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would be happy with whatever Queen gave her.

  "How does it feel?" Miss Mandy asked quietly.

  "Heavy," Queen said, adjusting her weight again. Miss Mandy was always

  asking her how she felt. But presently, Miss Mandy's mind was on other

  matters. Her thoughts were metaphysical.

  "No, I mean how does it feel in your heart?"

  Queen considered the question carefully, but it was so difficult to

  describe the complex emotions that engulfed her. She had never, for one

  moment, regretted the pregnancy, and when the physical difficulties of

  it made her irritable or tired, or when she felt ill, or when she

  couldn't do her work properly, she would sit somewhere, and talk quietly

  to her child, and would caress her belly so that he would learn the

  gentle touch of her hands. She wished she were a poet, or had been

  schooled better, so that she could communicate the pure wonder of it. The

  only words that came to her were simple ones, but honestly spoken,

  directly from her heart.

  "I feel-full up with him," Queen said. "Complete with love for him." She

  smiled.

  "There now, I think he's going to be a boy, too. I feel him growing

  inside me, kicking inside me, and I never want him to leave me. No matter

  how big he gets I will always think he's too little for this world."

  Miss Mandy blinked in the sunlight, and glanced at her Bible.

  "And now abideth Faith, Hope, and Charity, these three, but the greatest

  of these is Charity."

  They sat in silence for a moment. Bees hummed. Crickets sang. Butterflies

  danced by.

  "I envy you so much," Miss Mandy whispered. Queen looked at the old

  woman, and felt a surge of sorrow for her, for her aura was abject

  loneliness. She wanted to give Miss Mandy a gift, in return for the

  charity she had shown.

  She took Miss Mandy's hand and held it against her stomach. They didn't

  have to wait very long. The child was getting

  QUEEN 669

  anxious to be bom. When Miss Mandy felt the movement of the kick against

  her hand, a golden smile suffused her face, and a sharp pain stabbed her

  heart. The child kicked again, a slight, dull thump, and Miss Mandy pulled

  her hand away.

  "Don't make it worse for me," she said.

  So it was perfectly reasonable to Queen that Miss Mandy be her midwife,

  and in any case Miss Mandy would tolerate no other. Miss Gippy was far

  from convinced. What if something went wrong? What if the child had

  problems? And who was going to clean up the mess?

  "We're nearly there!" Miss Mandy cried, and Miss Gippy's eyes popped out

  in amazement. Queen had given a shameless yell and an almighty shove, and

  the head of the baby appeared. Miss Gippy fell to her knees, and prayed

  for assistance or deliverance.

  "Get up off your knees, woman, and get me a towel," Miss Mandy ordered.

  Queen yelled again, and pushed again, and so it was that a child was bom,

  to three lonely women, who had no experience of such wonder.

  "Bless my cotton socks," Miss Mandy whispered, in awe. "It's a boy."

  The words lulled Queen, like a benediction. She lay back on the bed, in

  exhaustion, and elation, and triumph.

  "Let me see him," she said.

  Miss Mandy and Miss Gippy were fussing over the tot, doing the things

  that had to be done.

  "In a moment, Queen," said Miss Mandy. "We have things to do."

  "Let me see him," Queen said again, but Miss Mandy didn't even reply. The

  baby was so darling, and so fragile, and yet she had to be brutal with

  him, to ensure his survival. She cut the cord herself, and cleaned him,

  and spanked him to make him cry, so that she was certain he would live.

  And there was so much else. She had to make sure he was complete, that

  all his tiny toes were there and his dear little fingers, that his ears

  were well formed, and touch his tiny, fluffy hair. And he wasn't really

  black at all, just a sort of milky coffee, and anyway, perhaps he would

  tighten a little as he grew. And she had to hold him to her, hold him to

  her breast, so that he

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  would know that no matter who fed him, this was where he was loved. What on

  earth was Queen making such a fuss about?

  "He's my baby!" Queen was shouting now. "He's mine. I want to see him."

  Every fiber of her was pleading for this part of her body to be returned to

  her.

  "Don't be so ungrateful, Queen," Miss Mandy said sharply. Oh, he looked

  lovely, wrapped in clean swaddling clothes of palest blue. This was how the

  darling baby Jesus must have looked, and Miss Mandy's soul magnified the

  Lord.

  "I want my baby!" Queen cried. "Give me my baby!"

  Miss Mandy sighed, but came to Queen with the child, for he was whimpering,

  and might be hungry, and he was never going to be hungry, or want for

  anything. Miss Mandy would see to that. With matemal care, she put him into

  Queen's arms at last, and Queen stared at the tiny thing, and vowed she

  would never let him out of her arms again. She freed her breast, and put

  the child's mouth to it. Of all the pleasures life can give, this was the

  finest feeling, for she, who had given him life, was sustaining him. She

  could not isolate any of the thousand emotions that were punching at her

  heart, and as she stared at her son, she tried to see his future, and knew

  she would do everything in her power to make it blessed.

  "He's a very fine, very handsome boy," she heard Miss Mandy say, and nodded

  in agreement. "We must think of a very special name for him."

  Queen didn't even bother to look at Miss Mandy, for the matter was already

  settled. He would be called David, which meant Beloved.

  "I don't think that's entirely suitable," Miss Mandy said. Queen didn't

  respond, because there wasn't anything to say. His name was David, and she

  was feeding him. She wished the sisters would go away, so that she could be

  alone with him, and welcome him in private, as mothers should, but Miss

  Gippy was saying something, about King David, and Bathsheba, and adultery.

  "We thought Abner," Miss Mandy said.

  "Abner," Miss Gippy agreed. "A fine, biblical name."

  Queen was puzzled. This had nothing to do with them. She

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  was very grateful to the- sisters for their many kindnesses, but the name of

  the baby was not their business.

  "His name is David," she said.

  Miss Mandy thought she was being very difficult. She had taken Queen in,

  when many might have thrown her onto the streets. She had looked after her

  and delivered the baby. The very least Queen could do was to let her choose

  the boy's name, and yet she seemed insistent on a name that remembered his

  philandering father. Obviously, Miss Mandy sensibly decided, nothing was to

  be gained by discussing it now. Queen was tired, and in an emotional state.

  Miss Mandy had plenty of time, Abner didn't have to be christened for

  several weeks, and Quee
n would see reason after some rest.

  The sisters went about their business, to put sheets and towels in the wash

  to soak, and then to say their separate private prayers, thanking God for

  his many blessings, and at last, Queen was left alone with her boy.

  He was asleep, safe in her loving arms, and she promised him she would do

  her best by him, always. She told him how sorry she was that he didn't have

  a pappy, but his pappy had important things to do in the world, and she

  would be Mammy and Pappy for him.

  And then, from somewhere deep in her soul, sweet music flooded forth from

  her, wordless music that was her lullaby.

  Six weeks later, in a simple, private ceremony arranged by the sisters at

  the Lutheran Church, Queen watched with uplifting pride and listened with a

  certain ambivalence as the minister sprinkled water on her baby's head and

  christened him Abner.

  78

  Miss Mandy was trying to steal her baby. Queen was sure of it; there was

  no other explanation. It hadn't been so obvious in the early days, the

  first few weeks. There was the trouble over his name, but Queen had not

  put up too much of a struggle about that. She didn't want to appear

  ungrateful for everything the sisters had done for her, and if it pleased

  them to call him Abner, it was only a name. Queen had compromised, in her

  own mind, that he was Abner David, but as the weeks went on, common usage

  prevailed, and now he was simply Abner.

  From the very beginning Miss Mandy had been obsessive about the boy,

  worrying about his health, his feeding times, and his food. She asked

  questions that Queen thought were far too personal, about her diet, to

  be sure that Abner was getting good milk. She would sit holding him for

  hours while Queen worked. She talked to him endlessly about Jesus, and

  told him Bible stories, even though he was too young to hear. She fretted

  about him if he cried, and rocked him gently when he slept. She even

  changed his soiled linen.

  She would call for Queen when she thought Abner was hungry, and make

  Queen feed him in front of her, which Queen didn't like. She had

  protested the first time it happened.

  "He's starving, Queen," Miss Mandy said. "Where have you been?"

  "Pro'bly just got the burps," Queen replied. "He been fed. "

  Miss Mandy referred to a notepad.

  "That was four hours ago," she said. "I have it written down. "

  Abner did seem to be snuggling into Miss Mandy's breast, as if he were

  hungry. Queen felt the milk move in her breast.

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  QUEEN 673

  Miss Mandy tickled Abner's chin, and made goo-goo eyes at him.

  "Poor little baby's hungry, isn't he?" she clucked. "Nasty Mammy won't

  feed him."

  "I ain't nasty," Queen chided. She took Abner and made to leave the room.

  "Do it here, Queen," Miss Mandy ordered. "You know I like to watch."

  Queen knew that. In the first few days, while she was still in bed, Miss

  Mandy had hardly left her room, fascinated by the boy, everything he did,

  and everything that was done to him. It hadn't seemed to matter then, to

  feed the baby in front of her. It was starting to matter now. She was

  being allowed less and less time alone with her son.

  "'Tain't fittin'," Queen said. "It's private business 'tween me and him."

  Miss Mandy laughed. "It can't do him any harm. And it pleases me."

  Queen, who had been trained all her life to obey orders, did not know how

  to avoid the instruction. She sat in a chair by the window, opened her

  blouse and bodice, and took out her breast.

  Abner fed happily. Miss Mandy nodded her head as happily, and started to

  sing a hymn.

  It happened every mealtime from then on, except at night, and sometimes

  even then. Miss Mandy would come into her room, without knocking, to

  check that Abner was comfortable. She would adjust the blankets in his

  cot, or make sure he was not wet, or rescue the pacifier she had bought

  him from the place on the mantelshelf where Queen had put it, and give

  it to Abner to suck.

  She washed him and weighed him. She dressed him in clothes of her own

  choosing, relegating the few that Queen had bought to the trash. She came

  home one day with an expensive perambulator, and every afternoon she

  would take him for a stroll in the garden while Queen worked, chatting

  to him, or singing hymns. She began to teach him. She would point things

  out to him, and say the name of them over and over again, and was sure

  his gurgles signified recognition. Sometimes she would take him in the

  pram for longer walks,

  674 ALEX HALEY'S QUEEN

  down the street, to introduce him to the new, wider world that awaited

  him. She did all the things a mother would do, and left very little for

  Queen.

  Sometimes Queen protested, and then Miss Mandy would look aggrieved, and

  say that she was only trying to keep Abner happy while Queen was working.

  Queen's work was the excuse for everything, and Queen thought they

  deliberately found more things for her to do to keep her away from her

  baby.

  Queen grieved for her lost hours with her son. What she had thought would

  be hers, and hers alone, was hardly hers at all. Except at night, when

  Miss Mandy had gone to bed, and then Queen would take her child from his

  cot, and lie on her bed holding him to her, trying to make up for all the

  time she had missed.

  Curiously, Queen thought that Miss Gippy was on her side. Miss Gippy was

  quite fond of Abner, but his crying distressed her. She often complained

  of being wakened in the night. On several occasions she suggested that

  Miss Mandy should give the boy to his mother. Sometimes when she came

  into the kitchen to tell Queen that Miss Mandy wanted Abner fed, or be

  looked after in some way, Queen would say it had been done, or that she

  was busy, and Miss Gippy seemed to understand.

  "I know," she said, "but you'd better go see what she wants." She, not

  Abner.

  On one occasion, Miss Gippy had told Miss Mandy that she was spending too

  much time with Abner, and was neglecting her prayers and Bible studies.

  Miss Mandy was angry then, and told Miss Gippy she didn't know what she

  was talking about. Then she had even wept, and said that no one under-

  stood what she was trying to do for the boy.

  As Abner grew, the situation became worse. What was most difficult for

  Queen to accept was that Abner seemed to prefer Miss Mandy to her. For

  all the attention she gave the boy, Miss Mandy seldom disciplined him.

  If he was fretful and crying, Miss Mandy would get irritated with him,

  and call for Queen. It was Queen who had to introduce Abner to the word

  I I no," not Miss Mandy. Because Queen was so often tired from her work,

  she said "no" to Abner rather more than she

  QUEEN 675

  wanted, even though he was too little to fully understand the word. Miss

/>   Mandy made jokes about it.

  "Be careful, Abner," she would say, "or I'll send for nasty Mammy."

  Queen lost her temper.

  "I ain't nasty," she flared, not for the first time. "An' why don't you let

  me decide what's best for my boy?"

  "Because you don't have a very strong sense of responsibility, Queen," Miss

  Mandy replied smugly. "If you did, Abner wouldn't be here, would he?"

  Slowly it dawned on Queen that Abner always laughed and looked happy when

  he was with Miss Mandy, and was always whimpering and difficult when he was

  with Queen. It was more than she could bear,

  On her afternoons off, Queen was allowed to take Abner with her on short

  walks about the garden or down the back lane, but never into the streets or

  into town, if Queen had to go shopping. Queen wanted to take Abner farther

  afield, to the park, to be in the open air with her son, and had put him in

  the pram once, but Miss Mandy stopped that.

  "I cannot have you parading the proof of your sin in public, Queen," she

  said.

  "You parade him!" Queen shouted. "You take him everywhere! "

  "That's different," Miss Mandy said. "He isn't my sin. I am saving his

  soul."

  That salvation was more like thievery, and that was when Queen decided Miss

  Mandy was trying to steal her baby from her. She became frenetic with

  Abner, clutching him to her in her room, hugging him, holding him,

  whispering to him, begging him, desperate for some proof that he loved her.

  It disturbed the boy, and made him cry even more. Queen was distressed

  because.she didn't understand what she had done to make him cry so, and

  would shout at him. Sometimes Miss Mandy heard her, and came in to see what

  the fuss was about. Then Abner would stretch out his arms to Miss Mandy and

  cry to go to her, and when she took him he would quiet down. On more than

  one occasion, Miss Mandy threatened to move Abner's cot into her room if

  Queen couldn't look after him better. They would argue about that, and

  Queen would shout

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  at Miss Mandy, and that made Abner cry even more.

  Yet sometimes, when she was not so tired, she would sing lullabies to him,

  and he would smile and laugh at his mother, and stretch out his tiny hand

  to her face, squeeze her nose gently, or pull on her hair, and it was sweet

  and lovely to her.

  She had to talk to someone about what was happening, but had few friends.

  She never went to her own church, by agreement with the sisters, and seldom

  saw Joyce, as the sisters had commanded. Now she missed Davis. If he had

  stayed, she would not be in this predicament; he would have put Miss Mandy

  in her place. Or if they had run away together, Miss Mandy would be only a

  distant memory. Now she realized the depth of her love for Davis, for any

  kind of life with him was preferable to any kind of life without him, for

  the sake of their son. Now she was angry with Davis, for the boy needed a

  father. He had mothers enough.

  She went to Joyce. It had been three months since they had met. Joyce

  hadn't changed, and was delighted to see Queen. Her warm, motherly embrace

  brought all of Queen's frustrations wrenching to the surface, and she held

  on to her friend for dear life, and wept. Joyce was astonished at the

  flood.

  "Chile, chile, whatever's wrong?" she comforted. Queen gulped away her

  tears, and told Joyce the sad story.

  "I ain't his mammy no more," she cried.

  Joyce calmed her down, and stroked her hair.

  "You gotta tell her, girl," she advised. "She cain't steal yo' baby. "

  "That's what she's doin'," Queen agreed.

  They talked it through, and Joyce decided Queen must leave the sisters'

  employ, and find another job. She could come and stay with Joyce and her

  family. Queen resisted mildly, for she knew she and Abner would be a

  burden, but Joyce would have none of it. They were welcome for as long as

  they needed. So Queen agreed,

  "I'm leavin', quittin'," she told Miss Mandy, who was nursing Abner. "Me

  an' Abner's goin'."

  It was a wonderful moment. She thought she saw fear in Miss Mandy's eyes.