“Oh for fuck sake, Brad, I can’t!”
Holly didn’t shout often. Brad sat back, eyes wide. The air got thicker, and I struggled to breathe. My baby or Harry’s?
Not again.
“Oh Jesus, don’t tell me you’re knocked up? Are you kidding me, Holly! You’re only twenty-years old! Fuck it, I’m gonna kill Harry!”
“Can you please shut up, people are looking,” she hissed.
“Where does he live? Near the church, right?”
“Stop it!”
Not my baby. I should’ve been relieved, but I couldn’t help feeling sick at the thought of her having another man’s baby.
“What number, Holly? Never mind, I’ll see his car. ” Brad stood up.
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“It’s not Harry’s!” she blurted out.
Fuck!
I fisted my hands on my knees. Holly didn’t look at me. My world shifted again. Just when I was starting to get back on my feet, this happened. I was desperate to know if that was true or if she just said it to get Brad to sit the hell back down. I’d never felt like getting shitfaced so much before.
“What?” Brad said, dropping himself back on the chair. “Well who the fuck is it then?” He looked appalled. I wanted to punch him for the way he looked at her. She wasn’t a slut.
Holly stood up, avoiding eye contact with everyone. “I need to go. ”
I stood automatically, needing to talk to her. “I’ll make sure you get home. ”
Oakley had her accusing face again. She looked between me and Holly. “Are you sure? I can take her. ”
I shrugged. “It’s fine. You talk some sense into this one,” I said, slapping Brad on the back. “You’re better at lectures and advice than I am. ”
“Right,” my sister, who blatantly knew the baby was mine, replied.
Brad said nothing as Holly and I left. He just stared at his drink with a clenched jaw. Oakley also said nothing, and I knew she was waiting for us to get out of the way before she launched into how he shouldn’t have spoken to Holly like that. As if he wouldn’t be regretting it already.
“He’ll cool down,” I said as I opened the exit door for her.
She smiled weakly and nodded.
Neither of us said a word the whole way home. I gave the taxi my address, and she said didn’t ask me to turn around and take her to her parents’. We needed to have this conversation.
I got out and Holly followed closely behind, chewing the inside of her cheek nervously. I tried to look calm but inside my heart was racing. The palms of my hands were damp, and I almost dropped the keys as I unlocked the door.
A baby.
A baby with a woman I’d shagged a few times. It didn’t look good. When I had a child, I wanted to be with its mum, living together and fully prepared – or as prepared as you could be.
I stopped in the living room and turned to her. My heart was in my mouth.
“So,” I said and realised I didn’t know what to say. “You’re…” I nodded to her stomach.
She smiled. “Yeah, I’m pregnant. ”
“Shit. ”
“That’s what I thought when I found out. I had a scan to check when it. . . happened. ” She bit her lip. “I kind of lied to the doctor and told her I wasn’t sure of my last proper period so she’d book me for an early scan. ”
Just like Abby.
“I… You’re pregnant with my baby?”
“Yes. ”
If she’d told me she used to be a man, I would’ve been less shocked than this. Fear gripped my throat as she confirmed it. I was going to be a dad.
I ran my hands over my hair. “Shit!” I wanted to believe her so badly, but I’d had this ripped away from me before. I couldn’t get excited about having a child if there was a chance I wasn’t. “Are you’re sure?” I asked.
She reached into her bag and pulled out an envelope. “I have my notes and a scan if you’d like to see?”
I held my hand out. My pulse thudded in my ears. The picture was of a little bean thing, just like Abby’s. But this one had the outline of a forming head – a big looking head, and what something that resembled a fish tail. It was a different angle though, so I wasn’t sure whose bean was older.
“Oh my God,” I whispered, staring at it in awe.
“I know. ” Holly was looking at me anxiously.
“Yeah. She’s the most beautiful weird looking little thing I’ve ever seen. ”
She laughed quietly, clearly relieved I wasn’t angry. “I keep thinking it’s a girl too. ”
“I bet we’ll both be wrong. ”
“I don’t care really,” she said.
“Neither do I. ” I shook my head and reluctantly held the photo out to her. “I can’t believe this. It’s really mine?”
“Yes,” she whispered. “You can keep that picture. I’ve got a copy too. ”
I smiled and gripped the photo hard. My baby.
“Thank you. ”
“I thought you’d freak out,” she said.
“Honestly, me too. I feel like I should, but I know I’d regret it. We did this together, why should I get to go out and wasted when you can't? Plus I think I’m in shock. ”
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She laughed.
I blew out a deep breath. “Okay, so what happens now?”
Jesus, I was in a rented flat and wasn’t even dating Holly. As happy as I was to be a dad, this wasn’t how I imagined it would be. It didn’t feel real at all.
“I’ve not thought that far ahead yet. ” She sighed and sat down on the sofa. “This isn’t supposed to happen for a good five years at least. Thankfully I’ve finished year three at uni though; that would’ve been difficult if it was midyear. I can defer and go back once the baby’s here. Mum and Dad are being supportive. Dad even said he’d clear the junk room out for the nursery. ”
Right, because we didn’t live together. My child was going to be somewhere else.
I frowned. “As soon as my old house is sold, I’ll buy a new place. You’ll let the baby stay over with me too, right?
“We’ve got plenty of time to figure all that out. This is all so sudden and unexpected; I’ve not really had time to think through all the details,” she said.
“Like how you’re going to finish uni? I know you said you’d defer, but when you go back we’ll have a baby. Where would you live then? You’re forty-five minutes away. God, Holly, you’re not taking the baby there, are you?”
She held her hands up.
“Stop, please. I’m getting a headache. Uni is the last thing on my mind right now; I’ve recently found out I’m having a baby! Whatever happens, I’ll never move away and take the baby with me. You’re half responsible for this-” she pointed to her stomach “-so you can bet your arse you’re going to be close by to help take care of it!” She sounded nervous. I couldn’t blame her. I felt like I was in a dream.
My shoulders relaxed in relief. “Okay. Good. I can’t believe we’re having a baby. ”
“Me neither. ”
“I thought you were on the pill?”
“Hey,” she snapped. “You didn’t wear a condom so don’t-”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. I wasn’t blaming you. I just thought you were. And I always wrap up, it’s just with us…” I was too into you to think straight.
She nodded. “I was, and I still was up until the day before I took the test. My doctor said the antibiotics they prescribed for an ear infection I had could have interfered with the pill. ” She bit her lip. “I didn’t even think about it. ”
I wrapped my arms around the now most important person in my life and pressed my forehead against hers.
“It’s okay. Happens, right? We’re just lucky it’s with someone that isn’t freaking out about it. ”
She melted into my chest.
“Not many men in your si
tuation would class it as lucky. Not many women would either. ”
“Well we’re not like many men or women. What do you need from me, Holly?”
“I just want you to be there. I want you to attend the appointments, or as many as you can that don’t clash with work. ”
I raised my eyebrow. “Fuck work. I’ll sort something out. What do you need?”
“I just answered that,” she replied, looking at me like I’d lost it.
“You answered for the baby, me being there is a given. I’m talking about you. ”
“Oh. ” Her cheeks reddened. “Um, I guess I need you too. I may have weird cravings in the middle of the night. ”
I tightened my arms around her.
“Really, just for midnight craving runs, huh?”
I was flirting with the mother of my baby five minutes after she’d told me we were having a child. Only Holly could get me to do that. She was unlike any girl I’d known or been attracted to. I was quickly becoming addicted to her shy blushes.
Lowering my head, I raised my eyebrow, making my intentions clear and giving her the chance to stop me. She didn’t, so I kissed her.
Chapter Twenty-One
Holly
I sat beside Jasper on his sofa. Telling him went a lot easier than I thought it would. I loved that he was happy about it and planned to be there for our baby. My child deserved a dad and Jasper was going to be a fantastic one. It was such a relief that he wasn’t running.
I could still feel his lips against mine, kissing me tenderly. Right now I just wanted to kiss him again, but I’d just dropped the baby bomb and we had a lot to talk about.
“I really, really thought you’d freak out,” I admitted, pulling my legs up on the sofa.
“Why?”
“Because of everything that’s happened recently. I mean eight weeks ago you thought you were a year off having a baby with your wife. Then you thought she was having your baby only to find out it’s the man’s that she cheated on you with. Now this. ”
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His frown deepened. “Thank you for that lovely summary. And for making me sound like a prick. ”
Okay, that was a lot. Jasper had crammed about a year’s worth of ups and downs, heartbreaks, one-night stands and drama into about seventy days.
“That’s not what I meant to do. Your marriage breakdown was Abby’s fault. She wrongfully made you believe you were one hundred per cent the father. ”
“Still, doesn’t look that great, does it?”
Well, no.
“It doesn’t matter, Jasper. I’d just like to concentrate on the future, not the past. ”
“This future,” he said, biting his lip and running his fingertips over my stomach. I stopped breathing. Why did his touch make me feel like I was floating? He was the wrong person for me. I didn’t go for cocky, womanising older guys. He was seven years my senior but sometimes seemed five years my junior!
It was the eyes. Those smouldering, grey eyes that pulled me in. He was painfully good-looking and cheeky too. No wonder he’d had so many women. Would that continue? There was no reason why not; he was single and just because he was a dad that didn’t mean he couldn’t still have a social life.
I didn’t like it, but I couldn’t do anything about it.
“What’re you thinking?” he asked. “Your eyes have glazed over. ”
“Nothing,” I replied a little too quickly. “Just trying to get my head around the fact that I’m going to be a mum. ”
“You’re gonna be a great mum. ”
“I hope so. Me and Brad had a great childhood, and I really want our child to have the same. ”
“She will. I’ll make sure of it,” he replied.
His eyes filled with a passionate determination that broke my heart. He would give our child what he had taken away from him. I couldn’t imagine finding out someone I loved so much was a monster and had hurt someone else I loved.
Jasper’s relationship with Oakley was so touching. I thought I was fairly close to Brad before I met them. I’d do anything for my brother but actually we weren’t really that close at all. So much of Jasper’s happiness was directly linked to Oakley’s, and I know he’d do anything for her. They had the relationship I hoped my child would have with a sibling – way, way, way into the future.
“This still seems like a dream. Actually, the last two and a half months of my life has. ”
“I’m sorry, Jasper. I know things have been hard for you recently, and with the divorce still hanging over you, there’s a lot you still have to deal with. Guess this isn’t helping,” I said, placing my hand over our growing baby.
“Hey, this is the one thing keeping me together. I’d planned on getting smashed again tonight. For the past few weeks, I’ve been drifting from one bottle to the next, one woman to the next just trying to forget. My life was quickly going down the toilet, and I didn’t even care. ”
He placed his hand over mine.
“This is my reason to get my life together. I don’t want to be a mess anymore. I want you and the baby to be able to rely on me. I promise you I’ll be that man, Holly. I won’t let either of you down. ” The way your dad let you down.
“I know you won’t,” I replied. He was going to be great; I knew that already. He’d be there for us both and do whatever was needed to provide for his baby. I wish we were doing this properly. I wish we were together.
In a very short space of time, he’d made me want a life with him, and I didn’t jump into relationships. I was always the careful one that thought things through. My brain seemed to have switched itself off the first time Jasper kissed me, but I didn’t ever want it to turn back on because he made me feel complete.
“What about uni? Seriously?”
“What do you mean, seriously? I said I was going to take a year out. ”
“I know but is that the best idea? I have no experience with these things, but I think if I took a year out I wouldn’t want to go back; I didn’t want to go back after the Christmas break at school. You’re different to me. I get that. You’re smart and know what you want, but that doesn’t mean you’ll want to finish, especially with a baby, and I don’t want you to regret that in the future. ”
Okay, I could understand that, but he really didn’t know me at all if he honestly thought I wouldn’t finish my degree.
“Jasper, I’ll go back. I just have all this,” I gestured to my stomach, “stuff going on and I’m afraid that if I take on too much it’ll stress me out. ”
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He frowned, and I knew I’d won him over.
“I don’t want you stressed. ”
“Me neither. ”
“But we’d make sure you weren’t. I’ll do whatever I can. Don’t let this slip away from you because we’re having a surprise baby. ”
“A surprise baby. ”
“Well yeah. No offence, but I didn’t exactly expect this. ”
“No,” I said and shook my head. “That’s not what I meant. Believe me, I didn’t expect this either. I mean that you said surprise and not mistake. ”
“Our baby isn’t a mistake. ”
“The time and mother is?”
“No. The time and mother is sort of a surprise too, but a good one. ”
Something hit me like a truck.
“Jasper, do you mean the mother is a surprise because there could be more out there?”
He laughed and completely inappropriately, I did too. He had a great laugh, deep and sexy. “No, Holly. You’re the only one I went bareback with. The others I had more… self-control with. Sorry about that. I shouldn’t have put you in this position to begin with. Not that I regret it, or the outcome. ”
“It’s fine. Takes two. I could have refused unless you put a condom on. I guess I didn’t have much self-control either. ”
He flashed me a grin.
“Especially not when you got going. ”
“Okay, that conversation is over,” I said as I felt my cheeks heat. Even after everything we’d done and the confidence he’d given me, I still felt embarrassed when talking about it. I thought that would disappear, but it seemed to be a trait that was sticking.
“Of course it is. Whatever you want I’ll support, just let me know, okay?”
“Sure. Thanks, Jasper. ”
He held his arms out. “Come here. ”
I climbed on his lap and curled up, closing my eyes. His arms circled my body, and he held me close. I smiled, breathing in his perfect, unique scent.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Jasper
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Oakley snapped, pushing past me. “I know that Abby hurt you and the divorce is hard, and I’m sorry for that, but that doesn’t excuse you sleeping with our twenty-year-old employee! And not to mention your friend’s sister. What were you thinking?”
“Come on in,” I said, with an irony-laden welcome gesture.
She glared.
“I wasn’t thinking, okay! That night I was a bit of a mess, and she was upset about that Harry dick. We ended up sleeping together, no big deal. ” I wasn’t going to tell her it had been more than once.
“No big deal,” she replied flatly.
“Well okay, now it’s a big deal, but you’re making it out like I planned it. Believe me, I was a shocked as you are now when I woke up next to her!”
Holly was gorgeous, don’t get me wrong, but she wasn’t my type. I didn’t go for the shy ones or the dark eye make-up – it just wasn’t my thing. Past tense. I wanted her now, badly.
“Well that’s lovely. Bet she felt really special! Nice one, Jasper. ”
Shit, now I’ve upset my sister. Sex could just be sex, but not to Oakley, not after what she went through and if she thought anyone was being taken advantage of, she freaked.
“I didn’t mean it like that, just that neither of us knew what was going to happen. Holly actually jumped when she woke up and saw me. She was just as surprised. I’m not exactly who she goes for either. ”
Her type was quiet bookish guys. I think the last thing I read was the back of a pizza box to see how long to cook it for.
“What’re you going to do now?”
“We’ve not got that far yet. ” I walked into the living room and sat down. “I’ve gotta get a house. I can’t believe this is happening. ”
She sat beside me. “You’re going to be okay, both of you. Is Holly planning to move back when the baby arrives?”