for it stopped that warrn feeling inside her, stopped the tingling, and
brought back all her old fears instead. Suddenly, he seemed to get angry,
and moved on top of her and pushed her nightgown up, exposing parts of
her that had not been exposed to a man, or to anyone, before. He pushed
up his own nightshirt, and she felt the thing, hard and hot and
throbbing, pushing against her stomach, trying to find some other place,
and she struggled against it with all her might.
To no avail. Jass had been dreaming of Easter. Now he wanted Easter,
wanted her with every fiber of his being, and
410 ALEX HALEY'S QUEEN
he was intolerant of Lizzie's procrastinations. The more she struggled
against him, the more he had to find release, and suddenly he pushed inside
her. He met some resistance and pushed again, hard again, and Lizzie cried
out in pain, but Jass didn't stop. It had to be, and even though he didn't
want to hurt Lizzie, she had to know that he was her husband and her Massa,
and his rights were inviolable. To an extent, her resistance to him made him
only more deten-nined to prove his authority to her; it excited him, because
of that very dominance that was rightfully his.
Lizzie could not believe the pain he caused, could not believe that he
would willingly cause her such harm, and she knew that some little part of
her had been ruptured and broken. He lay on her now, humping and heaving,
while she wept, and even though the pain eventually receded and was
replaced by a degree of pleasant feeling, she could not imagine a lifetime
of having to submit to this awful thing whenever Jass desired it.
He cried out and, mercifully, stopped moving. Lizzie lay wondering what
more could possibly happen to her, and then, to her relief and surprise,
he
moved off and lay beside her. He said some sweet things, and drifted to
sleep.
Lizzie could not sleep. She lay awake until dawn, reliving every moment of
the nightmare in her head, and weeping sometimes, for she felt as if he had
made a great, open wound in her body that would never heal.
It got better between them, as everyone had told her it would. It never hurt
again as badly as the first time, and sometimes, when Jass was patient with
her, and caressed her, Lizzie felt those nice tinglings, and sometimes
almost felt as if she would enjoy the act itself, but it never lasted long
enough, and Jass was always so aggressive when he was on top of her. What
Lizzie never knew, but sometimes guessed, was that he was always thinking
of
Easter.
They were cooped up in their hotel room for four days, and had their first
rows, because Lizzie was sure she hadn't pleased him in bed and was
determined to make up for it in other ways. She fussed over him too much,
and tried to make decisions for him, and he got irritated. Then she got
bored with
MERGING 411
the hotel room, and her temper flared, and they had a row about some silly
thing. Jass stormed out, and Lizzie cried her distress, and when he came
back was ready to beg his forgiveness. But when he came back he had a
smile on his face, and apologized to her, as a gentleman should. The rain
was easing, the roads were still impassable, but he had found a paddle
steamer that was going upriver to Decatur and had booked them on it. The
accommodations were fairly primitive, but at least they were on their
journey.
They traveled for a year, and both loved Europe, although they never came
closer to loving each other. They settled into a pattern that suited both
of them, which began on the Atlantic crossing. Alone of the female
passengers, Lizzie did not succumb to seasickness and, as the only woman
presenting herself at meals in the cramped dining room, took advantage
of her situation, and put all of her considerable social skills on dis-
play. Jass would watch her at lunch or dinner, a splendid hostess in an
unlikely environment, charming them all with her wit and sense of humor.
He was sure they could find a balance in this. She would be mistress of
The Forks, impeccably fulfilling all their public duties, efficiently
running their private lives. He would make love to her as their situation
required, and she would be mother to his children, and probably a good
mother too, Jass thought. For the side of him that needed another kind
of love, he had his mistress, Easter.
The conditions of their new relationship were never voiced between them,
but Lizzie knew they existed and was not unhappy with them. Jass indulged
her every mood and whim; in Paris she shopped until she needed several
more cabin trunks to get her new wardrobe home, and he seldom said no to
her. He required her presence in his bed two or three times a week, and
Lizzie was prepared for it, and found ways to make the experience less
arduous. In the better hotels, they would have separate bedrooms, and
Lizzie appreciated his generosity, for she knew why it had been done. To
show her gratitude, she made sure his life was as full and interesting
as was within her ability to arrange, and she indulged the romantic in
both of them by taking him to the most romantic places she could find.
It was she who organized the dinner parties, and made them glittering
affairs, she who organized his wardrobe and
412 ALEX HALEY'S QUEEN
his requirements, she who took him for picnics to pretty riverbanks and
picturesque villages. She made no more demands on his time than he was
prepared to give, and did not complain if he went exploring on his own.
So they arrived at an understanding that made life pleasurable to both of
them, that was based on the friendship they had before their marriage, but
that now was deeper and more fulfilling because their lives were so
inextricably intertwined. Each was essentially happy, and if there were
missing elements that might have made that happiness more complete, both
thought them a small sacrifice to make for their general sense of
contentment.
Sometimes Lizzie longed for children, but her fear of the pain of
childbirth was so great she was glad she had not become pregnant.
Sometimes Jass longed for Easter, but she was there, waiting for him, and
his absence from her only made his heart fonder of her and, by extension,
of Queen.
They were away for fifteen months. It was longer than they had planned,
but they were having such a good time they saw no need to return. The
estate was in the capable hands of Tom Kirkman, the mansion was Sally's
domain, and the price of cotton was high. In London, Jass met enough
people who were sympathetic to the Southern cause to persuade him that
the South would always have a formidable ally, and this allayed his
concerns about the increasing friction with the North. Lizzie, for her
part, was not overly anxious to assume her new role at The Forks, for it
meant that she would be displacing Sally, and Liz
zie still had certain
nervous fears about her mother-in-law.
But eventually they got homesick, and bored with the wandering life, and
they came home and were glad of it. They had laid the foundations of an
excellent marriage, and were anxious to put their new domestic life into
effect.
Lizzie knew he would go to Easter, and she tried to block the idea from
her mind, tried not to think about it, and mostly succeeded. There was
nothing in the mansion to remind her of Easter's presence. The weaving
house was discreetly tucked away, and Jass was discreet about venturing
there. From time to time, she would see that little white pickaninny
wandering about the plantation, and when she did, it stabbed at her heart,
MERGING 413
for she had not yet provided lass with an heir and had no little baby of
her own to love, and she was jealous of Easter, because of Queen. Sally
seemed to understand this, and fond as she was of Queen, she would try to
see her away from the house, or at least away from Lizzie's sight. Sally
also behaved beautifully in the matter of the succession, handing over the
reins of running the household to Lizzie without demur, but always there
for help and advice.
In truth, Sally was pleased to be relieved of much of her responsibility.
Since James died, Sally had found her role arduous, for it had lost its
meaning for her. She had worked hard and capably all her days, and now
she was looking forward to a rest. She made a decision that once Lizzie
was comfortably settled in, she would travel herself for a while, not to
Europe, that was too strenuous for her, but to friends and relatives
throughout the South. She also intended to go North for a while, to see
for herself what all the fuss was about. And she was pleased with Lizzie,
for she seemed to be making Jass happy.
Jass was happy, his life divided into compartments that made one entity.
Always daunted by the myriad details of running the estate, he had Tom
and Lizzie, with Sally standing by, to run the house, the plantation, and
all the intricacies of their lives, leaving him free to concentrate on
the overview. And he had Easter. He had gone to her on the first night
of his return, and nothing had changed between them, and now he believed
that nothing ever would. He had coped with all the great changes life had
thrown at him, and survived, and there wouldn't be any more great changes
to cope with. He was free to enjoy life.
The only thing missing was a son, by Lizzie, and he was puzzled that she
had shown no signs of pregnancy. He did not connect this to the fact that
Easter had never become pregnant again, because he didn't want her to
have another child,
Because there was Queen, and Queen was enough for him.
He loved her. She had grown while he was away, but was still small for
her age, and serious and demure. She seemed to carry the weight of the
world around with her and seldom smiled, but when she did it dazzled him
and broke his heart. All the pent-up love he had for a child of his own
was directed
414 ALEX HALEY'S QUEEN
toward Queen, and if that love could never be expressed, it did not in any
way diminish its value.
She was so pretty, too. He was out for a walk one day and saw her playing
ring-around-the-rosy with some other slave children. He hid behind a tree
and watched them for a while, delighting in his lovely daughter.
The smile faded from his face as he heard what the other children were
singing:
"Queen, Queen, say she white, but she nigger like us!"
Queen was standing in the center of the ring of children, tears in her
eyes.
"I am white," she cried. "Look at me!"
"Queen, Queen," they chanted. "Ain't got no pappy, don't know who he is."
"He love me," Queen called at them, in despair. "He ain't ever gonna let
anyone hurt me!"
The more she protested, the more they jeered, until she broke, and stood
amongst them weeping her distress.
Jass could not stand it. He moved quickly from behind the tree, and called
out to them.
"Get out of here, you little brats!"
The sight of the Massa, angry, scared them, and they ran away. Queen was
on
her knees, still crying. Jass came close to her, and put an arm around her,
told her not to cry, he wouldn't let anyone hurt her.
"They call me names." Queen was wretched.
Jass remembered his days at school when they used to call him "nigger
lover" and beat him up. He smiled.
"People used to call me names, too, when I was little," he told her, drying
her eyes with his handkerchief. "I wonder why people do that?"
Queen had no illusions. "Coz I different. Coz I look white. Coz I can
read."
Jass had no idea of this, and was shocked.
"Don't ever tell anyone you can read, Queen," he commanded her gently.
"Some people wouldn't like it. They might hurt you."
She looked at him with innocent eyes. "My pappy would stop them," she said.
"You could stop them."
MERGING 415
At that moment, he would have stopped the world for her. He longed, with
all his heart to take her into his arms, and hold her close to him, and
never let anyone hurt her, ever again. He might have done it, for her
face was inches from his, trusting him, and he thought they were alone,
but salvation arrived, in the form of Cap'n Jack.
"The chile botherin' yo', Massa?" If Cap'n Jack had known what was in
Jass's heart, he might have stolen away, and left his granddaughter to
her father's love. But he did not know. How could he know?
Jass stood up and told Cap'n Jack to take her to the kitchen and find her
some candy. Something in his tone told Cap'n Jack what he could not have
known before. Queen ran to her gran pappy s arms.
"She been trouble, Massa?" Cap'n Jack asked.
"No trouble at all," Jass replied.
He knew who was teaching her to read and did not mind. He would have
stopped it with any other slave, but his daughter was different. He went
to his study, and then to the weaving house, which was empty.
Easter came back with provisions and found Jass hunting through the few
drawers and cupboards. She was surprised. He seldom came to her in
daylight anymore. He ignored her.
"What you looking for?" she asked, dumping her vegetables on the table.
"Nothing," he said, casually. Then he found Cap'n Jack's homemade
alphabet cards, and showed them to her. In that moment, Easter was
fearful, even of him.
"What are these?" His voice was even, and Easter looked him in the eye.
Her fear passed.
"Nuttin'," she said.
Jass grunted, and put the cards back where he had found them. He took a
couple of small books from his pocket and put them with the cards.
"What that?" Easter was puzzled.
"Nuttin'," he said, with a poker face
, and a grin twitching at the comers
of his mouth. He moved into her arms and kissed her, and they made love
in the warm afternoon.
When he had gone, Easter looked at the books he had left.
416 ALEX HALEY'S QUEEN
She could not read the books, but she understood the pictures. They were
children's books, of fairy stories.
Another book, recently published and not available at The Forks of
Cypress, was causing uproar throughout the country. Called Uncle Tom's
Cabin, its presentation of plantation life, and the way whites treated
niggers, was causing astonishing and renewed debate in the North about
slavery. Those Southemers who had read it had originally dismissed it as
a fiction, but the intensity of the Northern passions it had aroused
caused fury to replace apathy in the South. Lizzie was terrified of it,
not for itself, for she had never read it, but of the storm it had
created. The new Republican party had always espoused the cause of
abolition, but now one of its younger politicians, Abraham Lincoln, had
made a passionate speech in Peoria, denouncing slavery. He appeared to
have tremendous support in the North, and there was even talk that
eventually the issue would be decided by violence. Certainly all of
Lizzie's male friends claimed they were ready to make the ultimate
sacrifice to defend the slaveholding states and their life-style. Lizzie
found herself weeping at the slightest provocation these days.
She was pregnant. She was appalled at the prospect of bringing a child
into such an unstable world, and she did not understand that much of the
emotional tightrope she was walking was because of her condition. She was
sick every morning, which she hated, her ankles seemed to be swelling
already, although she had months to go, she was getting headaches, and
she was dreading the prospect of the pain of giving birth. She came into
the dining room one evening, saw that the silverware had not been
polished to her liking, and burst into tears again. Sally, who had
followed her in, was calm and kindly, and sat her down, and Lizzle
couldn't contain herself any longer, and told Sally the awful truth.
Sally didn't laugh. She saw that Lizzie was genuinely scared of what was
happening to her body and had not been educated to understand the natural
processes. She calmed Lizzie, and told her things that Becky should have
told her long ago, and by the time Jass, who had been delayed in
Florence, came in, Lizzie had ceased crying but was not in the brightest
mood.
"Why's everyone so glum?" He was in a splendid mood
MERGING 417
himself The tension between the North and the South had caused the price
of cotton to go sky-high in London.
Knowing he didn't know, Sally tried to cover for Lizzie.
"We've been discussing politics," she said.
"Something ladies shouldn't bother their pretty little heads about," Jass
laughed, and rang the bell for soup. He was hungry. To his surprise, both
women snapped at him.
"Don't be patronizing, Jass!" Sally barked.
"Of course it bothers us!" Lizzie was all fire. "All this fuss with the
Yankees, we could all be murdered in our beds-"
'Parson Dick and Polly came in with the soup.
--like that dreadful business with Nat Turner killing white women and
children-"
Jass, surprised at what he had unleashed, tried to calm her. "That was
years ago," he began, but Lizzie was unstoppable.
"And everyone's saying there could even be a war, and then we'd all be
killed and what am I going to do about my poor little baby?"
That stopped everyone, Parson Dick glanced at Polly.
Jass broke the silence. "What baby?"
Now that it was out in the open, Lizzie wondered why she had been afraid
to tell him, and felt an enormous sense of triumph. She became impossibly
coy.
"A little flower is growing under my heart," she simpered, and hoped she
looked suitably maternal.
Jass was thrilled.
"Oh, Lizzie, that's wonderful!" He hardly knew how to express his joy.