She sounded like the psychologist she was. Except that she'd also said she loved him.
Since forever.
"I know what I feel." Her words were soft, but steady, the way she always was. Even now, as she did the most frightening thing in the world by laying her heart on the line for him. "My love for you is steadfast. It's not some transient thing that will be gone tomorrow. You can believe in that, even though trusting anything or anyone is hard right now."
He should move away from her, unwrap his arms, disengage in some way.
But he couldn't do it.
Her lips lifted in the faintest of smiles. "I'm not going to push, no matter how much I might want to. And the truth is," she admitted, "that I do want to push. Because I've waited so long for you." She shook her head. "But none of that changes the truth. Or the facts." She held his gaze. Unwavering. "I'm here, Evan. And I love you. Always."
His brain and his heart were both whirling. He couldn't remember ever feeling this way before--full of so much longing, pleasure, and confusion all at the same time.
All he could latch on to was that tonight, this morning, Paige had fused all the cracks in him, stopped all his leaks. For a few precious hours, she'd made him whole again.
And when she pressed a kiss to his lips, she filled him up completely, in ways he hadn't known anyone could. In the light, easy parts--but also down in the deepest and darkest.
"What we did was the most beautiful thing in the world." Her lips curved, a smile of reassurance this time. For both of them. "So let's just leave it at that for now."
Her kisses, her body against his, her undemanding words stole all the fight out of him. He couldn't pull away. Couldn't block his longing, his desperate need.
"One more time," he said. Any other words were more than he could manage. He couldn't commit, but he couldn't hurt her either. "Make love with me one more time before we go."
Then he rolled on the bed with her, pinning her beneath him.
And they did the most beautiful thing in the world. Again.
*
Susan and Bob's house was redolent with the scent of bacon and eggs and Susan's special sweet milk pancakes. Tony and Kelsey were chattering away in the dining room as they set the table. Paige left Evan's side immediately to talk to them, giving them both hugs.
He'd made love to Paige again in the shower. He couldn't keep his hands off her. And he didn't have a clue how the scene would play out this morning when all he wanted to do was drag her back to the hotel and taste every delicious inch of her again. But somehow, just the act of getting in the car and driving over here had shoved a wedge between them that he couldn't pry out. And now they were walking around each other like the floor beneath their feet was made of glass.
She'd said she loved him.
But he hadn't said it back.
She'd said she didn't want to pressure him. And she was certainly following through with that by keeping her distance this morning.
Even as he desperately wanted the closeness they'd shared in the hotel room.
"Hey, big brother." Kelsey hugged him. Tony clapped him on the back.
It felt good. Real. He liked them. And his gut said they liked him too. How had it happened? That he could suddenly feel like these two were family?
Yet at the same he was still so conflicted about the woman who had given birth to him. He couldn't reconcile the two feelings.
Just like he couldn't reconcile his need for Paige, his complete and utter desire for her, with the certainty that he should stay away for her own good.
God, how he wanted to touch her, hold her, kiss her. Right there in front of his brother and sister. In front of all his family. No matter how wrong it was. No matter how badly he could hurt her in the end. She deserved a guy who hadn't left her hanging for nine years. A man who hadn't picked the wrong sister. Someone whose life wasn't a minefield littered with an almost-ex-wife--her sister, no less--and a long-lost family popping up out of the past.
"Where's your mom?" Paige asked.
Tony hooked a thumb over his shoulder. "Just packing up. She'll be out in a minute. Susan and Bob are cooking."
"They wouldn't let us help," Kelsey said, "but we can at least set the table."
"I better say hello." Evan skirted around Paige to get to the kitchen door.
She didn't look at him, but he caught her scent, the shampoo he'd washed into her hair this morning. He'd touched all those curves, tasted all that delicious skin, reveled in the feel of her. And he wanted more. Wanted to wrap his hand around the nape of her neck and drag her in for a long, drugging kiss of need and ownership.
Heading into the kitchen felt almost like running away.
"I thought you were going to make eggs Benedict," he said, swaying with Susan in a big hug, the spatula in her hand dripping with batter.
Bob swiped the spatula out of her grip before the batter could hit the floor. "The kids wanted her special pancakes after I raved about them."
The kids. Like they were part of the family now. He didn't feel an ounce of resentment, only a strange mixture of amazement and pleasure.
"Let me help with that, Bob." Paige suddenly materialized beside them and grabbed a potholder for the hot plate Bob was flipping the pancakes onto.
Evan looked at Paige, couldn't help himself. Couldn't help loving the smile on her face as she bantered with Bob. Or remembering the feel of her in his arms, the taste of her in his mouth. Her gaze flitted to him, held like the brief flutter of a butterfly, then flicked away again. Yet in that quick glance, he read her need, her love. And her desire to give him the space she'd promised. She was so damned loving. So beautiful, sexy. So...
He snapped back to Susan, knowing she would see the look in his eye, the way his gaze followed Paige like she was the magnet to his compass. Bracing for her censure, his gut churning--Jesus, he was lusting after his sister-in-law--all he saw were Susan's kind, understanding eyes.
And she smiled. A smile that said she knew what he'd done with Paige last night. That she approved. Maybe even that she'd sent Paige with him last night hoping it would happen.
Where his family was concerned, it seemed he had worried for nothing. Like when he was a little boy hiding under his bed, curled in a tense, tight ball, his muscles aching, terrified of the monster who might find him that night. The fear of the beating had sometimes been worse than the beating itself.
His own fears and guilt could actually be worse than anything Susan and Bob--or any of the Mavericks--might think.
Yet did it change what was right for Paige? Did it change how badly he could still hurt her?
"Have you said hi to your mom yet this morning?" While Paige referred to her as Theresa, same as he did, Susan wasn't afraid of calling her what she was.
"Tony said she's packing up."
Susan pushed him toward the door. "Why don't you go tell her breakfast is almost ready?" Then she called, "Tony, you have dibs on the first batch. Get in here. And bring your sister with you."
Susan. God, she made him smile. She always knew what was best. And never failed to let her brood know what they needed to do.
Tony practically galloped past him, Kelsey close behind.
And he found himself alone in the dining room with Theresa, who had emerged from her bedroom.
Susan might have engineered it, but he still could have turned around and followed everyone right back into the kitchen. Yet there was a part of him that acknowledged it was time.
He rested a hand on the back of a chair and said, "Have you enjoyed yourself this weekend?"
Theresa looked more than a little surprised by this, as if she hadn't expected Evan to seek her out. But it wasn't just Susan's push. It was the things Paige had reminded him of last night in the bar. That Theresa had had to make a choice. If she'd tried to take him, his father would have made sure none of them escaped. In making him acknowledge that out loud, Paige had opened something up inside of him. Something small, perhaps, but it was a widenin
g crack nonetheless.
"I have. Susan and Bob--they're wonderful."
"They are." Theresa couldn't know the half of it.
"And so is Paige. You seem so happy when you're with her. She makes you smile."
She almost sounded like a mother, telling him she approved of the girl he had a crush on. It was instinctual for his ruff to go up--she had no right to act "motherly."
But how could he deny the way Paige made him feel? She was wonderful.
And he was so damned happy when he was with her, even if there were a million reasons he should keep his distance.
"Paige has always made me smile." He couldn't stop his gaze from gravitating to her through the kitchen door, and his heart flipped in his chest when she laughed. He'd never felt anything like this before, not with anyone. Only her. He forced his attention back to Theresa. "I'm glad we did this trip. It was great that you could meet Susan and Bob."
Her eyes went misty with pleasure at his words--and an obvious longing for more. He knew what she wanted, for him to say he understood her choices. That he forgave her.
Words he wasn't sure he could ever say. Just as he wasn't sure he could say I love you to Paige.
The growing tension broke when Tony walked into the dining room with a stack of pancakes that rivaled the leaning tower of Pisa.
"Better get in there," Evan said, "before they're all gone." And then he held an arm out, showing Theresa the way.
Somehow, it seemed symbolic.
The meal, as usual, was fabulous. After the lacking in their past, when they'd struggled to put enough food on the table for all the growing boys they'd lovingly invited to share their home, Susan and Bob now made sure everyone's plates were always full.
"These pancakes are to die for," Kelsey enthused. "How do you make them so light and fluffy?"
Susan whispered the secret recipe. Even Paige leaned in to hear.
She hadn't taken the seat next to his. Which was probably a good thing because he'd never be able to keep his hands to himself. She could have pushed him, used his desire against him, but that was never Paige's way. And yet, even on the other side of the table, his fingers actually tingled with the memory of how soft her skin was. With each bite of pancake smothered in syrup, he tasted Paige's sweet lips.
And the war raged on inside him. All the things he wanted from her, wanted to give her. Versus the insurmountable reasons why he couldn't have her. If he hurt her--when he hurt her--he'd never be able to live with himself.
"We'll help you with the dishes," Tony said when they were all stuffed.
"We won't hear of it." Susan flapped her hand. "You've got a plane to catch."
Kelsey shot a glance at Evan. "I'm pretty sure that Evan's plane can take off whenever he wants."
Susan tutted and wouldn't be talked into any help. "Take your coffee into the living room. Evan, can I have a quick word with you before I let you all go?"
Uh-oh.
His stomach actually fell. Then he glanced at Paige. Found her gaze on him. And somehow, everything settled inside him. They might be walking on glass, but she was so very there for him exactly when he needed her.
"I have something for you," Susan said as she led him down the hall to her sewing room, where she retrieved a box from the closet, set it on a dresser, then pulled the lid off. "Do you remember this?"
A small plastic dinosaur sat on her palm. It was something Noah, Matt's son, would have loved. A T-Rex, its jaws open in a big roar.
"I remember," he said, his voice so soft he wasn't sure he'd spoken aloud.
"You brought it with you when you came to us. You didn't bring any other toys, just this."
He hadn't had any other toys. And the dinosaur wasn't a toy. It was a memory. He felt a tightness in his chest. "I'd forgotten about it."
"I always thought it had something special to do with your mom. Maybe it's time for you to take it back."
He wasn't ready for it. Wasn't ready for the memories. But he took it anyway, slipping the small dinosaur into his pocket.
"You can talk about it whenever you're ready, honey."
"Thanks," he said too quickly, almost as if he had to cut her off.
"I also wanted to say something else."
He laughed, maybe a bit too loudly. "You always have something else to say." And what she said was always spot on.
"Paige is good for you. Really good. And I know you." She poked his chest. "You've been telling yourself that you've somehow stepped over to the dark side. The wrong side of right and wrong."
"Mom," he said, trying to head her off.
But Susan headed exactly where she wanted to go. "I've got eyes in my head, honey. I see the way you look at her. And the way she looks at you. Especially after last night."
God. She wasn't going to talk about sex. Please, no. And yet what he'd done with Paige was not just sex. It was so much more.
"I know I don't need to have this talk with Paige. You're the one who needs to hear what I have to say. I see how much you're struggling. You can't look at her, but you can't look away either."
"Mom," he said again.
"Paige is such a wonderful woman, in every way. You had your eyes set on the wrong sister from the very beginning."
How utterly right she was. And the words just seemed to burst right out of him. "I never felt like that with Whitney. Last night was..." He didn't have adequate words to explain the full joy of having Paige lying so close to him, her heart beating against his. Of being with her at last. Even the simple act of holding her. "Nothing has ever meant so much."
Susan touched his arm. "I know. It was written all over you when you walked in this morning."
"But it can't be right." His voice felt harsh in his throat. "She's my sister-in-law. I'm not even divorced yet."
Susan laid her hand on his chest. "You're divorced in here." She patted right over his heart. "Nothing you feel for Paige is wrong. You aren't cheating."
"The world isn't going to see it that way. And I've got too much freaking baggage to dump on Paige."
"You know I believe in second chances. But they're not always easy. Sometimes, taking the risk for that second chance seems impossible."
Evan wondered if she was talking only about his falling for Paige--or also about second chances with his birth mom. He thought of the small dinosaur in his pocket.
"And sometimes," she continued, "it's the hardest road you'll ever walk. Hard, but worth it. Of all my boys, you're one of the strongest, Evan."
Evan was surprised at that. He'd never been the Maverick who had his fists raised.
She tapped her hand over his heart again. "Here. You were so tough that it took us years to get through, to prove to you that we loved you. So tough you refused to give up on your marriage when anyone else would have walked out long ago. And you've always been toughest on yourself, even now, when you're thinking about giving up the best thing that's ever happened to you."
"You and Bob are the best thing. And the Mavericks."
"We were," she agreed. "But now you have a chance for even more." She didn't add for true love with Paige, but he heard the words as clearly as if she'd shouted them through a megaphone.
Chapter Twenty-Five
It was still early afternoon on the West Coast when Evan's plane landed in San Francisco.
They all stood out on the tarmac saying their thank-yous and good-byes. Evan had hired a car to take Tony, Kelsey, and their mother back to Modesto. The twins intended to stay for the evening and return to San Francisco later that night.
"It was so good getting to know you better." Paige gave Theresa a heartfelt hug. Then the twins.
Evan's hug for his siblings was easy. He clapped Tony on the back and actually placed a little kiss on the top of Kelsey's head. It was so darn adorable, Paige's heart felt a huge tug. But Theresa? Paige had witnessed their conversation in the dining room, and though she hadn't been able to hear it, she'd known instinctively that it was a start. And now Evan hugged There
sa, though their arms were wide, as if to keep contact to the bare minimum. But Paige wasn't about to get picky on the kind of hug, because at least there was one.
Shoulder to shoulder, they waved as the car carrying his siblings and mother pulled away.
So what now?
Her heart was screaming to know.
They'd made beautiful love over and over at the hotel. But she'd promised herself she wouldn't be a pushy female who kept asking, When will you call? And most of all, When will you finally realize you love me too? She hadn't clung to him, hadn't tried to lay claim to him in front of his family, hadn't pressured. In fact, she'd tried almost too hard, to the point of practically ignoring him from the moment they'd arrived at Susan and Bob's until now. But she also hadn't missed a single one of the looks he sent her, looks that told her he wanted to touch her, kiss her too.
But was that enough?
She'd laid her heart on the line last night. She hadn't expected him to say he loved her back. In fact, she would have been shocked if he had. But there was a part of her deep inside that had hoped. And that was terrified of having her heart trampled if Evan never came around. If he couldn't let go of his fears or his past enough to actually figure out that they were meant to be together for more than a night. For more than lovemaking. She wanted a lifetime.
"Well," he said in the deep voice that always made her feel hot all over. "That went just fine." He smiled when she shot him a look. "I know. You hate that word." And finally, he laced his fingers through hers. "I was wondering if you've got the next few hours free."
Her heart soared off into the sky. "I do."
"Then let's take another flight." He turned, leading her back onto the plane.
"Another flight? Where are we going?"
He helped her into the seat she'd occupied on the way back from Chicago. "It's a surprise." He put a finger to her lips as she opened her mouth to ask more questions. Taking the seat beside her, he said, "I want to do something special for you after all you've done to help me."
"You don't need to do anything for me."
"I do." He poured more champagne. "Last night was beautiful. But I need to do something just for you. I want to do something for you. Take you to a very special place."