* * * *
“ A man has done nothing for you until he has made you a wife.
Stop idolizing BOYFRIENDS.”
Phoenix,Arizona
A few hours later the Greyhound bus pulled into Phoenix,Arizona. I was glad we were stopping somewhere because I had to pee something terrible. I damn sure didn’t want to use the bathroom on the bus. As packed as the bus was, I could only imagine how much of a nasty, funky mess it was. The driver came over the loud speaker sounding as if he'd been sipping black coffee and chewing razor blades. He sounded so bad it made me wonder if his ass was sober? He informed us we’d be taking off in 20 minutes. Perfect, I thought. Plenty of time for me to find a bathroom and grab something to eat.
“ Girl I’m starving! Let’s find something to eat real fast and call the boo to check in.” Shavon said grinning widely. “ This man has been texting me like crazy.”
LaDaya began laughing.
“ Girl, Will know he loves the hell out of you!” The two women cackled loudly as they exited the bus.
Ummhmm. They all start out that way until you fall head over heels with them. Then they could care less. Assholes. I thought making my way off the bus. After using the restroom and grabbing a chicken strip meal from the KFC inside the station, I headed back to the bus with five minutes to spare. My two travel mates were already there seated and talking on their phones. Damn! No open seats available on this leg of the trip either ? I looked over the bus quickly.
I eased into my seat and began to quickly eat my meal. As soon as I’m done, I’m putting my headphones on or pulling out my Kindle. Anything to tune these two loud mouthed hood rats out, I thought. I took a sip of my coke and pulled out my cell phone. The bus was back on the road but our break had been so short, I hadn’t touched base with Katrina to let her know I was okay. I had several messages from her and about 20 messages from Roderick. All varying in tone from pleading for me to come back to outrage that I had the nerve to “ try” and leave him again. Ain't that some shit? I hadn’t been gone but a couple of hours today and he had time to send about 20 text messages. Last night when I'd left to stay the night at Katrina's place he'd come looking for me but this time Katrina stood her ground and didn't let him in or confirm I was there at all. Just the other day when I complained about him not returning my texts, he accused me of having stalker tendencies.
This man berated me about trying to keep tabs on him. Reminding me that he was a grown ass man. Look who’s stalking now mother fucker.
I sent Katrina a quick text letting her know I was all right and that I’d call her on our next rest stop. I powered off my phone because I knew the calls and texts from Roderick were going to continue until I answered him. I didn’t have time for that nonsense. I was too busy plotting my next move. Far away from him.
“ Shavon, I’m wide awake now girl! Let me see that rock again.” LaDaya squealed excitedly. She quickly covered her gap-toothed mouth after realizing how loud she was.
Shavon grinned, her gold teeth gleaming in the sunlight pouring through the bus windows.
“ I still can’t believe it! I’m getting married girl!” Shavon said throwing her ring proudly in LaDaya’s face.
“ Shit I don’t know why! You had a plan and you stuck to it. My girl just got engaged the other week.” LaDaya said turning to include me in on their girl talk.
“ Show her the ring Shavon!”
Shavon proudly complied, stretching her arm across LaDaya who occupied the middle seat. I leaned forward to peer at the ring that had her grinning like a Cheshire cat. I quickly masked the shocked frown that began to spread across my face. Where was the damn diamond? This ain't no damn rock! It was more like a diamond chip…if that. It was so small I needed a damn microscope just to see the shit.
These some ol' easy to please ass bitches!
Now granted my relationship with Roderick hadn’t been perfect. Not by a long shot. After all the nigga had me on a damn Greyhound bus leaving town. But during our ten years together, I’d actually been given three simply gorgeous engagement rings. I quickly shook away thoughts of what I like to call my “ shut-up” rings. After all, what did expensive rings matter if he never wanted to walk down the aisle with me? Not to mention the mental abuse. Roderick would give me the damn rings professing his undying love for me. Yet each wedding date he wanted to set, was always three years into the future.
I choked back the tears I could feel threatening to start back up. This wasn’t about me right now. This lady was obviously over the moon with happiness over her little piece of a ring. Who was I to hate on love? I damn sure didn't want to turn into a BBW. Oh no, I wasn't worried about my weight in the least.. I didn't want to become one of the many Bitter Black Women walking around angry with the world. A woman so beaten down by failed relationships with men, I took it out on the world.
“ Girl your ring is absolutely beautiful. Congratulations.” I said managing to sound genuinely happy for her. At least I hoped that's how I sounded. It was evident by the smile on her face she was on cloud nine by the way she was flashing that little toy ring around! I sure hated to see the day someone informed her that ring displayed not a single shred of glint or bling whatsoever. Hell, those long ass, ghetto looking, acrylic nails…or should I say claws she had on her hands were rocking more shine than that piece of an engagement ring she had on. Each nail had about six strategically placed rhinestones on them. Hell she should have taken those two gold teeth out of her mouth to add some more weight to that gold band. Especially since they were gleaming brighter than the ring on her finger. It looked like 10k to me.
“ Thank you!” Shavon said holding her hand out in front of herself to continue admiring her newly acquired ring. LaDaya popped her overly glossed lips and rolled her neck.
“ Well girl you laid it out there on the line with that brotha. More sistas need to take a lesson from you my friend. Including myself. If I ever want Paul to take our relationship seriously,I’m going to have lay all my needs on the line with him. I am a marriage minded black woman.” she said rolling her eyes.
I could tell by how passionately LaDaya spoke, it was a touchy subject with her. I could definitely relate. After all, I’d been going through it with Roderick for the last ten years. I pulled out my Kindle and pretended to read as an exit to their conversation. The very last thing I intended to do was tell all my damn personal business to some females I didn’t even know. Not to mention, they weren’t exactly the type of females I would ever have in my social circle.
“ It’s okay LaDaya. You’re a good woman. If Paul can’t see all the wonderful qualities you possess after three years. Trust me when I say, another man will. Believe that.” Shavon said trying to soothe her friend who was now visibly upset and dabbing the corners of her eyes with a tissue she’d pulled out of her purse.
“ Shavon what if I give him an ultimatum and he breaks up with me? I mean if he feels like I’m pressuring him, wont that be a bad thing?”
Shavon twisted in her seat to look directly in her friends eyes. Even though I had planned on ignoring their conversation, it was hard to do with them being right beside me. So I began to actively ear hustle in on their conversation.
“ Uh-Uh! Don’t go there with me LaDaya Charles. As many times as you’ve complained to me about Paul not taking your relationship to the next level. All the late night conversations we’ve had about you being ready to start a family and wanting to start it as a WIFE…not a baby mama. Let me ask you this. Whose happiness are you more concerned with? Yours or his. As far as I’m concerned my happiness comes before anyones. A brotha can be happy with me…or without me. The choice is his.”
“ Shavon I want both of us to be happy. I need him to want me to be his wife because he chose to. Not because I made demands.” LaDaya cried.
Have mercy! Maybe I did have a little more in common with these two than I thought? The conversation they were having right in front of me was eerily similar to the many discussion
s that had taken place between my best friend and I many times over the past ten years. This Shavon chick sounded just as fed up with her friend as I'm sure my best friend Katrina was with me.
“ Look LaDaya, you and I have been tight since junior high school. So I don’t have to tell you about the horrible relationships I’ve been in. All I’ve been trying to tell you is that there’s nothing wrong with telling a man what you want, need and expect out of a relationship. If a man and a woman don't have a meeting of the minds,why be together at all if you're on two different paths. That’s what’s wrong with the state of black relationships today! I blame it on us. Black women. Scared as hell to tell a man what we really want. But the same women ain't scared to lay up and fuck, have his baby with no ring or stability. But you scared to say I want to be your wife? That's some simple ass bullshit right there.”
I discretely shook my head and sank a little lower in my seat as I let the ear hustling continue! A part of me wanted to chime in. Another part of me wanted to scream SHUT THE FUCK UP! After all, I was on the damn Greyhound bus running away from my terrible black relationship! I couldn’t help comparing myself to the women Shavon was talking about. From the start of my relationship, I’d tried to do everything I could to please Roderick. It never seemed to be enough…or good enough for him. I wanted to be the woman to fulfill his every need. His every desire. I ain't even gonna lie, if I heard that niggas stomach growl, I was in the kitchen frying his ass up a plate of chicken. That’s just how much I wanted to be that bitch to him. I didn’t want him ever thinking of another woman. I wanted to be irreplaceable to him. That’s how much I loved his ass. I felt like that about him from the day I laid eyes on him ten years ago at Ms. Priss’s house party. We met about two in the afternoon and by six the following morning, I was totally gone. I belonged to him.
“ Look, all I’m saying is this…end up like these crazy heffas you see on T.V. if you want too. Talking about that’s been your damn “ boyfriend” for the last ten years.” Shavon said shaking her head in disgust.
OUCH! That hurt bitch. Like a dagger in my fucking heart. She must not know who’s listening in on the damn conversation! I sank even lower in my seat. If this hoe keeps talking I’ma be on the floor of this motherfucker.
Continue to talk is exactly what she did .
“ Hell I saw a show the other day that had two crazy ass women on there who had been dating these two old ass jokers for 16 and 17 years. Can you even imagine? Holding on to the same sorry ass negro for all those years. Both women said they’d been cheated on and accused of things repeatedly during all those years. Pussy can't even get wet for a new nigga they been holding on to those sorry niggas for so long. That’s crazy as hell! I tell you this much…if I decide to go through some crazy bullshit with any man, it’s going to be with my HUSBAND. Believe that! Shavon Reynolds ain't playing those type of games no more baby!
That’s pathetic as fuck to me. The women weren’t bad looking females either. Don’t let it happen to you girlfriend. Holding on to a brotha that don’t want you. As soon as he leaves your ass he’ll be married and done wifed up the next female. Let Paul suck up all your good years if you want too…you’ll regret it.” Shavon spat and sucked her teeth.
I sat there feeling like an utter and complete fool. Totally humiliated by the conversation taking place between two complete strangers. The ghetto therapy session came to an abrupt end and we rode in silence for awhile. A feeling of anger slowly but surely enveloped me, replacing my prior feelings of humiliation and inadequacy.
I see this bitch Shavon thinks she’s an expert on men and relationships just because she got some low rate ass brotha to buy her a little bubble gum ass ring. That doesn’t mean a damn thing. If I stunted on this hoe right now and showed her the rings Roderick has given me over the last ten years I’d be taping a fucking Huggies diaper up on each side of her hips because this bitch would literally shit herself.
That ring wasn’t going to make whoever this brotha was, take that next step with her. Ol’ know it all bitch. I’m fuckin’ heated right now.
“ Excuse me. My legs are cramping. I’m going to get up and stretch for a minute.” I said standing up. I needed to get away from this Shavon bitch quick before I snapped.
“ I feel you girl! These long rides get to me too. But I just had to make a trip to see my family and get them in on my upcoming wedding plans. So LaDaya being my home-girl and all came with me too.”Shavon said as she smiled at me while I stepped into the aisle of the bus. I paused a moment before continuing down the aisle.
“ Do you mind if I ask, a question?” I didn't even pause to allow her to answer.
“ Have you and your fiance’ set a date for your wedding?” I asked. My voice was laced with so much sugar it would put a diabetic into a coma.
“ Well actually we haven't set a date in stone yet. Will has so many things going on right now with work. It’s going to be soon though. I’m just so excited that I’m starting to look at things now.” Shavon answered, cheesing hard with those damn gold teeth all in my damn face.
BAM! I gotcha bitch! You’re gonna keep waiting on a damn date too. Goddamn know it all.
“ Well best of luck with all the planning. It's definitely an exciting time.” I said walking down the bus aisle.
Shavon turned to LaDaya.
“That girl has some nice ass hair in her head! You better believe I’m asking her what type it is too. Looks like Malaysian to me. I have to feel it though! I need to start getting my look together for my big day. I want to look flawless. Beyonce' ain't gon' have shit on me on my big day!” Shavon said smiling to herself as she pulled out the latest issue of Black Bride magazine.
“ She’s beautiful but she sure looks sad to me.” LaDaya chimed in.
“ Sad my ass. She’s a pretty yella bitch. She ain't got too many problems I’ll bet.” Shavon said without even looking up from her magazine.
“ You need to stop Shavon!”
Shavon merely snickered and continued reading. LaDaya was ready to move on from all talk of men and relationships. It was depressing the hell out of her. She’d been with her boyfriend Paul for the last three years and was ready for their relationship to progress to the next level. Shavon felt as if she hadn’t been properly expressing her needs in the relationship to Paul but she did. Paul just didn’t feel like the time was right for them to discuss marriage.
Paul had finally finished school and had obtained his degree. He insisted that he needed to work a few years in his field so that he was making enough money to properly take care of a wife and home. LaDaya had been crushed. Especially since for the last three years he’d promised as soon as he walked across the stage with his diploma, they would become one. Here she was no closer to being his wife than she was three years ago. She was beginning to feel like she was being played for a fool.