instant.
“You have not quite understood,” she said. “I did not come to quarrelwith you, though I do not like you. I came to speak to you as... as onehuman being to another. I came with my mind made up as to what I hadto say to you, and I shall not change my intention, although you maymisunderstand me. So much the worse for you, not for myself! I wished toreply to all you have written to me and to reply personally, because Ithink that is the more convenient way. Listen to my reply to all yourletters. I began to be sorry for Prince Lef Nicolaievitch on the veryday I made his acquaintance, and when I heard--afterwards--of all thattook place at your house in the evening, I was sorry for him because hewas such a simple-minded man, and because he, in the simplicity of hissoul, believed that he could be happy with a woman of your character.What I feared actually took place; you could not love him, you torturedhim, and threw him over. You could not love him because you are tooproud--no, not proud, that is an error; because you are too vain--no,not quite that either; too self-loving; you are self-loving to madness.Your letters to me are a proof of it. You could not love so simple asoul as his, and perhaps in your heart you despised him and laughed athim. All you could love was your shame and the perpetual thought thatyou were disgraced and insulted. If you were less shameful, or had nocause at all for shame, you would be still more unhappy than you arenow.”
Aglaya brought out these thronging words with great satisfaction. Theycame from her lips hurriedly and impetuously, and had been prepared andthought out long ago, even before she had ever dreamed of the presentmeeting. She watched with eagerness the effect of her speech as shown inNastasia’s face, which was distorted with agitation.
“You remember,” she continued, “he wrote me a letter at that time;he says you know all about that letter and that you even read it. Iunderstand all by means of this letter, and understand it correctly. Hehas since confirmed it all to me--what I now say to you, word for word.After receiving his letter I waited; I guessed that you would soon comeback here, because you could never do without Petersburg; you are stilltoo young and lovely for the provinces. However, this is not my ownidea,” she added, blushing dreadfully; and from this moment the colournever left her cheeks to the end of her speech. “When I next saw theprince I began to feel terribly pained and hurt on his account. Do notlaugh; if you laugh you are unworthy of understanding what I say.”
“Surely you see that I am not laughing,” said Nastasia, sadly andsternly.
“However, it’s all the same to me; laugh or not, just as you please.When I asked him about you, he told me that he had long since ceased tolove you, that the very recollection of you was a torture to him, butthat he was sorry for you; and that when he thought of you his heart waspierced. I ought to tell you that I never in my life met a man anythinglike him for noble simplicity of mind and for boundless trustfulness.I guessed that anyone who liked could deceive him, and that he wouldimmediately forgive anyone who did deceive him; and it was for this thatI grew to love him--”
Aglaya paused for a moment, as though suddenly brought up inastonishment that she could have said these words, but at the same timea great pride shone in her eyes, like a defiant assertion that it wouldnot matter to her if “this woman” laughed in her face for the admissionjust made.
“I have told you all now, and of course you understand what I wish ofyou.”
“Perhaps I do; but tell me yourself,” said Nastasia Philipovna, quietly.
Aglaya flushed up angrily.
“I wished to find out from you,” she said, firmly, “by what right youdare to meddle with his feelings for me? By what right you dared send methose letters? By what right do you continually remind both me and himthat you love him, after you yourself threw him over and ran away fromhim in so insulting and shameful a way?”
“I never told either him or you that I loved him!” replied NastasiaPhilipovna, with an effort. “And--and I did run away from him--you areright there,” she added, scarcely audibly.
“Never told either him or me?” cried Aglaya. “How about your letters?Who asked you to try to persuade me to marry him? Was not that adeclaration from you? Why do you force yourself upon us in this way? Iconfess I thought at first that you were anxious to arouse an aversionfor him in my heart by your meddling, in order that I might give him up;and it was only afterwards that I guessed the truth. You imagined thatyou were doing an heroic action! How could you spare any love for him,when you love your own vanity to such an extent? Why could you notsimply go away from here, instead of writing me those absurd letters?Why do you not _now_ marry that generous man who loves you, and has doneyou the honour of offering you his hand? It is plain enough why; if youmarry Rogojin you lose your grievance; you will have nothing more tocomplain of. You will be receiving too much honour. Evgenie Pavlovitchwas saying the other day that you had read too many poems and are toowell educated for--your position; and that you live in idleness. Add tothis your vanity, and, there you have reason enough--”
“And do you not live in idleness?”
Things had come to this unexpected point too quickly. Unexpected becauseNastasia Philipovna, on her way to Pavlofsk, had thought and considereda good deal, and had expected something different, though perhaps notaltogether good, from this interview; but Aglaya had been carried awayby her own outburst, just as a rolling stone gathers impetus as itcareers downhill, and could not restrain herself in the satisfaction ofrevenge.
It was strange, Nastasia Philipovna felt, to see Aglaya like this. Shegazed at her, and could hardly believe her eyes and ears for a moment ortwo.
Whether she were a woman who had read too many poems, as EvgeniePavlovitch supposed, or whether she were mad, as the prince hadassured Aglaya, at all events, this was a woman who, in spite of heroccasionally cynical and audacious manner, was far more refined andtrustful and sensitive than appeared. There was a certain amount ofromantic dreaminess and caprice in her, but with the fantastic wasmingled much that was strong and deep.
The prince realized this, and great suffering expressed itself in hisface.
Aglaya observed it, and trembled with anger.
“How dare you speak so to me?” she said, with a haughtiness which wasquite indescribable, replying to Nastasia’s last remark.
“You must have misunderstood what I said,” said Nastasia, in somesurprise.
“If you wished to preserve your good name, why did you not give upyour--your ‘guardian,’ Totski, without all that theatrical posturing?” said Aglaya, suddenly a propos of nothing.
“What do you know of my position, that you dare to judge me?” criedNastasia, quivering with rage, and growing terribly white.
“I know this much, that you did not go out to honest work, but went awaywith a rich man, Rogojin, in order to pose as a fallen angel. I don’twonder that Totski was nearly driven to suicide by such a fallen angel.”
“Silence!” cried Nastasia Philipovna. “You are about as fit tounderstand me as the housemaid here, who bore witness against her loverin court the other day. She would understand me better than you do.”
“Probably an honest girl living by her own toil. Why do you speak of ahousemaid so contemptuously?”
“I do not despise toil; I despise you when you speak of toil.”
“If you had cared to be an honest woman, you would have gone out as alaundress.”
Both had risen, and were gazing at one another with pallid faces.
“Aglaya, don’t! This is unfair,” cried the prince, deeply distressed.
Rogojin was not smiling now; he sat and listened with folded arms, andlips tight compressed.
“There, look at her,” cried Nastasia, trembling with passion. “Look atthis young lady! And I imagined her an angel! Did you come to me withoutyour governess, Aglaya Ivanovna? Oh, fie, now shall I just tell you whyyou came here today? Shall I tell you without any embellishments? Youcame because you were afraid of me!”
“Afraid of _you?_” asked Aglaya, beside herself with naive amazement thatthe other should dare
talk to her like this.
“Yes, me, of course! Of course you were afraid of me, or you would nothave decided to come. You cannot despise one you fear. And to think thatI have actually esteemed you up to this very moment! Do you know whyyou are afraid of me, and what is your object now? You wished to satisfyyourself with your own eyes as to which he loves best, myself or you,because you are fearfully jealous.”
“He has told me already that he hates you,” murmured Aglaya, scarcelyaudibly.
“Perhaps, perhaps! I am not worthy of him, I know. But I think you arelying, all the same. He cannot hate me, and he cannot have said so. I amready to forgive you, in consideration of your position; but I confessI thought better of you. I thought you were wiser, and more beautiful,too; I did, indeed! Well, take your treasure! See, he is gazing at you,he can’t recollect himself. Take him, but on one condition; go away atonce, this instant!”
She fell back into a chair, and burst into tears. But suddenly some newexpression blazed in her eyes. She stared fixedly at Aglaya, and rosefrom her seat.
“Or would you like me to