She waited for the relief to wash through her and drown out everything else. Only it didn’t come to abate the sense of loss that had overwhelmed her before the timer had even sounded.
Feeling more tired than she could remember, she gave into the pull of gravity and sank onto the side of the tub, holding out the stick for Levi. She couldn’t look at him. Not right then. Not with the cacophony of emotions clattering around inside her.
“What’s this mean?” he asked, his voice hoarse.
“Negative. It’s your get-out-of-jail-free card. Not pregnant.”
Within the small confines of the room, she waited for him to say something. Let out a whoop of relief. Send up a prayer of gratitude. Something.
But the silence between them only stretched. She could feel his eyes on her. But couldn’t sense whatever emotion was behind it.
Probably because there wasn’t any. The guy was too cold for feelings. He’d been ready to write a check and walk away without a backward glance.
From his own child.
She shook her head. No. There was no child. She wasn’t pregnant.
And yet she felt the betrayal as though she were.
Levi took the test from her hand. “They aren’t a hundred percent accurate.”
No, they weren’t. “I’ll take the other one in the morning. The hormones or whatever causes the reaction are supposed to be more concentrated then. I’ll call and let you know.”
Another pause, and she wondered if he was going to make her say the words.
Ask him to leave.
Why wouldn’t he? He’d planned on asking her to raise his child on her own. What were a few uncomfortable words.
But then the floorboards creaked beneath the shift of his weight and he cleared his throat. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”
* * *
Elise wasn’t pregnant.
Levi still couldn’t quite get his mind around it. Couldn’t feel the relief that should have been the flip side to the dread accompanying the belief she was. The truth was he didn’t feel much of anything. Hadn’t since he’d walked out her door the day before.
Maybe it was fatigue.
After giving up on the idea of sleep he’d gone for a run around 3:00 a.m. Given up on that around five and dragged himself home and into the shower. Did some work until noon, when Elise messaged that she’d managed to get an appointment with her physician, who’d confirmed the results—citing stress as the most likely culprit behind her missed period.
Now, Levi leaned back in his office chair, closing out one spreadsheet after another. Dragging the plans and provisions he’d been making for Elise and a baby that didn’t exist across the well-ordered computer desktop and into the “Trash” bin.
It was nuts, but a part of him was disappointed he wasn’t going to be giving Elise the money for her studio. He’d even toyed with the idea of offering it to her regardless—as an investment. Only he’d discarded the idea as quickly as it came to him. The last thing he needed to do was find another way to bind himself to Elise.
And considering the follow-up text to the news that she wasn’t pregnant—“Free this afternoon? We need to talk.”—he imagined Elise wouldn’t be too fond of the idea either.
* * *
It shouldn’t have hurt. After all, she knew she was doing the right thing. And for all practical purposes, the relationship was already over—having ended with the words, “That’s exactly what I’m telling you.”
But when Elise opened her front door, it felt as though the man walking through it was a stranger. The neat kiss pressed against her brow belonging to someone she’d never met. The subtle underlying connection that had been so much a part of every moment spent with Levi…gone.
She recognized the body, but the man she’d thought she’d known wasn’t anywhere to be seen, and the stark realization that maybe he’d never been there at all was another shocking blow to her heart.
The sad confirmation that her desperate hopes Levi would show up and say all the right things—somehow convince her he’d realized he could never actually do what he’d suggested; better still, that she’d managed to completely misunderstand the blatantly clear words he’d spoken—were futile. Another bitter pill to swallow.
She hadn’t wanted to believe it. Couldn’t truly, after Levi had done so much for her. Shown such generosity and affection. But maybe it was only because those acts had been on his terms. Maybe he was one of those men who gave and gave when it suited them, but couldn’t be relied upon if you really needed something and had to ask.
She didn’t know. Would probably never understand. But hopefully at some point, she’d get over it.
Elise pushed the door closed as Levi walked into the living room and settled into the facing couch. Elbows resting on his widespread knees, fingers steepled beneath his chin, he watched as she sat across from him. “Get any sleep last night?”
“Not much,” she answered honestly. “Just thinking mostly.”
“Yeah, same here.” His eyes were steady on hers, the lines of his face etched deep with strain. “A lot to process.”
She nodded, hating the space between them. The stiffness of the exchange.
But maybe it was better this way. Having Levi wrapping her up in his arms while they talked as she didn’t talk with anyone else wouldn’t make what was coming next any easier. And it had to be done.
Elise drew a breath, mustering the strength to say the words that had been running through her head the past twenty-four hours. “This isn’t going to work.”
She didn’t know what kind of response she’d been expecting or hoping for, but it hadn’t been the quiet approval in Levi’s eyes. The calm assurance she was doing the right thing.
“We knew it wouldn’t from the start, Elise. Yesterday’s shake-up just changed the time frame.”
Yesterday’s shake-up. Again she bristled at the callousness that seemed so out of line with the man she’d thought she knew. The man who’d made her wonder if maybe—
More than the time frame had changed.
“You’re right.” She heaved the breath sitting heavy on her chest. Straightened her shoulders and pushed a smile to her lips as she stood from the couch.
She’d expected there to be more to say. The conversation to take longer. Had felt the weight of all she’d had to convey straining inside her. But the truth was, there weren’t that many words. There wasn’t any confrontation or debate to be had. No explanations necessary. Just a simple close to something that had become more complicated than it was meant to be.
All that was left was goodbye. Goodbye and her gratitude. “I want to thank you for the help you’ve given me as far as the studio goes…and with my dad and family. You were there for me in ways I hadn’t expected to need. And it made a difference to me. A big one.”
Levi pushed to his feet and rubbed a palm across his mouth. Studied the space around his feet before bringing his focus back to her eyes. “You carry a big load on those little shoulders, Elise. Don’t waste your time with guys like me who can’t offer you anything more than some business experience and a car when you need a ride. You deserve the kind of guy who’s going to share your burdens. A life.”
The way he minimized what he’d done didn’t sit right with her. But the corner of her mouth pulled up regardless as she let out a quiet laugh. “You telling me to find a nice guy?”
Something dark flickered behind his expression and then it was gone. Replaced by Levi’s own half smile. “That’s exactly what I’m telling you.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
INK flowed from the ballpoint of her pen, looping blue-black across the signature line on the lease Sandy had signed only moments before. And then it was done.
Elise leaned back in her chair and let out the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. The anxiety that had been twisting through her belly for days easing into a nervous hum that was more anticipation than fear.
They were on their way.
Sandy turned in her seat
, head cocked to the side. “You were right about this. The location is perfect. I know it is.”
Elise smiled back at her. “We’re giving ourselves every opportunity for success. We’ll start renovations and promoting this week and before you know it we’ll be ready for business.”
They talked for a while with the landlord before Sandy had to run for her next class. Elise stepped out into the sunshine of the early afternoon, the keys to her future held tight in her grasp.
Walking past the storefronts that would neighbor her business, she noted the potted flowers by the doors. The creative window displays. The bustle of pedestrian activity. Young mothers decked out in trendy sport attire, their boutique purchases hooked on their titanium stroller handles. Her future clientele.
One step closer to her goal, she should have been elated. Instead, all she could think about was Levi. How she wished she could share this with him.
How she wished things had been different.
It had been a week since he’d walked out her door taking more of her heart than she’d ever meant to give. She’d been angry and confused. Overwhelmed and at loose ends, trying to understand how she could have been so wrong about who Levi was. Only as the hours and then days passed, his actions and words from the time they’d spent together began playing through her mind on a continuous loop. She realized it wasn’t that the man she’d fallen for hadn’t been real, but that she’d been unwilling to believe in the limitations he’d told her about from the start.
He was generous and thoughtful and supportive and sexy…and in addition to all the wonderful things he’d been to her, he was also the kind of man who could tell her he would walk away from his own child without a moment’s hesitation. Because, for some reason, he believed it was the right thing to do.
And she hated it. Hated herself for wishing she’d never found out the truth, for wishing she could have had those last few weeks with him. For wondering if maybe, given time, he might have changed.
Her steps came to a halt on the sidewalk.
This was the day she’d been waiting for and she was celebrating alone, with a pity party in the middle of the street. Unacceptable.
She had news to share.
* * *
Within the cozy north-side bungalow, Ally sat at the edge of her pastel floral couch, eyes wide, hands up in the air. “Shut up! How could you not tell me?”
Elise laughed, delighting in her sister’s over-the-top response to everything. “I didn’t want to jinx it. But now with the loan through and the lease signed…”
“That is so cool! I’ll tell everyone I know.” She snapped once, pointing at the ceiling. “I’ll post it on Facebook and get all my mommy friends to sign up. What did Mom say?”
“All the usual mom stuff about hard work paying off, how impressed she was, how proud Dad would be—he looked really good, by the way. Comfortable. And Mom seemed…relaxed. It was a great visit. Just what I needed today.”
Ally’s smile was understanding, a reminder of how truly lucky she was.
They talked about the plans for the studio and then invariably the conversation wound round to Levi. The advice he’d given her. Suggestions he’d made. And how Elise was managing since they’d ended the relationship.
Ally snugged down into a corner of the couch, stretching her legs out across the cushion. “So you really liked him.”
Walking her fingers over Dexter’s tiny chest, Elise nodded, her lips pinched between her teeth.
“He was there for you. I mean, clearly he was someone you could talk to about the studio. He came through with Bruno…basically daily. The night with Dad—that made all the difference. And there was that whole bone-melting thing.”
“Yes.”
“But when the chips were down, he walked.”
This time even the single word seemed too much and she answered with a halfhearted shrug.
Ally pursed her lips and blew out a skyward breath. “Too bad. Pretty much anything short of that kind of responsibility shirk you might have let slide. And then you could have had the next couple weeks to let him make you melt.”
The melting was definitely nice, but it was only part of what she was missing. And that was most of the problem. She’d gotten used to the companionship, discovered how good the kind of connection she and Levi shared could feel, letting herself get too deep with the wrong kind of guy. “Maybe Levi was right.”
“Right about what?”
Dex’s tiny fists worked frantically against his mouth as if he were trying to get the whole thing in. “I should find a nice guy.”
Ally bolted upright, any signs of fatigue gone in a blink. “Like Hank!”
Grabbing Elise’s arm, she searched her eyes. “I thought you didn’t have time for a nice guy. You couldn’t make him the kind of priority he deserved to be. I thought you weren’t in the right place in your life. What about all that?”
“I didn’t think I was. But this month with Levi…” She had to swallow back the emotions. He hadn’t been in the way of the life she was building. He hadn’t resented her for needing to plan their time together around two insane schedules. He’d respected her for it.
He’d supported her and made her feel as if what she was working for was not only worthwhile, but within reach if she kept her eye on the prize.
He’d been so different than Eric. Eric was a nice man, who’d wanted a nice life, with a nice wife and a nice family, but who wasn’t so very nice about priorities that didn’t align with his own. About commitments to people other than him.
Levi had shown her how different it could be. He’d given her a taste of what it was like to be supported. To know that if she fell, there would be someone to help her get up, dust her off, and encourage her to try again. He’d shown her that she didn’t have to give up the parts of herself that were outside of her relationship, in order to have one.
Of course, Levi didn’t actually want all the things Eric had wanted, and maybe that was part of the emotional disconnect that made it so easy for him to accommodate her. He wasn’t worrying whether a few weeks’ chaos would set the tone for the rest of their lives.
Whatever it was, briefly, Elise had felt as if she’d had it all.
God, she missed him.
“Hey, it’s going to be okay, Elise.” Ally’s voice had gentled, the matchmaking gleam in her eyes fading to sympathetic understanding as she reached out and brushed something cool and wet from Elise’s cheek. A tear.
Shaking her head, she let out a huff. “This is so stupid. I shouldn’t be crying over Levi. He was a one-night stand.”
Ally cocked her head. “Come on, you’ve known he was more than that from about the word go.”
“But he wasn’t supposed to be. He wasn’t supposed to be the kind of guy who could make me care.”
“And he wasn’t supposed to be able to let you down. I know.”
Elise shook her head, looked at Dex.
Such a precious gift. Such a miracle.
She wasn’t ready for a family yet. But some day she would be. And when that time came, she wanted to be with the kind of man who wouldn’t walk away.
A man with priorities that matched her own. Which meant no more dating Mr. Wrongs.
* * *
Levi extended his legs as far as he was able within the confines of his first-class seat, returned a brief smile to the passing attendant who’d offered him everything short of a sponge bath through the course of the flight back from Seattle. The trip had been a success. The architect and contractors were on track, Levi’s development manager, Ron, was already lining up interviews for staff, and a buzz about SoundWave opening had already begun.
The wheels were in motion.
So where the hell was that heart-jacking rush of adrenaline that always accompanied the first deep push to the next project? He’d been waiting for it as a junkie waited for his next fix—counting on it to distract him from the relentless thoughts of the bendy little distraction he couldn’t get out of
his head.
Rivers and swaths of trees cut through the landscape of the far west Chicago suburbs beneath them. They’d be on the ground in less than five minutes. Pulling up to the gate and deplaning within ten. This was the last time he’d be flying into O’Hare for anything more than a connecting flight. At least as far as the next few years went.
If things had gone differently with Elise, maybe he would have come back a few times. Taken a Sunday to Tuesday and—
He needed to knock it off. Whatever they’d had was over.
Elise had seen the reality of who he was and what he had to give, and, like that, the fantasy ended.
Time to put it behind him. Well past time.
Of course, he’d been telling himself that for two weeks now.
Closing his eyes, he cranked his head around to one side, then far to the other.
“Neck tight?”
The flight attendant had her hand resting on the empty seatback beside him as she leaned into his row. She had a smile with a hint of wicked in it and eyes that flashed with a confidence that said she knew what she wanted. No uncertainty. No vulnerability. No adorably awkward missteps.
She was familiar.
He’d never met her before, but he recognized the intent he’d seen in hundreds of interchangeable faces over the years.
“You look like you need to loosen up.” One artfully sculpted brow arched in invitation. “What are you doing tonight? Maybe we could unwind together.”
Predictable.
Nothing different about her. At least not that she’d decided to show him, and he sure as hell wasn’t going looking for it.
Different had gotten him where he was now. Thinking too much about a woman too good for him. Feeling like there was a boulder parked on his chest and the space inside his body was missing a piece.
He didn’t like it.
Different didn’t feel good.
Levi angled toward the attendant, letting his gaze roam the bulleted highpoints of the woman in front of him.
Time to get different out of his head. “So, you like clubs?”
* * *
HeadRush was packed, the line to get in wrapping around two corners, the bars doing a stellar job of keeping up. The place was running without him, just as it should be. Which left Levi free to concentrate on flight attendant Holly and her ever-attentive band of coworkers. Only Levi had had enough of team fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants.