Apparently satisfied that he’d made his point, Engle turned, flanked by his own alphas, and walked back into the forest.
Diego frowned. “Go after them and make sure they don’t get any cute ideas,” he told the two alphas who stood on either side of him. Without a word they did as he said, melting back into the darkness as if they were part of it.
I sagged in relief as I saw them disappear into the dense foliage. God, I was in so much trouble and I knew in a minute it would hit me. But for right now all I could feel was a massive wave of relief that Engle had been stopped from finishing what he had started so many years before.
I didn’t get to enjoy my relief for long though. Before I knew it, Diego had me by the shoulders and was shaking me. “What the hell is wrong with you, coming here tonight? Didn’t you get my message?”
“What message?” I asked stupidly.
Diego frowned. “The one I left on your phone telling you not to fucking come—that it wasn’t safe.”
The truth was I had stopped checking my messages a while ago because most of them were from Jude and it made me feel guilty to hear his voice. So it was entirely possible that I’d missed the call from Diego, but I wasn’t about to let him make this all my fault.
“You told me it was safe. You said Engle would be gone,” I accused him.
Diego shook his head in frustration. “He changed his plans—said he has too many loose ends to tie up to leave right now.”
I felt myself go cold. I was a loose end—no doubt about it. “I don’t know what his problem is,” I said in a choked voice. “I just…I just wanted to shift like a normal were. I just wanted to run with the pack.”
“Yeah, and I can see how you did it, too.” Diego pulled my hair out of the way, baring the healing bite marks on my neck. “You swapped more blood with that fucking vamp, didn’t you?” He spat on the ground in disgust. “I can’t believe you— It’d be better to let Engle have you than to see you wind up with that bloodsucker, Jacobson.”
I felt sick inside. “You don’t mean that.”
Diego sighed and ran both hands through his hair until it stood up in wild black spikes. “Oh hell, Sis, you know I don’t. But you’re messing in shit you don’t understand. I mean, Jacobson—you don’t even want to know what I found out about him—or what I had to do to get the information. Fucking vamps.” He made a face.
He was right—I didn’t want to know. Hearing more bad things about Jude on top of the mess I was already in was more than I could take.
“I’m not seeing him anymore,” I said shortly. “That ought to make you happy.”
My brother looked slightly mollified. “As happy as I can be under the circumstances. Look, you’re going to have to do something to protect yourself—move away or something.”
“I can’t do that,” I protested. “I’ve never lived anyplace else but Tampa in my life. Besides, I shouldn’t have to.”
“Yeah, but Engle isn’t going to take this lying down—he’ll stir the shit with my pack master and then who knows what’ll happen? I might not be able to keep him off you next time. You know he’s the one who hired those two humans to kidnap you the first time?”
“He did?” A cold chill climbed up my spine like an icy finger. “But-but why? I hadn’t even seen him in fourteen years before tonight.”
Diego sighed. “Yeah, but I guess he’s been thinking about you that whole time. Don’t you get it, Luz? You’re the one that got away. You ruined his ascension ceremony back when he was first stepping up as pack master and he doesn’t want to step down without making that right—in his mind, at least.”
The shock of what Diego was telling me made me feel numb. “Why can’t he just leave me alone?”
My little brother shook his head. “I don’t know, Sis. Maybe because you’re still a…you know.” He blushed.
“A virgin,” I said numbly. “And as long as I am, I’ll never get rid of Engle.” A plan was beginning to form in my brain. A horrible plan that I hated. But I could see no other way out of my troubles—no other way out from what Engle had planned for me.
“Look, don’t blame yourself.” Diego patted my arm awkwardly. “It’s not your fault he’s a sick fuck.”
“Thanks, little brother.” I started to give him a hug and then realized I was still topless. Diego looked away, red-faced, as I turned and quickly pulled on my T-shirt.
“Luz,” he said, when I turned back to him. “You have to go someplace safe. Maybe back home. I know you don’t want to but if you’re under Dad’s protection, not even Engle can touch you.”
“Diego,” I said gently. “Who do you think volunteered me to be the ascension sacrifice in the first place? I can’t go back there—it’s not any safer for me than just walking up to Engle and handing myself over.”
His face went pale. “Aw, come on, Luz—there must have been some kind of misunderstanding. I’m sure Mom and Dad wouldn’t do that to you on purpose.”
I shrugged. “You said it yourself—they’ll do anything for pack status.”
“Yeah, but that was then and this is now. They’ve changed,” he insisted.
I looked down at my bare feet in the dark grass. “I wish I could believe that. I hope you’re right but I can’t take that chance.”
“Luz, they love you.”
There was a lump in my throat I couldn’t swallow. “And God help me, I love them too. Even though they did what they did. I love them and hate them both—does that make any sense?”
He sighed. “No. But I don’t think this kind of thing ever does.”
“You’re right about that.” I straightened my shoulders. “I have to go.”
“Go where? Look, Luz—come stay with me.”
“In a house with a bunch of unmated alpha males? I might as well move into a frat house.” The Lobos generally stuck together, ten or fifteen of them in one house, and I was pretty sure Diego didn’t even have a room all to himself. In an environment like that, the scent of my virginity would be like a putting a steak in front of a starving man and expecting him not to take a bite. “You’d spend all your time defending me,” I pointed out.
“At least I’d know where you were and that you were safe. Well, as long as you were with me,” Diego amended.
“Thanks, little brother, but that won’t work and we both know it. Look, don’t worry about me. I’ll find someplace to go. Maybe I’ll rent a hotel room for a couple of days until things die down. Engle will forget about me again if he doesn’t see me for a while.”
“I don’t think so. He didn’t see you for fourteen years and he still wants you.”
“Well, he’s not going to get me.” I leaned forward and kissed Diego on the cheek. I would have hugged him but I didn’t think I could stand to be that close to anyone male after my run-in with Engle—not even my brother. “Thanks for defending me tonight,” I said. “I know it sounds melodramatic but you saved me from a fate worse than death.”
“Aw, Luz…” He blushed again.
“I mean it—you’re my hero. I just hope you don’t get in trouble for it. I can’t believe Engle invoked the Rite of Blame on you.”
“Yeah—now I have to hope that stupid hijo de puta doesn’t even stub his toe or he’ll be howling to my pack master for reparations.”
“I’m so sorry, Diego. I feel horrible about that.”
“Fuck it.” He frowned. “Stupid outdated pack laws. When I get to be pack master of the Lobos I’m going to do something about them.”
“You do that.” I gave him another quick kiss and turned to go. “I’ll see you later.”
“At least let me walk you to your car.”
Since we were still on Arm Gard territory, I was glad to accept. We were almost to the small dirt road that served as a parking lot when Diego spoke again.
“Hey, you’re not going to go back to Jacobson, are you?” His voice was suspicious.
I pulled my keys out of my pocket and unlocked the door. “I told you—I’m n
ot seeing him anymore.”
“Good.” He saw me safely into the car. “Because you don’t want to know—”
“No, I don’t,” I interrupted him hastily. “Look, Diego, I need to go if I’m going to find a hotel room before it gets too late. It’s already close to two.”
“Yeah, okay. Take care of yourself.”
“You too.”
Diego nodded and shut the car door behind me. I blew him a kiss and started the engine, amazed at my own powers of deception. Of course I was going back to Jude—he was the only one who could help me.
The only one who could get Engle off my back once and for all.
Chapter Nine
Jude opened the door before I even knocked. “Hello, Luz,” he said, giving me a long look. “I take it you’re ready to talk.”
Great, my life was falling down around my ears and he wanted to do a therapy session. But the look in his pale green eyes was nonnegotiable so I nodded reluctantly.
“Yes, I’ll talk.” I had a sudden burst of inspiration. “But if I do, you have to promise to help me.”
Jude nodded gravely. “I will do everything in my power to aid you.”
“Really? Do you give your word?” Vamps and weres are bound by their word and find it extremely hard to break. Besides, I knew Jude well enough to know he wouldn’t go back on a promise he’d given me.
He frowned at me. “Give me your hand.”
“No—none of that.” I stepped back, afraid if he touched me he’d see what I was thinking and refuse to help me. “I just have two little favors to ask. Promise me you’ll help me and then we’ll talk.”
To my great relief, Jude sighed and finally nodded. “I have a feeling I will regret this but…fine. I give you my word that I will help you in any way I can. So tell me favor number one.”
I took a deep breath. “I need a safe place to stay for a little while.”
He shook his head. “Luz, how can you doubt that I would say yes to that? My home is yours for as long as you need it.” He stepped aside so I could come in the house and I entered gratefully.
“Thanks, Jude. I really appreciate it.”
He raised an eyebrow at me. “And favor number two?”
“I…uh…” I hesitated uncertainly. All the way over to his house I’d been psyching myself up to do this. But now that he was standing in front of me, so tall and imposing, I just couldn’t ask him for what I needed. Not yet, anyway.
“Luz?” he prompted me gently.
I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. “Look, do you mind if I take a shower before we talk about anything else? I’ve had a long night running through the woods and howling at the moon. That takes a lot out of a girl.”
His eyes glowed with excitement. “So you were able to shift? You changed?”
“I did. I finally did.” I tried to smile back. I could still feel an echo of the joy I’d had after my first—and what looked to be my last—run with the pack. But just look what that joy had cost me. Revealing my true nature and claiming my birthright had only unwrapped a whole new pack of problems for me. On the whole, I wished I was still a non-shifter. But I couldn’t tell Jude that. Instead I just asked for the shower again.
He gave me a penetrating look but only nodded. “This way.” He led me to what appeared to be a guestroom for non-vamps. At least I assumed it was for non-vamps because it had windows that looked out onto his well-manicured back lawn.
“There’s a bathroom through there,” he said, gesturing to a door to one side of the queen-sized bed. “Towels and soap in the linen closet.”
“Thanks.” I was heading for the door when Jude called me back.
“Do you need something to wear afterward?” He was looking at my scruffy clothes, which were dirty and sap stained from pushing my way through the woods.
I raised an eyebrow at him. “Why—do you have something my size?”
He laughed. “Hardly. But you could wear one of my shirts. It would probably be long enough.”
As tall as he was, I was sure it would be. At the moment he was wearing a dark red T-shirt that looked soft and cuddly and probably smelled like him—warm and spicy. I thought of how comforting his scent was. Of how good his arms had felt around me until I’d freaked out and run away the last time. How I longed for that feeling to return—even an echo of it would be nice.
“Actually,” I said. Then I stopped myself. “No, never mind.”
“What?” Jude asked gently.
“I…” I looked down at my hands. “It might sound crazy but…could I wear the one you have on now?”
Without a word he took it off and handed it to me.
“Thanks,” I whispered, clutching the warm fabric to my breasts. His bare chest was mouthwatering but at the moment I was too dispirited to get very excited. The events of the evening were beginning to catch up with me and I wanted to be alone when they did.
“You’re welcome,” Jude said. “I’ll be waiting in the study when you’re finished. Can you find your way?”
I nodded.
“All right.” Then he left me alone and I had no other company but my worries and fears.
Trying to push the thought of what I was going to do out of my head, I headed for Jude’s guest bathroom. It turned out to be as big as my living room and better furnished, with marble walls, imported tile and sparkling taps so bright I wondered if Jude employed someone just to spend all day polishing them. Leaving my dirty clothes in a heap in the corner, I climbed into the large, echoing shower and turned the hot water on full blast.
Then and only then, when I was sure the sound of running water would drown me out, did I give in and let the tears come. I cried for my miserable past and my doubtful future. For what had almost happened to me, and what was about to happen—what had to happen if I was ever going to be free. But most of all I wept because I was sure that after tonight, I was never going to be able to see Jude again. I wouldn’t be able to stand it—not if things went according to plan.
After a while my sobs turned into hiccups and I realized that the night wasn’t getting any younger. If I wanted to get this over with tonight, I had to get a move on. I got out of the shower and rubbed myself dry with an Egyptian-cotton towel that was nicer than my bedspread at home. Then I twisted my damp hair into a loose knot at the nape of my neck and pulled on Jude’s red T-shirt.
The shirt smelled like his skin, just as I had hoped, and I did indeed find myself comforted. I didn’t have any panties to wear with it since I hadn’t bothered to bring any in my shifting outfit, but it didn’t matter because the shirt came down to mid-thigh on me. If I’d had a belt I could have worn it out as a dress, albeit a slightly short one.
I made my way to the study where Jude was sitting on the couch, staring into the fire. He hadn’t bothered to put on another shirt so the broad marble planes of his chest and the sharp lines of his face were alternately bathed in a reddish-golden glow and hidden in the flickering shadows.
I stood watching him for a long time before I could make myself go sit beside him. The way I was feeling and what I was planning to say made me take the far opposite end of the couch, as far away from him as I could get.
If Jude wondered about the distance I’d put between us, it didn’t show in his expression. Instead he turned to look at me, his face calm in the firelight. “Tell me,” he said and I knew I had to, even though it was going to hurt like hell. In fact, dredging up the past and actually putting it into words was going to be one of the hardest things I’d ever done in my life.
Might as well get started.
I took a deep breath. “When I was thirteen and ready to make my first shift, our pack—the Armenia Garden Estates wolf pack—was celebrating the ascension of a new pack master. It doesn’t happen that often—maybe every fifteen to twenty years if the pack master steps down voluntarily—longer if he decides to stay and fight any challengers to his position. The pack master isn’t just a figurehead, either—he rules the roost. He can make o
r break a family’s status in the pack so there’s a lot of ass kissing that goes on—everybody wants to make him happy.”
Okay, now I was just rambling. I made myself get to the point.
“Anyway, the ascension ceremony is a big deal and part of it…” I cleared my throat. “Part of it is the deflowering of a virgin—but it has to be a new wolf, one who has never shifted before the night of the ceremony.” I looked down at my hands. “There were several girls who fit the bill but my parents were the only ones who volunteered their daughter—who volunteered me, I mean.” I looked up at him.
Jude’s face was like stone. “That is barbaric.”
I laughed but it didn’t come out sounding very happy. “That’s rich—coming from a vampire.”
He shook his head. “There is a difference between punishing and killing enemies and raping innocent children. Forgive me if I say I don’t think much of were culture right now.”
“That’s all right, I don’t think much of it either.” I looked down at my fingers, which were twisted together tightly in my lap. “Nobody really told me what was going to happen—only that being involved in the ceremony was a great honor and I was going to be helping my family by doing whatever it was the new pack master wanted me to do.” I shrugged. “I wasn’t stupid but I was…I guess I was naïve. My parents were pretty strict—sent us to private school, didn’t let us watch much television, restricted our reading materials. So I didn’t really know a whole lot about sex. Almost nothing, actually.”
“The night of the full moon came and some of the older female pack members came to get me. They gave me a special bath with lots of herbs—I remember thinking I smelled like a florist shop when they were finished. Then they dressed me in a long, white robe and nothing else and took me to the altar in the woods.”