I hoped he didn’t have too many more surprises like this. My heart was skipping beats already. I was in way too deep. I didn’t exactly stop myself from falling, but he did a whole lot of pulling, whether he knew it or not.
He described a few items on the menu for me, but in the end I could only settle on the lobster and even that seemed strange. I felt the creatures in the Ocean and I were linked somehow, and it seemed wrong to be eating them. But the guilt was the least of my worries.
I made a huge mess trying to eat my dinner. It required two different kinds of forks and a cracking tool I wouldn’t have known how to use on my own. Akinli was patient with me. He helped me open the shell and pull out the meat. It was good. It was sweet and savory and the texture caught me by surprise. It’s difficult to describe. Thinner than chicken and chewy, but not in a tough way.
Akinli told me the tail was the best part, and when I couldn’t figure out how to break it, he ripped it open with his bare hands. I don’t know why, but that made me hungry in a very different way. All in all, I was glad I’d tried lobster, but I was grateful that my responses to things were pretty much limited to nods. I got the feeling that this food was a luxury, but mostly because of the way he talked about it. I probably wouldn’t seek it out again on my own.
When we were done and I was sure I’d wiped all the butter off of my hands, I went to grab my notebook.
Thank you so much for dinner. It was yummy.
“Anytime.”
Is this where you went this afternoon? To get this notebook?
“Yeah.” He smiled. “I had a few errands to run.”
I thought about our afternoon apart from each other. I wanted to ask about old what’s-her-name, but I didn’t know how to. And we’d had such a nice evening, I didn’t know if it would make him sad to talk about her. I went a different route, still eager to learn all I could.
Julie told me that you read a lot?
“Yes. I was studying English in college. I’m hoping to go back soon. Not this fall, obviously, but maybe in the spring. I think I’d like to teach one day.”
I think you’d be a great teacher! Just look at how patient you are with me!
“Ha! You don’t require any patience, Kahlen. You’re very easy to be around.”
How old are you?
“Just turned twenty-three. How old are you?”
I didn’t know if nineteen sounded too young. It was only four years, but maybe that gap between teen and twenty-something would discount me for some reason. Well, that, and I was temporarily immortal and contained a voice that might break him.
That’s a very good question.
I smiled, giving off a show of complete calm at my forgetfulness. He laughed.
“Doesn’t matter much, I suppose. I’d hang out with you even if you were twelve.” He paused. “But please tell me you’re not twelve.”
I rolled my eyes. He chuckled.
A waitress came and cleared our plates. I noticed her bend and whisper something in Akinli’s ear. For goodness sake, did every girl in this town flirt with him? He whispered back “Kahlen.” Oh! I wondered what she asked. I hoped it was something along the lines of “Who’s your girlfriend?”
We continued with our half-written conversation for a few more minutes. There weren’t very many people left outside anymore. The Ocean was still, and the seagulls that had chirped away all morning had silenced themselves for the night. I knew a lot about living without sound. Sometimes that life seemed like too much quiet to bear, but something about this silence didn’t bother me so much. I had to assume it was good company. I found myself smiling at Akinli for no particular reason as he scribbled in the margin of my book. He caught me staring and smiled back. His eyes were soft, reflecting the outdoor lights.
I lost every thought in my head.
A group of the wait staff came out of the tiny restaurant with a cake in their hands, aglow with candles. I wouldn’t have noticed except for a few gasps from other diners. How sweet! It was someone’s birthday. I searched around the pier for someone’s face to light up, realizing their cake was coming. But the only face with such an expression was Akinli’s. Was it his birthday? No. Ben and Julie would have said something. My expression must have shown my confusion. He leaned into my ear and whispered, practically breathing his explanation.
“I’m sorry. I had to lie. I told them today was your birthday. It was the only way they would let me bring you cake. And I know how you love cake. Go along with me, okay?”
I didn’t know how to respond, but my body responded of its own accord. My eyes welled up, but I couldn’t actually cry because I was smiling, too. I didn’t remember my last birthday party. I didn’t even know when my birthday was anymore. Maybe I wasn’t growing up, but I’d seen so much time in my life it seemed obvious now that I should have celebrated the passing of it. I missed this ritual more than I thought I had. I wrote quickly— blinking back happy tears— as the staff continued to walk towards us.
But maybe you’re telling the truth. I have no way of knowing.
He laughed. “Good point.”
They sang as they approached, and the few remaining patrons applauded.
“How about this? If you never remember you’re real birth date, we’ll make it today, alright?” he whispered again. I loved the feeling of his words falling on my skin.
I nodded, tears still in my eyes. I was ridiculously happy.
“How old are you, dear?” a waitress asked.
“Kahlen’s twenty today,” Akinli answered, winking at me. Not a bad guess. Twenty sounded better than nineteen to me. And, if this was my next birthday, I would be twenty. I beamed.
“Make a wish,” he lovingly instructed.
I smiled brightly, looking into Akinli’s eyes. I knew what I wanted more than anything was to stay with him. I could wish for that on every candle, star, clover, and eyelash in the world and never ever get it. I had to accept that wasn’t something worth wishing for. If I couldn’t have that, what was number two on the list of things I wanted most in the world? I closed my eyes and focused on something that I knew could truly happen.
I wish that Akinli would be happy.
I blew out the candles with an easy breath to the applause of all the bystanders. What kind people to clap for a stranger. There was plenty of cake to go around, so I shared with these people and had my fill as well. There wasn’t a single bite left over to take to Ben and Julie. Oh well.
The restaurant actually closed before we finished talking. I scribbled my notes, trying to keep up with our conversation, but usually our thoughts rambled over one another’s, never actually finishing a complete exchange. And it was fine with me. I was content here, even with the Ocean just under foot.
Finally, once the lights were all shut down and we couldn’t see what I was writing anymore, we stood to leave. Akinli took my hand without a second thought. I was happy, imagining the closeness of the brief ride home. But when we got to Bessie, he turned back to me.
“Do you feel like going home yet?”
I shook my head.
“Me either.” He smiled devilishly. “Come on.”
Akinli pressed a button and the seat on Bessie popped up. Underneath was a storage area with a blanket inside. I wondered if that was always there or if he’d only just put it in there today. We ran down to the concrete barrier that separated the cars from the coast. He hurdled over it and then reached for me. Akinli took me by my waist and helped me over; the heels didn’t set well on the rocks. He started taking his shoes off.
“Just leave them here; no one’s going to take them.”
I was hesitant because they weren’t my shoes, but I couldn’t argue that it made things easier. He held my hand and helped me down the spiky coast. I pretended to need more help than I actually did. There was a small stretch of sand just past the rocks. Houses lined
the coast. It was getting late, but several of them still had lights on.
At one house, I saw the light of a screened-in porch. I couldn’t make out their faces, but I could see two girls around a CD player. They were giggling and handing CDs back and forth. Their songs drifted on the wind, much like the call of the Ocean, and wrapped around us on the beach. The current song was upbeat. I liked it.
Akinli put the blanket down at the edge of the rocks, smoothing out the corners into a wide rectangle. I hopped directly from rock to blanket. I wasn’t sure if the moisture that saturated the sand would give me away. I sat down, wrapping my legs around to one side and smoothing out my dress, trying to look ladylike. Akinli pulled in right behind me, propping himself up on his hands. I fit just between his legs, and I let myself lay back on his chest. There was a comfort in the simple motion of his breathing. We were quiet for a long time. The girls went through several songs in the background.
“Kahlen, can I ask you a question?”
I nodded. I didn’t know how I would answer; there was no way he could read anything in the dark here.
“Do you believe in things like God or fate?” Wow. That was an interesting question. And he asked about two different things. At least, they were different in my mind.
I made a motion with my hands that I’d used before to say “so so” or something similar— that was the only way to express my feelings.
“So, sort of? Wait do you mean that for God or fate? Sorry, that was confusingly worded.”
I put up the number two with my hand.
“So you don’t believe in fate? Or you sort of believe in fate?”
I gave a shaky nod. I didn’t know how to express this one without words.
“What about God? Do you believe in God?”
I nodded enthusiastically. I had believed in God before I was a siren, and I had even more of a reason to now.
“Well, if you believe in God, do you think that He could ordain something to just be?”
I nodded.
“Is that different than fate to you?”
I had thought so… I shrugged.
“Do you think that something could just be meant to be?”
His thought process was perplexing. Where was he going with this? I couldn’t understand. I turned to look him in the face, with an expression to convey my confusion.
“Sorry. I mean, I know that all sounds weird. But a lot has happened to me in the last year or so. And it’s been hard. But then, I don’t know, to have it all lead to a place where I find myself… happy. Do you think that God could have meant all that bad for good?”
I reached up and brushed his face. Was he talking about me? I didn’t know. I just wanted him to be happy. I’d spent my first birthday wish in eighty years asking for just that. If he was there now, I couldn’t be more pleased. Even if his happiness completely excluded me, I could be alright with that.
I thought of my own struggle. I had lost my family, my life, my dearest friend. And that twisted path— a road that made no sense to me— led me to this moment. And where was I in this moment? On a blanket, sitting with the most wonderful person in the world. Resting against the chest of the kindest, gentlest man, talking about life or cake or whatever we felt like. Wasn’t I happy in this moment? Could God have brought me through all of that, knowing it would take me this long to find the one person on the planet who was right for me?
I couldn’t say. Would God let me come here to meet Akinli only to have me lose him again?
I looked into Akinli’s handsome eyes. I know I had to seem sad.
“You know what? I do believe it. I think that everything happens for a reason. Even the bad stuff can bring us to someplace good.” He touched my cheek as he said those last words. If he did mean me…
You think that now because you don’t know I have to leave you.
He chuckled.
“Alright. I think you’re onto something. Next time I ask about faith, we’ll use paper, okay? I shouldn’t spring that on you without you being able to explain.”
I gave him a serious nod. It was unfair to leave me stranded without a way to explain myself.
I sighed. The evening was passing on. My time was running out, but thinking about that would only ruin it. So I smiled as Akinli started to move.
He stood quickly and pulled me up along with him. “Do you want to get your feet wet?” he said enthusiastically, trying to change the mood.
He succeeded.
Without meaning to, I took several steps backwards. I couldn’t be in Her. That was the greatest danger I could think of. I found myself trying to pull my hand out of his grip.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you okay?”
I nodded my head, but I don’t think I pulled my face together well enough.
“Kahlen, honey, are you afraid of the water?” he asked. I was thinking of too many things to properly answer. I was engulfed in worry at being in the Ocean, nervous about how to respond, and warmed because Akinli just called me “honey.”
“I noticed it on the boat today, too. When you got in, you looked at the gap between the dock and the boat like it was the scariest thing in the world.”
I stared. I didn’t know I had done that.
“Kahlen, do you think maybe you did fall off of a boat? I thought that at first, remember? Because you smelled like the ocean. Do you think that might have been what happened?”
I shrugged. I knew I looked worried, and I was trying to unwrinkle my forehead. I didn’t want him to worry about me. He took my face gently in his hands, and I looked into his eyes. I could feel the tension in my body fading at his touch.
“I’m sorry. I’m asking too many questions. I know you can’t remember any of that, and I shouldn’t push you. I’m sorry if I upset you.” His hands were gentle but supported my head in such a way that I couldn’t feel its weight at all. Honestly, as he looked into my eyes, I couldn’t feel the weight of anything. “Don’t you worry about it anymore. We don’t have to get anywhere near the water. And I won’t make you go on the boat again if it makes you nervous. Never again.”
He pulled me in like he did this morning, as if he felt a sudden urge to protect me. I must not have been as good an actress as I thought if he could read my nerves so easily. His arms wrapped around me like a shield, and my worries faded into black along with the night. I couldn’t make out their shape or color anymore. All I could see was Akinli.
The song switched in the distance. The tempo was steady but slow. One of the girls sighed.
I thought about how I was supposed to have left tonight. That was the plan. There were no new answers, and there never would be. I had given Akinli his day, but now it was just assumed I’d stay. He had just promised to never make me go on the boat again. He must believe there was a reason to make such a promise. And he was figuring out every little thing that would make me comfortable, so I’d never need to be anywhere else. I didn’t want to go somewhere else, that was certain, but there are some things that just can’t be helped. What was I going to do?
“Hmm,” he said. His head was turned towards the song in the distance. “Do you want to dance?”
The song was good for a slow dance. I thought I could do that. No one could see us here if I managed to be less graceful than I hoped to be. I nodded my head and smiled, pushing the inevitable out of my mind again. I was already in his arms, so he simply dropped his right hand to my waist and lifted the other to hold my hand up. My one hand rested in his, the other set itself upon his chest. We swayed to the sounds in the distance. Every once in a while he would switch directions, and I followed in matched time, our feet pushing the blanket in strange ways on the sand.
“You follow really well. Most girls try to lead. I’ve never had such an easy time dancing,” he whispered in my ear. He got quiet.
His breath kept falling into the hair beside m
y neck. Every once in a while he seemed to take a deeper breath, like he was trying to smell me without me noticing. It was probably a big disappointment; he could smell the Ocean anytime he wanted. His rough hand held mine tenderly. I felt so small by him. He moved his head up; his nose rested to the side of my forehead.
“Earlier tonight, when we you were telling me that story with your hands…”
I grinned, and my cheek spread into his chin. Using the paper was easy enough and got us through most of the evening. But at one point he had insisted I try to tell him something using only hand gestures to see if he could keep up. I told him about discovering Miaka without him having any clue what the big motions of my hands meant. Every once in a while he would interject with a silly comment like “I love jelly, too.” I finished with a flourish, to which he said “jazz hands.” I didn’t know what it meant, but it made me smile all the same.
“I just want you to know, that’s the best conversation I’ve ever had,” he whispered. “You probably feel like you don’t communicate much, but I think you say a lot. Your eyes, your posture. There’s a world of words around you, Kahlen. And you may not be able to express it all as easily as you’d like, but I can tell that you understand things. And not just the surface of things… if that makes sense.”
I pulled back to look at his face. He looked like he really meant what he was saying. The wind picked up a piece of my hair and blew it across my cheek. He took his hand off my waist and used his fingers to brush it back into place. Instead of dropping his hand, it disappeared into my hair. He looked into my eyes, and it seemed like several thoughts were running behind his. He stared. His breathing picked up.
But everything else seemed to slow down. I could make out the sounds of lapping waters hitting the sand and rocks. I saw how the moon was slightly smaller than last night, but still full enough to light our faces now that our eyes had adjusted to the dark. I could smell Akinli’s detergent mixed with the smell of the Sea and something sweet being baked in one of the houses nearby. I could taste the thickness of the air around me, full of the heat of summer. I felt Akinli’s hand massaging the back of my neck, my hair moving with his fingers.