He’d texted her the hour before because until yesterday she’d been planning to come with him, and hell, he knew it was too soon, but he asked if she was up for seeing everyone anyway. If maybe they could talk. He’d deleted the part where he told her he missed her before sending it, because he really didn’t want to be that guy. She texted back, because she was Sarah and she probably didn’t want to be that girl who refused to acknowledge someone just because he was the dick who’d turned down the most precious gift she had to offer.
Her answer was what he’d expected. She didn’t think it was a good idea.
No surprise, but for all Max’s experience with women, he had no fucking clue what to do next except wait it out. Everything would be better once they could get back to being friends after a few weeks’ time. Until then, he’d have some explaining to do.
Sean was on the phone down the hall. Giving him a quick wave, Max let himself into Jase’s place and took a hit of the garlic-and-onion-laced air. Damn, Brody was cooking. Sarah would have loved this. Everyone was in the kitchen—Brody standing over the range, bitching about Jase’s kitchen equipment while Emily studied Brody’s culinary techniques and Jase leaned against a counter, studying his wife.
Molly grabbed a beer from the fridge, nodding at him with a warm smile. “Hey, Max, just catching everyone up. The roommate has vacated the premises.”
“No shit?” he asked, going in to ruffle her hair, because apparently he’d never grow out of annoying her, and that screwed-up smile-scowl of hers was the only thing that might ease the sucky feeling he’d had for the past twenty hours. “I didn’t know she’d decided to move.”
Spooning up a small taste from the pan, Emily shook her head. “She’s gone? What’s that for notice?”
His little sister shrugged, cranking the top off her beer and then taking a long swallow. “Yeah, well, she told me yesterday. I guess she and the boyfriend got swept up in their passion and decided they couldn’t bear being apart. Few hours later, the boyfriend was there with three of his friends, loading all her crap into his cousin’s pickup.”
“What about rent?” Max asked, his thoughts going to Sarah. Molly needed the money, which was why she hadn’t been too picky about who she let move in with her. He’d tried to convince her it would be worth the short-term loss in shared rent to hold out for the right roommate, but she never wanted to wait.
Only now Sarah was staying in Chicago, and Piper’s roommate was going to be back in October sometime—
“Looks like the transition’s going to be pretty seamless,” Molly replied, cutting off that train of thought. “The boyfriend has a buddy who happens to be looking for a place. Something about relationship trouble. He needs a room, and I’ve got one. So he’s moving in Wednesday when he gets his stuff back.”
The hair on the back of his neck stood up, and Max exchanged a look with Brody. “You’ve never even met the guy?”
“I met him this morning for a few minutes. He seems okay. Besides, it’s not like we’ll be hanging out all the time,” Molly said. Taking a swig of her beer, she propped a hip against the counter across from them. “I don’t need a buddy, Max. I just need someone to cover rent. And this guy’s willing to do it, so I’m good.” Then craning her neck to look past him, she asked, “When’s Sarah coming?”
It said a lot that Max was disappointed to see the end of a conversation about some unknown entity shacking up at his sister’s place. But damn, at least it had distracted him from thinking about Sarah for a little while.
“She couldn’t make it tonight,” he dodged as Brody went all deep focus on sautéing. Obviously he knew the score but wasn’t going to be the one to spill about the breakup.
Which left Jase, Molly, and Emily waiting on his answer. Two out of three sported DNA that ensured they were hardwired against letting him off with a cursory shrug and grunt. Max was looking at a bare-all situation. Shit.
“Yeah, what’s she up to?” Molly shot him a little-sister look and added, “Hot date?”
The bands of muscles across his chest constricted. “She wasn’t really feeling up to it.”
Jase nodded and reached for a pretzel.
Damn, he loved that guy.
Sean sailed in all smiles, snagging a baby carrot from the platter on the counter. “Sorry ’bout that. When Dad calls… You know how it goes. What’d I miss?”
Lifeline! Max was a breath away from throwing Molly under the bus by sharing her new roommate status with Sean—who was guaranteed to get all over her about it—when Emily proved why she couldn’t score one-of-the-guys status.
“Sarah isn’t coming? Is she sick?” she asked, genuine concern in her voice.
“Who, Sarah?” Sean shook his head. “She’s not sick. At least she wasn’t when I left her at seven this morning. Sure, she looked a little sleepy.” Popping the carrot into his mouth, he grinned. “Don’t think she got quite enough sleep last night.”
Max didn’t move. He didn’t breathe. He was vaguely aware of the clatter of kitchen tongs hitting a pot, and all eyes shifting from Sean to Max.
Jesus Christ. He turned to Sean. “She was working at seven?”
A nod. “No idea when she actually got in, but she was there when I showed up at six.” He shrugged. “She’s got a lot going on with work right now.” Then seeming to think better, he gave Max a pointed look while holding up a warning finger. “But before you get any ideas about putting the beatdown on me, I told her to go home. Not my fault she wouldn’t listen.”
Rubbing at the ache in the center of his chest, Max wanted to puke thinking about that early retreat to work, wondering how long she’d been there before Sean arrived. If her fallback in times of stress had helped any.
Sean had said that Sarah looked tired. Did that mean her eyes were red? Had she been crying?
Christ, he wanted to call her. Go over there and put his arms around her. But even he had enough cognitive brain function to recognize that he’d be doing it for himself. She’d asked him for time.
Max couldn’t give Sarah what she thought she wanted, but he could at least give her this.
“Max, man, you all right?” Jase asked, suddenly standing in front of him, concern furrowing his brow. “Everything okay with you guys?”
Ahh shit.
Chapter 18
The day was dragging on forever, which made the week since Max had dropped her at her door the longest in history. Piper had kicked around with Sarah for a few hours earlier in the afternoon, but once she skipped out for a pottery class, thirty minutes in the apartment alone was all Sarah managed before the walls began pressing in and thoughts of Max squeezed her too tight.
Hoping to leave that sense of claustrophobic wrongness behind, she opted for a walk on the lakefront.
The evening air was cooling fast, a blanket of cloud cover pulling low across the sky. She made it to the lake before the first drops fell. It was just a sprinkle, and each small splash against her cheeks and brow felt refreshing. The smart thing would have been to head back, but she hadn’t exactly been making the best decisions regarding when to say when. Why start now?
She kept walking, taking the winding paths through the parks and beyond the harbors. Past the beaches and breakwaters.
She thought about Max. The way it had felt being in his arms. In his bed. In his lap when he’d been playing with her hair while they shared a beer and talked late into the night.
If only she’d been able to adhere to the rules, they might be together now. Even with her staying in Chicago, if she could have kept the relationship casual, there would have been no reason to end things.
She sighed, knowing the truth. That it only would have prolonged the inevitable. Eventually, fighting her feelings would have proven too much, and she’d have given in to her heart. Max was the kind of man she’d never been able to resist, but who had always been able to resist he
r.
Her throat ached, bruised from too many days of fighting her heartbreak. And failing.
When the first tears breached her lids, mingling with the wetness on her cheeks, she stopped walking and just stood where she was, looking out over the turbulent waters of Lake Michigan.
What was it that made her such an easy pass?
Her phone chirped with a message. Wiping her eyes, she laughed, that broken feeling easing at the sight of Molly’s text.
UR wk of sulky alone time is up. Be @ UR place in 15. No arguments. U can dump my brother. But if U want to brkup w me, U have 2 do it face 2 face. Expect ugly tears. PS don’t break my heart ;-p
Sarah stared at her phone a second longer, then starting to walk, she texted back.
I have a bottle of wine and a bag of frozen pot stickers. Better give me 30.
Molly was waiting in the sheltered doorway when Sarah made it back to her building.
“You’re freaking nuts,” Molly announced, waving a hand at where rain streamed from Sarah’s hair and down her face to the water sloshing out of her shoes with every step. “I like it though. That’s my kind of crazy you’re rocking.”
The laugh that slipped free felt good, and Sarah just shrugged. “I needed some fresh air, you know?”
“More than you’d believe. But before we get into that, are we good?” Molly asked, a tragic look on her face, but that same glint of amusement in her eyes that made Sarah love being around her. “I mean Max is a ween, obviously, but whatever happens with you guys, he wouldn’t want us to stop being friends. That said, who cares what he wants? I want to know about you and me. Like how hard I’m going to have to fight for this bramance, because I kinda think we have a good thing going here. I mean, do I need to make some grand gesture to win you back? Storm out into that rain and kiss you full on the mouth, Notebook-style? Or are we good?”
Sarah laughed and, feet squishing with every step, walked up to Molly, whose eyes had gone saucer wide. “Oh shit. You’re going to hug me now.”
And that was just what Sarah did, giggling as Molly squealed and shivered in her wet hold, trying to get away and threatening everything from murder to food poisoning before Sarah finally released her and unlocked the door. “We’re good. Come on up.”
* * *
Max swallowed the last of his burger and stacked his napkins and silverware on the empty plate for Molly who was working that night.
“Thanks, Max,” she said, circling the table to clear. “You sure you don’t want a beer or something?”
“I’m good. Playing with power tools later, so no booze for me.” He needed the activity to wear him down and keep his focus off the brunette he couldn’t see.
“Good plan.” Then looking across to Emily, Molly asked, “Are we meeting at your place tomorrow?”
Emily swirled a fry through her ketchup, making the pattern of…a heart? “We were, but Jase and I are going out west to see his parents in the morning. Not sure we’ll be back early enough. Lena said you and Sarah should just go over to her place, and if I’m running late, I’ll catch you at the bookstore.”
He wasn’t going to ask, didn’t need to know. But fuuuck, it was driving him nuts that apparently everyone got to hang out with Sarah except for him.
One more week. That was when their agreed-upon space cushion got popped and they could get back to being friends the way they were supposed to be. He could wait. He could be cool.
“So what are you girls up to tomorrow?” Damn, maybe being cool was still a little beyond his ability.
Emily had turned her plate and shoulder-bumped her husband, who was looking down at the ketchup heart like she’d just delivered him a Maserati. She turned back to Max. “One of our favorite authors is going to be over at this little indie shop. She’s doing a reading and then signing books after.”
Molly reached for Emily’s plate, but Jase held her off until he’d snapped a picture with his phone. Jesus.
“Nice. Have a good time.” He totally sounded like he meant it and not like some jealous, petty wuss who wanted in on what seemed like the most boring way to kill an afternoon ever.
Pushing back from the table, Max tossed a couple of bills down to cover his meal and Molly’s tip. “My new counters aren’t going to install themselves. I’m outta here. Have a good night, guys. Emily.”
“Later, Bro,” Molly offered with a jut of her chin before weaving her way back toward the kitchen.
Emily cast Jase a wink and he stood, telling Max to hold up. They walked to the front, stopping at the bar to bump knuckles with Brody before heading out into the cool September night.
“How’s it going?” Jase asked, walking a ways down from the door.
“Good, man. The place is really coming together. Getting started on the downstairs bathroom next.”
Jase held up a hand. “Sarah. I’m talking about things ending with Sarah. It’s been a couple of weeks, and you seem pretty chill about it being over.”
Yeah, that was what he’d been going for. His friends and nosy little sister didn’t need to know that he’d resigned himself to never sleeping again, or that he basically had a highlights reel of all things Sarah playing nonstop through his mind. Better to keep that shit to himself so it wasn’t weird once he got her back as his friend. “It is what it is. You know me. I don’t get too attached.”
Not to most girls anyway.
With this one, he wasn’t entirely sure he’d ever completely let her go.
Jase looked down the street and let out a long breath. “Yeah, except what I meant was you seem pretty chill, until you don’t. Like when the girls mentioned going to that book thing with her. Suddenly you didn’t look very chill at all.”
Being a guy most people found hard to read, and generally intimidating enough that they might not even want to try, Max sometimes forgot just how easy it was for his buddies to see right through him. Letting out a slow breath, he admitted, “I miss her.”
“I remember that feeling. Sucks, huh?” Before Jase and Emily had gotten it right, the guy had about gone out of his mind when they’d broken up. It had been ugly on an epic scale. Way worse than how Max was handling his shit. Which made sense, because Jase and Emily were meant for forever and Max and Sarah were meant to be something else.
“You guys seemed good together,” Jase added. “On a lot of levels. You talking to her at all?”
Max grimaced. “No. I got another week still.”
When Jase didn’t say anything, Max looked up and found his buddy staring at him with a perplexed expression on his face. “A week for what?” Jase asked.
“She said she needed space before she could do the friends thing. She said a few weeks. A few equals three. It’s been two.”
“And then you’re just going to check in and see how she’s feeling? See if she’s interested in trying to hang out as friends again?”
Max wasn’t nuts about the tentative way Jase was suggesting it. “Trust me, it’s going to be fine.”
“Uh-huh. And you’re going to be okay with being just friends too?”
“Yeah, man.” The attraction had been there back in school, and they’d managed friends just fine.
“So no problem, you know, not putting your hands all over her when you see her, leaving her mouth alone, and by that I mean not staring at it like a starving man would a gyro from that place down by Cubby Bear?”
Max shifted, thoughts of Sarah’s mouth flooding his mind.
“Being cool when she starts to date the next guy,” Jase went on. “You’re thinking all that isn’t going to be a problem.”
Fuck yeah, it was going to be a problem. But Max wanted her too much to let something like his inner caveman get in the way of Sarah having the kind of life she wanted. He’d be happy to have her in his life the only way he really could.
“No. No problem at all
.”
A slap on his shoulder was Jase’s only response. They both knew he was lying. So what? He was doing the right thing.
* * *
Saturdays sucked. Flopping back in bed, Sarah stared out at the early-morning light hitting the building next door and tossed her comforter off with a sigh. Sure, she was lucky enough to have made friends who were awesome at reminding her there were a million things in her new city to fill her time, but even if she’d managed to book every minute of every day, it wouldn’t have been enough to fill that aching, empty place inside her. The place that seemed to get that much bigger every time she thought of Max.
The reading the weekend before had been fantastic. Watching Molly go all fangirl on the author, asking her to sign the page where her favorite scene started and then pulling out a book that looked like she’d read it maybe six or seven hundred times was unforgettable. Especially because this author wrote scorching-hot romance, and they all knew exactly which scene that dog-eared page marked.
She’d wanted to tell Max about the way his sister’s hands had shaken, and how for the first time since she’d met her, Molly had been at a total loss for words, barely able to speak. She’d wanted to feel that gruff laugh rumble from his chest while he was holding her close. And then she’d wanted to find a quiet place and whisper in his ear all the crazy-hot things that scene described. She wanted Max to make her feel the way he had until that last day together.
She wanted Max. End of story.
Why wasn’t it getting easier? And why was Sean such a raging hemorrhoid, banning her from the office or even logging into her hotel files on the weekends? So she’d been spending a few dozen extra hours there each week. Big freaking deal.
Not that working would have really helped. For the first time in her life, her work woobie wasn’t capable of soothing away her problems. The fact that she was still feeling the loss of her relationship with Max as acutely three weeks post-breakup as she had that first night was a problem.
Her phone vibrated on the nightstand.