And then, as it gets a little more serious, we find ways to justify it: These people don’t know what they’re talking about. These people are destroying this country. Who does this guy think he is, writing stuff like that about me? I can’t let anyone call me that.
As an addiction recovery program explains, “Even though people’s addictions are different, some truths, like this one, never vary—nothing begins without an individual’s will to make it begin. . . . Some people recognize the need to be free from addiction but are not yet willing to begin. If you are in that situation, perhaps you can begin by acknowledging your unwillingness and considering the costs of your addiction. You can list what is important to you. . . .
“Then look for contradictions between what you believe in and hope for and your behavior. Consider how your actions undermine what you value.”
If you’re still not ready to admit that you, personally, have a problem, take one big step back. Can you admit that we have a problem? Are you satisfied with the direction our country is heading? If you are, you’re in the minority. In fact, Americans overwhelmingly believe the country is heading in the wrong direction. Not a single legitimate poll since 2010 has shown that a majority of Americans are optimistic about the future. Not one. This isn’t a referendum on President Trump; these polls also include the entire eight-year Obama administration. They reflect the general dissatisfaction felt by Americans.
So, even if you remain reluctant to take this first step for yourself, at least acknowledge that we are on the wrong track, and as a patriotic American you have a responsibility to help turn the country in the right direction.
The second step is, why do we need to take action now? That requires us to 2) Understand and accept the potential consequences of taking no action.
We are at the beginning of a technological revolution that is already changing our world. It is both exciting and frightening, but it offers incredible possibilities if we are prepared to take advantage of them. But that requires being able to make bold decisions, and right now we are so divided that we can’t agree on anything. If our representatives can’t even agree on how to fix our aging, existing infrastructure, how can they possibly make the difficult decisions necessary to prepare this country to move boldly into the future?
Rather than using the new technology to reach out to the world, we are locking ourselves into echo chambers. We click on stories that reinforce our world view, not on those stories that challenge us. We see, read, and connect to those who agree with us or make us feel good, making it easy to believe the worst of people who think differently than we do.
America is the most powerful country on earth, and what has made us that for the last century is our ability to unite around our common principles. We have used American ingenuity to create a better life not just for our citizens but for people around the world. It was an American who figured out how to mass-produce products, it was Americans who went to the moon, it was an American who dreamed of and created new forms of entertainment. When we are united, we are a mighty force.
But right now we’re not united. As Lincoln pointed out, “A house divided against itself cannot stand.” Empires rise, empires fall. We’ve seen it happen throughout history. These modern Kondratiev waves follow technological cycles: the Industrial Revolution. The Age of Steam and Railways. The Age of Electricity, the Automobile, and Mass Production. The Age of Telecommunications and Information. And now, we have begun a new cycle, the Digital Age. These upheavals are predictable, even though people refuse to acknowledge that. Do you think Alexander the Great believed his empire would last only decades? Do you think the Romans, the most advanced civilization history had ever seen, believed their empire was just a brief blip in time? Do you think people living in England at the height of the British Empire believed the sun would eventually set on them?
Consider the possibilities. If we don’t figure out how to move forward together, it can happen here. We are being economically challenged every day. Our way of life is threatened and attacked every day. We are being lulled into passive acceptance by mind-numbing devices. We are being manipulated by others for their gain.
The philosopher-poet Ralph Waldo Emerson warned us, “The future belongs to those who prepare for it.” And as far as I can determine right now, that isn’t us. As I’ve written, I consider myself an optimistic catastrophist. I see both the possibilities and the perils that are waiting for this country. But if we refuse to deal with the real dangers that we are facing today and instead continue to participate in meaningless diversions, I fear for the future of our country. We may struggle along as we have been doing lately, or, as other countries have done, we may turn to a person who proclaims that he or she has the answers and all we have to do is put our trust in him or her. The more we bury our heads in our devices, the more divided we are, and the easier we make it for others to replace us as world leaders—others who don’t share our principles.
We are facing real problems, and no one is looking for answers. We have the greatest time in front of us or the worst time in front of us—it’s our choice. But we owe it to the people who built this country and we owe it to our children to understand that we absolutely have to take action right now to begin healing the national divide.
The best way to start overcoming your addiction to anger and outrage is to 3) Find places of agreement.
There are bedrock principles on which Americans do agree; in fact, these are the things that define us as Americans. More important, they are enduring values. They have been tested through time. Take a look at the issues that most often infuriate you, that divide us; I guarantee these are not the same issues that divided Americans in the past, and they won’t be the same issues Americans will deal with in the future. They are mostly transient problems that will be solved by progress or compromise, or will simply disappear to be replaced by a whole new set of controversial issues to fight over.
But all Americans can find places where we agree, starting points to remind us that we are one people united. We are, even at the worst of times, “unum,” one people united. We understand that the concept of America is unique in history, and it is our job to make this experiment a success. We can agree once again with Jefferson that “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal,” and that we have God-given natural rights, and that among them are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. We can all agree on the individual freedoms enumerated in the Bill of Rights, even if sometimes we don’t agree on the interpretation of those rights. We can find great areas of agreement on practical matters: In this world it is necessary to have a large, strong, modern military to protect the country. It is essential that all Americans, whatever their gender, race, religion, national heritage, or abilities, be treated equally.
We all agree to be governed by this cranky old system. We agree to live under the rule of law. We abide by national customs and traditions, we celebrate the same holidays and individual events and honor the same heroes. We suffer together in tragedy and mourn together. We take pride in the same types of accomplishments, from school graduations to workplace honors. We understand that our fathers and forefathers fought for a set of ideals and gave us a gift that we have to protect.
We need to look at those things that once brought us together. The Declaration of Independence. The Bill of Rights. The principles that we all agreed on long ago that define who we are as Americans. Relying on them has led to the success we have enjoyed for the last two centuries, and they remain as valid as when they were written. They have brought us together in the worst of times; they have united us. They have reminded us that we are, all of us, on the same team.
None of this is complicated. It’s just a reminder that in these contentious times we do agree on fundamental things far more than we disagree on issues. And it is essential that we remember the person on the other end of our outrage most probably shares some of our beliefs.
We can find those areas of agreement in our
daily lives, too. We might all be pissed off that our street is full of potholes, the streetlamps don’t work, and the sidewalks are broken. But blaming them for breaking the sidewalk isn’t going to get that sidewalk fixed. Getting angry that someone else was careless and broke the sidewalk isn’t going to make it safer. We can agree that we are all better off if the sidewalk is fixed. We can’t fix the whole sidewalk, but we can repair the sidewalk in front of our own house. That’s the best place to start. And maybe, just maybe, a neighbor will see you doing it and decide, You know what, that makes sense. I’m going to fix my sidewalk, too! Instead of harping on our differences, we should be focusing on those things we can all agree on and can work together to solve.
Every recovery program or self-help program includes some version of 4) Take a moral inventory.
Both AA and the Mormons suggest, “Make a searching and fearless inventory of yourself”—although the Mormons suggest you literally write it down. Essentially, this means taking that good long look in the mirror and accepting responsibility for your actions. The theologian Reinhold Niebuhr said it best in his now-famous 1943 “Serenity Prayer”: “God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things which should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.”
A key element of this involves listening to yourself as well as to other people. Most of us have gotten pretty good at listening to the words of other people and finding the flaws and mistakes they make. It’s pretty easy to figure out exactly where they’re wrong. But as I’ve learned too often, I’m just hearing; when I enter a conversation with someone I “know” is wrong, I actually stop listening. They have nothing to teach me. They need to listen to me, because I have the only right answers.
What actually happens in these so-called debates is that neither side is listening for anything other than a few seconds of silence so they can jump in and tell the other why they are wrong. When both sides believe there is nothing to be learned by listening to the opposition, we begin to dismiss them and ridicule them. Gradually the rhetoric is ratcheted up, and we begin to dehumanize the other side. We may even begin to hate those who disagree with us and believe that if it wasn’t for people like them, America would be a safer, more prosperous, and happier place.
Here, once again, is my reminder: The other side is thinking the same thing.
This thoroughly modern advice is based firmly in ancient history. Although often associated with Socrates, the injunction “Know thyself” can be traced back to ancient Egypt. It has been said to be the beginning of wisdom, as it is impossible to judge anyone else without having an understanding of yourself.
Making a moral inventory requires you to listen to your own words and admit to yourself where you might have gone too far or even, oh my, not been quite as right as you believed. Okay, I’ll say it: admit you might be wrong. How you proceed to do this is your decision; you don’t have to write it down, but it is vital that you examine your own contribution to this mess we’ve made together. The Mormons suggest you examine the thoughts, feelings, beliefs, events, situations, and circumstances that trigger an emotional response. They might include “sadness, regret, anger, resentment, fear, and bitterness.” I’ll throw in frustration, pissed-off-edness, and all the rest of the emotions that culminate in outrage.
None of us, deep down inside, want to believe we play a role in this problem, but unless we are willing to take an honest look at ourselves, we will only continue this downward spiral.
While several programs rely heavily on religious beliefs to help people overcome their addictions, that isn’t necessary in this program. But it is important that you 5) Have faith that doing this will make a significant difference in your life and in the future of this country.
Faith most often denotes a religious connection. There are significant questions that can’t be answered by facts, evidence, or logic, so we place our trust in God. Rather than being bewildered by our inability to find provable answers, we accept the existence of a higher power as a catch-all. While religious faith is certainly welcome, it isn’t the only kind of faith to which I’m referring. By referring to faith, I am also asking you to believe that it is necessary for us to follow this path and that there is something of great value waiting at the end.
In this instance, we can draw on history. We can look at our past and see how strong we have been when we worked together, and how tragic the outcome has been when we were divided. We can also look at the lessons of other civilizations that collapsed after being divided. So while it is admittedly impossible for me to predict the future, I am certain we are at a crossroads, and the decisions we make today will reverberate through our lives and those of our children and grandchildren. One of those roads is simply an extension of the road we’re on right now; we know for sure that it’s bumpy and that there are big potholes waiting in the darkness, and the farther we go on it, the worse it is going to get. The other road is . . . well, we don’t know for certain, but we do know it is smoother than our current path and probably leads to a better place.
Faith also has in it the element of hope. Hope and faith aren’t quite interchangeable; hope is what we want to happen, while faith is what we believe will happen. I hope, for example, that you have faith that by following this program we will ensure a better future for all of us. Hope and faith together provide a basis for optimism. The Reverend Robert Schuller once advised, “Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future.”
There are other elements that compose what we call faith. Among them are confidence and security. Having real faith, really believing that following the right path leads directly to a “promised land,” both instills confidence and provides a great sense of personal security.
As I have written, I have no idea what will happen, if anything, after I close my eyes for the final time. But what I do know, without any question, is that my faith makes me a much better person in this life. I do believe very strongly that healing the political divide that has turned us into warring camps is absolutely necessary if this country is going to survive in any recognizable form.
That is the faith we all need to have.
On a practical note, if we are to once again come together as Americans, we are going to have to learn how to 6) Determine the facts and deal only with facts.
We are facing a new challenge that is making it far more difficult for us to find those areas of agreement. We are having to separate what is true from what has become popularized as “alternative facts” or “fake news.” These politically motivated attacks on reality read and sound as if they were accurate, but they’re not. They are false statements made to sow confusion and create chaos. There is no such thing as an “alternative fact”—but as we have seen, they do their job. They muddy reality. While the emergence of social media and cable news stations has allowed false information to be spread so much more quickly and widely, its use for political gain is as old as recorded history. Euripides warned in 408 BC, “When one with honeyed words but evil mind persuades the mob, great woes befall the state.”
Fake news is the comfy bedfellow of alternative facts. Fake news is a phrase tossed into the public debate in an attempt to make it even more difficult for people to figure out what’s real and what is simply made up. Calling something fake news without providing any support is a means of casting doubt on often legitimate stories. It’s a way of dismissing things that may be completely accurate and truthful.
Few people had a better understanding of the necessity of dealing with facts than the late mystery writer Agatha Christie, who wrote in Death on the Nile, “[People] conceive a certain theory, and everything has to fit into that theory. If one little fact will not fit it, they throw it aside. But it is always the facts that will not fit in that are significant.”
Few things, if any, have done more to create this current situation, to damage this country and threaten our future well-being, than this attack on the truth. It’s why ot
her countries—Russia at the forefront—have spent so much effort and money to spread fake news.
“Facts are stubborn things,” John Adams wrote, “and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations or the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.” Until now. Today, with the clever use of Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, YouTube, Instagram, and all the other modes of common communication, we can easily service the dictates of our passions with just a few words sent to gullible people.
It is your duty as an American citizen to separate facts from the half-truths, exaggerations, and lies that permeate our lives. Without being able to do that, there is no hope of any real reconciliation between the right and left. We have become so accustomed to being lied to that we struggle to believe any politician, and we no longer hold them to the truth. Our sources of news have been undermined to the point where there is no longer a single newspaper or TV or radio station that has the trust of both sides of the spectrum. But the fact remains that we can’t get this country back together without relying on factual information.
So how can you determine what is factual and what is an “alternative fact”? Facts come from reliable sources. Here’s a pretty good way to determine whether you can trust a source: If you always agree with reports from a source, it probably is partisan and simply tells you what its algorithms have determined you want to hear. A reliable source is one that identifies the people and places where its information comes from, generally reports information from more than one source, uses reliable statistics, and at times makes you furious because it is reporting something you don’t like. Also, as difficult as it might be, listen to the friends or relatives who don’t agree with your political stance. They aren’t going to be wrong all the time. And, finally, understand the difference between a fact and an opinion. The most popular cable supposed-news channels have become successful by blurring the lines between the two. An opinion generally should be based on a collection of facts, but it isn’t factual. It is what you think, rather than what you know.