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I fucked up. With Maggie, with Leah, with my parents . . . with everything.
At this point I cant even trust myself not to fuck up. Whats the use in trying to stay out of jail when, maybe, thats the best place for me? At least in jail I know where I stand and dont have to see disappointment on the faces of the people I care about.
Problem is, I dont want to be locked up again. I felt like a restless, caged animal in juvie, especially because I knew I didnt deserve to be there in the first place. Or maybe I did. Maybe I deserved to be locked up for lying to the judge and everyone else. I was piss drunk the night Maggie got hit with the car, and maybe my judgment was off when I told my sister I would cover for her.
By then it was too late.
All I wanted to do was protect Leah, since I knew she wouldnt be able to handle the stress of being arrested and stuck in a cell. I dont even know whats right and wrong anymore.
How did Maggie know Id lied to her? A second ago, I thought the only way I could take that betrayed look off her face was to tell her the truth. Another bad move. She already knew the truth.
I want to escape, but Im stuck here. I might not be in a cage, but it feels like Im in one.
"No, Im not happy," Maggie finally says, her voice low and sad.
I glare at her. "Great, cause that makes two of us. "
"Three of us," Lenny says, still on the ground. "I think Im gonna have a bruise on my sensitive ass cheek from you tackling me. "
Tears are falling down Maggies cheeks. She blinks a couple of times and swipes them away with her fingertips. "Do you hate me, Caleb?"
I should. I should hate her with all my soul, but I dont.
"You knew all along I didnt run into you, didnt you?" I say.
She nods. "I remembered bits and pieces like it was a puzzle, but it wasnt pieced together until-"
"Did you realize I wasnt the one who hit you before I left Paradise eight months ago?" I ask, needing to know the answer even though Im dreading hearing it.
"Yes," she says softly.
I remember the times we spent together working at Mrs. Reynolds house, when we fooled around in the gazebo and I ran my hands over her smooth, milky soft skin. "You knew I didnt hurt you, but you let me go along with thinking that you did. How could you?"
"By the time I realized who was really driving the car, Id already forgiven you. It didnt matter. "
"The hell it didnt matter!"
"Umm, time out. I think this activity is over," Damon says. "The three of us need to talk, like right now. "
Now. Thats Damons favorite word.
The three of us leave the rest of the group at the platform with Dex and head for a picnic table by the parking lot.
Damon sighs as he looks at Maggie and me sitting opposite him. "Caleb, let me get this straight. You pled guilty to a crime you didnt commit?"
I look the guy straight in the eye. "I plead the fifth. "
"You cant plead the fifth, Caleb," Damon says. "Youre not in court. "
Yeah, and I dont want to end up there again. "Im still not answering the question. "
Damon turns to Maggie for answers, since Im obviously no help at all. "Maggie, what do you know about all this?"
Maggie shrugs.
Damon shakes his finger at both of us. "You give me no choice. If you wont explain, Ill have to reopen your file and investigate on my own. "
"I went to jail, Damon," I blurt out. "I paid for the crime. Case closed. "
"If you really went to jail for a crime you didnt commit, the case is far from over. Ever hear of taking responsibility for your actions? You think you did someone a favor? Guess again. If it wasnt you who hit Maggie, who was it?"
I stay silent while Damon looks to Maggie for answers. She stares at the ground.
"I warned you. This isnt over," he tells us.
We trudge through the rest of the exercises. Im sure as hell not saying a word, and Im freaking out wondering exactly how much Maggie knows.
After dinner, Damon pulls Maggie and me aside. "Tomorrow morning the rest of the group is going to another school for a panel talk, and the two of you are coming with me. "
At the dorm, I overhear Damon talking a bunch of times on his cell, and I get the distinct feeling that hes about to have me arrested and interrogated.
I cant do this. The rest of the night is a big blur to me. All I can think about is that I have to get away. I have to ditch the group and head out on my own again.
In the middle of the night, when everyone is asleep, I toss everything I own in my duffle. Getting away from Damon and his ties to the Illinois justice system is the only solution. If they cant find me, Damon might not have a case against Leah. I looked at some legal books in the juvie library. The statute of limitations on a felony is three years. In a year, Leah can no longer be charged with the crime.
I leave our dorm suite and trot down the stairs. As I start across the dark campus, I hear a familiar voice behind me.
"Caleb, wait. "
"Maggie, what are you doing?"
Shes wearing silky pants and a T-shirt. Her hair is back in a ponytail, and she looks so vulnerable right now. And sexy, but she doesnt know it. Before I went to jail, I never gave her a second glance. She was just our neighbor and my twin sisters best friend. I was only interested in Kendra Greene, with her big hair and layers of makeup. Maggies beauty is more subtle . . . it can be missed if youre blinded by other girls, or compare her to them.
She bites her bottom lip. "Youre leaving, arent you?"
"I cant stay here. " I toss my duffle over my shoulder and start walking again.
"Im going with you," she calls out.
"No, youre not. " I glance back at her. Shes limping behind me with a backpack on her shoulders. "Go back to the dorm. "
No.
"Dont be stupid, Maggie. Go back to the group and move on with your life. Forget I ever existed. "
"I cant do that," she says. "I wish the accident never happened, and that you hadnt gone to jail, and that you hadnt left Paradise, and that you didnt think getting involved with me was the biggest mistake of your life. "
Shit. I hate having those words thrown back at me, especially when they were lies. I hurt her, even if I swore Id never do it again. "Being with you wasnt a mistake. "
She gazes up at me with those innocent, expressive eyes. "But you said-"
"Yeah, I know what I said. I lied. But you still cant come with me. "
"You asked me to go with you the last time you left Paradise. Remember?"
I nod slowly.
"Im not making that same mistake again. This time Im coming with you. "
SIXTEEN
Maggie
cant let Caleb go. Not now. Not until I can convince him to go home again and make everything right. If I let him leave, I may never see him again. He disappeared without a trace eight months ago and I wont let that happen again. Not when everything is out in the open and there are no more lies between us.
"You dont have a choice," I tell him, putting my foot down.
He shakes his head. "Dont piss me off more than I already am. "
He walks down the sidewalk that leads off campus. I follow. If he starts to jog, theres no way I can keep up with him.
"I didnt intend to piss you off," I tell him, matching his stride.
"Just ruin my life?"
"Me? I didnt ruin your life, Caleb. Youve done that just fine on your own. "
"Do me a favor. If youre so intent on joining me, keep the blabber to a minimum. "
"Youre crabby. "
"Damn straight. " He stops and turns to me. "Do you know what you did to me today? You made me give up information I promised to take to my grave. I feel like shit. "
"If it makes you feel better, I feel like shit too. I dont want you to be pissed or sad, Caleb. "
"If you want me to be happy, go back to the dorm. "
I think he actually expects
me to stop following him. But I dont. I cant.
For the next ten minutes, I follow him in silence. His pace is slow enough that I can keep up.
"Whats the plan?" I ask when we reach the center of town. Every store is closed for the night and the streets are completely dark except for the occasional streetlight. "I hope you have one. "
"I dont. " He looks defeated.
"Were in this together, at least," I say, in a weak attempt to cheer him up.
"Then let me hold your backpack. "
Our footsteps on the sidewalk make a rhythmic sound that echoes through the night. We walk through a residential neighborhood on the edge of town. Every fifteen minutes or so, when Caleb spots a big rock or a bench, he orders me to sit and rest my leg.
"We should stop here," he says when we reach a toddler park. In the middle of the playground is a big wooden castle with jungle gyms, wobbly bridges, and slides attached to every side of the structure. I nod.
Caleb leads me to the castle. We have to crouch down to get through the small entrance. Its hard, but he braces my back and supports me while I maneuver inside the cramped space designed for little kids.
Caleb sits in the corner on wood chips. He pulls a jacket from his duffle and places it on the ground next to him. "Sit next to me," he says. "You can use my leg as a pillow. "
Im glad we stopped. I have no clue what time it is, but the sun isnt up yet and Im running on fumes.
I see a blue plastic tube sticking out from his duffle. "Whats that?" I ask, pointing to it.
He pulls it out and pushes a button. The blue plastic lights up. "Its my lightsaber. "
"I remember you used to chase me and Leah around your house with that thing. "
"Those were the good of days. " Caleb waves the lightsaber around, lighting up the inside of the castle.
I reach out and take the lightsaber from him. "You think Id be a good warrior?" I ask.
"No. You follow the enemy too closely. "
"Youre not the enemy," I tell him, then bring the lightsaber down to strike his leg.
He catches the lightsaber in his hand before it reaches its intended destination. Our eyes meet, and the bright blue light illuminates both our faces. "I am the enemy, Maggie. You just havent realized it yet. "
"Youre wrong. " When he turns the lightsaber off and stashes it back in his duffle, I lean into him and get into as comfortable a position as I can. "Wouldnt it be cool if this was a real castle?"
"Only if I was the king of it. " He looks up at the sky. "But Id prefer a castle with a roof over it. "
"We can pretend, cant we?"
"Yeah, we can pretend. "
Pretending is nice, especially when it takes you away from your problems and worries. "Do you ever think of Mrs. Reynolds?"
"She was hilarious. " His mouth quirks up, remembering. "I loved the look on your face when she made you wear that dress to plant flowers in. "
"It was a muumuu. "
"It was ugly as sin. "
"I know. I think of her every day. If it wasnt for her. . . "
"If it wasnt for her, you probably wouldnt be here lying in wood chips with an ex-con running from the law. Youd be in a warm bed back in the dorm. "