***
"Surprise! This Christmas Count Ratajko and his son came to stay with us. They are an old noble family and their property lies somewhere in the Podlasie region. Papa and Mr. Ratajko have known each other for many years, from their youth. They used to revel together in Paris. Now, they rarely see each other. I remember his son, Michal Ratajko, from when he was here recently with his father. He was then about twelve years old, serious and super boring. It might have changed, we'll see. If not, I have to brace myself for a boring Christmas.
I calmed down a bit after Konik’s loss, but I often think of him, particularly of how he used to walk me around the courtyard like some big pooch and slide his muzzle under my arm just to get me to stroke him. No, it is enough. I might cry again. Since there is no longer any pony, I rarely get to see Janek. I do not go to the stables. He, too, has been avoiding me since our last meeting, as if he is frightened by something."
***
"They arrived. Michal Ratajko has changed. He is even more serious, and even more super boring than before. Where do I hide? I expected the worst from my parents. We were seated at the table next to each other and from time to time, I see them sending us their stealthy glances. I'm scared. I do not know what to do? Count Ratajko is a widower and is very rich. He mentioned, yes, jokingly that if we could combine our two estates, our families would grow in power. Even in Warsaw they would have to respect us. Fine, if that was what he wished. I wouldn’t mind our families being connected, but not at my expense. I would rather die.
Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I wonder what I’ll get as a gift from Santa Claus?”
***
"Christmas Eve. We sat at a long table in the dining room, and after dividing the wafers, we ate a traditional Polish Christmas Eve dinner. I could not refrain from looking toward the Christmas tree, under which a stack of boxes with presents had piled up.
Finally, the moment came. When I was little, our old butler, Ludwik was dressed up as Santa Claus. Now, he is too old and no longer does it. The role of Santa Claus was played today by my mother, without the white beard, of course. Then again, I have ceased to believe in Santa Claus for a long time.
I received a lot of gifts. I was most pleased with a gown, straight from Paris. Maybe Mom will let me take it to my school. There is of course a strict rule concerning our dresses. We were all supposed to wear the same navy blue dress with a white collar and cuffs, but I just wanted to show that dress in front of all my girlfriends.
When all the gifts had been unpacked, there was a definite highlight. Count Ratajko asked us to head to the front terrace of the palace. There was a surprise waiting for me - a gift from Michal. We all put on our winter coats, as the frost was in the air, and walked out to the front of our house. There, I saw a miracle.
A young English mare stood in our frozen courtyard, her coat the colour of brandy, like what men drink after meals in the library while smoking their smelly cigars.. She had such thin hocks, it's a wonder they can maintain her weight. I stepped down the stairs, came closer and reached out to her beautiful head bathed in the glow of the silver moon. She sniffed my hand and we immediately knew that we loved each other without limits. I stroked her velvet nose and whispered in her ear:
"You will be called Brenda and you will be my best friend."
Then, by chance, I looked at the person who was holding the bridle of Brenda. It was not a stable man. It was Janek. I smiled at him and he nodded. For a moment, I saw something in his eyes, something that I did not pay attention to at that time. It only returned to me later at night when I lay under the covers, recalling from my memory the happenings of the day. In his dark eyes, I had seen the pain. Then, I had not minded it. I was completely absorbed by Brenda, but now, I see it clearly. He was suffering. Yes, he looked like he was going to lose me forever. Maybe he knew something I didn’t know? Maybe everybody knew something of which I did not have the slightest idea?
Brenda was gorgeous. I promised myself I'll try her the next day and thank Michal Ratajko warmly. He actually brought me joy, and not a small amount."
***
"Let's go somewhere," said Tereska. "I'm tired of these derivatives and the integrals, and Monge projections are killing me."
They took a blanket, a few sandwiches and compote of rhubarb, and then both boarded the Junak motorcycle. They passed through the royal park in Wilanow and rode on and on, until they reached the Konstancin. Along the way they paired up with one brave motorcyclist. He added gas, but his motorcycle did not attain the same speed as our Junak. Tomek waved him goodbye and rushed on ahead. After a while, they reached the birch grove they had spotted earlier and spread out a blanket under a beautiful white tree.
"Who was it?" asked Tereska.
"The motorcycle guy? A friend of mine, from school, Piotr. He boasted that he has the best motorcycle in the area. But as you can see, he does not. Pannonia is not like Junak. My engine is a four-stroke, 350 cc with modified head, which increases the compression ratio. Not a chance."
"And why does your bike have a white tank and fenders? Did you paint it this way"?
"No. Years ago, I bought it at auction. It used to be a police motorcycle. That’s why it has those white streaks. I repaired its engine and it revs like a dream."
"Is it possible to buy a house at auction?"
"How come, a house?"
"One day, I’ll be a civil engineer. I can also renovate it and it will be like new."
"I thought you were going to be an engineer of bridges?"
"Can we buy a bridge at auction?"
"I do not think bridges in Poland can be privately owned."
"You see. It must be a house."
"Why should you buy a house? After all, you have a palace. Maybe one day you will get it back. From what I had heard, the new government has started to return some estates to their previous owners."
"My Mom says that there is a small chance. Anyway, what can be done today with the palace?"
"What do you mean what can be done? We will put up a large breeding farm of rabbits. Remember my rabbits? Can you imagine having breeding cages in every room?"
"Yes. The rabbits will be on the second floor. On the first, we will restore old motorcycles from auction."
They remained still, thinking about such a prospect, so serious and responsible for both of them.
Then Tereska pulled out of the bag her grandmother's diary and started reading.
***
"Michal Ratajko turned out to be an avid hunter. Our neighbourhood was full of grouse. When he found out about this, he asked Papa for a guide. Papa gave him Janek as his guide and one of his shotguns. Since then, they both disappeared for whole days, while Papa and Count Ratajko spent time in the library, talking about business and politics in the clouds of cigar smoke and with a bottle of English brandy at hand.
I took care of my Brenda, combing her and stroking her velvet muzzle, and when the weather was suitable, I would tell the groom to impose its saddle. Then I dressed myself in my riding habit and Brenda and I would ride along dirt roads covered with snow until dinner. Once, we came back home out of breath from the fresh air and the happiness, and at the table, I bragged about my exploits with my Brenda while Michal talked about how many grouses and hares they brought to the palace kitchen. He and Janek, at the time of Michal's stay with us, became inseparable companions. I was happy for them, because otherwise, they could hate each other as it was already clear what the Michal’s father and my parents were plotting behind my back.
When the holiday season came to an end, Count Ratajko and his son returned to their estate, while I went back to my school. My trunk was already packed and Stanislaw was ordered to prepare the automobile for the road so we could set out the next morning.
In the evening, I went to the stables, saying goodbye to Brenda. I long caressed her and spoke in her ear, telling her about my pony and promising her that I would soon come back to her.
I was about to leave when I felt someone standing ne
xt to me. It was Janek. I asked him to keep an eye on Brenda and send word to my father if he noticed in her the faintest signs of melancholy. He promised me. And then our hands met on a long, horse head. I felt something like a sudden contraction inside of my hand, then a kind of hot feeling, and a second later, we were right next to each other, snuggling into each other tight and still, as if time had stopped for us on the spot.
It seemed that both of us had no idea what to do, and after a few moments, I came to my senses and ran back to the palace, trying to calm my thoughts which were running like crazy around my head, seemingly having no way of being able to go back inside it."
***
Tereska stopped reading, or rather something interrupted her. She heard a loud flapping of wings and a huge shadow passed over them. Tomek jumped up off the blanket.
"What is it?" exclaimed he in surprise. "Did you see anything?"
"No. When I lifted my head, it flew away. Maybe a big bird?"
"It must have been really great. I felt a rush of air from its wings."
"You know what? Let's go back now," said Tereska. "Somehow, I feel like something is off."
Indeed, she felt a sudden anxiety, not fear, just anxiety like something disturbed her internal order and it was hard to find what it was. They returned to Wilanow without further adventure and the diary of Granny Ludmila returned to its usual place on the shelf of books.
***
There was a period of preparation for the exam session and finally the exams. Reading the diary, of course, was moved to another time.
Tomek also had his exams, though that did not cease his attempts to improve the efficiency of his Junak. Within the framework of a technical experiment, he tried to ride on fuel enriched with ether, which he gained somewhere. As a result, he obtained even greater speed, but burned the engine so he could not therefore proclaim the experiment to be successful as the rebuilding of the motor awaited him.
It was not an easy task. Buying the parts, even occasionally from classified ads, was a big expense for his student pocket.
***
The subsequent pages of her grandmother’s diary talked about school, about life and activities in the classroom and the friendships outside them. Weeks and months went by and nothing remarkable happened. Finally, it came, the perfect summer vacation.
"With what joy I boarded the shiny automobile of Papa waiting for me in the courtyard of our school. I begged my Mom, who came to fetch me, to let me sit in the front seat, next to Stanislaw. I figured in my head that if I sat there, I would sooner find myself at home. Along the way, she told me all the news. Not all were happy. Well, old butler Ludwik, who once dressed up as Santa Claus, passed away. We will miss the lovable old man. The new butler is not yet home. Brenda is very well. Janek runs her around the courtyard everyday to keep her in good shape, but no one rides her. This honor is reserved only for me. When we finally pulled into the courtyard, a surprise was waiting for me. In addition to Papa and our servants, Michal Ratajko came to welcome me home. He came to visit us, this time alone, under the pretext of hunting pheasants with Janek. Have their lands been completely deprived of all animals? But this time, I was glad to see him. Ever since he gave me Brenda, my attitude towards him has changed considerably and somehow, he became a little less boring. This time, he brought me a fantastic gift also - a beautiful ladies’ riding saddle in black leather with silver fittings. It was beautifully presented on the back of my mare. Already, on the second day after my arrival, I had to try out both of them right away.
I was with Brenda everyday. As soon as the weather allowed, we wandered around our charming surroundings, the same time as Michal and Janek roamed the surrounding woods on foot on the trail of small game. They became really close friends despite the difference in their statuses. Once, they wandered far into the wild forest and a disaster happened. They came upon a female wild boar with her piglets unexpectedly. Furious, she attacked Michal and badly injured his leg. Janek carried him on his back for half a day to the nearest village, from where the horses were sent immediately for a doctor. This said that any more delay with the disinfectants and medications would result in Mr. Ratajko losing his leg, perhaps even his life. This case further intensified their friendship and Janek, despite his protests, accepted a gift from Michal - a valuable German hunting rifle."
***
“Since then, Michal Ratajko has been in the guest bedroom of our palace nursing his leg under the supervision of a physician, who looked after him every day, changing his bandages in person.
Michal was very proud of his wound. He regretted only that it was not in full sight and he could not brag about it without removing his pantaloons.
One morning, I went for a simple ride around our meadows. I asked Janek to accompany me, because it seemed to me that Brenda had a slight limp at the trot, even though a quick visual inspection of the hooves and fetlocks did not reveal anything wrong. Janek was supposed to go after me on our other horse to watch Brenda’s trot for a longer time.
Janek, after graduating from secondary school, helped his father in the management of our estate. It was planned that he would take over his father's position, and as his office was not far from the stables, he was always on hand and despite his young age, knew a lot about the horses. After we ran a few miles, he caught up with me and said he did not see anything suspicious. Maybe it was a temporary indisposition of my mare, though he was certain it happened more often to race mares than to common country horses. Maybe he was right, and maybe it was a clever trick of my mind feverishly working. So badly did I want to stay with him, even for just a little bit, as we had a little opportunity for doing so at home.
We stopped after an hour of riding to give the horses a rest. It was my favorite place, the sunny birch grove, saturated with the scents of summer and the singing of birds. And then, something happened that I have long been secretly dreaming of. We became lovers, just like that, unable to deny our own needs and our love. I loved him and he loved me. How could it not happen?"
***
Tereska stopped reading. Emotion did not allow her to continue. She had to master it, keep it under control. She went to the kitchen to prepare tea and Tomek, who had been sitting in his chair, also moved.
"After all, they had no chance to be together," he said when Tereska returned with two steaming cups. "Her family would never have agreed to their marriage."
"Of course they wouldn’t have," confirmed Tereska. "We, too, would not have a chance a hundred years ago. Now, times have changed. In my bedroom still hangs on the wall this portrait of Stalin. Out of sentiment. Actually, I should burn him for what he did to my father and to the thousands of others, but thanks to him, I have you, so I left him there. Let him hang. He is already harmless."
She paused.
"You know, as I was reading this diary, I have been having very strange feelings. On the one hand, I feel that I do not know my grandmother at all, and on the other, I know exactly how she feels, as if her words were describing my life... "
***
"The rest of my holiday passed like some golden dream. Janek and I met almost every day. As usual, I told the groom to saddle Brenda if only it did not rain, then Janek waited for me in our birch grove. So, as not to arouse suspicion, he left home long before me, under the pretext of inspecting the land. We loved and caressed, still getting to know each other. My older school girlfriends taught me, of course, how not to get pregnant, especially Stasia, who proved to be a treasure trove of such wisdom. I was lucky that I shared a room with her.
After some time, I could not imagine myself parting with Janek and at the mere thought of going back to school; I tended to fall into panic. In the evening, we played cards with Michal. He was very sorry that he could not accompany me on my horse escapades, but he promised that when he came next time, he would be practicing horse riding with me.
I nodded insincerely and pretended to grieve because of his injury, hoping that I could play the role well. Di
d I feel guilty? Probably not. Michal was not my fiancé, not yet, then at least. I was free and I could do whatever I liked. I was not of age yet, it is true, but in the end I will be. And I was praying a lot that the stupid idea of proposing to me would not occur to him in the meantime. I would not have a choice. I would have to do what my father tells me. This has been forever in our customs. Well, they did not burn the witches at the stake anymore, but if my conduct was discovered, it was hard to say what could happen to me.
At the end of the summer, Michal was strong enough to return to Ratajewice, accepting the invitation of my father for my next vacation, or for the winter holidays. It seemed to me that I noticed that they exchanged a knowing look when saying goodbye. I had no idea what I can do to spoil these plans of theirs, especially since my mother seemed to totally agree with them.
Then, my time to return to Warsaw came. All the servants stood by the main door to say goodbye to me. Our administrator apologized for the absence of his son, saying that some extremely important issues forced him to go to the water mills, but he asked to submit his respectful farewell to the young heiress.
Of course I understood that he wanted to facilitate an easy separation for both of us. Maybe he also feared his own emotions. Who knows?"
***
"That’s it for today," Tereska gently closed her grandmother’s diary. "And you know what? Tomorrow is exactly the fifteenth and a Sunday. Why don’t we go and visit granny? It has been a long time since I paid her a visit."
"All right," said Tomek, "but only under the condition that we will also try to find the birch grove from this diary."
***
The next day after breakfast, they left Junak by the gate and entered the cemetery. Spring-cleaning was already under way. Between avenues you could see assembled piles of last year's leaves and twigs. The trees were also gearing up for the upcoming summer, sprouting new leaves in spring fragrance and lush greenery.