“It never ends well. ” He ran a hand through this blond hair and breathed in deeply. “And if Mae were to change her, to get even more attached to the child than she already was, she would either die trying to protect her, or kill herself after the child died. And I have no interest in being a part of that. ”
“And Mae doesn’t see that?” I asked, even though I knew the answer. She was too blinded by her love for her family to see any rational thought. Her only concern was keeping the girl around for another day, at any cost.
“No. ” He gave me a sad smile. “She mistakenly believes that I can do anything. But I can’t this time. ” His expression was far away. “I cannot save the child. There is only one type of death versus another. The child will suffer and then die, either way. But Mae cannot accept that. ”
“Are you going to go talk to her? Maybe you can help her accept this. I mean, she’s just going through the seven stages of grief, and it sounds like she’s at bargaining,” I said.
“Maybe, but unfortunately, she actually has something to bargain with. Most people have no other recourse, but Mae does. Would anyone really move past bargaining if God would actually talk to them and listen to their pleas?”
“Did you just compare yourself to God?” I raised an eyebrow at him.
“Accidentally,” he admitted, looking disgusted at his own choice of words. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to. But I don’t think I have anything to say that can help Mae through this. ” He sighed heavily. “But… my clothes are in the room, and I should get dressed. ”
“Are you two going to split up?” I was surprised how nervous I sounded, but really, they were the only stable couple I had ever met. And if they split up, what hope did the rest of us have?
“I will stay with her as long as she’ll have me, and as long as she doesn’t turn the child,” he said, but that was the kind of answer people gave when they weren’t ready to tell the kids they were breaking up.
I started to think that maybe it was only a matter of time before things ended between them, and that was terrifying. I loved them both, and I couldn’t imagine a life where they weren’t both in it.
Ezra went down to his room. For someone who was completely obsessed with the idea of family, I couldn’t believe how rigid he was being with Mae. He was right about not turning her granddaughter, I’m sure, but he was inflexible when talking to her. He had been willing to die to save Peter, but he wouldn’t allow the same irrational passion in her.
Maybe it was because this was his way of protecting the family. If she did this, it would certainly devastate everything around her, himself included. I don’t know what would happen to our family unit. If we would split up between them, like children of divorce, or… I don’t know.
It was strange, because even though I knew I was going to live a very long time, I somehow had expected that everything would stay the same forever. Ezra had once told me that everyone I know would die, and that I would outlast everything. But I had never believed that I would outlast this family.
- 19 -
When Milo and Jack finally came back from their blood run, I told them about the fight. Milo went to talk some sense into Mae, and we let him. Jack still invited Peter to watch a movie with us, but after all the drama, we decided to watch something lighter than an epic British mini-series. So we went with the opposite and put in Futurama.
As the night wore on, I decided to go to bed, and I wanted to invite Jack to stay with me. The fight between Mae and Ezra had left me feeling shaken up, and I wanted to hang onto something that I knew would be around forever. But Peter was lingering around us, giving me a weird look, and I didn’t feel right about asking him.
The next morning, he tried waking me bright and early the next day to take Matilda to the dog park, but I wanted to sleep in. The joke was on me, though. After he left, I couldn’t fall back to sleep, but I blamed that on how hungry I was.
It had been a dull ache growing in the pit of my stomach since yesterday. When we had been watching TV with Bobby, I found myself more fascinated by watching the pulse pounding in his jugular than in the images on the screen.
Today was even worse. I had a dryness in my veins and my throat. My limbs felt crackly when I moved them. I had no energy, but I felt strangely frenetic. I knew I had to eat soon, but for now, I decided to just avoid Bobby.
Milo and Bobby were going to have to go to the club again soon to check on Jane, but I didn’t feel up to being around humans. In fact, I could hardly stand being this close to Bobby. Heartbeats echoed in my ears, and the faint scent of Bobby permeated through my walls. I was going to have to distract myself before I went insane.
I went about getting ready, but I couldn’t find the energy to shower. I just brushed my teeth, got dressed, and pulled my hair back in a messy bun. I tried to call Jane again, but she still wouldn’t answer.
I probably should’ve considered eating, but I really, really had to control myself. Because I really, really wanted to be alone with Jack, and this was the only way I could trust myself. I knocked on Peter’s bedroom door and chewed my lip. I stood a better chance of not biting him than I did Bobby, and even if I did bite Peter, he stood a better chance of living.
“What?” Peter opened his bedroom door, looking irritated. “Is the house on fire?”
“No. Can I come in?” I tucked a stray stand of hair behind my ears. His green eyes were bewildered, but he relented and took a step back from the door so I could go in.
When I brushed past him, I inhaled deeply. He smelled so good, and I had almost forgotten that. His blood used to be my favorite scent in the world, before I really knew that’s what it was. When I had been human, the tangy scent he left behind always intoxicated me, and I hadn’t realized that it was his blood I was lusting after. Now I did, and the smell was even stronger and more delicious.
“You look hungry. ” Peter shut the bedroom door behind me when I came in, and that might have bothered me if I had a clearer head.
“Yeah, well,” I tried to play it off like nothing. For him to notice meant it had to be getting bad. My skin was ashen, and my heart beat too fast.
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His room looked as messy as he would allow, which was much cleaner than mine and Jack’s room. His large four-post bed was unmade. The French doors that led onto the balcony off his room were slightly ajar, letting in a chill breeze that ruffled his curtains.
Overflowing bookshelves lined his walls. Peter had apparently decided to spend the day reading, and a few books were discarded on his bed. On the white chair by the bookcases, he had a book splayed open, a red ribbon marking his page should it close.
I paced his room, trying to ignore the painful gnawing inside of me, but I stopped when I saw the red stain on his white rug.
“Perhaps you should eat,” Peter said, but there was an uncomfortable edge to his words. He had caught me staring at the stain. It was blood, my blood, from when he had nearly killed me.
“Why don’t you throw away the rug?” I twisted at the hem of my shirt, feeling fidgety, and turned to face him.
“As you can tell, I’m really not in the mood to hang out,” he completely ignored my question.
He avoided my gaze and gestured to his room, as if the state of it would signify something to me. Underneath his smooth tan skin, I could see his veins pulsing delicately, and it quickened ever so slightly. I made him nervous, and I delighted in that, even though it did nothing to ease my hunger pains.
“You shut the door behind me. ” I motioned to the closed door. “I think you’re okay with talking. You just want everything on your terms. ”
“What’s so wrong with that? Don’t you want everything on your own terms?” He ran a hand through his chestnut hair. He hadn’t cut it since we’d come back, and while I had never been partial to long hair on guys, it looked really good on him.
In fairness, everything looked really good on him. Wearing slim jeans and a wh
ite sweater that rode smoothly over his muscles, he was still the most attractive vampire I’d ever seen, and that really was saying a lot. I hated him for it. The way he could just be casually spending the day in his room and look like that. More than that, I hated that I was still attracted to him, when I knew I had no reason to be.
“I want things the way I want them, but I don’t force other people to live by my rules,” I said.
“Neither do I. Am I forcing you to do anything?” Peter looked at me, letting his brilliant emerald eyes pierce through me. They still dazzled me, if not the same way they once did, but maybe in my hunger, they hit me even more. Everything about him just seemed so much more enticing.
“No, but… I don’t know. ” I shook my head and turned away from him, returning to pacing his room again. He leaned against one of the posts on his bed and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Why don’t you just eat something instead of pestering me?” he asked.
“No, no, I can’t,” I waved away the idea. “I’m fine anyway. ”
“Very convincing,” Peter sighed. “Is that what you’re doing here? Trying to distract yourself from eating? You’re probably fantasizing about ripping into your brother’s little boy toy, aren’t you?”
“Don’t be disgusting!” I scoffed, but he was really close to the truth, and I blushed a little.
“It’s not disgusting. It’s a fact of life. ” He narrowed his eyes at me as something occurred to him. “You haven’t bitten anyone yet, have you? You’re still a virgin to the vampire ways?”
“I’m virgin in every way,” I muttered under my breath before I could catch myself.
“What was that?” Peter asked, his eyes widening.
“Oh, never mind. ” I shook my head and blushed deeper. “I haven’t been turned for very long. I need time to get everything under control. ”
“I see. ” A smirk twitched on his lips, and I sighed heavily.
“Stop! Don’t look at me like that,” I snapped, but that only made him chuckle softly. Groaning, I looked around his room, desperate to find something else to talk about.
On his bed, half covered by his blanket in a poor attempt to conceal it, was a book. But not just any book. It was a century old with worn binding and tattered pages, and I had spent a great deal of time reading it a few months ago. Entitled A Brief History of Vampyres, Jack had been convinced that Peter had written it himself. I had stolen it from Peter’s room until it mysteriously disappeared.
I moved towards his bed to grab the book, but Peter saw where I was heading and moved to intercept me. He was much quicker, but his attempt was half-hearted since I’d already seen it.
He grabbed my wrist just as my hand touched the cover, and almost the instant his skin hit mine, it started to heat up considerably. I pretended like I didn’t notice and jerked my hand away from him before he could feel my pulse quicken in his grip.
“You did take it!” I held the book up in front of his face, as if he wouldn’t know what I was talking about. “I knew you took it!”
“It’s my book! You stole it from me!” Peter tried to match my indigence but failed. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was embarrassed at getting caught.
“So?” I faltered for a minute, since he did have a point. “You weren’t reading it, and I didn’t ‘steal’ it. I borrowed it. ”
“And I wanted it returned. ” He reached for it but I pulled it back before he could grab it. He didn’t look amused, and he held his hand out to me, waiting for me to give it to him. “Can I have it back please?”
“I was reading it. I want to know how it ends. ” I opened it, flipping the pages and trying to skim through it.
He glowered at me over the top of the book, so I couldn’t pay that much attention. It didn’t really read like a novel, either, but rather it was part diary, part how-to manual.
“Rosebud is the sled,” Peter replied flippantly, giving away the ending to Citizen Kane instead.
“Why don’t you want me to read this?” I asked and looked up at him.
“It’s not that I don’t want you to read it,” he said, but he wouldn’t meet my eyes, so I had a feeling that he wasn’t being entirely truthful.
“Then why did you take it from my room?”
“Because I…” He floundered for a minute, a very rare occurrence with him, and rubbed at his eyes. “I just didn’t want you to have it anymore. ” I had never made him this distressed and irritated before, and I enjoyed it. Usually he was the one driving me nuts. “Do you remember when I took it?”
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Flutter
“Yeah, it was the night you snuck into my room,” I said. He had done more than just sneak in that night.
“And I bit you. ” His eyes shifted, and his heartbeat changed. He had deep emotions buried in with biting me, but I couldn’t tell what they were. “Your blood tasted of Jack, and… so I didn’t want you to have the book anymore. ”
“This is your book, isn’t it?” I stopped taunting him. “I mean, you wrote this, didn’t you?”
“Yes,” he said quietly. “So you can understand why I wouldn’t want you to have it after everything that happened with Jack. ”
“I do. ” I held the book out to him so he would take it, but he just stared at it for a moment then looked up at me.
“Do you still want to read it?”
“Only if you wouldn’t mind. ”
“I don’t think it really matters to you what I mind. ” His voice was barely audible, and he turned away from me, leaning his back against his bed.
“That’s not fair, Peter! I’ve been doing everything I possibly can to make it up to you!”
“I know you have,” he sighed. “Just take the book. Read it. It’ll take your mind off how hungry you are so you can finally fuck Jack. ”
My jaw dropped. That was what I was trying to do, but he didn’t need to throw it in my face like that, making it sound dirty and bad. It hurt and pissed me off, so I threw the book at his chest and stormed past him.
“Alice, wait!” Peter groaned and grabbed my arm, stopping me from escaping his room. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for. ”
“You’ve gotta meet me half way. ” I was almost pleading with him. “I have been trying and trying. And even Jack is trying. But you gotta help me out here. You’ve gotta…” I trailed off and looked away.
“Why is it so important to you that I forgive you?” Peter asked.
That really was the question at the heart of it all. Why did it matter to me so much what Peter thought of me? It wasn’t even just about getting him and Jack to repair their relationship or making amends for damaging the family. It was something more than that, something that I couldn’t quite explain.
“Why did you come back?” I whispered, unwilling to look at him. His hand burned warm on my arm, and I knew that I should shake it away, but I didn’t.
“You asked me to. ”
“No, not from Finland. I mean that night that you took the book. You’d been gone for months, and then, suddenly, one night, you appeared in my room and you drank my blood. ” I bit my lip, and I didn’t know why I was asking. Or why I’d even care about that night. “Did you really want my blood that badly?”
“Your blood is divine,” he admitted sadly. “But I always wanted more than that. ” He exhaled huskily. “What is it about you? You were more than just a human, and even now that I’m not bonded with you…” He trailed off, but I finally lifted my eyes to meet his. “Why can’t I resist you?”
I inhaled deeply, breathing him in when I should’ve been running away. His skin scorched against mine, but I felt my own body hurrying to match his temperature. His green eyes burned so intensely I couldn’t look away. The sound of his heartbeat rippled through me.
The air was so thick with the scent and feel of him that I could almost taste it, and I wanted to taste him. I wanted him in the most
visceral way.
Suddenly his lips were on mine, and I can’t say if I moved to him or if he moved to me, but I definitely didn’t resist. His kisses were rough and soft all at once. Burying my fingers in his thick, silky hair, I pulled myself as close to him as I could get. His muscles were like granite forming to my body, and he wrapped his arms around me, crushing me to him. His mouth tasted amazingly sweet, and I wanted more.
The blinding hunger surged through me, mixing bloodlust with passion. All my sense were blurring together into one. I could taste what I felt, and I couldn’t see anything. My pulse pounded in time with his, heavy and warm.
And he smelled so delicious I could barely stand it. My body literally burned for him, like my skin was covered in flames and the only relief would come if I bit him.
He kissed me ferociously, and almost playfully I pressed my teeth against his lip. I didn’t bite him, but I tested the waters to see if I could.
Peter moaned, and the sound of his voice radiated through me. He would gladly let me bite him, let me drink the wonderful elixir that flowed through him, and I wanted him so badly it was painful.
- 20 -
Just before my teeth sunk into him, something inside me had a moment of sanity and screamed Jack.
I’d like to say that just like that, I snapped out of it, but I didn’t. Thinking of Jack made me hesitate before I bit Peter, but it didn’t change how badly I wanted to.
Everything about Peter was designed so I’d want him. His blood, his touch, his smell, really had been meant for me. I loved Jack, but the physical shell of Peter was everything my body had been made to want.
Somehow, I managed to free my mouth from his, but I stayed in his arms, holding him to me. Peter started kissing my neck, and as wonderful as it would feel to have him bite me, I did not want to be bitten. I was starving, and losing more blood would only make it worse.
In the end, it was my intense hunger that saved me.
“No,” I moaned and tried to detangle myself from his arms. Either he didn’t hear me or he didn’t want to listen, because he kept hanging on to me, his lips trailing down the sensitive skin of my throat. “Peter! No!”
When I pushed at him, he let go of me, but I wasn’t stable on my feet so I stumbled backwards. In the mess of kissing him, my hair had somehow come free from its messy bun, and it fell around my face, blocking my already blurred vision.
The hunger and the intensity of kissing Peter left me feeling dizzy and strange. It was almost like being drunk. I was weak, and my eyesight was wrong. Everything had this hazy red edge to it, but that was from the bloodlust.
“I can’t do that,” I shook my head and my voice came out weak.