until everyone finishes. I get to my feet and lean against a nearby wall so I can see everyone easier. It’s much the way I handle staff meetings in the club when I attend them. I’m in no way the authority figure here—we’re all equals in my mind. But it’s simply the way I’m most comfortable. When I open my mouth to tell him about Jeremy Caulder, I realize that Lee needs to know why I was after Caulder. Fuck. This is going to require an explanation I’m not comfortable with. Lee needs to know what Jacey has been through and why, but it doesn’t make me feel any better about it, though. She’s already shared things with me that were technically none of my business. And in turn, I’ve told Marco, Nic, and Mike deeply personal and humiliating things about her. There simply is no choice, though. Lee must know—not only because of the possibility of a link between Caulder’s murder and our current investigation but also because of his hostility toward her. He thinks she’s a cold-hearted bitch who turned her back on her sister long ago. The woman he loves wouldn’t exist right now without her. Lee appears relaxed as he always does, but I know it’s an illusion. His mind is usually firing off in a dozen different directions. He is the most intelligent man I’ve ever known, and that’s saying a lot, considering my father and Victor were brilliant in my eyes. “There have been some new developments since we spoke last.” Then knowing no way to sugarcoat it, I get right to the point. “Jeremy Caulder was murdered.”