CHAPTER 2
“I have loved you with an everlasting love” Jeremiah 31:3
Blake got back to his apartment. He wandered from room-to-room, knowing that Elaine wouldn't be there, but he couldn't help himself. In every room, on every surface, he saw evidence of Elaine's life and influence. These things were both reassuring and also a sad reminder that she wasn't there.
He began preparing for bed. His mind wandered back to that first lunch date with Elaine. He could picture her sitting in that sandwich shop, looking at him with those big green eyes and displaying that wonderful smile, with her short, red hair shining in the light. That was where she had invited him to her church.
The first time he went with her to Calvary Gospel had been quite an eye-opener. All of Blake's church experiences had been in big churches where people were pretty restrained. Calvary Gospel was a small church where everybody knew everybody. The really shocking thing about this little church was the enthusiasm with which they approached every aspect of worship. Before Calvary Gospel, Blake had always had a very different idea of what it was to worship God. At this church, they expected God to take the lead, they knew He would answer prayers and they counted on His miracles.
Without the people of Calvary, Blake was certain he would have never made it through Elaine's illness and funeral. The people of the church, people like Mark, really seemed to care.
He still didn't know why, when the prayers of Calvary Gospel had resulted in so many miracles, why Elaine had died. Why, when he really needed God, wasn't He there? He just never had the faith that Elaine had.
The next morning, Blake got thinking of Mark's question about going back to work. He wasn't sure if he could cope with the job and the people right now, but he also knew that he would have to go back sometime. It had been almost a month-and-a-half since he had been at work. He couldn't keep paying bills out of savings.
He decided that it would be a good idea to get a feel for what work was like. He called Andy Renfro, his work buddy, to see if he wanted to meet for lunch sometime. Blake hadn't spoken to Andy since the funeral, and that was hardly a real conversation.
Andy sounded glad to hear from him and said, “Sure, lunch would be great, could you do it today? I’m going to be on the road most of next week.”
Blake hadn't even thought through that it was Friday. “OK, yes, today is good. How does noon at Chipotle's sound?”
Andy agreed and finished with, “You won't believe all the stuff that's been going on around here. I'll fill you in when I see you.”
As Blake waited for the hours to pass, he found himself thinking about his last day at work, what seemed like his last day of sanity.
He had been sitting at his desk, going over accounts on the computer, when his cell phone rang. He saw from the caller ID that it was Elaine. He knew immediately that she was calling to tell him what the doctor had said.
Elaine had been feeling totally exhausted for a couple of weeks. This was so very unlike her. Elaine was typically a bundle of energy. Blake often felt like he was running to keep up with her. But more recently, she was waking up feeling like she could go right back to bed.
Then, she had noticed some swelling on the left side of her neck, just below her jawbone. The final straw for her came when several people asked her if she was losing weight. At that point, she abandoned her normal dislike for doctors and decided it was time to ask a doctor what was going on. She called Dr. Austin's office and made an appointment.
Knowing that she should be getting out of her appointment about now, Blake answered his phone eager to hear what Dr. Austin had said. Blake answered, “Hi Darling, what do you know?”
“Blake,” Elaine spoke his name in a tone that immediately told him something was wrong, very wrong. “You know I had a bad feeling about this. Dr. Austin is really concerned. He is sending me directly over to the hospital for some tests. Can you leave work and be with m-me?”
Blake had never heard his perky, enthusiastic wife sound like this, so small and pitiful. He said, “You know I'd do anything for you. I'll meet you there in 10 minutes.”
Blake dashed down to his manager's office and gave Jim a 15 second explanation and was running for his car. The drive to the hospital seemed to take forever.
Blake had wanted to go to the doctor appointment with Elaine, but she kept saying, “You just go to work, I'm a big girl, I can take myself to the doctor.” Now, Blake was wishing he had taken her anyway.
As he met up with Elaine in the hospital parking lot and they walked into the hospital, he had no idea that she was never going to come back out.
The next 26 days were a total blur of doctors, nurses, needles, drugs, machines, scans, readings and periods of chaotic activity followed by interminable waits.
Not long after they arrived, a new doctor showed up. He introduced himself as Dr. Henderson. He said, “Mrs. Jacobs, may I call you Elaine?”
Elaine nodded.
The doctor continued, “Based on your physical examination and the symptoms you describe, your illness sounds like it could be a cancer. I am a member of the hospital's oncology team. I was brought in to figure out exactly what we are up against here. At this point we cannot be positive if you have a cancer, what type it might be or exactly what that means for you. It will be my job, and the job of our whole group of oncology experts to answer those questions. For right now, I will be ordering a series of tests that will allow us to get some answers.”
That was the first time somebody had actually spoken the word, “cancer” as a possible diagnosis. Blake figured they we pretty sure of the diagnosis before they spoke this fear-inducing word, but at the same time he pushed the idea aside as absurd.
With the speaking of this terrible sounding diagnosis, Elaine underwent the most incredible change. When she came into the hospital she was jittery and anxious, as if her normal peace was just out of her reach. When Dr. Henderson announced that she might have cancer she immediately went calm and relaxed.
Blake, on the other hand was going nuts. Right after the doctor left the room, Blake started, “What an idiot! I can't believe that he would go and scare you, telling you this is cancer, when it's probably just a virus or something! We need to get you out of this place and take you...”
“Blake” Elaine spoke his name so calmly and so definitively, that it brought him to a complete stop, mid-rant. He turned to her with his arms still up in the air.
Quietly, she said, “Blake, he's right. God just spoke to me. Now I understand. I know for a certainty that I do have cancer. I know for a certainty that I going to die of it. I know for a certainty that I don't have much time, but I also know that He is going to be with me and take care of me, through it all. I also know that He will take care of you if you just allow Him to.”
Blake was totally shocked. He wanted to argue with her, to tell her she was a crazy as the doctor, but somehow, all he could do was to hold her with tears flowing down his face.
It was a couple of days later, after a biopsy, blood work and a CT scan, they found out that Elaine had stage IV DLBCL, that's “diffuse large b-cell lymphoma.” He learned more than he ever wanted to know about cancer.
All of the medical activity just seemed like some kind of mocking background noise as he watched his Elaine just get worse and worse. Blake's sense to total powerlessness was tearing him up.
It seemed that all of the efforts of the doctors only served to make her worse. Her first chemo treatment almost killed her. She spiked a high fever that the medical staff was barely able to control.
Through it all, Elaine was amazing. She was a real blessing to everybody she encountered, even though it was obvious that she was sick and hurting. It seemed she always had a smile and a kind word for every person that got close to her. She must have told dozens of people about how God was with her and was going to take care of her right up until he took her home to be with Him in heaven.
Blake d
idn't share her peace about the whole thing. He had no choice but to watch as the love of his life disintegrated. Over the two years Blake and Elaine had been together, he had come to respect the statement whenever she started with, “God and I have talked and...” He knew that when she said she was going to die of cancer, then she was going to die of her cancer, but that didn't mean he was going to like it. There was no way he was going to let go of his precious Elaine without a fight.
The last few days, Elaine was in the ICU and basically unconscious. The doctors told Blake that her body was shutting down and it wouldn't be long. From time-to-time, she would wake and say a few words. Those words frequently made no sense.
During these days, Blake never wanted to leave her side, afraid that she would wake and he wouldn't be there. Elaine's parents had come down, but even with them staying with Elaine, he could not bear the thought that she might wake and he might miss it.
It was around 2 p.m. on March 27th. Blake was in Elaine's ICU room with Bob and Pat Ryan, Elaine's parents. Blake was holding her hand and staring blankly at a talk show on the TV. Elaine's father was sending a message on His phone and her mom was reading her Bible. Suddenly, they were all interrupted by Elaine's voice, “Blake?”
Immediately, they all clustered around her bed. Blake said, “I’m here, baby.”
Pat said, “Elaine darling, your father and I are here, too.”
Elaine looked at them and said, more clearly than she had spoken for a week or more, “Jesus is here. He has come to get me to take me home. I love you guys.”
There was a quick round of “We love you, too” statements.
Elaine spoke to Blake. “Jesus says to tell you that He loves you more than you can imagine and He will be ready to give you comfort in the coming days, all you have to do is let him. Heaven is going to be wonderful. Blake, come and join me there.” With that final statement, her eyes closed and she went silent.
Within half an hour, they were assaulted by the horrible, long tone that pierced Blake's heart and told him that his precious Elaine was gone.