FOR THE LOVE OF MY HUSBAND,
JOHN HOLTON,
WHO PASSED ON MAY 7TH, 1859,
BUT STILL LIVES. THE BODY IS NOT
MADE TO ENDURE.
THERE’S SOMETHING INSIDE SO STRONG
IT FLIES FOREVER.
She said, “That’s it, Elijah. Son, you done told the truth.”
I think all three of us figured the other two waren’t gonna quit bawling till we busted up one from the ’nother. Mrs. Holton was the first to untangle herself from the crying party when her two children saw what was going on and commenced bawling too. She kissed me and Mr. Leroy on our heads then closed her door kind of gentle.
I was next to leave. It was getting late and I didn’t want no trouble from Ma, so I left Mr. Leroy sitting on one of the steps with his face pressed down on that box.
I ran all the way home to tell Ma and Pa the good news!
The next morning there was a knock on our front door. I heard Pa invite Mr. Leroy in so I went to give him my regards.
“Morning, Pa. Morning, Mr. Leroy.”
Both of them said, “Morning, Elijah.”
Mr. Leroy was holding his hat in his hand and looking like he’d got dragged through four rat holes. He said to Pa, “Spencer, I got some business I need to talk with you.”
Pa said, “’Lijah, ’scuse you’self.”
Mr. Leroy said, “No, Spencer, me and ’Lijah’s working partners. The boy handles hisself like he’s growned so I hope you don’t mind if he stay.”
If I lived to be fifty I was gonna remember this, the first time I got called growned! I waren’t expecting this to happen for six or seven months yet!
Pa said, “Suit you’self, Leroy.” He sat in the rocker and pointed at the soft chair for me.
Mr. Leroy said, “I don’t know if Elijah told y’all what happened?”
Pa didn’t let him know one way or the ’nother. He rocked the chair gentle and said, “What’s that, Leroy?”
I sure was proud of Pa right then. It waren’t until Mr. Leroy asked him that question that my mind told me in a flash that maybe I shouldn’t’ve told Ma and Pa what happened. Maybe Mr. Leroy would’ve been ’shamed if I was telling folks he took Mrs. Holton’s gold. But Pa didn’t let on that I’d run my mouth.
Mr. Leroy said, “Wouldn’t ’ve been no worry to me if he did tell, Spencer. Y’all raised him proper and I know the boy like to talk, but he ain’t no gossip. I know there’s things what children has to tell their folks.”
This being growned was a lot harder than it looked. I couldn’t make heads nor tails out of how Pa knowed not to say nothing ’bout me telling and how Mr. Leroy knowed that that was what I was worrying ’bout!
Mr. Leroy said, “Mrs. Holton done lent me ’nough money to buy my wife and children, Spencer.”
Pa said, “Leroy, that sure is powerful good news.”
Then Mr. Leroy went and ruined all this growned-up talk for me, he said, “Yes, Spencer, I don’t know how I can ever … how I’m gunn ever …” and he commenced bawling again. He covered his face with his hat and sobbed. And I’ll be blanged if that didn’t set me off.
Pa looked at me and tipped his head toward my bedroom. I left the room and stayed outta sight, but I was still close enough for listening. After all, Mr. Leroy did say I handle myself like I was growned, and I know growned folks don’t like nothing better than doing a little eavesdropping.
Pa didn’t say a word. I heard the rocking chair squeaking on the floor at the same rhythm it was afore Mr. Leroy commenced crying. Pa just waited till Mr. Leroy got back in his right mind.
After ’while, Mr. Leroy said, “I ’pologize for that, Spencer. I ain’t got no sleep all night, seems my mind running five different ways at once. Now that I know my family coming, seems like my mind trying to plague me with every horrible thing what might happen.”
Pa said, “No need for no apologies, Leroy. These is trying times for you.”
Mr. Leroy’s voice was shaking whilst he talked, like he was in the buckboard on a bad road. He said, “I done work day and night for four years. Four years. I didn’t reckon on having ’nough money for ’nother two years yet, Spencer. I was gunn buy ’Zekial out first, then him and me working together could buy out my wife and daughter, but Mrs. Holton’s money change all that. I ain’t ready for this. I don’t know who I can get to arrange getting my family out. You still got any dealings with them Underground Railroad folks?”
Pa said, “Leroy, we can get this done. I’m-a talk to some people in Chatham and see what we got to do. Don’t you worry, we’ll get this done.”
Just then I heard the Preacher’s voice coming through the screen door. “Spencer? I saw your door was open. Y’all up already?”
Pa jumped out of his chair quick-like and went to the door.
He said, “Morning, Zeph.”
Pa walked out onto the stoop and pulled the door shut behind him. I couldn’t hear what all they were saying.
After ’while, Mr. Leroy called out, “Spencer, if you don’t mind, could you call him on in?”
Pa and the Preacher came into the parlour.
“Why, morning, Leroy. I missed hearing your axe this morning, thought you must have been taking a break today.”
Mr. Leroy said, “No, Zephariah, it’s a mighty beautiful day. I got the money to buy my family.”
The Preacher called out, “Praise Jesus! This is a beautiful day! I can see now why you’re looking so out of sorts.”
Mr. Leroy said, “We was discussing how’s the best way to get my family out.”
The Preacher said, “What did you decide?”
Pa said, “I know some folks in Chatham what can handle this.”
The Preacher said, “Not the Abrams boys?”
Pa said, “Why, yes. They’s the ones.”
“You must not have heard, Brother Spencer. Their pa took ill over in New York and they moved back there about six months ago.”
The Preacher gave a long sigh then said, “I guess the best thing to do is wait on the next people from the Railroad that come through. It’s been a while, but I don’t imagine it’s going to be much longer. Three, four months at the most.”
Mr. Leroy must’ve been thinking just like me, three or four months might as well have been three or four years! I heard the chair he was sitting in scrape on the floor as he jumped out of it.
Mr. Leroy said, “I caint wait that long! There’s gotta be a quicker way!”
Pa said, “I don’t know, Leroy, this is something you been waiting on a long while. We best give it a little more time so we can do it right.”
“But three, four months? Uh-uh! No! That’s way too long! I ain’t told no one this, and I ’preciate y’all not saying nothing, but I ain’t been feeling myself this pass year. Seems I’m ailing all the time and caint shake it. Why, Spencer, I don’t know if I got three, four months.”
The Preacher laughed and said, “Brother Leroy, you’re just working yourself too hard. You’re strong as a mule. No one who was sick could swing an axe the way you do.”
Mr. Leroy said, “Zephariah, I caint wait. Maybe if you’d come with me I could go over to America, to Detroit, and talk to some people there. I know they got white folks what help with this.”
Pa said, “Leroy, I don’t think …”
The Preacher said, “Why, you know what? Now that you mention Michigan, I recall there’s this little logging village less than an hour outside of Detroit. It’s where the white man lives that helped Mrs. Lewis buy her husband down in South Carolina. I know him personally. John Jarvey, he’s a mighty good white man.”
Mr. Leroy said, “I remember that! ’Bout four years ago! He still there?”
“Leroy, I was there two months ago, had supper at his place. You caught me by surprise, else I would have remembered him right off. He’s still making arrangements to buy folks too. Does it himself. Pretends he’s buying slaves for his own plantation then spirits them to Michigan!”
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nbsp; Mr. Leroy said, “That’s one the things what I been most afeared of. I knowed if Massa Dillon found out it was me what was buying my family, he’d double up the price or wouldn’t sell ’em atall. Zephariah, you’s a answered prayer!”
The Preacher said, “Naw, Leroy, this is something that’s meant to be. The Lord’s putting all the pieces together for you here. He’s rewarding your good works. He’s seeing you get what you deserve.”
Pa hadn’t said nothing. But soon as I heard the Preacher say the word deserve I knowed Pa was gonna be mighty set against this.
According to Pa, deserve is another one of those rattling-snake words, words that always get followed by a nasty bite.
Mr. Leroy said, “Zephariah, you think you could get in touch with this here man and make the ’rangements?”
The Preacher said, “Leroy, you know I’m hurt. You think you have to ask me to do this? You think I haven’t been considering this very second how I can rearrange some of my business so that I can take care of this matter right away?”
Mr. Leroy said, “No ’fense intended, Zeph. I ain’t had no sleep in a while and I’m worried something terrible.”
The Preacher said, “I understand. But you do know Mr. Jarvey is going to have expenses, right?”
“How much this here man gunn want, Zeph? How much you gunn need you’self to do it?”
The Preacher said, “Personally I don’t want anything. I’d pay to have your family come walking into the Settlement whilst the Liberty Bell rings. And Mr. Jarvey is a sure-enough good white man, he never charges anyone more than what it costs him. I can’t say right off, but I’m thinking I should go carrying a hundred dollars or so for his expenses plus whatever it is you need to buy your family.”
I knowed just what the Preacher looked like when he all the sudden shouted out, “Praise God, I haven’t heard words as beautiful as buy your family in years, Brother Leroy!” I knowed he’d raised his arms above his head and was waving ’em at the roof.
Pa still hadn’t said nothing, but it was like I could hear him frowning as the talk went more and more.
Mr. Leroy said, “How soon afore we can get this started?”
The Preacher said, “I’m leaving right now to postpone the business I had in Chatham. If you have everything together, I can get going by this very afternoon, early evening at the latest.”
Mr. Leroy said, “I got some extra set aside, Zeph. I ain’t axing you to do this for nothing.”
The screen door opened and the Preacher called back in, “Leroy, I have no intention of profiting from anyone’s misery, especially not someone as respected as you. I’m going to see if I can make arrangements with Mr. Segee to borrow a horse. The sooner we get this done, the sooner that Liberty Bell will be tolling!”
I walked back into the parlour and Pa didn’t tell me to leave. He started right in on Mr. Leroy.
“Leroy, this here’s moving too fast! You got to be careful. That’s a lot of money you talking ’bout to buy your family, and money can make folks do some crazy things.”
Mr. Leroy said, “Moving too fast? Spencer, I been waiting four years for this, four years! Ain’t nothing fast ’bout none of this. Zeph is right, things just don’t fall in place like this for no reason atall. There’s something behind all this, something what’s trying to bring righteousness into it.”
Pa said, “I advise caution, Leroy. I ain’t trying to badmouth no one, but how much we really know ’bout Zephariah? Other than him calling hisself a preacher, I ain’t seen nothing really holy ’bout the man. You ’bout to give him five, six years’ worth of money. That’s a powerful temptation to anyone.”
Mr. Leroy said, “Sometimes you just got to have faith, Spencer. Sometimes you got to believe.”
Pa said, “I’m talking about what’s right in front of our eyes, what we know, not no beliefs. We know Zeph don’t live in the Settlement, we know he don’t work regular, we know he ain’t ’round for long spells of time. He’s toting that hundred-dollar pistol what come from God-know-where, we know he’s smart as a whip, and we know he’s young, real young. There’s just too much what we need to ask afore you give him all that money and all that responsibility.”
Mr. Leroy said, “I hear you, Spencer, but like I said, sometimes you just got to believe.”
Pa said, “This ain’t so much ’bout believing, Leroy. This more ’bout you hankering for your family so much that you ain’t looking at things clear. I ain’t one to beg, but I’m begging you to think on this and not do nothing this fast. Zeph seems to be rushing this way too much.”
Mr. Leroy said, “I done told you, Spencer, I ain’t got no more time.”
He looked at me and said, “Elijah, you know Zephariah. Can he be trusted?”
Pa said real quick afore I had a chance to answer, “Leroy, it ain’t the boy’s place to make no judgment like that. He ain’t but eleven years old. He caint look in no one’s heart.”
Mr. Leroy stood up and said, “Spencer, I done made up my mind. I know you doing what you think is right and I do ’preciate your concern, but I ain’t got no other choice.”
Pa stood up too, acting like he was gonna block Mr. Leroy’s way out of the house.
They looked hard at one the ’nother. My breathing stopped.
Pa finally said, “All right, then. But just let me do one thing, one thing what will help set my mind at ease.”
Mr. Leroy said, “Long’s it don’t delay nothing, I’s listening.”
Pa said, “All I’m axing is that you don’t send Zephariah alone with all that money. Let’s get someone else to ride ’longside him, someone we all trust.”
Mr. Leroy thought for a second then said, “I don’t see no harm in that. Who?”
Pa said, “You nor me caint go. We ain’t got no papers and Michigan still crawling with paddy-rollers. But Theodore Highgate’s got his manumission papers and his hand ain’t all the way healed yet so he ain’t doing no heavy working no way. Let’s ax him.”
Mr. Leroy said, “He a good choice.”
Pa opened the screen door and stepped outside to put his shoes on. He said, “You wait here, Leroy. I’m-a be right back. Promise me you ain’t gunn do nothing till I get back.”
“Hurry back, Spencer. I’m gunn wait.”
Pa ran off toward the Highgates’ home.
Mr. Leroy sat back down and said to me, “Elijah, maybe your pa’s right. Maybe I shouldn’t be trusting Zeph like this.”
He grabbed both my arms and looked at me hard and said, “You done spent more time with him than near ’bout anyone else. You think he’d thief my money?”
I had to ponder over this. By asking me this growned-folks question, Mr. Leroy was giving me a lot of respect and responsibility so I didn’t want to rush into answering him. I didn’t want to say nothing wrong so I thought on it hard.
I remembered all the things that the Preacher’d done that didn’t seem right. I remembered him jacklegging my fish, I remembered him telling confusing tales to the new-free folks, I remembered him thinking ’bout making me travel with that conjurer, Sir Charles. All those bad things came right to mind. But then I remembered all the good things he’d done too. Like freeing the real MaWee and searching in the woods when those paddy-rollers came and letting everyone in Buxton know I’d been gave gifts from the Lord. So I had to own up that he did have a good heart.
What on earth could be worst than stealing money that’s supposed to buy someone’s kin out of slavery? Sure, I’d seen the Preacher do some bad things, but I didn’t think no one could ever do nothing that low-down and rotten.
The Preacher’s heart waren’t that bad, couldn’t no one that knowed how hard Mr. Leroy worked ever do nothing like that to him. Couldn’t no one but a demon be that coldhearted, and even if the Preacher had a whole boatload of things that’d make you wonder, couldn’t no one say he waren’t a man.
Mr. Leroy gave me a shake and said, “Son? You think that man would thief my money?”
 
; I told him, “No, sir. I don’t think the Preacher would never do that. Never.”
Mr. Leroy didn’t say nothing more. He turned me a-loose and watched out the window.
’Twaren’t long afore Pa came busting in. He said, “Theodore say he be honoured to help carry your money to Michigan.”
Mr. Leroy and Pa and me shooked hands all ’round.
I heard a horse riding hard and ran out on the stoop.
The Preacher was on Champion and pulled him up out front of our home.
He said, “Brother Leroy still here, Elijah?”
“Yes, sir.”
Pa and Mr. Leroy came out on the stoop.
The Preacher said, “Brother Leroy, get the money together and I’ll be back as soon as I can. Now that I got this horse it won’t take me near as long.”
Pa said, “Hold on a minute, Zeph. Theodore Highgate’s gunn go to Michigan with you.”
I saw a flash in the Preacher’s eyes, but he said, “Why, that’d be fine. It’s going to slow things down a bit, but that would be just fine.”
Mr. Leroy said, “I done thought ’bout it, Zeph, and it be best if both of y’all watches over all that money. Y’all can protect each other’s back.”
The Preacher jumped off of Champion and said, “Is that all that’s worrying you, Leroy? Because if you’re nervous about me and that money, I don’t care if all of Buxton comes along. I don’t want you to have a worry atall about this. I want you to be rested and comforted in your soul about me going.”
The Preacher unbuckled his fancy holster. He pulled it off and reached it and his mystery pistol toward Mr. Leroy.
He said, “Here. Now, it doesn’t cost near what you’re paying for your family, and it’s nowhere close to being as dear, but you know how I feel about this pistol. You’ll be the first person to touch it since I got it. You know I’m not leaving this behind.”
Mr. Leroy said, “It ain’t necessary, Zeph. I trust you.”
The preacher pushed it into Mr. Leroy’s chest and said, “I trust you too. I trust you to hold on to this until I come back with the good word that everything’s set to go.” The Preacher smiled. “I’m also trusting you not to drop my pistol into any water either.”