“I know,” I blurted out, and then I locked up. Every muscle.
He frowned. “You know…what?”
“I…I know about Alex,” I said, squeezing my hands together as the frown slipped off his face and his eyes widened. “I know about Ares.”
Seth took a step back as he stared at me. “You do?”
I nodded. My pulse pounded so quickly I feared I’d be sick. “I know everything.”
He stared at me for a long moment, and then his chin lifted. His face went impassive, like a door being slammed shut. “If you know everything, then why are you here, Josie?”
I opened my mouth as I shook my head.
“You should be anywhere but here.”
Should I? I folded my arms across my chest. “I don’t know what to say, Seth.”
“I know what to say for you.” A muscle thrummed along his jaw. “I disgust you. I’m a killer.” His voice was bland and even while I flinched. “You thought what I’d done the last year was forgivable? It’s because you didn’t know everything. When I told you that I was a monster, I wasn’t fooling with you, Josie. I am.”
“No,” I said, and then I spoke up louder. “You gave up everything for Alex and Aiden. You gave up your life.”
“Were you told I was an addict?” When I nodded, he laughed harshly. “And yet…you are here.”
“Seth…”
He shrugged as he tugged the leather band off his wrist and lifted his heavy arms, tugging his hair back from his face. “What life was I giving up? It wasn’t that big of a sacrifice. Trust me. I deserve this. And I deserve what I have coming to me.”
“You didn’t deserve any of this.” I stepped forward, ignoring the way his head swiveled sharply toward me. And the moment the words came out, I knew it was how I felt. Right or wrong, it was just how I felt. “You didn’t deserve to be born to a shitty mom or have a crappy childhood. You sure as hell didn’t deserve to have someone use that against you.”
His chest rose. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I know that Alex didn’t deserve everything that was thrown at her. Just like you didn’t. That doesn’t mean you didn’t make some shitty choices in all of it.”
“I’m pretty sure what I did could be summed up a little better than a shitty choice,” he snapped back.
“Okay.” Frustration got the better of me and I stormed forward, stopping short of pushing him. “You did terrible things, Seth. You did horrible things. Is that what you want to hear me say?”
He started to look away.
“No. Is that it? You just want me to keep telling you what you want to believe about yourself? That you don’t deserve happiness? That you’re a monster?”
“That’s because I am one!” he shouted, facing me, and up close, his eyes burned ocher. A shimmer of amber danced down his arms, evaporating so quickly I wasn’t sure I’d seen it. “Why can’t you see that? Everyone else around you does. Wait. Are you just going to stand there and tell me more stories about how you ran over animals?”
My eyes narrowed. “Shut up.”
He smirked.
“They don’t see you as a monster,” I shot back. “If they did, do you think they’d let you in here? That Deacon would’ve thanked you? That someone wouldn’t have gotten their hands on you by now and at least attempted to beat the crap out of you?”
He opened his mouth, but I didn’t want to hear it. “Or that Apollo would’ve put you in charge of me? That he wouldn’t have skinned you alive when he found us kissing? Why can’t you see that?”
A tense moment passed and then he dipped his chin, got right up in my face. His voice was low when he spoke. “So you can forget and forgive every horrible thing I’ve done? Is that what you’re saying?”
I shook my head. “No. I’m not saying that. What I’m saying is—you are not the sum of only half of your actions. You can’t disregard everything else.”
He stared at me, and wow, I was kind of proud of that myself. I latched onto it. “I know that you cared for people. I know that you cared for Alex. And I know—I know—you wouldn’t have done those things if you hadn’t been manipulated into them. I’m not saying that you’re devoid of responsibility, but that’s not the only thing that makes you who you are. You are more than just the Apollyon. You are more than the guy who sided with Ares. You’re…you’re also the guy who made a major step in righting what he’d done wrong. You’re the guy who regrets what he’s done. You’re the guy who didn’t laugh at me when I said I didn’t have friends in school. You’re also the guy who let me turn him into a Pillow Pet, and you care about—”
He shot forward, clasping my cheeks. “Say it again.”
“Say what?” I replied, gripping his wrists. “I said a lot of things. Help me out here.”
“Say that I’m not just the Apollyon,” he whispered, his voice harsh.
Tears built up in my throat. “You’re not just the Apollyon,
Seth.”
His eyes drifted shut, his face tensed as his fingers splayed across my cheeks. “I don’t even know who I am anymore. Or what I ever was.”
Oh goodness, that ripped right through my chest. “You’re just…you’re just Seth.”
A tremor moved through his arms. “And you…you’re just my salvation.”
I gasped as he let go and turned. He stumbled through the doorway, lacking his normal grace. His salvation? That was… powerful. Important. Folding my hands under my chin, I followed him into the bedroom. He’d stopped in front of the bed, hands on his hips, his head bowed and the muscles along his shoulders bunched. Every muscle in his back, down to the low-hanging pants, was tense.
“Seth?”
He lifted his head, and I heard the breath he took right before he faced me. I saw it happen. Whatever walls he had perfectly crafted around him had cracked right open. He stared at me in a way I’d never seen before.
“If you don’t leave right now, I won’t be responsible for what I’ll do,” he said, his voice deep and rough. “I am not kidding.”
I froze as a series of shivers spread across my skin and my eyes widened. Part of me thought I knew what he was saying. Then again, I wasn’t really sure of anything other than the fact that, as crazy as it sounded, I trusted him. Who knew what that said about me?
“Josie.” His voice cracked as his arms fell to his side.
In that moment, I knew that he needed me to stay. He actually needed more than that. Leaving didn’t prove anything I’d just said to him, and I didn’t want to leave. My stomach fluttered nervously as I took a step toward him.
That was as far as I made it.
Seth was in front of me in a heartbeat. One arm curved around my waist and he hauled me against his bare chest. His other hand cradled the back of my head, tilting my mouth up to meet his.
The kiss…
It was the softest and sweetest thing I’d ever felt. Barely there, a whisper over my lips, but so potent, so shattering, I had to fight the rise of tears. And his powerful body shook against mine as he mapped the layout of my mouth. There was something infinitely tender in that moment.
The kiss…
It stole my soul, laid claim to me in a way I didn’t know was possible. It reached down inside me, doing more than building a fire. There was hope in that kiss. There was a promise of more, of redemption.
Of salvation.
My lips parted under his, welcoming him in, and the kiss deepened, but there was nothing rushed to it. Like a slow, tentative exploration, he kissed me like he’d never kissed anyone before, and I seriously knew that wasn’t the case. But there was something new, something tentative, about the way our tongues met, and I started to shake.
Seth pulled back, his eyes latched onto mine. “Do you want this?”
I found my voice. “Yes.”
“You’re crazy.”
Then his mouth was on mine, and as my hands flattened on his shoulders, I felt my senses start to spin. His hands moved to the hem of my sweater and he didn’t break contact until he needed to in order to lift the sweater over my head. He dropped it on the floor, and then swept his lips over mine.
His hands settled on my shoulders, fingers playing over the straps of my bra. I’d never gone this far before, so when he leaned back and his gaze traveled over my flushed face and parted lips, down my neck, I had to fight the urge to cover myself.
My body was not perfect, not like his. Even with all the training and running, my stomach was still soft and my hips were still wide. I doubted those things would ever change, but it was hard to stand there and let him look his fill.
He trailed his fingers down the straps and over the lacy cups, causing my breath to catch and a riot of sensations to flood me. There was no hiding my body’s reaction from him. When his fingers reached the V in my cleavage, his hands moved out to the sides, smoothing over the tips of my breasts.
I swallowed, but found that I couldn’t get my throat to work. He shifted closer, his hips pressing against my belly as he cupped my breasts. His thumbs moved, trailing idle circles that kept getting closer and closer to where I actually ached.
His thick lashes lifted, his stare searing into mine as his thumbs hit the hardened tips, and I cried out. Seth swept in, capturing the sound with his lips, but his fingers… Oh God, they didn’t stop. He teased and taunted, tugged and tortured me in the sweetest way possible through the thin satin, working me until I was panting into his kisses and my fingernails were digging into his shoulders. One hand slipped to my back, and proving he had some mad skills, he unhooked the bra with one hand. The material loosened, and I dipped my head to his chest, pressing a kiss against the taut skin as he dragged the straps down my arms. He waited until I lowered my arms, and then he let the bra fall between us.
Seth pressed his lips against the top of my head and then the tip of my nose when I lifted my chin. The kisses kept coming. Over my cheeks, along my jaw, and then down the side of my neck, his tongue flicking out over my pulse, sending it pounding throughout me as his hands found their way back to my breasts. With nothing between his palms and my skin, the touch was nothing short of being hit with a live wire.
A sound I didn’t even know was possible rose up my throat, and I felt his lips curve against the skin between my neck and shoulder. I held onto him as he wrapped an arm around my waist and lifted me up. Then I was on my back, in his bed, with my hair everywhere, completely topless, and he was hovering over me, his gaze doing just as many dangerous things to my heart as his touch had.
“Perfect,” he murmured. “You know that? Absolutely fucking perfect.”
I couldn’t talk as I watched him lower his head, strands of blond hair falling forward, caressing over my chest, knocking the air out of my lungs. He trailed a hot, fiery path down the center of my chest as he shifted his weight onto one arm. His hand was heading south as his lips and tongue tasted every square inch of my chest, getting closer and closer to the hardened nipple.
His fingers unbuttoned my jeans. The zipper went down—the sound erotic, causing my toes to curl. His hand smoothed over my hip, fingers slipping under the waist of my jeans. He tugged, and instinct urged me to lift my hips. I did, and my jeans went down my legs, off my feet, falling to the floor. As his hand resettled on my belly, his mouth finally made it home, closing over the tip of my breast.
I cried out as my back arched clear off the bed. Holy crap. His hands had nothing on his mouth. Goodness. My fingers curled into the comforter and a throaty moan burst from me as he caught the tip between his teeth.
“Seth!” I tried to breathe around his name, but he chuckled, flicking his tongue where he’d nipped, soothing that slight sting. And then he gave my other breast the same treatment—kissed, suckled, nipped, and licked, and oh gods, I was so in over my head it wasn’t even funny.
I was drowning in what he was doing, and when he slid his hand up over my ribs, closing it over my other breast, I surely thought I’d just die in that moment. I hoped not, because I could feel him pressing against my hip, thick and hard, and my heart pounded with need, want, and a thousand other things.
Seth took his time, teasing until my hips moved restlessly, my thighs pressed together, until my hands found their way to him and I slid them down his arms, feeling the bulge in his muscles, the slight tremor that coursed under his skin. Oddly, in that moment, I wondered if his tattoos were showing and what that must look like.
But then I stopped thinking, because his hand was moving as he rose up, bringing his mouth to mine. The kisses were slow, languid, almost questioning, and those kisses, they were sweet and dizzying. Seth was dizzying, every aspect of him. Sparks of electricity danced over my skin, ratcheting up everything I was feeling until I thought there was a good chance I might combust as his hand traveled down my stomach, over my panties.
“Open for me?” he asked against my mouth.
My thighs parted, and then he was cupping me. I tensed all over, partly because I’d never been touched that way and partly due to the tension deep inside me that had coiled up tight.
He murmured something in a language I didn’t understand against my mouth as he moved his hand between my legs, his fingers dragging up and then down. “You like that?”
My hips rose in response, and he chuckled again, pressing his forehead against mine. I could feel his chest moving as he kept up that slow movement of his fingers. “I’ll take that as a yes,” he said.
“I…” I gripped his arm, feeling the muscles move under my hand each time he moved his fingers. “Seth…”
“I don’t think I could ever grow tired of hearing you say my name like that.” He kissed me before he drew back, hand and everything leaving me. I started to reach for him, but he had his hands under the band of my panties, and then he was dragging them down my legs.
“Oh God,” I whispered.
One side of his lips quirked up as he glanced up at me, and then he had me completely bare to his gaze. “You are fucking beautiful, Josie.”
I stuttered out a “thank you” that I wasn’t even sure he heard. His hands were planted on either side of my waist, and he was staring at me like he’d never seen me before, but he was still in his pants. That didn’t seem right, so I sat up, pressing my hot face into the space between his neck and shoulder. My fingers fumbled along the band of his pants, and he drew back, giving me access.
I tugged on them and he leaned over, helping me get them down his thighs. He took over at that point, which was good, because I had no idea how I was going to get them down his long legs without sticking my butt up in the air. When he was in nothing more than a pair of black boxer briefs, I felt like my tongue would loll out of my mouth. I could see the length of him straining against the material.
His hand curved under my chin, lifting my gaze. Our eyes met. There was something soft in his gaze, something I doubted many people had ever been on the receiving end of.
Biting down on my lip, I reached again for him. His hand left my chin, folding over my wrist before I could get hold of his boxers. Startled, my gaze rose to his again.
He was still looking at me in that way. “Unless I’m totally way off, there’s something I think you should be telling me.”
“What?” That I was about to come out of my skin?
Seth dipped his head, kissing my bare shoulder as he drew my hand to him, pressing my palm against his length. I gasped at the heat that seeped through the material, and he groaned. “Josie, have you ever touched a guy like this?”
My fingers closed around him, and his hips jerked forward. He slid my hand up the long length as he lifted his head, kissing the corner of my mouth. “Josie…’
“No,” I whispered, tightening my hand around him, through the briefs. “I’ve never…been with anyone before.”
He shuddered as he lifted his head, his gaze snaring me. “And you’re going to give me that?”
“Yes.” And I nodded, just in case he was confused.
Pulling my hand away, he rose, slanting his head to kiss me deeply as he pushed me onto my back, with his weight draped over me. “I’ve never had anything that was my own,” he said against my mouth. “Nothing that was ever for just me and no one else. I’ve never been anyone’s first.” He kissed me and then lifted his head. I stared into his eyes. “I’ve never been anyone’s only.”
That made my heart ache for him as I raised my hand, pressing my palm against his cheek. “You’re my first,” I whispered. “You’re…you’re my only.”
His lips parted. “You can’t say that and not mean it.”
I held his gaze as my chest swelled. “I mean it.”
He smoothed his thumb over my lip. “I really am a lucky son of a bitch.”
Before I could process that, his mouth replaced his thumb. It was like those words had formed some kind of unbreakable bond, and that kiss sealed it. Like we were making our own prophecy, our own fate that couldn’t be unwritten.
“We aren’t going to do this,” he said.
My eyes flew open. “What?”
He laughed softly and then groaned. “Yeah, I can’t even believe