I rubbed my eyes. Why had I done this to myself?
What was going to happen if the shadows did win? I would die and come back and come back? I’d never die? Never see Malcolm again? I winced at my own thought. I had no idea if I’d see him again. He was either dead and moved on, and I really had no idea what happened next, or he was stuck in his own body with The Master.
I walked fast and, before I knew it, was running with no particular direction in mind. I’d done this before. I knew what was happening. This is what I did when I really freaked out, when I had nothing else left in me but movement. My brain had shut down, and it wasn’t coming back until I’d utterly exhausted myself.
Thanks to my time in the Shadow Dimension, I was in better shape than I’d ever been. I ran for miles, across major highways, until I was finally too tired to go on. I didn’t even know what neighborhood I was in. I stopped, doubling over to catch my breath. How long I had run, I wasn’t sure, but the sun was gone.
“This would be the time, Malcolm, when you would tell me to cool it.” Or his version of the same phrase. I didn’t control the world. So why had I been left with this task? Why wasn’t it someone else’s responsibility?
I knew the answer, and even though my heart beat so loudly in my ears I could hardly think, the answer—the same one that had been the truth every time I’d thought about it—presented itself. It was mine because Michael and Rafael and whoever the fuck else had decided that it was. They’d watched me in utero. They’d decided my family had the right genetic markers, and when I was finally born, they’d pointed their magic wands at me and said it was my responsibility.
I had made myself the phoenix under those circumstances.
They’d stared at me—the creepers—and decided I was the right woman for the job, and now I was stuck. My father had told me there was always a choice; Michael had acted like I had one when he asked me to fight. Even Levi still acted like somehow I decided things when the truth of the matter was I was always reacting, always going from one set of circumstances to another one, without any input into what would happen next.
“Well, aren’t you being a whiny girl tonight.” I whirled around as a voice I’d never expected to hear again addressed me. My mother sat leaning against a tree, staring at me as though she were still alive, as if she hadn’t died and I hadn’t sent her on from her own funeral to whatever happened next. “I didn’t raise you to be so … pathetic.”
I shook my head. “You’re dead. I cleared you. You shouldn’t be here.”
She patted the ground next to her. “I’m not, really. But you needed to see me, and I guess you’re important enough to the powers that be that I’m here.”
I walked toward her. My internal shadow alarms weren’t ringing nor did she ping my ghost radar. She didn’t seem like a threat. “The powers that be are gone. Michael, Rafael, Gabriel … they used too much power, and they faded.”
“Honey.” She grinned at me when I sat. “If you think they’re the powers that be, you haven’t been paying enough attention.”
Maybe I had officially lost it. I was sitting under a tree in a neighborhood I didn’t know talking to my dead mother who wasn’t a ghost. “Oh yes? Who would that be?”
“Kendall.” She patted my knee, and I could feel it, which wasn’t a good sign for my sanity. “When you were growing up, what did we tell you about your powers?”
I took a deep breath. They’d told me so many things. Years and years of driving around in their van talking about life. “Well, I guess you said many tidbits of information. You said my powers were a gift.” They’d always been more of a curse, but who was I to argue with a dead woman who’d come back to help?
“That’s right. A gift. What do you think I meant by that?”
I took her hand in mine. If this was my delusion, I was going to take advantage of the moment. My mother had hated me before she died; she hadn’t thought I was her daughter, and maybe she’d been right. Perhaps she felt the phoenix before I did.
I’d never had this quiet moment. I’d take what I could get. “I think you were trying to make me feel better about being a strange little girl who disappeared and came back even weirder. I think you wanted me to somehow be okay with who I was, so you told me it was a gift.”
She groaned. “Amazing they gave this to you. I love you so much, but you can be so hard-headed when you want to be. Kendall Madison, the universe gave us all our gifts. Yours are harder, but that doesn’t make them any less important. In fact, I think it’s a shame you can’t see how special you are that you can do this at all.”
Discomfort became a palpable rock in my stomach. I’d never been great about talking when it came to myself. My mother had also gone out of her way when I was a child to never particularly tell me I was special. Lucky? Yes. Gifted—her word, not mine? Yes. But it was always with the sense I should be grateful. My lot in life was to serve others and be happy about it. I’d been the worst pupil. I wanted what I wanted and that hadn’t been to drive around in their van and be thrilled about it.
I’d run away.
“They should have changed their minds. I left. I declined the job.”
She snickered. “Well, I guess they think you’re worth multiple chances. They keep letting you come back to life.”
That was true. “So what are you suggesting, Mom?”
“I’m not suggesting anything. This is happening, and you might as well stop fighting it. Have you ever considered what would happen if you let go? If you went with it? If you trusted the powers that be? Have they ever really let you down?”
“I …” Truth was, I didn’t know exactly how to answer that. I’d wanted a family, and I’d had one. Twice, actually. Family life with Malcolm had seemed impossible, and yet I had Abbi. I’d consistently gotten what I most desired, even as I’d had to suffer through hell to get there. “I rotted in the shadow world for a hundred years.”
She stroked my hair. “I know you did, baby. I wouldn’t have wished that for you, ever. Of course, you did choose to jump into the hole. No one pushed you. You could have waited for the others to get there. Instead, you leaped. Maybe that’s why they picked you. Kendall, you’re the type of person to leap into the fire.”
She had a point. I didn’t like it, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to listen to her. Sometimes I had to be beaten over the head to get a point, but I would eventually get there. “I got shot in the stomach because I jumped in front of Malcolm.”
“Ding. Ding.” She kissed my cheek. “Stop fighting against what’s going to be. See what happens.”
I took a deep breath. “So your advice is I trust the universe?”
“There will be an ending for you, Kendall. There is for all of us. From the moment we’re born, we’re on a countdown. Even you, Ms. Phoenix. No one lives forever. If that’s what you’re afraid of, don’t be. You will eventually die as does everyone. The question is, what will you do with all of your gifts? What will you do with this time?”
“I—” Whatever I would have said to her, I never got to utter. She was gone. I sat alone by the tree on a stranger’s lawn. Had any of that just happened? Or had I somehow blacked out and dreamed of my mother because that was what I needed more than anything in the world?
I got to my feet. My body hurt. I’d wanted to exhaust myself. I’d done so. I limped back to the motel. It took hours.
My dreams were unsettling; images of demons flying at my head crossed through my unconscious vision over and over again. I woke in a sweat to see I hadn’t been out very long. Maybe half an hour. My body ached, a dull pain I knew would be with me for days. Discomfort didn’t matter. The Others had taught us that.
I leaned against the headboard, listening to the sound of the buzzing air conditioner. Why had I been dreaming about demons? That was so odd. On the scale of one to ten, demons were currently at two. I’d been possessed once, and much as I didn’t particularly relish the experience, I’d managed the demon pretty well. One-two-three.
I didn’t have Malcolm’s demon problem. He’d been terrified the whole time I’d battled the creature. For as utterly strong as he was, he was really susceptible to demon possession. Once, he’d had two in him at the same time, and I wasn’t even sure how that was possible.
My head pounded as my mind caught up to what my body evidently already knew. Malcolm had a demon problem. Always had, always would. He’d learned to protect himself over the years, and when Gray had needed him, he’d gotten the demon out of him. He was strong.
But he’d been fighting The Master didn’t know the lengths Malcolm took to keep the demons out.
I chewed on my lip. Maybe I needed to let the demons in …
Malcolm was a demon magnet.
At some point in the middle of the night, I dozed off again, but the demons of my dreams never left, and by morning I knew what I had to do. The question was, could I?
I walked toward the courthouse and stood still. I hated hospitals, prisons, and courthouses, always had. Ghosts and demons loved those locations. People’s pain drove the spirits, good and bad, forward.
I couldn’t think of a better way to do this than just walk right in and—
“Are you kidding with this?” I whirled around to find Ross floating nearby. “You’re not going in there by yourself. That place is a mess.”
It was good to see him, but I didn’t know if I had the emotional capacity at the moment to send him on. I could only move one friend to the next life a week. It was my personal quota. “You’re going to have to wait. I’m not ready to send you off. If you can’t manage a week, you can try to send yourself on. Some people manage it.”
Ross snorted. “I’m not going anywhere but back to Erin. You brought back Mary. My turn.” Well, at least I wasn’t going to have to send him on. “I had to move Chase on.”
“I’m very sorry to hear that.” His face fell. “Not me. Please bring me back.”
I touched where his arm would be were he solid. “I’m having this insane phoenix problem. I either am or am not the phoenix. But in any case, I brought back Mary with that bird in my hand. Top Hat should be bringing it to me tonight. If I get it, I’ll change you back. What are you doing at the courthouse anyway?”
He shrugged. “I decided I wanted to find you, and then I was here.”
That was interesting. I’d never heard it described exactly that way before. Of course, I didn’t go around asking ghosts about how they existed most of the time. Or ever.
Most ghosts were stuck in a location, or so I’d always believed. They could just think their way elsewhere? How completely bizarre…
“Kendall, what are you doing at a courthouse? Got some legal trouble you have to tie up right now?”
Ross could always make me smile. Even, apparently, as a ghost. “You know how I’m the Lightbringer?”
“I’m somewhat familiar with the subject. I might have heard something about it once or twice.”
I rocked back on my feet. “Well, I guess I need to see if I might be the demon bringer instead.”
He floated for a second without commenting. “Come again?”
“I have this crazy idea. I mean, I have to be out of my mind, Ross. But it’s crazy enough to work. My mom, she came to me, I think, and told me the universe picked me. And then I started having this dream. It’s a long story. I think this can work. I think I can save Malcolm. The demons are the key.”
My name was still Kendall Madison Yates Fallon, and I was the demon bringer.
Chapter Nine
The courthouse lights flickered when I walked into the room. I looked up at one of the fluorescent, glowing orbs, and it exploded. I sighed. This was a new development. Were lights going to keep blowing up every time I looked at them? I’d have to live in the dark at night.
Or maybe I couldn’t stare directly at them. I had no earthly idea what I was doing anymore. But I had to find a demon, and getting to it was the most important thing. In fact, it didn’t even take long to find one. There were so many ghosts in the room I could hardly see through them, but there was what I sought, straight ahead.
A big, giant, red demon. He had the beadiest eyes I’d ever seen. Not to mention, he had attached himself to a man in a suit standing outside one of the courtrooms. He talked on his cell phone, waving his hands around in the air as he spoke to someone. Unfortunately, he had no idea that a demon stood next to him, his hand on his shoulder.
I stopped to observe. If the demon jumped in him, I’d have to perform an exorcism in the courthouse. It would be a lot easier if that didn’t happen. I ran forward. I’d look like a loon, but this was an okay place to do it. They knew I wasn’t armed; I’d been through the metal detector or whatever it was now.
And there was probably someone making a scene in the courthouse every day.
Luck had never been on my side, despite my mother’s feeling to the contrary, and the demon launched himself into the man seconds before I could have grabbed him. The victim shuddered. He wouldn’t know yet what had happened to him, just that he felt off.
I put my hand on his arm, and he stared at it for a second before he reared backwards. I didn’t let go and ended up stumbling forward into him. We both crashed to the ground, me on top of him, nose pressed to nose. I didn’t know who this man was, and laying on top of him was the last thing I wanted.
I needed his demon, not his body contact.
“Sorry.” I probably didn’t need to apologize. He wasn’t going to be fully conscious, not yet, anyway. Neither he nor the demon would have control of his body for minutes. Time to yank the demon out …
I placed my hand on his chest. The demon shuddered inside of this man. I could feel him like I could my own skin. He was going to infect this victim down to the cellular level.
“Don’t worry, you evil creature. I’m not going to kill you. We’re actually going to be friends for a little while.”
I pressed my hand on his chest and dug deep, pulling the demon from his body. The demon was heavy. This would usually be the point where I would rip the thing into the universe and send it on its way to be dealt with by whomever dealt with these things.
Instead, I needed to take it inside of me. As the lightbringer, I could take heat and light inside of me with no problem. But this? It was proving harder than I thought it would be. The demon struggled, and so did I.
I jumped to my feet, still holding on to the parasite that I was fairly sure only I could see. It reared back, and this time I managed to keep upright instead of smacking down onto the ground.
“Get in my body. You want to possess someone; possess me.
Years of training on how to keep a demon out of my body fought against my current need to get this one into my soul.
Three women darted out of my way, and one yelped. They couldn’t see the demon so I could only imagine—
The Taser the police officer used took me by surprise. I guessed I hadn’t been paying enough attention. The demon darted off to harm who knew what. I’d pulled another Kendall. I’d had a great idea and executed it really poorly.
I closed my eyes and pretended I was in pain. Something as lightweight as a Taser wasn’t a problem for me anymore. I was the phoenix. If it didn’t turn me to ash, I was pretty good to go.
Going to jail hadn’t been on my agenda.
* * *
It took a really long time to get me processed. It probably had something to do with the fact that half the police department had been taken over by shadows. They were all really excited to see me behind bars. The Master would know by now I’d been arrested. I sighed. Best laid plans …
“This wasn’t your greatest decision.” Ross floated next to me. “Getting arrested.”
I rolled my eyes. “Thanks. You might want to conserve how much you talk. As you would know, since you used to do this with me, ghosts quickly lose their good sense. I wouldn’t want you to overdo it and start raving like a lunatic.”
He snorted. “You’re pretty bad off. Who are you going to
call to get you out of here? Literally everyone who gives a shit about you is on another plane of existence.”
“Thanks for the reminder.” I closed my eyes. “This seems somehow karmic. Or like it’s some plan where the powers that be are laughing at me. Let’s stick Kendall behind bars, and she can watch while the whole world is destroyed. But she’ll never die because she’s the phoenix and she’ll never die.”
“Dying kind of sucked. You shouldn’t be so anxious to do it.”
I opened my lids. “If I could elbow you, I would.”
If any of the other prisoners—and there were two others, an alleged prostitute and a woman who seemed to be puking up the contents of her lunch—were bothered by my talking to myself, they didn’t remark. Apparently, seeming batshit crazy went a long way toward getting me some space from other people. If only I’d understood this earlier, I could have had as much alone time as I wanted.
“Ross, am I going to be able to save Malcolm?” Or the entire world?
“You two do seem to be able to pull of the impossible when needed. I think if you’d had another few seconds to wrestle with that demon, you might have managed to get yourself possessed.”
I sat up straighter. “You were there? Watching?”
“I stayed back, gave you some space. Frankly, if I could have had popcorn—”
The police officer who had arrested me appeared on the other side of the bars. He was a tall, black man with thick hair and almond-shaped dark eyes. The puker lifted her head to call out, “Hello, Hottie.”
He rolled his eyes, his focus on me. He was only doing his job, and I’d have probably arrested myself too. I hadn’t been drinking, which was good considering I’d actually thought about having some kind of alcoholic bravery to undertake the task.
But drinking all by myself had seemed a little too sad considering the mood I was in. Dangerously close to using alcohol to black out my life.
“Kendall Fallon, with the amount of joy my fellow cops are having at your arrest, you would think you were a serial killer taken off the street. I looked you up; before today you had been through one fruitless investigation, and you have an unpaid parking ticket in Dallas.”