Chapter Thirty-Eight
The Aftermath
No one made a sound. We all just stared at the place where Bella had disappeared, waiting to see if she would come back. Gage was the first to break the silence.
"I should have known Blake would turn on us," he snarled.
"He seemed … you know when I met him the first time, he seemed legit," I said without looking at him or anyone else.
"I thought it was strange that he should seek me out to do my brother's bidding, but I didn't follow my instincts."
"Lucky for us," Jed laughed. "Otherwise we'd all be dead." There was a light murmur of agreement. I turned wide eyes to Gage, who didn't appear amused.
"That was, by far, the weirdest thing I have ever seen." Carlie finally found her voice again now that Bella and Blake were gone. I had almost forgotten she was there. I turned to her nervously.
"I'm sorry you had to see all that," I apologized.
"Thanks for … you know … not killing me … or letting them do it."
"Don't mention it," I breathed.
"That was Bella."
I nodded. "In all her glory."
"You never told us she was crazy," Rueben accused with a grin.
How could they think this was funny? "Did I forget to mention that part? In all fairness, she never told me she was Noreen's sister."
"They must have been planning this for a while," Gage echoed my earlier thoughts.
"Yeah, and she wanted to be sure I would never choose to stay with you," I told Gage.
"She made sure you were afraid of me."
"Of your very name."
We both nodded, the enormity of it stealing any more words.
"I think you did great," Colby gushed. "I'd follow you anywhere."
"Thanks Colby," I grinned.
Not to be outdone, all the boys pledged their allegiance to me all over again. I blushed and sputtered but glowed nonetheless. "Ok guys," I laughed, "we're just all one big happy family."
We all seemed to become aware at the same time that Gage was not joining in our happy celebration. He stood away from the rest of us, a dark shadow in his eyes. "Hey," Jed called to him with a thrust of his chin. "You are awfully quiet over there."
"It has been a hell of a night," Gage called back.
"So you're Mikhaul." Leave it to Steven to say what everyone else was only thinking.
"I am."
"You killed Noreen."
"I did." He didn't try to make excuses.
"Would you have killed us?"
His Adams apple bobbed and a muscle twitched rapidly in his temple. "Yes."
"Will you now?" I don't know if any of us breathed while we watched Gage.
"No." He didn't even hesitate.
"Even if the council orders it?"
"I will not hurt you, you have my word."
"I don't know that you could," Jed teased, "we're pretty strong. We've had a good teacher."
"You are a strong pack," he conceded, "but that is because you have a strong leader." I shifted uncomfortably under his intense stare.
"What are we going to do now, Willow?" Rodney asked.
"Move," I answered weakly. "I mean … Gage … " I turned to him for help, but he wasn't looking at me any more.
"I am … leaving," he announced quietly without looking at anyone in particular.
"What do you mean you're leaving?" Jed asked before anyone could say anything.
"I have to, Jed." He swallowed hard, looking uncomfortable.
"Why?"
"Is it because we all know you're Mikhaul now?" Colby asked.
"Because we don't really care about that," Tyson assured him.
"We're not like Willow," Rodney said with a quick apologetic look towards me. I waved him off.
"We haven't been told to fear you," Rueben explained.
"Can't say we ever liked the wolf Mikhaul," Steven said softly, "the idea of him anyways. But now … " He shrugged and the other boys nodded their agreement.
"The boys' all want you to stay," I pointed out the obvious, too mixed up to form a thought of my own.
"What about you, Willow?" He turned his full gaze on me, momentarily stopping my heart. "Do you want me to stay or leave?"
"Does it matter what I want?"
"Oh yes."
"I … I don't feel afraid of you."
"That's a start."
"I'm sure with time … "
He took a deep breath, that ancient sadness making him look so old. "You are right in one respect, it doesn't really make a difference if you wanted me to go or stay."
"You're still leaving?"
"I have to."
"Where will you go?"
His forehead crinkled as if it should be obvious. "I have to go and warn the council of Blake's betrayal. And about … "
"Bella," I finally realized. "You're going to go after Bella."
His tongue darted out to glide over his bottom lip and then he blew air out of his mouth slowly. "It will be up to the council how to proceed."
"Will you kill her?" My stomach tightened at the thought. No matter what she had done, she was still Bella and I couldn't imagine her dead. "What about Ivy?" I finished my thoughts out loud.
"I can not make you childish promises, Willow." He jerked his head curtly, almost like a bow from those old movies we were forced to watch in English class, then turned to go back to the cabin.
"Ivy isn't even with Bella," Carlie offered her soft comfort.
"She must be, though. Ivy isn't of age yet."
"I'm sure Gage wouldn't kill a child."
"He's not Gage, though," I told her flatly, "he's Mikhaul; and it's hard to say what he would do."
"You heard what he said," she continued to stubbornly cling to comforting words, "he'll do whatever the council tells him to do."
When I felt someone grab my arm I looked up to see Jed, but he didn't look like himself at all. He looked miserable. "I think he plans to leave tonight."
"I think you're right." Whether it was to warn the council or just because he didn't think I wanted him to stay, I couldn't be sure, but Gage would be leaving us soon. "I should go talk to him."
Jed nodded eagerly. "Maybe you can talk him into coming back."
"Maybe," I croaked. Carlie squeezed my hand before I followed Gage into the cabin. My heart thudded loudly with every step I took. Gage couldn't just leave, he couldn't.
He didn't even look my way when I opened the door.
I watched him stiffly from the doorway. He seemed suddenly lost in the comfortable little cabin. He turned a slow circle, as if looking for something that belonged to him that he should take with him. When his eyes found me, he stopped moving. "Willow," it came out as a soft strangled cry.
"So you're just going to leave?" I tried not to sound too accusing, but he flinched back a little.
"I have to go. Please try to understand."
"You've asked me to understand a lot tonight." I couldn't say his name. Gage was a lie, and Mikhaul sounded all wrong.
"I know." He approached me in quick hasty steps. "And one day I hope you can forgive me for not being completely honest with you."
"The great Mikhaul." I widened my eyes slightly. "And you're working with Andros?"
"I … " At least he had the decency to look away from me.
"Have you been working for him all this time?"
"I work for the council." His tongue darted out to moisten his bottom lip. "I just wanted my revenge," he admitted.
"You could have been … the greatest legend of our kind. Because of your hate, you are now the most hated among us."
"Noreen killed my son." His words were gruff and I realized with a jolt that this was the true Mikhaul, not the boy I had called Gage, but the man who was still hurting over the past. He would never be fully over it.
"And now you have so much blood on your hands," I finished my thought out loud.
"Murder, deceit, a lust for power," his top lip curled
up in a sneer, "does it really matter which side I am on when they are both the same?"
"It matters to me." My voice was thick with suppressed tears.
"Willow," his voice had somehow changed and a shiver traveled up my spine. "Noreen made me into a monster. Abigail, she tried to change that." He looked up at me with ice in his grey eyes. "But in the end, I am still just a monster."
"That's not true," I tried to sniff back my tears but they fell anyway. "I just don't know when you'll start to believe it."
He half-snorted, but his eyes remained hard. "The time I have spent here with you and your pack has been … a," he swallowed loudly, "reprieve from the hard life I have lived, but now that time has come to an end." I didn't even try to wipe away my tears. He walked towards me but stopped at least a foot away. "You'll never see me as Gage again," he said in a low gruff voice. "Pretend time is over."
"Will I ever see you again?"
He shook his head. "Probably not."
"But … "
"But know this, young Willow, you will no longer have to fear the name of Mikhaul. I will never hurt you and I'll never let anyone else hurt you either. You or your pack." His lips tightened even further. "Now you can just be … be the leader you were always meant to be."
My tears almost blinded me, but I didn't look away from him. "All my life," I shook my head slightly, "I've never had a choice about anything."
"You make choices … everyday." He reached his hand towards me but dropped it quickly. "You do have a choice."
"What if I … I mean, I make so many wrong decisions for this pack." My chest tightened almost painfully. "I should have let Bella have them."
"Her name is Fern," he growled. "She's been hiding behind her false name … no," he backed up a few steps in his anger, "this is your pack. Just … make your mind up and trust that."
"What if I'm wrong? What if … "
"You'll do fine."
"I … " I swallowed thickly, "What if I need you?"
"You have everything you need." His voice lowered to almost a whisper. "I can't help you." He came towards me in quick strides, startling me back several steps. "I'm Mikhaul," he growled once he was close to me.
"I … "
"I've killed dozens … it's all I know."
"That's not true," I denied, but my voice was so weak that even I didn't believe it.
He laughed shortly, the kind of laugh I had always imagined Mikhaul to have. "I can't stay here. Even if my brother didn't need me, I wouldn't stay."
He swept past me threw the front door. "Gage," I called.
"Gage doesn't exist," he snarled.
I cringed away from the truth I saw in his eyes. My eyes slid closed at the same time the door slammed in my face.