Chapter 4
Ruined
I feel like I’m on cloud nine as I walk outside with Dave. We’re walking to his home, avoiding eye contact. I wonder if he’s as into me as I am into him. Maybe that’s why he wanted to talk when he heard I was checking him out.
My eyes are on the street the entire time, because I’m too much of a coward to actually look at him right now. As my eyes wander off in this epic moment of self-doubt, I spot two guys sparring with each other on a patch of grass. One of them seems older than the other, but they both look alike. Both blond, well built, sexy as hell, and amazingly flexible as they throw jabs at each other and avoid punches. They’re training.
When one of them glances my way, I’m mesmerized by the color of his eyes. Flaring, grey eyes glare at me for a second before he continues with his fight. I avert my eyes, trying not to look stupid as I was watching them.
“So, I get that you kind of like me?” Dave suddenly asks with a smile.
I’m ripped from my thoughts immediately. I blush, biting my lip because I’m too afraid to answer. The consequences would be too big.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to answer me. I know it’s true. And it’s okay.”
“It is?”
“Yeah,” he says, laughing a little. “You’re not the first.”
“Oh … yeah, I guess.”
“But that doesn’t mean I don’t like it,” he muses.
My heart stops, hearing that.
“Look, I’ve admired you ever since you started following the same classes as I am.”
My jaw drops.
“And I couldn’t believe that you were checking me out.”
“What?” I stammer.
He grabs my hand. “I like you.” He turns me around toward him and raises an eyebrow. His hand comes up to cup my chin, which feels out of this world. He’s touching me, and I’m getting tingly all over the place as he leans in. He’s getting closer and closer, his eyes half mast, his lips puckered, persuasive, about to kiss me.
Oh my god.
I struggle to latch onto something, but when I do, it’s his shirt. His lips are on mine before I have a chance to react. I’m stunned, my body shivering as his mouth locks onto mine. I can’t believe he’s kissing me. It feels so weird, so wet, and yet so freaking awesome. I can’t get enough. It’s so different than what I thought it would be. It’s my first kiss, but it’s perfect.
As he lets go of me I’m still shaking on my legs.
He chuckles. “I have to go home now, but I’ll see you soon, okay?” Dave waves as he walks away, and I’m trying not to look like a fool who just got her first kiss. I’m at a loss for words.
Did this just actually happen? He really likes me!
I think I almost jumped up and down there, but I manage to stop myself before I make a complete fool out of myself.
When I arrive home, my mom and dad are sitting at the table. The stern, hopeless look on their faces concern me.
“What’s up?” I say, as I throw my bag in a corner.
“We just got a phone call from the doctor. Your mom has to be taken to the hospital in a few days.”
“What?”
“She’s been having a lot of serious symptoms, lately, you know that.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t think it was that bad,” I say.
My mom sighs, looking down at the table. I realize I’m being incredibly insensitive, so I sit down and grab her hand. “Sorry, mom.”
“I don’t want you to worry, honey. We just wanted you to know.”
“I know, mom. It’s gonna be okay, right?”
She sucks on her lip. “I hope so.”
The mere fact that she isn’t certain about it, sends shivers up my spine. She’s always been certain things will be okay. Even when were at our lowest point, without enough money to even pay the bills or get some food on the table, she’s been hopeful.
But now, it seems like all of that fades away in comparison to what’s going on now. My mom might be sick, and I have no idea what’s wrong with her, other than that it might be really bad. And if it’s bad … our money issues will only get worse.
♥♥♥
A few days later…
I’ve been trying to take my mind off my mother’s hospital visit. I made a ‘will you be my boyfriend’ card for Dave yesterday. After our kiss, I really got the courage to finally go after what I want in life, instead of wasting all the opportunities. I’m going to give it to him today in class. Anxious doesn’t even describe how I feel right now, sitting behind my desk, waiting for the teacher to disappear so I can give it to him. Blowing off some steam by sighing loudly, I shift in my chair as the teacher goes for a drink. Dave’s sitting only a couple of tables away from me, so now’s my chance.
I get up from my seat and walk toward him, my legs shaking underneath me. Every time I look at him I get butterflies in my stomach. The kiss we shared is still swirling through my mind, making me deliriously happy.
Standing in front of his table, I mentally prepare myself before handing him the card. With quivering fingers I let it go as he looks up at me with a confused look on his face. His eyes dart down to the card and for a moment my heart stops. What will he say?
A smile forms slowly on his face, his eyes glistening from amusement. Then suddenly, loud laughter escapes his mouth. It becomes louder and louder as he taps the card and beckons his friends to look at it.
“Oh my god,” he says, “Look at this.”
His friends start laughing too, and a flush spreads across my face. I don’t understand why they’re laughing.
“She’s asking me to be her boyfriend?” he asks, laughing out loud, completely ignoring the fact that I’m standing right in front of him.
“Pathetic!” one of them yells.
I frown. “What?”
“Oh honey,” Dave says, a pitiful look on his face, “You didn’t actually think I wanted to be with someone like you?”
“What do you mean?” I say, tears welling up in my eyes. “You kissed me.”
“That was all for fun.” He laughs. “You really don’t get it, do you?” Suddenly, he rips the card to shreds and throws the paper in my face.
“It was a joke. It was all a joke!” he yells, laughing hard.
Everyone in the class is looking at me, my face red from anger and shame. Tears stream down my face. The guys grab pieces of paper that have fallen down to the table and throw them at me again. My heart shatters, visibly, as I cry my eyes out and run out the classroom. Some students follow me to the door, laughing the entire way, laughing at my misery.
Storming to the bathroom, I slam the door behind me and lock myself inside a stall. Emotions overwhelm me as I fight desperately to control this mess. I can’t handle the negativity, the hurt, the pain of betrayal, and the mere fact that I was used for their amusement. Dave tricked me into thinking he liked me so he could make a fool out of me in class. He knew I would do this. He knew girls like me fall head over heels in love with guys like him and do stupid things like give him a love note.
He took my first kiss away from me.
I should’ve known better.
Sobbing on the toilet, I can’t help but think about who actually does care about me. My mom and dad are too busy fighting over the bills and money, and now that she’s sick, things will go even more downhill. Brody isn’t around anymore, and I miss him so much, but I can’t visit him in college just like that. Evie is the only friend I have left, but she’s not in the same class as me, and it’s killing me to be alone right now. I’m afraid of my own thoughts. Afraid of what I might think. Afraid of feeling that the world might be better off without me.
Suddenly my name is called out through the intercom. Jerked out of my thoughts, I lift my head and wait until they repeat the message. They’re calling for me at the front desk, which is never a good sign.
I get up from the toilet seat and blow my nose with some toilet paper, flushing it before I leave the restroom. I t
ry to hide my reddened eyes behind my glasses as I make my way through the halls. A man sitting behind the desk holds up a phone, saying, “Autumn Blakewood?”
“Y-yes?” I stammer.
“It’s for you.”
For a moment I’m baffled. Students never get phone calls through the school system. Unless it’s something really important. Something earth-shattering.
With shaking fingers I hesitantly take the phone from his hands and put it to my ears.
“Hello?”
“Autumn …” It’s my dad. The croakiness in his voice terrifies me. “Your mom was just admitted to the hospital. It’s bad. It’s really, really bad. You need to come over here right away.”
♥♥♥
A few hours later …
It smells horrible in here. I always hated how hospitals smell, but now more than ever. I’ve been chewing on my cheek for the past few hours, my hands clinging to the armrests of my seat. Evie is sitting beside me, throwing glances at me every now and then. She’s trying to make contact, probably looking for a way in, trying to get me to talk, but my lips are slammed shut. They have been for a couple of minutes now. I wouldn’t know what to say anyway. My mom is in the hospital for some unknown, bad disease, and I have no idea what’s happening to her or what they’re doing in that room they took her to. I haven’t seen her yet, so I don’t know what’s wrong, and it’s eating me alive.
Evie puts her hand on mine, the touch of her fingers startling me, making me jolt up in my seat.
“It’ll be okay,” she murmurs. I know she’s just trying to help, but it’s not making me feel any better about the situation.
I’m shivering in my seat, counting the seconds as the clock ticks painfully slow. My eyes dart back and forth between the clock and the room my mom is in. I wish I knew what was going on in there.
“Hey, what about Dave? What did you guys talk about yesterday?” Evie suddenly asks.
“Huh?” I mutter. Only after a few seconds does it register with me that she’s asking a question. “Oh …Nothing really.”
“Oh, c’mon, you can tell me,” she says, squeezing my hand.
“We kissed,” I say, in the most monotone voice ever. I’m not the least bit excited or interested in what happened. Not after that phone call.
“What?” she says, gaping. “Are you kidding me? So you two are a thing now?”
“Nope. It was all a game to him.”
She frowns. “A game? Oh no, don’t tell me he was playing you.”
“He was fooling me. It was fake. He kissed me to make everyone laugh and humiliate me,” I say quietly, hoping nobody except her hears it.
“Seriously?”
I nod, silently.
“What a jerk!” she yells.
A guy sitting across from me looks our way as Evie makes a lot of noise, which is probably considered rude in a hospital waiting area. He must’ve caught onto our conversation. His quick glance throws me off balance, as those radiant grey eyes pierce mine. For some reason they look familiar, but I don’t know why. I wonder what he’s doing here, and if he too is waiting for news from the doctor.
Suddenly, someone emerges from my mom’s room, and my attention is gripped. The guy becomes a fleeting memory as Evie and I walk hand in hand toward the doctor. The terrible news he’d share would destroy whatever hopes I had left for a better life.