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“Send word when that’s done, and we’ll finish talking. ” If nothing else, I owed her total honesty about my plans.
It was rude not to offer her an escort to Imogen’s room, but I didn’t want to go anywhere near that part of the castle tonight. So with our exchanged bows, she left in one direction and I in the other. Only seconds later, I heard Gregor’s voice near the princess. “My lady, may I see you to where you’re going?”
Amarinda cooed in delight, then accepted his offer. And with that, any goodwill between her and me vanished. If she did not seek me out later tonight, I would not find her.
Before returning to my room I stopped in the library to find some books for the trip. The castle library wasn’t my favorite place. This was because in the center of the main wall was a large portrait of my family, painted a year ago. In it, my parents sat beside each other with my brother standing behind them. After I found the books I wanted, I stared at the painting for a moment, wondering if any of them had thought about me while they posed. As often as I tried, I could not sort out my feelings about what my father had done. Did he cost me the life I should have had, or did he save my life?
It was too much, and I left the room without looking back.
I returned to my chambers as quickly as I could, where Mott was anxiously waiting for news. His eyes went to the items in my hand. I attempted to cover the title of the top book but it was too late. “Pirate books?” he said. “What are those for?”
“No, Mott. ”
“I remember you telling Conner that you’re not a great reader, unless the subject interests you. ”
I pushed past him. “We leave at dawn. Tobias too. Make sure he knows. ”
“Where —” Mott stopped when I turned to him, then said, “Jaron, are you ill? You don’t look good. ”
I slowly shook my head as I backed into my room. “No questions. Just be ready by morning. ”
Morning brought a cool drizzle that made everything look gray and dreary, as if even the sun was ashamed of this plan. Gregor had assembled a large number of vigils and several servants to accompany me away. The expressions on their faces ranged from pity at my leaving in such a cowardly way to poorly disguised contempt at my incompetence. Other than two vigils who would act as my drivers, I couldn’t dismiss them fast enough.
Gregor spat out a protest, but I said, “How will I hide with half the kingdom as my escort? Mott is all I need, and Tobias can help with things until he becomes too annoying. ” I looked around. “Amarinda isn’t here?”
“I believe the princess was awake quite late helping Imogen prepare to leave. ”
I wondered how Gregor could know this about Amarinda, while I did not. No doubt he was courting her endorsement of him as steward. Or maybe he was courting her for other reasons too. I really didn’t know.
Kerwyn pulled me aside as the last of the supplies were being loaded. “Please, Jaron, don’t go. ”
Despite his pleas, I could only shake my head. “There’s no other choice now. ”
“I thought a little sleep would change your mind. ”
Placing my hand on Kerwyn’s shoulder, I said, “I had the same concern, so I kept myself awake. ”
Kerwyn’s eyes moistened. “I’ve always loved you, Jaron, you know that. When you were lost four years ago, I lost a part of myself. And now we’ve had you back for only a few short weeks. You must promise to return. ”
My attempt at a smile failed. “I promise this, that if I don’t return it’s because I wasn’t strong enough to be king. In which case, Carthya should have a steward. ”
That did nothing to comfort him, and left me feeling hollow too, for that matter. He bowed low and said he would watch every day for news from me. I wished he wouldn’t have said that. I wouldn’t be sending any news, good or bad.
After I got into the carriage with Mott and Tobias, I directed the driver to take us to Farthenwood.
“Farthenwood?” Mott asked in surprise. “But Gregor had another place in mind. ”
“Gregor doesn’t command me,” I snapped.
With a quick glance at Mott, Tobias said, “We have to talk. ”
“Go ahead,” I said, slouching into my seat. “But do it quietly so I can sleep. ”
“Talk with you,” Tobias clarified. But my eyes were already closed.
Once they thought I was asleep, I heard Tobias whisper to Mott, “He looks terrible. ”
“I asked his door vigil this morning. They’re sure he was awake all night, and he might have snuck out of his room for who knows how long. ”
I had. It had taken me all night to work through the books from the library. My hope was that Amarinda would send for me so that we could talk, but she never did. Once I gave up on her, I’d found Kerwyn and shared with him the details of my leaving, a plan that had been received with even less enthusiasm than I’d expected.
“You’re walking into the jaws of the beast that would devour you!” he had cried.
“I’m being devoured now!” was my response. “Kerwyn, this is the only chance I have. The only chance any of us has. ”
Eventually, Kerwyn had given me his reluctant blessing. It wasn’t much to bring with me on this trip, but it was all I had.
Seated across from me now, Tobias whispered to Mott, “How’s his arm?”
“Not bad. It’ll need a few days, but it will heal. ”
“And it was Roden who stabbed him? I knew Roden wanted the throne, but I never guessed he’d try something like this. ”
“Don’t give Roden too much credit,” I murmured. “He cut me, not stabbed me. ” Then I peeked at them and grinned. Neither Mott nor Tobias returned the smile.
So I closed my eyes again, and this time I allowed myself to sleep. It must have been a deep sleep, for when I awoke, the carriage was still and the sun was high in the sky. Mott and I were alone.
“We’re at Farthenwood?” I asked.
“Yes. ”
I yawned and pushed several stray hairs out of my face. “Where’s Tobias?”
“He went in to make arrangements for our stay. There was no advance word of our coming so nobody was prepared to receive you. ”
“Dismiss anyone who’s still here. Tell them we’ll be gone in a few days and they can return. And I want you to find something in the hills for the vigils to protect, like a rock or a thornbush. I don’t want to see them around here. ”
“Fine. But they’re nowhere around right now. We’re alone. ” He licked his lips and added, “We must talk about Roden’s attack last night. ”
I stared out the carriage window but saw nothing. “All right, talk. ”
He leaned forward and clasped his hands. “Last night you told me your choice would come down to either the unacceptable or the impossible. So which did you choose?”
With little to offer him, I only shrugged. “Well, as I said, the unacceptable is . . . not acceptable. ”
“Then the impossible clearly means you’re planning something with the pirates. ”
“Don’t ask me about that right now. ”
“Then you ask me!” Never before had I seen such an intense look of concern in Mott’s eyes. “Jaron, all you have to do is ask, and I would follow you into the devil’s lair. ” After a beat he added, “Or even to the pirates. ”