Chapter 20
One of the hardest things Hope had to do was to leave Pierce at Ridgecrest Manor while she traveled with Esther back to the Earl of Brattondale’s townhouse in Mayfair. Now that they had both openly admitted their love for each other, they scarce could be separated. Pierce had been just as reluctant to let her go but reminded her that she had wedding preparations to attend to and a trousseau to assemble in London and that while she was gone he would be busy preparing the small chapel on his estate for their wedding as well as planning their wedding trip, which he insisted must be a surprise.
The day before she left he had taken her on a ride to the chapel nestled in a cozy setting next to a small pond. There had been a thick mist that morning leftover from the previous night’s rain and it had only added to the charm of the white stone chapel that was hundreds of years old, giving it the appearance of floating on a bed of clouds. The tall windows reached heavenward ending in points that seemed to direct the patron’s eyes in that very direction, the massive wood doors were arched and featured intricate iron work. It was where Pierce’s parents had been married and it was perfect for the wedding they both envisioned—a small affair with family and a few friends. Neither of them was anxious to make a spectacle though Pierce knew very well that’s exactly what the ton anticipated and expected. He however didn’t care, this was their wedding and they would do it their way.
Everything from the moment that Pierce had proclaimed his love for her had seemed so surreal to Hope. She hardly dared fall asleep at night for fear that she’d awake in the morning and find out she had only been dreaming. After Pierce had helped her into the carriage he leaned forward and placed a hand on her face, noticing the stark contrast of his tanned skin next to her own alabaster skin. He tenderly ran his thumb from her cheek down to her lips where he gently caressed them before leaning in and planting a firm kiss on her lips.
When Hope finally gathered her wits about her she spoke breathlessly, “I don’t think I can handle a goodbye from you.”
Pierce smiled, “Then no goodbyes will be spoken. And you have my word that the next time I see you you’ll never have to leave my side again.”
“Never?” she asked hopefully and skeptically all at the same time.
Pierce laughed, “Of course I’ll still have matters of business to attend to and I imagine once in awhile Elliot will persuade me to attend White’s with him but,” he reached out and tweaked her nose, “I’ll always come home to you, we’ll never be apart for long.”
Hope leaned back on the bench of the carriage and sighed, “It sounds splendid.”
“Perfectly splendid, now you better be off.” He stepped back from the carriage, resisting the urge to take her in his arms once more for he knew if he allowed himself another touch he wouldn’t be able to let her go. He stood in the drive and watched until the carriage was out of sight, feeling lonely all of a sudden once Noelle’s presence wasn’t there to infiltrate Ridgecrest manor and every crevice of his heart.
Hope couldn’t help but reminisce about the ride they had made to Ridgecrest Manor a short week ago. Then Pierce had seemed such an enigma, somebody she would be forced to tolerate as a favor for Noelle. She remembered his outrageous claim of playing the pianoforte and the way he goaded her about her writings. She smiled to herself, now realizing she must have been attracted to him even then and more interested than she’d even been willing to admit, for if she had been truly indifferent to him she wouldn’t have let him rile her so.
By the time they arrived back in Mayfair, Hope was looking forward to a warm bath to wash away the dirt and grime from the road. She was informed immediately upon entering the house that Devon and Lord Brattondale were attending the theater and she couldn’t even pretend to be disappointed by the news. She took her much anticipated bath then afterwards had a tray of food brought to her. She ate hungrily of the beef stew and crusty bread while Esther brushed her hair before the fire, lulling her into a complete trance, her thoughts reliving every glance, every touch from Pierce as she highly anticipated a lifetime of scorching encounters.
It was no surprise that when she fell asleep that night that she dreamt of Pierce, for she already missed his company dreadfully. She thought in her sleep induced haze that she heard a noise in her room but before she could rouse herself fully awake the room was silent once more and she turned over and immediately fell back into her pleasant dreamland, all thoughts centered on Pierce.
Her next awareness was of a hand on her shoulder shaking her not so gently back and forth. She struggled to peel her eyes open, wondering almost excitedly if Pierce had really come to her as she had been dreaming he would. In the dark shadows of the room she could barely make out a petite form and she gasped, instantly coming completely alert. She sat up in bed and reached towards the nightstand searching for something, anything to defend herself against her would be attacker.
As she felt her hand close on a brass candlestick the stranger spoke, “Hope, it’s me Noelle. Now be quiet, we need to talk without you waking anyone.”
She instinctually reached for Noelle’s face then grasped at her hair, knowing she’d recognize the feel of her mistress’s hair anywhere, having to be reassured that it truly was her. Her head was spinning, she never in a million years thought she would ever lay eyes, or hands on Noelle again. Something in her heart told her something wasn’t right as a sick dread filled her belly. She tried to ignore the bad feelings as she asked, “What are you doing here? I thought you went to America.”
Noelle’s voice was shaky as she began, “We never made it onto the ship.”
The feeling of dread increased tenfold, “What do you mean you never made it? Where’s Soren.”
Noelle sobbed, “He’s dead!” Hope gasped so loud that Noelle reached over to cover her mouth with one hand before hissing, “Shhh…I told you to be quiet, if anyone finds us both here everything will be ruined.”
Hope nodded silently, too shocked to speak. “I have nothing now. I had no choice but to come back, you understand don’t you? The only consolation I had was knowing you would be tremendously relieved to put an end to this act I forced on you.”
Hope’s thoughts were all jumbled, for though she heard clearly every word Noelle spoke she couldn’t seem to make sense of the words. “Where’s Soren?” she asked once more, needing some clarification.
“I told you already and please don’t make me say it again. The thought is too much to bear.”
“But how? I mean, what happened? Did something happen at sea?”
Noelle shook her head, “I told you we never made it to sea. The day we were supposed to depart Soren was informed of some delays with the cargo he was carrying back to America. The crew was supposed to be sorting everything out but said it could take days before we’d be ready to set sail so we had no choice but to wait and so we…” her voice broke off and she became silent except for the sniffles Hope heard indicating she was sobbing once more.
Hope’s heart broke on her behalf as she reached over and embraced Noelle, pulling her head to her shoulder as she stroked her hair in a motherly fashion. After a few minutes Noelle was able to speak once more, “One night he received a note from his first mate asking him to come to the docks. I begged him not to leave for it was late and I’ve heard stories of how dangerous the docks can be after dark but he thought I was just being silly and overprotective and he assured me he was more than capable of handling himself. He never came back. I received word just this morning that he had been killed by some thugs that were lurking around the docks trying to break in and steal precious cargo from the ships waiting to sail. Apparently it was a matter of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“You poor dear, I’m so sorry.”
“Oh Hope, the last thing I wanted to do was to come back. I should be sailing toward America right now, Soren by my side. Instead I was left completely alone, penniless with no option but to return and marry the insufferable Duke of Kerrington, a fate worse than d
eath.”
Hope stiffened at her words, her heart turning chill. Noelle’s presence meant only one thing for Hope, that she would now be forced to turn Noelle’s life back over to her, to let her marry Pierce like she was rightfully supposed to do in the first place. A panic like nothing she had ever known filled her breast—she knew she couldn’t leave Pierce to marry Noelle, she’d just as soon die, but she knew that it was no longer in her control. With Noelle’s reappearance she was once again plain Hope Hillburn, common servant. No, she corrected herself, she wasn’t even a servant anymore, for she had lost that position to Esther when she had told the earl that Noelle’s lady’s maid had ran off with a stable boy.
Despair settled over her and she desperately wanted to crawl under the thick counterpane and fall back into her dream filled sleep where she had been content and happy to dream of a future that she now knew she would never own. The girls sat in tense silence, both filled with an agony and loss the other couldn’t fully comprehend. Hope thought about explaining to Noelle that she and the duke had fallen in love, hoping to convince her that she had to remain in her role as Noelle or her heart would be broken into pieces. She knew that argument would never work, for she was merely a former servant, a plain girl with not a drop of blue blood in her veins and no amount of love could compensate for that reality.
After what seemed an eternity of wallowing in her own self pity, Hope’s thoughts turned to Noelle. She knew that she shouldn’t be so selfishly devastated by the news that Pierce would never be hers, at least not the way she had come to want and desire him. Though she would never marry him, touch him, or even see him again, at least she would live knowing he was alive somewhere and had the hope of happiness in his future, unlike Soren who no longer had that option.
And though she should’ve felt at least a little reassured by that fact, all she felt was nauseous—the thought of Noelle marrying Pierce, of him kissing her and of her bearing his children made her ill. Stretched before her was an entire lifetime of knowing he would forever belong to someone else and that she would never have him. She was back to feeling self pity and she selfishly thought that it would’ve been better to have lost him to death than to someone else.
Sensing Hope’s melancholy, Noelle turned to her and asked, “I thought you’d be glad to return to your old life, why the sad face?”
“Oh Noelle, don’t you see? Nothing will ever be the same again, not for either one of us. My heart absolutely breaks to hear you have lost the love of your life and now I will be losing—“
Noelle cut her off, “Oh Hope! I know you must think me dreadfully selfish to waltz back in and stake claim to my life forcing you to give up the fancy dresses and a life of ease. I can’t offer you a position, as you well know, and I have no money right now but I can get some soon and send it to you to help compensate you for all you’ve done.”
Hope felt dirty by her offer of money to compensate her—for what? For falling in love with the man Noelle was supposed to marry? For living the most magical few weeks of her life and experiencing something she’d never thought to experience in her lifetime—love? No amount of money could ever compensate for that and she desperately wanted to tell Noelle that but knew she couldn’t. She was a realist and knew that she may never find another lady’s maid position without a note of recommendation from Lord Brattondale, which would be impossible to acquire. She’d have to look for other work and who knew how long it would take her to secure a post. She knew she’d be foolish to turn away the money.
“Send it in care of my mother in Shepard’s Bush, for that is where I will be.”
Noelle knelt on the bed next to her and hugged her shoulders, “I know I can never repay you for all you’ve done for me. I wish you every happiness.”
“Likewise milady,” then somehow she managed to choke out the next words beyond the lump in her throat, “And take care of Pierce, he’s a good man and will make you happy if you let him. Please make him happy too.”
Warm tears escaped the corners of her eyes and streamed down her cheeks as she somehow managed to change into a simple day dress in the dark before gathering the few belongings that were her own to take with her and stuffing them into the valise Noelle had brought back with her on her return. As she was rummaging through the jewelry box in search of her mother’s ruby necklace she came across the amber stone necklace Pierce gave her and was tempted to add it to her bag so that she’d have some sort of physical reminder of his love and the short time they had had together. She reluctantly let it slide back into the velvet lined drawer of the box knowing it didn’t truly belong to her but to the future Duchess of Kerrington and that the only thing she’d have to take with her were memories.
When she was finished gathering her stuff, Noelle draped a dark cloak around her slender shoulders and said, “I came through the servant’s door and found that part of the house quite deserted. If you are quiet I’m sure you can escape undetected.”
“Thank you, I’ll be careful. Oh, and your new lady’s maid is named Esther. I think you’ll get along with her quite nicely.”
“Godspeed, Hope.”
And with that Hope turned and quickly made to escape the Brattondale’s townhouse and her former life completely; if only she could escape the pain that was permanently branded on her heart as well.