"Whoa," he replies, grabbing my hand. "Don't say that. She doesn't deserve it any more than you do."
"I don't know. She's been in this business a lot longer than I have."
"But she isn't one of my girls. You are. You deserve it just as much as she does." He lets go of my hand. "Now, let's go see a movie."
As we walk up to the theater, I find myself turning his words over in my head. This isn't the first time he has mentioned his "girls". There is no way I should expect us to be exclusive - even I don't want to be thinking about that yet. But being lumped in with whoever else he is seeing, as if we are all part of his harem, rubs me the wrong way.
"Girls?" I say suddenly, stopping in my tracks.
Rich stops and looks at me. "What?"
"You said I'm one of your? girls. What does that mean exactly? How many women are you seeing?"
"Why?" He moves out of the way of people walking up to the theater and leans against the side of the building. "Do you want to be exclusive?"
"What?" I blurt out, feeling suddenly as if my words have come out all wrong. "No. No offense but we just started dating."
"Then why is it a problem if I see other women?"
"I guess just how you word it. Like we're all in some gang where you are our leader or something."
Rich leans close to me. I can faintly smell cigarette smoke on his breath. He trails his fingertips down my arms, which causes goose bumps to pop up along my body. I shiver in spite of myself.
"I'm sorry I made you feel that way. I won't say it again," he whispers, his eyes bright and yet somehow stormy at the same time. "Is that okay?"
"Yes, that's fine," I mumble as he wraps his arms around me and pulls me in for a kiss.
The kiss starts a heat deep inside of me. I can feel it start in my chest and then slowly roll out along the rest of my body as I push myself against him and kiss him back hard. Any time he touches me, all the thoughts in my brain simply fall out of my head.
Rich pulls away first. My chest is rising and falling quickly, and I try to steady myself. He smiles at me - a dark smile with a promise of things to come.
"Let's go into the movie now," he mumbles in my ear.
During the entire movie, I overthink everything on top of fighting my growing desire to throw myself at Rich. My body just melts when he touches me - it's been ages since I felt like that about anyone. I really want to sleep with him.
On the other hand, I am also attracted to Jon, even though I try to deny it. But I have no idea how Jon feels about me. I am terrified about reaching out for him. What if I am just misunderstanding the attention and our seeming connection to one another and end up rejected? After Paul and Robbs, I can't handle any rejection. It will cut me to my core. Can I risk ruining a professional relationship all because I think maybe Jon likes me, too?
But Rich is a sure thing. He feels strongly for me. There are no worries about rejection with him. He wants me, and I want him. I glance over at him in the darkness of the theater, my heart pounding in my chest. He is watching the movie, a somewhat bored expression on his face. He looks over at me and smiles. My heart constricts.
***
Rich drives me home in mostly silence. When he pulls up in my apartment complex, I look at him.
"My roommate is gone for the night. Would you like to come up?"
"I would love that," he replies.
We stumble into the apartment, our arms thrown around each other, kissing each other for dear life. The heat between us makes my heart race so fast that in any other situation I would have to lay down. Instead, I press myself harder against him. We are in the living room. He reaches for my shirt, and I suddenly get nervous and move away.
"Give me one second," I whisper, hoping I sound sexy as I turn to go into the bathroom.
Once in the bathroom, I take a deep breath. My skin is flushed and my face is red. I am burning up with desire. It is moving quickly, so I need a second to breathe. I am nervous about sleeping with someone again. I splash some water on my face and go back out into the living room.
"Sorry about that."
Rich is sitting on the couch and pats the spot next to him. I sit down and exhale. He leans over and kisses me gently along my neck. I catch my breath and my skin is tingling. Rich kisses down my neck and then gently tilts my face to his. His eyes are full of fire, like a blue storm, when he kisses me hard on the mouth.
I melt into him. All concerns about being nervous vanish away as I slip my tongue in his mouth and kiss him back. His hands are on my legs, inching up my skirt.
"You're so hot," he whispers in my ear as he kisses my neck. "So fucking sexy."
In reply, I start to unbutton his shirt. When it finally slips off, I see that I have been right about his six pack. My heart thuds as he removes my own shirt. The air in the apartment is cool to my skin. I am suddenly glad that I wore my nice black bra tonight. It pushes my breasts up to make nice cleavage.
Rich likes what he sees and begins to kiss my breasts. I moan softly, closing my eyes. I feel him unclasp my bra and then fondle my breasts, gently taking each nipple in his mouth and sucking on it. He gently pushes me back on the couch and moves my skirt up around my waist. Rich stands above me as he takes off his pants. I watch, wanting nothing more than for him to be inside of me as soon as he can.
He slides down his pants and his stiff manhood strains against his boxers. Rich pulls them off as well, stroking himself in front of me.
"Do you like this?" he asks.
"Yes," I breathe, "I like it."
"I'm going to fuck you," Rich says gruffly.
The words give me a thrill, and I nod as he slides over me. When our skin touches, I sigh in delight. He is giving off so much body heat. He nudges open my thighs and enters me.
I moan, closing my eyes as I take him inside of me. Rich bites and licks my nipples as he begins to thrust inside of me. He feels so good that I begin to moan louder, wrapping my legs around him in an effort to try to get him deeper inside of me. There is nothing else in my mind besides Rich fucking me. I rock my hips as I take him inside of me.
Rich thrusts hard and fast in me, moving one hand down to my clit. He moves his finger expertly over it, bringing my moans harder and stronger. I am sure the people in the apartments next to us can hear me but I don't care. The sensations of Rich inside of me as well as moving his finger along my clit is too much to take. I climax.
I cry out his name and shake against him as my orgasm rocks through me. It is so intense that I am panting. Rich is whispering my name in my ear, telling me how sexy I look as I climax.
When my climax subsides, he increases his thrusts. Rich rocks hard and fast inside of me. He looks so good as he fucks me. I cling to him until he grunts my name and pounds hard inside of me. His climax shudders through him as he comes hard.
When he finishes, he rests his head on my chest. We both are soaked in sweat, panting heavily with our limbs entwined. Slowly, Rich detangles himself from me.
"Where is your room?" he whispers. "Let's go to bed."
I lead him to my room.
Chapter Ten
I wake up the next morning from a terrible dream where I am falling down the stairs. Every time I hit the bottom, I am suddenly back at the top of the staircase with Robbs bearing down on me.
My skin is cold and clammy when I wake up. My heart races in my chest, spurned on from the fear of falling. The sunlight that comes in from my room gives me some comfort. If the room was pitch black, I would be panicking more.
Instead, I turn to my right. . I'm in my bed alone. For a second, I think maybe I have imagined the entire night with Rich. After we had sex on the couch, we stumbled to the bedroom, where he woke me up once in the middle of the night to have sex again. But there is a sheet of paper on the pillow, folded over, which lets me know it wasn't a dream after all.
I snatch the paper up and open it up to read:
I had a great time last night. I had a meeting this morning and could
n't bear to wake you up from your sleep.
Call you later,
Rich
I feel mildly disappointed that Rich hadn't woken me up to say goodbye. I lay back down, mulling over my thoughts. Sleeping with Rich was passionate and exciting. I enjoyed the time we spent together.
So why am I thinking about Jon?
Frustrated, I get up and grab clean clothes to take a shower. I make sure to get my clothes from the living room as well, so I don't have to deal with Kathy asking questions. Plus, she probably wouldn't want someone screwing on her couch.
I feel better after the shower. When I get out, I see that I have a voicemail on my phone from Jon. My grip on my phone tightens. I look at the flowers in my room and listen to the voicemail.
"Hey, Jenny. Call me back ASAP, okay?"
I wish he had left more details. I call back instantly, nervous about what he is going to say.
He answers on the second ring and sounds out of breath. "Hey! I'm so glad you called back!"
"What's up?" I try to sound casual.
"The casting director from the soap opera audition called me this morning."
My heart drops. I guess I'll be having my first official rejection today.
"You got a callback! This Monday!"
"What?" I stammer, certain I heard him wrong.
"You got a callback, Jenny. They liked how well you took direction. They want you to come back for the second round."
"Oh my god! I can't believe it!"
"I knew you'd do well! I told you!"
"Thank you, Jon. I can't believe it. I thought for sure that would never happen. I mean, just a callback is a reason to celebrate for me."
"It's amazing for your first audition, but you have the talent to pull through. You should celebrate."
I bite my tongue and then decide to go for it. "Why don't you celebrate with me? We could grab drinks somewhere."
Long pause. I suddenly feel like an idiot. I can try to pass this off as merely an agent/client meeting but something in the silence lets me know he knows I didn't mean it just as that.
Finally, Jon clears his throat. "That sounds great."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Are you free tonight around eight?"
We make plans to meet up at a place around the corner, so I don't have to borrow Kathy's car. Plus, I can make it sound as if it is just a quick meeting in case she asks anything. That is when I hear the front door shut. I walk out to say hi to her and see her beaming at me.
"I got a callback for the soap opera!" Kathy trills, looking excited.
"I did, too!" I manage to muster up some enthusiasm to match her good news.
I tense up, waiting for her to look irritated at me but all she does is look excited. She comes over and hugs me.
"Isn't this exciting?" she asks. "I hope it goes well for us."
I do, too. But there is a possibility of it only going well for one of us.
***
"Did you really think that was going to work?"
Jon laughs and shakes his head. "No, but I had no clue what I was doing."
I laugh and pop a chip into my mouth. It is a little after eight. Jon and I have settled down at a Mexican restaurant around the corner from my apartment. I am hoping that the conversation with Jon will wash away the one I had just had with Kathy.
She asked where I was going. Sensing that I should probably lie but not quite sure why I feel that way, I opted to tell her that I am going to see Jon to celebrate the callback.
Kathy stiffens and a dark cloud passes over her face.
"How nice of him to offer," she repeats, an earlier echo of the flower exchange.
"It was me," I say, trying to protect Jon from? I am not even sure what exactly. "I offered, since he helped me so much."
"Just be careful, Jenny. Don't get in over your head."
"What does that mean?"
But Kathy evades my question and heads to her room. The entire exchange has left a bad taste in my mouth. Obviously something besides a family emergency was the reason that Kathy has left Jon as her agent. But why recommend him to me?
"You okay?"
I snap out of my thoughts. Jon comes back into focus. He is wearing his glasses tonight, with a loose-fitting dress shirt and dress pants. His hair is a bit messy, but naturally messy, unlike when Rich tries to style it that way. His smile is easy going, and I feel relaxed just looking at it.
"Yeah, sorry? just? thinking about the callback," I lie, not wanting to ruin the moment by bringing up Kathy.
"You'll be great. I wouldn't worry about it. Even if you don't get the part, consider this experience under your belt."
"You're right. I know I should. I just don't want to fuck it up when I get in there."
"You won't. It'll be the same group as the last time, although Rich might be there," he says with a slight scowl.
"Rich?"
"Yeah, he had a hand in the selection for the callbacks."
"You mean I have to act in front of Rich?"
"Yes, why?" Something dawns on his face. "Did you really? I mean, are you seeing him, officially? I know I heard you guys mention a date before but?"
"We've seen each a couple of times," I reply, hoping I don't blush when I think about how we slept together. "But we aren't officially together or anything."
Jon shifts in his chair. "I know it isn't my business, but Rich is bad news."
"You've said that before, but haven't exactly given me anything specific," I point out.
The waitress comes by at this point and we order our food. When she departs, Jon runs his fingers through his hair.
"Rich and I used to work together. We opened my office together, actually. But I wasn't a fan of how he did business. He was shady. He used to openly hit on all our clients, even if they were married or seeing someone. I suspected him of sleeping with all the women and making promises to them of getting roles if they did so. So we fought, and he left the business. Went on to be a casting agent."
"Sleeping with women and giving them roles?" I ask for clarification, my brain buzzing.
"He's got that over-confidence a lot of women like. I get it, whatever. If that is your thing, it's cool. But Rich is more than a player. He's a sleaze. He's bad news. I never proved anything he did but I just don't trust him."
A cold feeling goes through my stomach. The chips and salsa suddenly taste bland in my mouth.
"I have to use the restroom, excuse me," I mumble and head toward the ladies' room.
Fortunately the restroom is empty - I lean against the sink and try to clear my head. I didn't sleep with Rich just so that he would give me something in return. I would have never thought to discuss such a thing. There was no mention of offers or exchanges. I had gotten that first audition due to connections, not because I was dating Rich.
I tell myself I am being silly. Jon has never proven Rich was sleeping with these women in exchange for roles. I just need to calm down. Enjoy whatever is happening between Jon and me. Think twice about seeing Rich again.
The rest of dinner flies by in record time. Jon thrills me with tales of his childhood and makes me laugh so hard my sides hurt. I find myself enchanted with the colorful way he tells stories and how easily it is to be attracted to him. By the time we leave the restaurant, I have butterflies in my stomach that I have never felt around Rich.
"Let me walk you home," Jon says, once we step outside. "It's just around the corner, right?"
I nod and we set off. Part of me wishes he would hold my hand. Another part of me is saying that I am falling hard for him and should back away.
"So, I never asked you what brought you to Hollywood. That's a big change to make."
Memories flash in my head, all of them bad. I fall silent for a moment, unsure of how to answer.
Jon speaks up again, "Did I say something wrong? You have a funny look on your face."
"No, no, I'm fine. Nothing good brought me to Hollywood. I just needed to get away from where I wa
s."
"Bad memories?"
"You could say that," I reply. "I? I was pregnant? and then lost the baby."
I can't believe I said that. My mouth went dry as soon as the words left me. Saying it out loud brings back the nightmare of falling down the stairs, with Robbs' hands on my back, pushing me down.
"Wow, Jenny. That's horrible. I'm sorry. I don't even know what to say."
"It's okay. I'm sorry. You probably wanted some funny story and here I am blabbing out some nonsense."
"No," Jon replies firmly. "It isn't nonsense. I'm sorry that happened to you."
I don't feel like telling the rest of the story of how I lost my child so I just nod. We walk in silence. Jon looks as if he wants to hold my hand but at the last second he changes his mind and slips his hand into his pocket. I sink into my thoughts. Are we into each other or is he just seeing this as a client/agent meeting? The signs are so confusing.
We get to my apartment, and I unlock the front door. "Wait here, I'll get the money."
I had foolishly forgotten my wallet when I left to see him. I feel bad making Jon foot the entire bill and want to at least give him some cash so we are even. I dart into my bedroom for my wallet, grab some money and head back to the front door when I hear Kathy talking to Jon. I flatten myself against the wall in the kitchen, straining to hear.
"? tell her about us?" Kathy says, sounding irritated.
"There isn't anything going on with Jenny and me," Jon replies and my heart drops.
"Does she know that, Jon?" She is whispering, which makes it harder to hear. "Do you know that?"
"Of course?"
"Does she? that we used to be together?"
Wait, what?
"No," Jon replies.
"Are you going to? that we used to date?"
My heart thuds in my chest. They used to date? Everything snaps into place. How strange the two of them act around each other. How Kathy got so irritated when Jon brought me flowers. I suddenly feel stupid. Not only is Jon saying that he has no feelings for me but he dated Kathy. I am so stupid.
Turning on my heels, I go into the living room and shove the money at Jon. "Here you go. You can leave now."
Jon blanches. "Jenny, wait."
"Please leave," I say stiffly and close the door in his face.
I turn around and Kathy is fiddling with the buttons on her shirt. "Listen, Jenny. I didn't mean for you to overhear that."
"Well, I did!" I snap.
"I wanted to tell you the truth. That Jon and I had dated. I really did. But I didn't know a right time for it."