“That makes the two of us. We can celebrate together, Snorrie.” He held a caramel cube up and I clinked it with my butterscotch square for a toast. Then we both popped them into our mouths.
“How come you don’t have a Valentine’s date?” I asked, mouth full like Hunter’s. Our friendship had apparently matured far enough that manners were out the door.
He shrugged. “Nobody wanted to be my Valentine.” He gave me that adorable puppy-dog face he’d given me before at the cafe—the one that made me want to reach out and pet him on the head.
“You got chocolates from someone though.”
“That doesn’t count.” The bride on TV fretting about her dress size was getting obnoxiously loud so Hunter picked up the remote from the coffee table and turned down the volume.
“Sure seems like it does. You probably just turn down all your Valentine’s dates. We both know you have a lot of fans that like to watch you fight.”
“You know me Lorrie, if I spent Valentine’s Day with one of them, it would give them the wrong idea.”
“What’s the wrong idea?”
“That I want to date them, hang around with them. You know I pretty much only like hanging around with you and Gary.”
“Won’t people get ideas if I’m here with you?”
“Sure, other people can think whatever they want about you and me hanging out. Are you okay with that?”
“Well, I don’t like the gossip, but I don’t let it bother me. Usually. That time about the kittens was different.”
“That’s fair.” He looked at me earnestly. “Hey, you got some chocolate on the edge of your mouth.”
I tried wiping it with my finger but wasn’t confident that I got it.
“No, you missed it.” He reached his finger up and gently brushed the corner of my lip. I was uncomfortably aware of his body being so close to mine. I could feel the heat from his legs through the layer of clothes separating us.
I cleared my throat and pulled away.
“What’s wrong Snorrie? Afraid of touching me?” He sucked the chocolate that had been on my mouth off his finger.
“No,” I said casually. I didn’t trust my voice enough to say anything further so I just stayed silent and looked at the TV. It was stupid, but maybe Valentine’s Day was getting to me too. I felt lonelier than usual, and being this close to Hunter wasn’t helping.
I saw Hunter flash a wicked smile at me from the side of my vision. He lifted his hand to the side of my neck and brushed away a strand of hair. His hands were warm and soft against my skin, I flinched back, afraid of him seeing the effect he had on me.
Hunter kept dragging his fingers against my neck using just a feather-light touch. I rolled my head, trying to avoid his touch. I knew where this was going.
“Wait, you’re not ticklish, are you Lorrie?”
“No! Of course not!”
“Okay, I guess then you don’t feel anything when I do this right?”
Hunter tickled my neck and I squealed before grabbing his arm and pushing it away. He laughed heartily to himself.
“No fair!” I cried. Reaching my arm over, I decided to go on the offensive by tickling his ribs. He didn’t react at first and I watched his face for any sign of a reaction. Just when I thought he wasn’t ticklish at all and that I was at a terrible disadvantage, he guffawed loudly, and wriggled away. I knew he was being nice and could have stopped me at any point, but he let me continue tickling him a bit longer as he tried to squirm away on the couch.
My fingers felt only hardened muscle everywhere they went, and Hunter kept trying to get away from me. I was breathing heavy from the exertion, laughing along with him when he suddenly grabbed my wrist.
We paused for a second, both of us panting slightly.
“That wasn’t fair, you took advantage of me when I wasn’t ready!” Hunter protested.
I opened my mouth to argue. “What?! You were the one who started it!”
“Hm . . . you do have a good point, but now I’m going to finish it!” Before I could break away, he was on top of me, his fingers tickling my ribs. I giggled, taking short panicked breaths, but I couldn’t get away from his fingers torturing me.
Finally when I couldn’t take it anymore I squealed, “Stop, Hunter! Stop! You win!”
My face felt hot and my stomach hurt from laughing. I was afraid if he tickled me any more, I’d die from laughter.
He finally stopped, but still held my wrists firm in his hands. I let out a few more panicked laughs before sucking in deep breaths for a second, a layer of sweat on my forehead. We were both horizontal on his couch. Hunter was lying on top of me, his muscular chest pressed heavy against my breasts. I could tell from the way he was breathing that I had made him work for it too.
Hunter looked down at me, victory in his eyes. “I win, Lorrie. Defeating you makes me the heavyweight-champion of tickling.”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever, Mr. Overly-Competitive.” I looked to my side and spotted the chocolate box that was nearly empty. “Last chocolate!” I frantically grabbed at the lone raspberry truffle, knocking the box off the coffee table in the process.
“Hey, no fair! Wait!” he cried.
I laughed. “Too late, Hunter, I’m the Chocolate-Champion. You gotta work on your hand speed.”
“I just gotta work on my mouth speed,” he growled. His jaw swooped in on the truffle in my hand and tried to bite it but I quickly pulled it away at the last instant.
Giggling, I continued moving it away each time he tried chomping at it like I was dangling a chocolate covered carrot in front of him. Sensing he was getting better at anticipating my movements, I hurriedly brought it to my mouth and bit down on the delicious truffle. An instant later, Hunter had bitten down on the other half that had been sticking out of my mouth.
Our lips touched.
We locked eyes. Neither us moved for what seemed like an eternity. Anticipation coiled in my stomach. My skin prickled. I exhaled heavily and slowly through my nose, flickering my eyes down to where our lips made contact. His light breathing through his nostrils blew across my eyelashes. My pulse thundered in my veins as a heated flush rose to my face. I gazed deeply into his gray eyes, feeling the chocolate melting between our lips. I stared, watching him watch me, watching his eyelids grow heavy, feeling my own lids falling. We both bit down on the truffle at the same time our lips locked.
I arched myself up into his mouth. His lips felt damp and hot. The melted raspberry chocolate swirled between us. I kissed him needily, wanting to feel every surface of his mouth against mine, wanting to taste every inch. Our tongues darted in and out of each other, exploring each other fully. His knee pressed against the crotch of my jeans and I ground my hips into him, needing to feel more. Something long, thick, and hot pressed against my thigh. I knew what it was. I’d seen it before when he was just wearing a towel and sitting on the coffee table in front of me, but now I felt it. Our tongues entwined, I felt his mouth begin to pull away—perhaps he had momentarily come to his senses—but I reached behind his head and pulled him back to me. Our mouths wrestled and our tongues tangled passionately.
Then there was a knock on the door. I pushed Hunter off of me, my skin suddenly clammy with a cold sweat.
The door opened and Gary’s voice drifted in. Shit. Hadn’t Hunter locked the door? No, of course not, he was probably expecting Gary.
We quickly disentangled ourselves from each other and sat upright.
“Hey boys and girls! Party’s here!” Gary said, setting something down on the kitchen counter that clinked loudly.
I could sense Hunter’s eyes on me, trying to gauge my response. Shit. How did it ever come to this? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. And on Valentine’s Day no less. We were supposed to be friends. Just friends. Of course Hunter was going to get the wrong idea now.
And if Gary saw us . . .
Turning around on the couch I saw Gary’s back was to us. He unpacked what must’ve been the beer.
?
??Hey Gary,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady.
Hunter didn’t say anything but I could tell he was still watching me. Damn it Lorrie, what’s wrong with you? You knew that hanging around Hunter on Valentine’s Day was a bad idea.
Hunter grunted something and Gary turned around to look at us. If Gary thought something was up, he was certainly a good actor. He walked over and then handed Hunter and me each a bottle of Miller Lite. We took our bottles and then Gary clinked his bottle against mine first, then Hunter’s.
“To being single,” he announced, beaming at us. I couldn’t tell if he was trying to be funny or if he was just oblivious.
I nodded and took a long swig from my bottle, before turning back around in the couch, trying to avoid Hunter’s gaze.
“So, Gary, I saw some brothers from Phi Kappa Delta selling chocolates today, did you sell any too?” I asked, trying to mask the awkwardness between Hunter and me.
“Sure did. I just unloaded two boxes at the gym this morning. Those guys crave the carbs you know.” He winked at me before settling down on the lounge chair next to the sofa.
Hunter hadn’t said a single word since Gary arrived and it was making me nervous. I couldn’t tell if it was because he was mad at me or what. Surely Gary would notice something was wrong. I was antsy in my seat, both because I couldn’t talk to Hunter immediately about what just happened and also because I was worried about Gary catching on soon.
Gary switched the channel on the TV and we all watched a few rounds of a breakdancing competition sponsored by Red Bull. Hunter grunted a few words here and there, but he wasn’t his usual self. Sitting there next to him, and not being able to talk about it was painful.
After an hour, I made an excuse about needing to hang out with Daniela and took my leave. Hunter didn’t protest and just nodded slowly. We could barely meet each other’s eyes. We’d already admitted our attraction to one another and now we had kissed. It was easier to pretend a sleepover never happened and move on but how could we pretend that a kiss never happened?
Chapter Fifteen
HURT
The next day I sat in Psych 102, trying not to zone out while Professor Muller droned on about something to do with marshmallows and Harvard. I didn’t know what to make of the kiss between me and Hunter. Whose fault was it? What did Hunter think about it? Things between us were a mess and I had no idea how we were going to fix it. Even though we had become much closer over the past weeks, I still had my baggage. And Hunter had his as well—Gary and Mitch had practically pointed to it with a neon sign.
It was one thing to be friends, it was another to be in a relationship. Two unstable people like us shouldn’t get together.
I looked over at Daniela, who was as focused on the lecture as she had been every other. Hopefully she would end up becoming a psychologist; I couldn’t think of anyone who loved any subject as much as she seemed to love psychology. It made me a little jealous that she had found something she loved so much. So far all I had was drawing, and that was more of a hobby than my life’s passion.
She looked over at me and seemed to read my expression. “What’s up?” she whispered.
I shook my head and looked down, but saw her watch me another few seconds out of the corner of my eye. She eventually turned back to the front of the class and paid attention to the rest of the lecture. Twenty minutes later, the class ended. I was packing my stuff up when she grabbed my arm. “Something happened,” she said matter-of-factly. “We’re going to Starbucks.”
“You don’t have to meet your group early for Geology or anything?”
“Nope. Come on, let’s go.”
We chatted idly on the walk over and continued chatting while waiting in line at the Starbucks next to the Barnyard. I got black coffee as usual; Daniela went for a mocha. Our drinks came, and we found a seat on an open couch.
“Okay, what’s up?” she asked.
I looked out the window at the snow falling lightly to the ground. Where should I start with that question? My whole world felt upside down.
“This has to do with Hunter doesn’t it?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I was at his place to feed the kittens on Valentine’s Day and . . . well . . . something happened between us.”
Her face lit up. “Holy shit, you guys kissed, didn’t you?”
I blinked and looked back at my friend. Was I that easy to read? Looking around to see if anyone was listening to our conversation, I pressed my lips together into a thin line and nodded. It looked like people were minding their own business.
Her eyes widened. “I knew it!” She smirked. “You said you thought of him as your older brother and now you kissed him. Not so high on your moral-horse now aren’t you? But I can’t blame you, it’s Hunter. Tell me everything. How did it happen?”
“We were sitting on his couch watching TV and he started tickling my neck. After that we were kind of going back and forth in a tickle fight for a little while, and he ended up on top of me. Then we bit down on this chocolate together and somehow that turned into making out.”
“Was it hot?” she asked breathlessly.
I felt myself blushing fiercely as I remembered the warm, smooth feeling of his lips locked on mine. When we kissed, I hadn’t resisted at all. I’d wanted more. What would have happened if Gary hadn’t come through the door at that moment?
“It was a mistake,” I said through my teeth.
She pursed her lips and shook her head. “What happened after he kissed you?”
I grimaced. “Gary came in.”
She gasped.
“But I don’t think he saw anything,” I added quickly. I took a sip of my coffee. It was so hot it burnt the roof of my mouth. I swallowed it painfully, feeling it travel all the way down to my stomach.
“Whoa, you okay?” Daniela asked.
“Yeah, sorry,” I choked. “Coffee’s just a little hot, that’s all.”
“Okay, so what happened after Gary came in?”
“Nothing. It looked like he was watching me to see how I would react, but he didn’t say anything. I hung around for a little while after Gary came, then left.”
“So you have no idea what he thinks about it right now?”
I shook my head.
“Were you drunk?”
“No! And neither was he.”
She tilted her head in apparent thought. “So he was hanging out with Gary on Valentine’s Day?”
“Yeah, I thought that was weird too.”
“Maybe he wanted to hang out with you on V-Day rather than Gary,” she said before taking a sip of her mocha.
“I don’t know, I guess. Does it matter? I’m not going to get romantically involved with him. You were there when I yelled at him for exploiting the kittens. He’s used to getting BJs whenever he wants from anyone he wants. I’m not that kind of girl.”
She shrugged. “What if he wants to be exclusive with you?”
I remembered Hunter asking me for a date back when we walked through that abandoned amusement park together, and I had declined. Although Hunter and I had admitted our mutual attraction for one another since then, dating was one thing, exclusivity was another. “Like boyfriend and girlfriend?”
“Yeah. I mean, hypothetically, what would you think?”
I took a deep breath. Most of the girls at Arrowhart would think that question was a no-brainer, but I wasn’t sure. Hunter was gorgeous, there was no denying that. Plus, we had a lot of fun together just goofing off and hanging out. Still, I wasn’t sure if I was ready to have a romantic relationship with anyone, let alone Hunter.
“I don’t know,” I said finally. “When I decided to come back this semester, all I wanted to do was make it through without having a breakdown and failing any of my classes.”
“Those are good goals.”
I laughed. “Yeah, and I’m not sure dating someone is going to help. I don’t know if I’m emotionally ready for that right now, you know?”
“I hear you, but I’m
kind of wondering if that ship’s sailed. At this point you’re already emotionally involved with him. If you break it off now, it’s still going to hurt.”
“Maybe a little pain now is better than a lot of pain later . . .”
She shrugged and looked at her phone. “Shit, I have to run to class. Keep me posted though, okay? We can talk more tonight.”
I nodded and watched her pack up. She left with a wave, leaving me alone to think. Talking with Daniela had confused me even more. I had been assuming that Hunter was seeing lots of different girls, but the fact that he was alone on Valentine’s Day made me question that. What if he did want to be my boyfriend? Did I want that? Could I handle that right now?
I didn’t know. Sighing, I packed up my stuff and headed outside. Maybe the cold air would help me clear my mind.
After walking for a few minutes, I took a seat on a bench in the Arts Quad and pulled out my sketchbook. The snow had eased up, leaving a thin layer on the landscape. It was one of those beautiful winter scenes you could put on a Christmas card. I scanned my surroundings hoping for inspiration to sketch something.
Nothing was coming. It was such a beautiful day, but I couldn’t find the right subject to focus on. I inhaled a deep breath and put my pencil down. As I exhaled, I watched my breath in the cold winter air disappear.
Hunter and I hadn’t been in contact since the kiss yesterday. It was an unusually long time for us to not at least exchange a text message. Barely thinking, I picked my pencil back up and began sketching Hunter from memory. The lines came easily: his hard gray eyes, pronounced cheekbones, and strong jaw came from my pencil as if they were meant to. I quickly had a workable sketch of his face. The pensive expression I gave him in my sketch reflected what I was feeling. After completing the shading, I realized I didn’t know how Hunter felt about our kiss. Was he as confused as I was?
I decided to break the silence and send him a message.