“Have I been feeding her?” Gloria said. I felt a small jolt of emotion—alarm, maybe—go through Trent.
“You haven’t fed her?”
“Don’t speak to me with that tone. I assumed there was food out for her somewhere. No one told me any different.”
“But … I just can’t believe you’d let a dog go hungry.”
“And that’s why you’re here. For the dog. Right.” An ugly emotion was coming off of Gloria, something like anger.
“Well … yeah. I mean…”
“You’re here because you think feeding the dog will get you in good with Clarity. I know you’ve got the hots for her.”
Trent took a deep breath and then let it out very slowly. “Come on, Molly,” he said quietly.
I followed Trent to the backyard gate, looking over my shoulder at Gloria when he stopped to open it. She was standing with her hands on her hips and staring me in the eyes. It made me frightened, the way she looked at me.
Trent took me to Rocky’s house and fed me. I was really hungry and growled at Rocky when he tried to get me to play before I was ready. When I was finished my belly was pleasantly full and I felt sluggish and just wanted to nap, but Rocky had a rope in his mouth and was running around in the yard as if I could never catch him, which of course was untrue. I ran over to him and grabbed the other end of the rope and we pulled each other around the yard. Trent was watching and he laughed, and when he did Rocky looked over at him, and I took advantage of the lapse in attention and yanked the rope away and took off, Rocky in hot pursuit.
That night Rocky and I lay together on the floor of Trent’s room, utterly exhausted. I’d momentarily forgotten about CJ in the battle for the rope, but now, in the dark room, I missed her and felt sad. Rocky sniffed me and nuzzled me and licked my mouth, eventually resting his head on my chest.
Trent left the next morning, and the way he did so—getting more and more hurried as he dressed, gathering papers—let me to conclude he was doing school. Rocky and I wrestled, played more with the rope, and dug a couple of holes in the backyard. When he returned home Trent fed us and spoke crossly to us as he played with the dirt, filling in the holes we’d made. Apparently we, or at least Rocky, were bad dogs for something, but we didn’t know what. Rocky stood with his head low and his ears down for a while, but then Trent petted him and everything was okay.
We were wrestling and Trent was in the house when the side gate clanged. Rocky and I barked, running over with our fur up, but I dropped my ears and charged joyously when I saw my girl standing there. “Molly!” she called happily. “Hi, Rocky!”
Rocky kept shoving that stupid rope in the way as CJ dropped to her knees and put her arms around me and kissed my face. Then Rocky whipped his head up and ran over to where Trent was coming out of the back door. Rocky greeted Trent as if he’d been gone as long as CJ, which was ridiculous.
“Down, Rocky. Hi, CJ.”
CJ straightened up. “Hi, Trent.”
Trent kept walking right up to CJ and hugged her. “Oh!” CJ said, laughing a little.
They got out the leashes for a walk! The leaves were falling from the trees and Rocky and I strained, dying to pounce on them as they skipped along in the breeze, but the leashes kept us in check.
I was so happy CJ was back, and, I realized, also really happy to be with Rocky and Trent. It was not up to me because I was just a dog, but as far as I was concerned we should just live here, at Trent’s house. If Gloria didn’t move in with us that would be okay with me as well.
There was a click and a flash of flame and then CJ’s mouth was full of the smoke from the small stick. “They won’t let you smoke in there. God,” she said. “The minutes went by so slowly you could practically hear them.”
“What was it like? Was it horrible?”
“Juvie? Not really. Just, I don’t know, strange. I lost about four and a quarter pounds, though, so that’s something good.” CJ laughed. “The guys are on the other side and we never see them, but we can hear them, all right. There’s a lot more of them than us girls. Most the girls in there were in trouble for doing something for their boyfriends, if you can believe it.”
“Like you,” Trent said quietly.
We were having such a great walk! When Rocky passed trees and bushes he had to stop to mark them, and I usually squatted in the same place because I could remember the same compulsion, though it wasn’t as important to me now.
“I didn’t know Shane was going to steal stuff.”
“You knew he was going to steal the test.”
“He was going to copy the test, not steal it. And it’s art history, not like math or something. God, you, too?”
Trent was quiet for a moment. “No, not me. Sorry.”
Rocky leaped on a blowing leaf and picked it up and tried to tease me with it, but once it was in his mouth it was just a leaf.
“So because I was on academic probation, I’m now on academic suspension. Big woo. And you’ve never seen so much paperwork. I’ll bet you international spies don’t have a file as thick as mine.”
“Suspended for how long?”
“Like, just this semester.”
“But that means you won’t graduate with the rest of us.”
“That’s okay. The outfits are ugly, anyway. Those hats? Come on. No, I’ll graduate at mid-year without pomp. It’s all been worth it for how mad it makes Gloria that she won’t be able to sit with all the parents and call attention to herself when they say my name.”
“And that’s it? Suspension?”
“Also community service. I picked the coolest thing—training dogs, service dogs.”
I looked up at her at the word “dog.” She dropped her hand to my head and petted me and I licked her fingers. “Good dog, Molly,” she said.
At the park they unsnapped our leashes and Rocky and I took off, gloriously happy in the cool air, free to race around the park, wrestling and running just as we did in the backyard. We could smell other dogs, but none came.
Dashing alongside my brother, I felt as full of energetic joy as when Bath punishment was over and I was allowed to jump on the furniture. Sometimes Rocky would stop and turn and look to see if Trent was still there. Rocky was a good dog. I could tell CJ was still there because the acrid smell of the smoke wafted off of her even when she wasn’t actively putting fire in her mouth.
Many people emitted the same smoky odor and I’d never much cared for it, but I loved the way it mingled with CJ’s unique scent because it was CJ. Still, I sometimes wished she still smelled the way she did as a baby, when I would sniff the top of her head, drinking her in. I loved that smell.
Rocky and I found a rotting squirrel corpse in the corner of the yard—I loved that smell, too! Before we could roll in it properly, though, Trent called us and we raced back. They put the leashes back on us—time for another walk!
At Rocky’s house, Trent and CJ stood by CJ’s car. I waited by the door, a little anxious that CJ might have forgotten that I was a front-seat dog.
“Good luck with your mom,” Trent said.
“She doesn’t care. She wasn’t even home when the taxi dropped me off.”
“Taxi? I would have picked you up.”
“No, you would have had to cut school. I don’t want to corrupt everyone with my criminal influence,” CJ said.
We took a car ride with me in the front seat. When we got home, a man was sitting with Gloria on the couch. I went over to sniff him, wagging, and he petted my head. Gloria stiffened and pulled her hands up. I didn’t sniff Gloria. CJ remained standing by the front door, so after greeting the man I went back over to be with her.
“Clarity, this is Rick. He has been very helpful during these difficult times you’ve put me through,” Gloria said.
“I have a teenage daughter,” Rick said. He held out his hand and CJ touched it.
“I go by ‘CJ.’ Gloria calls me Clarity because that’s the one thing she’ll never have.”
“G
loria?” The man turned to look at Gloria, so I did, too, though in truth I pretty much avoided her eyes. “She calls you by your first name?”
“I know,” Gloria said, shaking her head.
“See, that’s the first problem right there,” the man said. He seemed nice enough to me. His hands smelled like grease and meat and also Gloria.
“She asked me to call her Gloria and not Mom because she didn’t want strange men in the grocery store knowing she had a daughter my age,” CJ explained. “She’s very concerned about what strange men think about her, as you might have figured out.”
Everyone was quiet for a minute. I yawned and scratched behind my ear.
“Okay, well, good to meet you, CJ. I’m going to take off now; your mom has some things to talk to you about.”
“It’s so very special that you’re here to tell me that,” CJ said.
We went to CJ’s room. I curled up in my usual spot. It was wonderful to be back home with my girl. I was pleasantly tired from wrestling Rocky and couldn’t wait for CJ to crawl into bed so I could lie there with her and feel her hand on the fur on my neck.
The door opened and Gloria came in.
“Can you at least knock?” CJ said.
“Did they knock on your prison cell?” Gloria responded.
“Yes, and they had to ask permission to enter, what do you think?”
“I know that’s not true.”
I stood up and shook, yawning anxiously. I didn’t like it when Gloria and CJ spoke to each other—the emotions were too strong and dark and confusing.
“So what’s the deal with the guy?” CJ asked. “He acts like he’s auditioning to be my stepfather.”
“He’s a very successful businessman. He knows a lot about managing people.”
“I knew he’d be successful or you wouldn’t be making out with him on the couch when I came in.”
“He has given me a lot of advice on how to handle out-of-control children. I’m worried about you, Clarity June.”
“I could tell how worried you were when I got home eight hours late from being released and saw you drinking wine in the living room.”
CJ sat on the bed and I jumped up next to her. I could barely smell her, with Gloria’s odors wafting through the room.
When I glanced at her, Gloria was staring at me, so I looked away. She made an exhaling noise. “So okay,” she said. “The first thing is, you’re grounded for the rest of the year. That means no dating, no boys over, no talking on the phone. You can’t leave the house for any reason.”
“So when the court calls to find out why I’m not doing community service, I’ll just tell them, ‘Gloria says I’m grounded.’ They’ll be okay with that. There’s one guy from death row they can’t execute because he’s still in trouble with his mom.”
Gloria stood there for a moment, frowning.
“Well, obviously,” she finally said, “you can do that.”
“And Christmas shopping? You aren’t going to ground me from that, are you?”
“No, I’d have to make an exception for that, of course.”
“And obviously Thanksgiving at Trent’s.”
“No. Absolutely not.”
“But you said you’re going to someone’s house—Rick’s, I suppose. You want me alone on Thanksgiving?”
CJ’s hand scratched absently at my ear and I leaned into it. I wanted Gloria to leave now.
“Well, I suppose you could come to Rick’s with me, though his children will be with their mother,” Gloria said slowly.
“No way. Are you serious?”
“Fine, then. You can go to Trent’s, since I already gave permission.”
“And what about Jana? You told me you wanted me to hang out with Jana because her father is on the board of the country club.”
“That’s not what I said at all. I said that Jana was the type of person I wanted to see you spending more time with. And yes, Jana could come over.”
“What if she wants to take me to the club for lunch?”
“I think we should handle these things as they come up. It’s too hard to figure them all out now. If you get a special invitation of some sort, we’ll talk about it. I am ready to make exceptions where they are called for.”
“I can see that Rick has been a real help to you with this parenting stuff.”
“That’s what I said. And … there’s something else.”
“More punishment besides getting grounded with exceptions? Come on, Mom, I’ve already been to Juvenile Hall, isn’t that enough?”
CJ’s hand had stopped stroking me. I nuzzled it to remind her there was a deserving dog here who needed more petting.
“I don’t think you understand just how humiliating it was for me to have you hauled out of here in handcuffs,” Gloria said. “Rick says it’s a wonder I don’t have post … Post something.”
“Postpartum depression? Little late for that.”
“That’s not it. That doesn’t sound like it.”
“I’m sorry this whole ordeal was such a nightmare for you, Gloria. That’s all I was thinking about, as I was sitting in the back of the cop car with you standing there in the front yard, was how much worse you had it than me.”
Gloria stiffened and she turned and looked at me. I edged my eyes away quickly.
“Rick says it’s your lack of respect for me that is causing all this. And it all started when you brought home that dog.”
It worried me to hear the word “dog” coming out of Gloria’s mouth.
“I think it started when I realized you were my mother.”
“So you’re going to have to get rid of it,” she continued.
“What?”
I looked anxiously at CJ, feeling her shock.
“Rick says your bluff won’t work. Nobody is going to believe you if you say you were left here by yourself when I took an occasional break, not if I say I had a babysitter, which by the way I always offered to provide one and you said no. And I took you on a cruise, which is proof right there that sometimes you got to go with me. Do you know how much money that cruise cost me? You’ve got to learn who is in control of the house, and that’s me.”
“I’m not going to get rid of Molly.” I cocked my head at my name.
“Yes, you are.”
“No. Never.”
“Either you get rid of the dog or I’m taking away your car. And your credit cards. Rick says it’s ridiculous for you to have a card on my account.”
“So I’m getting my own account?”
“No, you have to earn it! When Rick was your age he had to get up early to do something with chickens every day, I forget what.”
“Okay, I’ll raise chickens.”
“Shut up!” Gloria shouted. “I am so tired of your smart mouth! You are not to speak to me again this way, not ever! You have to learn that this is my house and we live by my rules.”
Gloria jabbed a finger at me and I cringed. “I will not have that dog in my house. I don’t care where you take it and I don’t care what happens to it, but I will make your life a living hell, you and the dog both.”
CJ sat on her bed, breathing hard. She was distressed. I moved as quietly as possible over to the bed, nuzzling her hand and doing everything I could not to be seen by Gloria.
“You know what? Fine,” CJ said. “After tomorrow, you won’t see Molly again.”
TWELVE
The next morning we took a car ride and went to visit a dog named Zeke and a cat named Annabelle. Zeke was a small dog who loved to race around in his backyard at top speed with me chasing him. When I’d get tired of chasing him he’d bow and wait for me to decide to go at it again. Annabelle was all black and sniffed at me and then dismissed me in that way that cats sometimes do, walking languidly away. Also at the house was a girl named Trish and her parents. Trish and CJ were friends.
We only stayed for two days there and then we were on to another house with no dogs or cats, and then another house with two cats but no dogs, a
nd then another with an old dog and a young dog and no cats. Also, at every house there was at least one girl CJ’s age plus other people. For the most part, the people were very nice to me. Sometimes CJ had her own room, but usually she stayed in a room with one of her friends.
It was glorious to meet all these new dogs! Nearly all of them were friendly and wanted to wrestle, except for when they were very old. I was also, for the most part, interested in the cats. Some cats are timid and some are bold, some are mean and some are nice, some rub up against me and purr and others ignore me completely, but all of them have delicious breath.
I loved our new life, though I sometimes missed Trent and Rocky.
At one house there was a boy who reminded me of Ethan. He had dark hair like Ethan and his hands smelled like the two rats he had in a cage in his room. He was the same size Ethan had been on the day I first met my boy so long ago, and he loved me instantly and we played tug-on-a-stick and fetch the ball in the front yard. The boy’s name was Del. He didn’t have a dog of his own. Rats are a poor substitute for a dog, even if you have two of them.
At one point I realized with a jolt that I’d been playing with Del all day long and hadn’t seen CJ since breakfast. I felt like a bad dog. As I went to the door and sat, hoping someone would open it for me so I could go inside and check on my girl, I found myself thinking about Ethan. I loved CJ as much and in the same way as I had loved Ethan. So had I been wrong that my purpose was to love Ethan? Or did I now have a new purpose, to love and protect CJ? Were these separate, distinct purposes, or was it all tied up in some even larger purpose?
I never would have pondered any of this if I hadn’t been playing with Del all day. His resemblance to Ethan just made me miss my boy.
Del’s sister was Emily. She and CJ liked to talk together in low whispers, but they always would pet me when I went over to see if they might be talking about what treats I should get.
At dinner I liked to sit under the table. A steady rain of delicious morsels would come down from where Del sat and I would eat them silently and wait for more. Sometimes CJ’s hand would reach down to touch my head and I gloried in the food and the love. Del and Emily had a mother and a father, but they never dropped any food.