Page 15
"You werent being rational, Caleb," she tries to tell me, her tone too calm, like shes talking to a little kid. Or a crazy person.
"Maybe you heard me wrong. I said you werent rational. "
As I watch Damon walk toward us, I contemplate how Im going to get out of here.
Damon slides in the booth beside me, blocking my escape. "How are my two Re-START runaways doing?" He looks down at my plate of half-eaten food. "Come on, Mr. Becker, eat up. Youll need your strength for the busy day ahead of us. "
I dont touch my plate or look at Damon. I just stare right at Maggie.
"You were going to bring me back to the dorms and leave again. " She looks unsure and worried. Good. I want her to suffer. She betrayed me. "I couldnt let you run away again," she says.
"So better to have me locked up, right?"
"Thats not what I meant. You cant just run away from people who care about you. "
"If you cared," I say through clenched teeth, "my damn transition counselor wouldnt be sitting next to me right now.
The waitress comes by to take Damons order. "Ill have coffee and, uh, just give me another plate of whatever these kids ordered," he tells her.
I stare out the window like the old man in the other booth. Now I know how he feels, wanting to forget the here and now. Why cant Maggie understand my situation? Doesnt she get that I lost what little honor I had by blurting out I wasnt the one who hit her?
Shit.
I need to get away from the truth, away from my past. I need a fresh start.
Except theres no such thing as a fresh start, not when people from your past keep popping up and hounding you, driving home all your mistakes even further. I thought Id done a good thing for Leah when I took the fall for her, but what did I really get? No heros welcome when I came back home, thats for damn sure. The lies are starting to blur with the truth, and Maggies stuck smack dab in the middle of it.
"All right, kids. Lets have it all out on the table right here and right now. Who was driving the car that hit Maggie?" Damon fishes his cell phone out of his pocket and puts it on the table in front of him. "If you both dont start talking, Im calling the prosecutors office. We can handle this my way or their way. Which is it?"
EIGHTEEN
Maggie
aleb is really mad at me. He turns away and looks out the window. I know he wants to escape right now, which is why Im so thankful that Damon is here. Physically I cant stop Caleb from leaving, but Damon can.
"Let Damon help you," I say.
Caleb tenses. "Nobody can help, Maggie. Get it through that thick skull of yours, okay?"
"Shes not the enemy," Damon says in a terse voice. "Man, kid, you are one master of displaced anger. "
"Be careful," Caleb says. "Shes a wolf in sheeps clothing. This is your party, Maggie. Why dont you tell Damon everything he wants to know?"
"Its not my story to tell. Its yours. "
While Damon eats, Caleb and I are silent.
"Im waiting," Damon says as he reaches for the salt shaker.
"I cant tell you," Caleb says.
Damon takes a long sip of coffee before very deliberately setting his mug back on the table. "Why not?"
Caleb looks at me, his eyes bleak.
Damon drums his fingers on the tabletop. "I read the file, Caleb. You gave a detailed story about how you swerved to avoid a squirrel, hit Maggie, and panicked. "
"Im a good storyteller," Caleb mumbles.
The drumming stops. "Why did you take the blame for someone else?"
"I dont know. "
"Thats not an answer. "
"Well, thats the only one youre gonna get out of me," Caleb says defiantly.
A squad car drives by the diner, making my heart beat in overtime. Did Damon call the police before he came? Caleb was right, I shouldnt have called Damon.
"Please dont have him arrested," I tell Damon. "Caleb has been punished enough. "
"Tell you what," Damon says. "Ill forget I heard about your little secret for now and you finish my Re-START program. If you do, and promise to go back to Paradise and straighten everything out, Ill make sure you stay out of jail for the drug charges. Sound like a deal?"
"Why would you do that?" Caleb asks.
"Lets just say I think youre a good kid. That doesnt mean I think you make stellar choices in life. I think youve made some damn stupid ones, not to mention the little disappearing act you and Maggie pulled last night. But I made some crappy choices as a teen and Im willing to give you one last chance. You with me?"
"Im with you," I say, trying to sound cheery.
"What kind of crappy choices?" Caleb asks, challenging Damon. "You sit back and watch all of the Re-START crew tell our fucked-up stories, but you never say a damn word. "
Damon picks up his mug and grips it tightly. "I was a coke addict, and I lost everything. I lost my girlfriend, my kid, and my money. One day I didnt pay my supplier for the coke I used and they beat me up real bad. Luckily, I got out, but not a day goes by when I dont regret treating my girl and my kid like they were garbage. Id do anything to get them back, but its too late now. She moved to Arizona and lets me see my kid once a year. "
"Cant you get them back?" Caleb asks. "Tell them you got your life on track and want to be a family?"
"Its not that simple. I did horrible things-I stole money and property from family and friends. Some things cant be forgiven, and Ive come to terms with it. Shes moved on. I have to, also. So now that you know my story, are you coming with me?"
Caleb gives me a look that tells me he doesnt trust me anymore, but hes resigned to his fate. "I guess Im with you, too. "
Back at the dorm, we find the rest of the group in the lounge area waiting for us.
"Where did you two sneak off to?" Lenny asks. "A secret rendezvous to do the nasty?"
Caleb and I ignore him. Damon walks up to Lenny and smacks the back of his head while the girls follow me to my room.
"Im glad youre back," Erin says.
"Me too. "
Trish sits on the edge of my bed while I unpack the stuff from my backpack. "Whered you guys go?"
"Nowhere special. Caleb needed to get away, and I couldnt let him go alone. "
When we first walked off campus, I thought that was it for us and Re-START. But even before I knew Caleb was going to make me come back, I realized I couldnt run away. One night in that playground castle proved I couldnt physically do it . . . I cant leave even if I want to.
"Caleb needs you," Trish says.
I smile weakly. "I dont think hed agree with you right now. Hes pissed that I called Damon to come get us. "
"Hell get over it if he knows whats good for him. He probably just needs some time to realize he has to rely on other people. Guys are control freaks and hate when other people know whats best for them. "
Damon calls us out in the living room after were all showered and dressed. Hes got a clipboard tucked under one arm and claps his hands together kinda . . . excited. "Were going to juvie," he announces.
"Been there, done that," Caleb mumbles under his breath.
"Its time to share your stories with troubled teens who are locked up. " Damon eyes us over the clipboard in his hands. "Maybe when they get out theyll think twice before getting drunk, or doing drugs, or showing off to their buddies before getting behind the wheel of a car. "
Damon walks over to Caleb and gets into his personal space. He doesnt touch him; he just stands there. "Youll be okay, Caleb. "
Caleb turns his face away, but as if he cant help the words from coming out against his will he says, "I dont want to go back there, Damon. Cut me some slack, will ya?"
I know how hard it is for Caleb to ask anyone for a favor. I know how much that request cost him.
Damon shakes his head slowly and pats him on the back. "Its important, Caleb. And well all be there for you. "
In the van, I purposely sit next to Caleb in the back r
ow. The muscles in his jaw are twitching and hes got his hands folded on his chest. Hes tense.
"Want to talk about it?" I ask him quietly so nobody else can hear.
"No comment. " He looks out the window, shutting me out.
It takes us almost two hours to reach the juvenile detention center, or DOC-Department of Correctionsas Caleb calls it. Our van is cleared and ushered through the tall barbed-wire gate. I can feel the tension and stress radiating off Caleb. He doesnt want to be here. I dont know everything that happened to him here, but a while back he gave me a few glimpses into what he went through.
Im having second thoughts about calling Damon and telling him we were at the diner. Maybe I should have let things stay as they were. At least then I wouldnt have Caleb mad at me.
"Im sorry I made you come back to Re-START," I mumble.
"Whatever," he says as he stares out the window at the barbed-wire fence surrounding the compound. "Its over and done. "
"Whats over and done? Ditching Re-START, or us as a couple?"
A man and woman in dark suits are in the parking lot, waiting for us. We all step out of the van, but Caleb stops me when everyone else is out but us.
"Listen," he says. "Im not gonna say I havent thought about what it would be like if you and I, well, you know. But I think we should cool it for a while. At least until after this Re-START bullshit is over. "
"And after its over, what then?"
Damon pounds on the side of the van, startling me. "Come on, slowpokes, get a move on!" Damon yells. "Youre holding everyone else up!"
I step out into the hot summer air and stare at the guards with guns in their holsters. It makes me feel safe and scared at the same time.
The guy with the suit walks right up to Caleb. "We havent seen your mug here since you got released. I trust youre staying out of trouble. "
Caleb almost stands at attention, his face as grave as Ive ever seen it. He barks out an "Im trying to, sir," which makes the guy in the suit narrow his eyes at Caleb.
"Try? Im sure you can do better than try, Becker. "
"Yes, sir. "
After staring Caleb down, the guy paces in front of all of us. "Im Mr. Yates and this is Ms. Bushnell," he says loudly, so that we can all hear him. He points to the woman standing next to him, her hair pulled back into a tight bun. "The girls will be visiting our female population with Ms. Bushnell and the boys will be visiting our male population with me. You ready?"
We all nod, except Caleb. I watch as he pulls Damon aside and says quietly, "I cant do this. "
NINETEEN
Caleb
cant do this," I tell Damon again. Shit, my knee has been shaking nonstop since he started driving.
Damon pats me on the back again, as if hes a friend of mine and will stand by me no matter what. "Yes, you can. Trust me. "
Trust him? When was the last time I actually trusted anyone without getting screwed? "Whatever, dude. "
"Listen, youre stronger than you think, Caleb. These kids are looking for role models. "
I swipe sweat off my forehead. "Get a clue, Damon. Im not a role model, and I dont want to be one. What am I gonna tell these guys, that I went to jail for something I didnt do?"