I will try and love you."
The effect on Queen was miraculous, and it seemed to satisfy Joyce.
"I surely hope so," she said. "Coz if'n you don't, if you don't look after
this child and cherish her like she deserves, I
660 ALEX HALEY'S QUEEN
will come fo' you wherever you are, and I'll fix you so you cain't never
give any go' girl a baby again."
She stressed her point, to be sure that he understood.
"Y'know I will," she said.
"I know y'will," Davis agreed.
Joyce had done as much as she could. She looked at Queen.
"Now you c'n go to him," she said. And when she saw the love shining out of
Queen's eyes, her heart melted. Queen moved into Davis's arrns, and he held
her close to him, and hated himself for what he had done.
Queen stayed with him that night, and they made their plans. Davis said he
would do whatever she wanted, and they could stay if that was her wish, but
he thought the sisters would make things difficult, that Queen's condition
would offend them, and they would sack either or both of them. It was better
they go somewhere else.
For himself, he did not want to give up on all his plans. He'd always
wanted to go North, because if there was any future for black people, it
was there. And they should go soon, before the sisters found out, and while
they still had the chance to set up a new life before the child was born.
"Anywhere," Queen told him. "Anywhere in the whole wide world that you want
to go, I will go with you."
Then she laughed, and corrected herself. "We will go with you.
Davis put his hand on her stomach. He couldn't feel anything but the warmth
of her flesh, and he envied the child, cozy and safe inside her, secure
from the travails of the world. Just for a moment, he regretted that he had
ever been born.
"Don't love me too much," he whispered. "All I ever do is make people cry."
But his warning came too late. She loved him too much already.
They would leave on Thursday. It was her afternoon off, and would arouse no
suspicion from the sisters. He would leave work early, saying he had to buy
plants, and would meet her at the coach depot.
The change in Queen was blatantly apparent to Miss Mandy, but she attributed
it to the wrong reason. She thought Queen's
QUEEN 661
radiant happiness was due to her pregnancy, and her envy of her servant's
condition magnified. She wanted to confront Queen, call her the baggage that
she was, and kick her out, and that animal man with her, and she begged the
Lord for forgiveness of her sin. To her surprise, the Lord answered her
prayer, and her jealousy gave way to her blissful realization that soon she
would have a little baby in the house, to love as her own. From then on, her
happiness rivaled Queen's, and she was solicitous to Queen, and constantly
on guard for her welfare, while still not admitting that she knew the child
was coming.
But the baby was not the only reason for Queen's mood. Much as she already
loved the tiny thing, her real joy came from the fact that soon the child
would have a proper home in which to be born and to grow and to be loved,
and a mother and father to do that loving, which she had never had. It did
not matter that Davis did not love her as much as she loved him. He loved
her more than anyone else had ever done.
On Thursday afternoon, she packed a few things in a small case, and waited
until the sisters went to their rooms for their afternoon nap. She crept
down the stairs and into the kitchen, and let herself out by the back door.
She saw Davis working in the front garden, and waved to him happily, but
did not go to him in case either of the sisters was looking out of the
window. She left by the back gate, and walked quickly down the lane, and
again down another lane, until she was a few blocks from the house. She sat
on a park bench at peace with the world, until she heard the clatter of
horses' hooves that signaled the approaching streetcar.
She went to Joyce's house to say good-bye. Joyce gave her a small posy of
flowers, and wished her well. The women hugged, and cried together for a
while, tears of happiness and loss. They sat in the rockers and talked of
nothing until it was time to leave.
Queen made her way to the coach depot, and got there early. She waited
patiently for Davis, and she was never sure exactly when she knew he wasn't
coming. Nor was she exactly sure when she realized that she had always
known he wasn't going to come. Perhaps that was why she had been scared to
tell him about the baby.
662 ALEX HALEY'S QUEEN
Perhaps she had known it when she did tell him, and had seen that look of
reproach in his eyes, that she now understood had not been directed at
herself. Perhaps she had known it when they lay together and made their
plans, and he told her of his ambition to go North. He had included her
then because he felt that he had to, but now she thought it had been his
way of telling her he was leaving.
She wasn't angry with him; she was angry with herself for being foolish
enough to dream that she could bind him to her. There was something he had
to do with his life that precluded her and a child, and it was important to
him, and because it was important to him, it was important to her.
And anyway, she had a part of him, growing inside her, the best of him. All
that mattered to her now was his child.
She left the little posy that Joyce had given her on a seat at the depot.
If by chance she Vas wrong, and he had been delayed, he would see the posy
if he came to the depot, and would know it was from her, and would know
where to find her.
She didn't realize she had waited for him for five hours past his appointed
time.
77
Queen gasped at the shock of the pain again, pushed as hard as she could, to
Miss Mandy's naive instructions, and grabbed on to the bedposts for
leverage. It had been going on for some hours, the contractions coming with
increasing frequency, and the birth was imminent. It was as well, for Queen
felt as if she were trying to push a giant watermelon through her loins.
Past all inhibition, she yelled to the rafters. Miss Mandy shouted at her,
but happily, for she was in her element.
Miss Gippy was leaning against the wall in a state of shock, muttering for
guidance from Jesus, trying to block her ears to Queen's cries, and
uselessly insisting that they fetch help. No
QUEEN 663
one heard her. Miss Mandy was determined to bring the child, which she had
already come to think of as her own, into the world herself, and Queen had
no other thought than to see him safely delivered.
Queen had not been devastated by the loss of Davis for she thought it
inevitable. She was angry because he had not been brave enough to tell her
the truth. She missed him, she was lonely, but mostly she was sc
ared for the
future.
She had dreaded the scene she knew must happen with the sisters when they
were told of her plight and her condition. She had gone to Joyce for
advice, and both agreed that Miss Mandy and Miss Gippy were her best
chance. Joyce did suggest one other alternative, but getting rid of her
baby was inconceivable to Queen, as Joyce knew it would be. Queen had never
had anything that was truly her own before. Some clothes, which were
usually other people's hand-me-downs, and a few trinkets, most of which she
had misplaced. But the child inside her was hers, not to be shared with
anyone, not even, now, with Davis. The baby was part of her body and all of
her love, and the only person who could ever take him away from her was
him. She didn't know what she would do if her baby didn't love her; it
didn't even enter her thinking, for she could not imagine that he would
not.
Joyce had gone with her to the sisters, and had told them the news. The
reaction was exactly predictable, at least at first.
"A wicked, naughty girl, that's what you are!" Miss Mandy told her. She'd
been wanting to say it for some time, but had refrained because she didn't
want to lose Queen, wasn't prepared to risk Queen's running away before the
child was born. Now that Queen was safe with them, for the term of her
pregnancy at least, Miss Mandy gave full flood to her moral rectitude,
chorused by her sister.
"A sinner damned to hell," Miss Gippy triumphed. "The seventh commandment!
"
Joyce protested Queen's innocence, but Miss Mandy had other plans for her.
"How dare you speak to me like that." She glared at Joyce.
"I'll speak to you any way I wants, you dried-up ol' prune," Joyce
responded as angrily, playing fight into Miss
664 ALEX HALEY'S QUEEN
Mandy's hands. "This chile need help, not yo' sermons."
This was heresy to Miss Gippy. What was a sermon but a path to divine
assistance? She ordered Joyce out of the house, but Miss Mandy was more
careful. Where was Queen to get this help, if not from them? It fell to the
sisters to bear the burden of Queen's sin.
Queen was curiously detached from it all, and played no part in the
proceedings. Her mind was remembering Davis and thinking of her son. The
sisters might very well throw her out. Miss Gippy was intent on it,
although Miss Mandy was less determined. If they did throw her out, she
would survive. She had a little money saved, and Joyce would help.
"I'll take her with me," Joyce told Miss Mandy, and it was as good as done
to Miss Gippy.
"Out of the house, the pair of you," she commanded again. Queen accepted
the order, and moved toward the door with Joyce, but a still small voice
stopped them.
" Not so fast," Miss Mandy said softly. "There are other things to consider
here."
Everyone looked at her, and she looked at Miss Gippy.
"Such as the child's immortal soul," she said. "Queen is lost to us; all
the prayers in Christendom could not save her now. But the child is
something else."
A clear, shining path to Jesus revealed itself to Miss Gippy. Allow the
little children to come unto me. They would allow the unborn babe to come
to Him; indeed, they would push him along. They would take him by the hand
and deliver him to Calvary. It was why they had come South, to save the
souls of the innocents.
"A precious burden," she whispered, in awe of the inspiration. "An innocent
babe."
Miss Mandy turned to Joyce. "I will not let the child go into your care,"
she said. "He needs the advantage of a proper Christian upbringing."
Joyce was still angry with her. "I's Christian," she affinned, but Miss
Gippy, stirred by true missionary zeal, shouted about paganism, and
heathenism and false prophets, which made Joyce even angrier.
"I ain't lettin' her stay," she snapped, but Miss Mandy was ruthlessly
reasonable.
QUEEN 665
in our care,
"How will you stop it? Queen is in our employ' and I doubt that the
allthOTities would consider you more suitable than we are. And where
would she find another job, in her condition?"
It was inarguable. Whoever these authorities were, secular or religious,
they would undoubtedly be sympathetic to a white woman of faultless civic
standing, and would scarcely listen to the pleadings of a black, no
matter how reasonable. It was also logical. As generous as Joyce was, she
and Abram did not have the physical room or the financial resources to
care for Queen for an extended period of time. They would have found a
way, but it would have been hard for them, and Queen would indeed have
trouble getting another job. So while Joyce still resisted the sisters,
it was less stubbornly now.
"She ain't stayin'," Joyce said, without conviction.
"I have to," Queen said quietly.
It was the simple truth, and everyone breathed a small, silent sigh of
relief.
"A fairly graceless response, Queen," Miss Mandy chided, entirely
satisfied with it. She laid down her rules. Queen would continue to work
for them as her condition allowed, and would be paid, and given her board
and lodging. She would be well looked after and given whatever medical
help and advice was necessary. When the child came, Queen would continue
her employment. Miss Mandy asked only one thing in return, that Queen
forsake her rowdy, nigra church, and worship with the sisters. Joyce
tried to protest, but lamely, and Queen agreed to the terms. Joyce was
told to leave, and it was indicated that she was not welcome in the house
anymore, although Queen could continue to see her occasionally, as a
friend. Joyce said a private good-bye to Queen, assuring her of any help
she needed, and an alternative sanctuary if conditions with the sisters
became intolerable, and left. Miss Mandy sent Queen to her room, for it
was already quite late, reminding her that they would have prayers at
seven in the morning.
Queen sought simple mercies in her prayers that night. She prayed for
Davis, that he be blessed and protected wherever he was, and that he be
granted a little happiness. He shouldn't have run away, or at least he
should have told her good-bye, but she understood why both were
impossible. She asked a
666 ALEX HALEY'S QUEEN
similar blessing and protection for her child, that he be bom whole and
complete, and that he come to love her. She asked nothing for herself,
except that the old dragons not be too hard on her.
She climbed into bed, missing Davis, missing his protective arms around
her, and worrying about where he slept that night, and what the future
held in store for him, who had known so much suffering. But he was gone
from her now, and someone else needed the attention of her hearL Quietly,
sweetly, softly, sadly,
she sang the song of her unborn baby.
Miss Mandy sang that song too. Through the weeks and months of Queen's
pregnancy, Miss Mandy lived it with her, as if the child had two mothers.
While Miss Gippy expected Queen to fulfill all her household duties, Miss
Mandy wanted daily reports as to her welfare and that of the child. She
looked to all the mothers at her church for guidance, and fussed about
Queen's diet and the baby's health. As Queen's stomach filled and rounded,
Miss Mandy insisted on increasingly long periods of rest, and even Miss
Gippy joined in the spirit, and cosseted Queen, for the closer Queen came
to term, the more Miss Gippy stood in awe and fear of the processes of
creation. Queen became quite fond of them-their many attentions made her
feel secure, and their delight in imagining the child as an infant was
touching. On the warm summer days Queen would sit in the garden with Miss
Mandy, while Miss Gippy fussed with warm, unnecessary rugs and welcome,
cool refreshments. They had a new gardener now, an older man, but he came
only twice a week, to maintain what Davis had done. It pleased Queen to
sit in the pretty arbor, surrounded by the fragrant roses, and survey the
handiwork that her man had made.
"And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my
body to be burned, and have not Charity, it profiteth me nothing."
Miss Mandy was reading from her Bible. Miss Gippy was fussing with a
tray.
Prospective motherhood became Queen, and she looked wonderful.
"Charity suffereth long, and is kind. Charity envieth not. Charity
vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up."
QUEEN 667
It pleased Miss Mandy to sit here on these pleasant afternoons, close to
maternity, and she vaunted herself a little, and puffed herself up at her
own charity to Queen, which is why she read the good words of
instruction, to be delivered from vanity and pride.
"It's getting a little chilly," Miss Gippy said. "Don't you think you
should go inside, Queen?"
It was a very hot day. Queen smiled, and Miss Mandy was cross.
"For heaven's sake, Gippy, don't fuss," she told her sister. Miss Gippy
was a little put out. She was only thinking of Queen's well-being, and
the baby's. The way Miss Mandy carried on, anyone would think the child
was her own.
"I'm only thinking of the boy," she sniffed, and picked up the tray.
"Why you so sure it's going to be a boy?" Queen wondered, to placate her
and include Miss Gippy in a process from which Miss Mandy seemed
determined to exclude her.
Miss Gippy did something very odd. She giggled, and was embarrassed by
her own frivolity.
"Well, of course, I don't know," she twittered. "How could I know?"
She moved away toward the house.
"Don't sit out here too long," she said, to spite Miss Mandy. Queen
adjusted her position on the chair. She was almost to term and could
never sit comfortably in one position for very long. Miss Mandy put down
her Bible and stared at the garden.
"She's convinced it will be a boy because she wants it to be a boy," she
said quietly. "We both do."
She wondered why. Men were deceitful, distrustful, and disloyal. Look
what her fianc6 had done to her, all those years ago. Look what Davis had
done to Queen. Why should she want to bring such a creature into the
world? She was honest enough to admit to herself that she adored men, for
all their imperfections, and a boy child could be fashioned into the
image of a perfect man. A boy child could be made to understand the
nature of women, and be kind to them when he grew. He could be schooled
not to hurt women, and not to make promises to them that he did not
intend to keep. A boy child
668 ALEX HALEY'S QUEEN
could learn of women's pain, and become the image of the husband she,
Mandy, had never had. She did not want to bring a girl child into this
world, for who would wish a woman's life on a poor babe? Yet she knew she