It was Max. She sat up straighter, her heart doing a little stutter step as she read his text. He was downstairs but didn’t want to wake Piper by buzzing up. And he wanted to talk.
Five minutes later, Sarah had brushed her teeth and hair and thrown on a pair of jeans and a chunky sweater. She’d wiped away the evidence of the tears that had sprung to her eyes and the surge of emotion at seeing his message. If there was any red left, she’d blame it on having just rolled out of bed. No reason to clarify that she’d already been awake for hours.
The morning air was fresh and cool, the sky a brilliant blue. The trees had turned, and everywhere she looked, bits of russet, burgundy, and gold were catching in the breeze and tumbling down the otherwise quiet sidewalks. It was a beautiful start to the day. Max was waiting beside his bike in an open, black leather jacket and broken-in jeans. One hand was stuffed in his pocket, the other pulling off his aviators and giving her an unobstructed view of those gorgeous gray eyes she was terrified she’d never get over.
He looked too good.
“Hey, Sarah, thanks for coming down,” he said without making a move toward her. Which was probably the appropriate thing to do, even if her body was begging her to step into his. “Any chance we could go grab some breakfast and talk?”
Her stomach churned and she wrapped an arm around it, trying to steady herself. Trying not to get her hopes up that he was there with a change of heart. But all she could hear was the single thought bouncing around her head over and over.
Please.
She looked at the bike behind him and the two helmets resting on the seat. It was almost as tempting as the man himself, but without knowing what Max wanted to talk about, wrapping herself around him probably wasn’t the best idea.
“Why don’t we head down to Southport for a coffee. I wouldn’t mind a walk.”
Max nodded, his eyes intent, his smile genuine. “Damn, it’s good to see you, Sarah.”
Her throat felt thick, and for a moment she wasn’t sure she’d be able to hold it together. Because yes, it was so good to see him too.
They walked quietly at first, Max asking her about the new job and whether she’d started looking at apartments. She told him about the handful of places she’d looked at the week before with Julia who worked in sales, and how Emily had a friend who was moving at the end of the month, and she planned to go check the place out on Monday. Sarah asked about the progress on the brownstone. Their answers were brief. Polite. Strained in a way conversation between them had never been.
Max cleared his throat, looking down at her from the opposite side of the sidewalk. “Gotta admit I’ve actually gotten a ton finished on the place. But mostly because I didn’t have anything I wanted to do more.” He stopped walking and brushed a bit of flyaway hair from her face. That touch. So small, but it was the spark that started a chain reaction throughout her body. “I’ve missed you, Sarah.”
Her heart hurt from thumping so hard, from the swell of emotion rising up inside her. “I’ve missed you too.”
The thin curve of Max’s mouth widened into a full smile. Reaching for her, he pulled her toward him, and this time Sarah couldn’t contain the small gasp of relief as his arms closed around her. It felt so right. “I hate not being able to see you,” he growled, his cheek pressed into her hair. “How about we agree not to let anything like this get in the way of us being friends again, huh?”
Friends.
Sarah blinked. She tried to swallow, but her throat was suddenly too tight. Slowly, her hands came up between them, breaking his hold, and she stepped back. Eyes on the concrete beneath her feet, she quietly stated what she only wished was a question: “Your feelings haven’t changed since the last time we talked.”
Neither of them moved, but she could feel the growing distance in that space between them.
“Sarah, I meant what I said.” When she still hadn’t looked at him, he caught her chin with the crook of his finger and brought her gaze to his. “The time we spent together was incredible, and I’d never want to take it back. But going forward, we’re meant to be friends.”
The handsome face so close to hers blurred as tears pushed to her lids. The last clear image she had was Max’s expression of shock. Like he couldn’t understand how what he’d said might still be difficult for her.
“I don’t think I can do this,” she whispered brokenly as she closed her eyes and the first tears fell.
“What?” One word, harshly issued.
How could he not understand? How could he not feel the same way?
“Max, when you showed up this morning, I thought maybe things had changed. That you realized you wanted us.”
His measured breath brought her eyes up, the unease written in the lines of his face breaking her heart.
“I’m sorry. I wanted to see you. As friends. I didn’t mean to—”
“I know you didn’t. You wouldn’t,” she said, cutting him off and digging deep to regain her composure. “But I just don’t think I’m ready to spend time with you like this.”
His arms crossed, a furrow digging deep between his brows. “But it’s been three weeks.”
Her chin pulled back. “I said I needed some time.”
“You said a few weeks. Sarah, we’re going to be friends. Those complications we gave up trying to dodge three months ago have bred like bunnies. We’ve got too many people in common to think anything else is an option. We’re going to see each other.”
“I’m not talking about social situations, Max. I’m talking about you and me alone. Talking and walking. Your arms around me. The way you look at me, and how it makes me feel. I get that there’s a disconnect somewhere in there. That your intent doesn’t match my expectations, and it isn’t your fault, but it still hurts. I love you. And I’m glad that you’re able to move past everything so easily, but I can’t—”
“Easily? Are you kidding me, Sarah? I’ve been counting down the days, waiting to see you again. It’s been killing me to be cut off from one of my best friends.”
“Best friends?” she coughed out incredulously. “We’ve only been together a few months, how can you say that—?” She left the rest of her question unsaid…and not love me.
The firm, unyielding stance was gone, and Max was all motion, pacing the three-foot square of concrete beneath his feet, his hands fisting, arms crossing and uncrossing. “Because it’s different with you, Sarah. It always has been. From fucking day one, and you know it.”
“It is different with you, and yes I do feel it. Because I love you!”
He was shaking his head, the muscle in his jaw working overtime. “You only think you do. Because you don’t have enough experience to see how sex muddies the emotional waters. It can make people think they feel more than is actually there.”
Throwing her hands up, she challenged, “Speaking from experience, Max?”
He scowled at her, though how this man could possibly think he had the right to be angry with her, she couldn’t fathom. “You know it doesn’t work like that with me. But with other people, especially women, sometimes they just think—”
“Save it.” Sometimes people fell in love. Even when they weren’t supposed to. And she didn’t need Max Brandt telling her she hadn’t just because it would be more convenient for him. “Look, I’m not really up for coffee anymore, but you should go and get one.” That way she could walk home without him and be inside her apartment before he got back to pick up his bike. The only thing this conversation was accomplishing was hurting her and pissing them both off.
“Sarah,” he said, reaching for her again, but she pulled away.
“I’m sorry, Max. But you and I don’t see eye to eye on this, and there isn’t one damn thing you can say to convince me my feelings aren’t real.”
He looked desperate, and then he just stopped. His expression cleared, and he nodded like he’
d finally figured this mess out. “You need to date someone else.”
Her breath froze in her lungs, and her aching heart skittered to an uneasy stop. No way was she hearing him right. “W-what?”
“You think this is real, but once you give yourself a chance to be with someone else, you’ll realize I was right. Sex has a way of skewing things. You planned on this from the start, right?”
What? She’d had a plan, yes. But that was before she realized she knew exactly what she wanted and she didn’t need to waste her time with men who would never measure up. Only now—
“You wanted more experience, Sarah. To do your research. Figure out what you really want, all that. And when you do, you’re going to see you don’t really want me the way you think you do. You just need some perspective.”
She was blinking too fast now, the short draws of breath she managed not nearly enough. “You want me to sleep with someone else.”
“I want you to stick to your plans.” Max was still talking. She could hear the low rumble of his voice, but as she turned and walked away, the only words she could hear were the ones that had nearly broken her four years before.
“Sarah, I get it. You’re pissed,” Cory said, pacing in front of the chair where she sat in the apartment she’d helped him pick out but that would never be theirs together. “It was a shitty thing for me to do. You caught me. I’m sorry.”
“Sorry, but only because I caught you.” Not for what he’d done. Not for betraying her or holding her to a standard he hadn’t applied to himself. “How could you? You were the one who wanted to wait until we were married. You. I offered myself to you, and you turned me down. Why?” Damn it, she didn’t want to cry. She didn’t want to care enough for tears. She’d already given him too much.
His jaw cocked to the side as he gave her an assessing look. After a moment, he seemed to relent. “Because I liked the idea of having a virgin for a wife. Because you’re precious to me. I love you.”
Love. It wasn’t supposed to feel this way, so one-sided. Where had she gone wrong? When?
“This is over, Cory. I’m leaving.”
“Sarah, come on,” he said, his tone gentle, his eyes pleading. His lies were so practiced she would never have been able to see through them if she hadn’t walked in on him herself. He reached for her hand, but she pulled away, his touch making her sick. “Don’t talk like that. Think about what you’d be throwing away here. Think about what we have.”
“What we have is a lie, Cory. If I could never think about it again, it would be too soon.”
“Okay, I deserve that. But we can work this out.”
It was like she hadn’t known this man she’d been about to pledge her life to at all. How could she have been so blind?
“Fine. To show you how much I love you, how much it means to me that we have this life we’ve been planning, I’ll let you even the score. Get some payback to take the sting out.”
She shook her head, at a loss for words. Payback? Sting?
“We don’t cancel the wedding. But I’ll give you a free pass between now and then. That’s how much I love you. That’s the kind of sacrifice I’m willing to make for our future.”
Sarah’s knuckles had whitened where she’d gripped the arms of her chair, trying to hold on in a world that suddenly seemed to have flipped on its side.
Cory was waiting, an expectant look in his murky brown eyes.
“A free pass?” It couldn’t be what she thought.
“Yeah, well, within reason. I think it’s only fair you use protection.”
She was going to be sick. She was going to—
She started to laugh. “That’s how much you love me?” she demanded. “Enough that you’re willing to let me go screw a few randoms to even the score between us?” To throw away the thing he’d made her feel was so special. So precious to him. To them.
Never in her life had she felt less special. Less valued. Less respected.
And never would she feel that way again.
Chapter 19
Max had been sitting at the kitchen table since the new bathroom fixtures were delivered shortly after three, and before that, hell, he didn’t even know what he’d done. Nothing but think about Sarah and how differently he’d thought the day would go. He’d been so sure that after three grueling weeks without her, they’d be able to fall into the kind of friendship he didn’t have to worry about giving up. How stupid could he be?
That was what the looks Jase had been giving him were about. Now he got it.
Trying to throw himself into his work on the house, he’d gotten as far as cutting the packaging open before shoving the box back with a growl. He hadn’t moved since. It was hard to muster much enthusiasm about a few hunks of metal with Sarah’s tears burned into his mind.
Christ, the look in her eyes when she’d asked him if he wanted her to sleep with another guy. The betrayal and hurt spilling down her cheeks were almost worse than knowing that while, fuck no, he didn’t want another guy to so much as hold her hand, let alone take her to bed, that was exactly what he’d been telling her to do. And whether it had been her original plan or not, whether it was the right thing—he’d hurt her deeply by suggesting it.
His gut knotted, and he thought for the thousandth time about calling. Texting. Making sure she was okay. But he already knew the answer to that question. She wasn’t. And it was because of him.
Slowly, he registered the knocking coming from the front door. His legs felt like lead as he forced one in front of the other until he was staring at his little sister on the other side of the glass.
He let her in and started back for the living room, where he dropped onto the couch. “What’s up, Molly?”
“Wow, Max, you look really bad,” she said hesitantly, following him in and parking in the new oversize chair he liked to sit in with Sarah on his lap. “Is this because of Sarah?”
“Things didn’t go the way I’d been expecting this morning.”
“But you guys broke up three weeks ago. You’ve pretty much looked fine until now. I mean a little grumpier, a little more quiet volcano-ish, but overall no train-wrecky, about-to-break-down-and-ugly-cry like this business.” She sat forward. “Seriously, I don’t think I can handle you ugly crying on me after the day I’ve had.”
He heaved a sigh and shook his head.
“Feeling kind of beat down?” she asked, and while her voice was gentle, Max caught something harder in those bright-blue eyes staring back at him. Something not quite right.
“Yeah,” he answered tentatively. “You could say that.”
Molly was out of her chair in a flash, her finger pointing in his face. “Good, you pathetic oaf. Because let me tell you, Big Brother, now you’ve done it!”
Jesus, he didn’t need this today. “I don’t have it in me to play word wars with you, Mol. What have I done?”
Her brow rose. “Okay, so let me spell it out for you. Sarah asked me to set her up on a date.”
It was like he’d taken a battering ram to the gut. Sucking a breath through gritted teeth, he forced his eyes open. “That’s good. She needs to move on.”
“Yeah.” Molly’s lips pursed as she eyed him. “I guess she does then.”
Max swallowed. Nodded. She was still looking at him like she was waiting for him to say something else. “Just make sure you pick a good guy. She deserves one.”
“Yeah, I would, Max,” she said, picking at her thumbnail. “But she told me she wasn’t looking for a good guy.”
His head snapped up. “What?”
“Yeah, apparently, all she wants is a guy. Good enough for one date.” Molly started walking for the door. “As it happens, I know one. They’re going out tonight.”
* * *
“Damn, girl, you are smokin’!” Piper exclaimed from the bathroom doorway as Sarah applied the finishing
touches to her makeup. A layer of lash-thickening mascara, and she was ready. Or as ready as she could be for a date she’d rashly demanded and now just wished she could cancel.
She glanced down at her knee-high leather boots, camel wool skirt, and thin, fitted cashmere V-neck. It was definitely date appropriate. “Not too much?”
“No way. It’s perfect.”
Sarah took a steadying breath, wishing there was more to do to get ready. She didn’t want time to think about how she’d found yet another man to love, only to discover how ready and willing he was to share her with someone else. At least with Cory, he’d cared enough to want her to come back to him after.
She had no business going out like this. Not when it was taking everything she had to keep the tears in check.
Her roommate cocked her head and gave Sarah a sympathetic look. “It’s just a date, Sarah. A couple of hours of company, right?”
“I know. I just—” She sighed, wrestling with the emotions trying to push to the surface. “I don’t know what I’m doing going out with this guy.”
It wasn’t like with Cory when she’d left and all she’d wanted was to prove she was done letting him hold her back. She’d thrown herself into her career with everything she’d been saving up for him. She’d come out with her head held high and a career that had fast-tracked her to working directly with the top players in the Wyse chain of hotels. She’d done all right.
But this?
The intercom buzzed, and Piper straightened. “You’re going to prove that you aren’t waiting around for some guy who doesn’t deserve you. I’ll get the door.”
Sarah smiled weakly and returned to her room to get her purse.
“Um, Sarah?” Piper called from down the hall, her voice strained. “Could you come out here, please?”
That made her wonder who Molly had set her up with.
Forcing her feet to move, Sarah stopped when she got to the front door. Piper was holding it three-quarters of the way closed, like she was not about to let this guy in.
What the heck?
Peeking around her friend, Sarah gasped. “Max?”