I spent the rest of the day arguing with myself about whether or not I should go back and what I should do. I needed to take my mind off of all of this at least for a second. It was Sunday, family day at the facility where my mother was. She couldn’t have visitors for one more month, but she did get phone time. I called and told the receptionist who I was and who I’d like to talk to. There is a list for each patient of those who are allowed to call or visit. I was the only one on hers.
“Hi Mom! How are you doing?” I tried to sound upbeat…it was hard.
“Hi baby girl. Your mama is doing okay. I got almost two months under my belt. I’ve gained a few pounds, my hair stopped falling out and my skin looks awesome.”
“That’s great, Mom. I’m so glad to hear that you’re acclimatizing there. How is the staff? Are they nice?”
“Yes they’re really nice and Holly, I’m glad you made me do this.”
I laughed, “Mother, you did this; I didn’t make you do anything. All of this hard work is on you.”
“I would have never done it if not for your urging. Most adult kids would have taken off by now and let me sort it all out, or drink myself to death, whichever came first.”
“I love you, Mom. I’m not ready to lose you.”
“I love you too, Holly. Thank you again for sticking by me.” I was getting teary eyed again.
“Okay, enough mushy gushy stuff. Tell me about the facility. What is your day like?”
“They keep us really busy. Holly, I can’t even imagine what you had to pay for this place. You must be working double time. I’m so sorry…”
“Mom, happy stuff, remember?”
“Okay,” she said with a chuckle. “Well, we’re on a pretty tight schedule Monday through Friday. On Monday I have my one on one therapy. My therapist is so nice, and she’s been in recovery for ten years herself. She really knows what she’s talking about. Then I have a few groups and on Tuesday and Thursdays I do yoga and Friday, acupuncture. I get a massage on the weekends and they let us go on outings to the beach. I can’t believe you’re paying for all of this…”
“Oh Mother, hush. I want to pay for it. It seems like a great place. I’m so glad that they’re helping you out.”
“They are, honey. I’ll probably always crave it but they’re teaching me how to push those cravings aside and move forward.”
“That’s great, Mom.”
“How’s your work coming along?” she asked me. I didn’t tell her about Aiden, or about not working at the café any longer. I would get around to it. I rubbed my hand across my still flat belly and thought the time will come when I won’t be able to hide it any longer. For now, I didn’t want to worry her.
“It’s going fine, Mom. You know same old…”
We talked for a while longer and after a while, I felt myself feeling better, calmer somehow. My mother hadn’t had that effect on me since I was a kid so it was definitely a good thing. That night when I lay down to go to sleep I had decided to go talk to Aiden the next day before my doctor’s appointment. Maybe he had an explanation…