CHAPTER 4
“Teach me, Lord” Psalm 119:34
After church, Blake found himself at an Italian restaurant with Mark, Beth and a young mother named Ellie, whose husband was out-of-the-country on a business trip. Beth and Ellie clustered around Ellie's infant girl, Hannah, talking baby and baby-talking. This left Mark and Blake to talk among themselves.
During a pause in their conversation, Blake brought up the scripture from Pastor David's sermon and how it was weighing heavily in his mind.
Mark said, “I wish that more people were destined for heaven. For something that is perfectly simple, it is so difficult, as to be impossible, for many people.”
Blake said, “So, if all they have to do is to pray a prayer and maybe get baptized, it seems like everybody would do that, even if they weren't sure about God, just to be sure they go to heaven.”
“I don't think a prayer like that would get anybody into heaven,” replied Mark.
“What do you mean?”
Mark explained, “To believe in Jesus is the foundation of what it means to be Christian. Nobody that fails to believe will go to heaven. Everybody knows John 3:16, where it says, 'that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life,' so our belief, our faith, is critical.”
Mark continued, “Remember, God knows us from the inside. He knows real belief and he knows when somebody's faith is put-on. If somebody does like you suggested and recites a prayer, but their heart isn't in it, then I don't believe they can be saved. Like it says in Hebrews, 'Without faith it is impossible to please God'2”
As Blake wondered a little about his own faith, he asked, “OK, I understand that you can have a really bad person, who just says a prayer without meaning it, that he won't be saved just because he said the prayer. I can also see how God would be pleased with somebody that has no doubts about their belief in God, but what about all the people that aren't on those extreme positions?”
Mark said, “There was a time in my life when I was playing at being a Christian. I had the t-shirts and bumper-stickers, but my faith life was empty. On Sunday morning, I was right there doing everything right. My friends at church thought I had it going on. In truth, I was only a Sunday morning Christian. Monday through Saturday, I was too busy for God. During that time, I was miserable, but I couldn't put my finger on the cause.”
Blake thought this sounded like his life.
Mark went on, “Even though I was baptized and I had done all the external things, I'm not sure I would have ended up in heaven if I had died. This is all because I can now compare that cheap excuse for a relationship with God to a real relationship with Him. As I look back on that time in my life, I realize that I didn't have God at all, all I had was church.”
Blake felt a lump in his gut that wasn't related to the lunch he had just consumed. He responded with, “Really, I always figured you for a person that just fell into your faith!”
Mark said, “I wish. I wasted a lot of years with a sad and empty version of Christianity”.
“So what was it that...” Blake thought for a moment, “changed you?”
“It was certainly something that God gets all the credit for, but He...”
At this point, Beth interrupted Mark, “Excuse me honey, but we need to take Ellie back to the church. Hanna's getting fussy. I think she's ready for her nap.”
Mark said, “OK, no problem.” Then to Blake, he said, “Blake, I need to run out to Morgantown to pick up some coins this afternoon. If you are available, I would love to have the company for the drive and we can finish our discussion.”
Blake was intrigued by the conversation and quickly agreed. They made plans that Mark would pick him up at his apartment in an hour.
When Blake got back to the apartment, he had the momentary surge of anticipation that Elaine might be there, which was quickly squashed by reality. As he passed through the living room to go to his bedroom to change clothes, he saw a piece of paper on the floor. He picked it up and immediately recognized it as the check from the insurance company. The memo on the check said “death benefit.”
“Like there is supposed to be any sort of a benefit to the death of someone like Elaine,” he thought to himself. He felt himself sinking back into that deep hole of depression.
He called Mark and said, “Listen Mark, I don't really think I'll be very good company today. How about I bow out of this Morgantown trip today?”
Mark recognized the flat tone of Blake's voice and said, “I didn't really get enough sleep last night, Beth isn't wanting me to go unless there is somebody else with me to keep me awake. Even if you just want to sit there without talking, it will make Beth happy. If you could possibly go with me, it would be a big help.”
Blake relented and agreed to go, once again.
After the phone call, Blake still knew that he was fighting depression. He tried hard to distract himself and think about anything except Elaine and his situation, but every line of thought looped right back there.
Knowing that Mark was coming to pick him up, Blake decided to follow up on their discussion at the restaurant. He opened his Bible to find the scripture that had caught his attention from the sermon. Finding the verses Pastor David had read, Blake decided to read the chapter in order to get some context, to try to understand if Jesus really meant what it sounded like, that very few people would be going to heaven. As he read beyond the original verses, he was shocked by what he found there.