“But after they were murdered I knew I had to stay away from you. My kind couldn’t realize that they had been wrong, that it was you that had changed me. They would have killed you then, and they would not have been as kind about it as they had been to the Marshall’s.”
I had been struggling all along to remain standing. My legs finally gave up the battle. Sliding down the bark of the trunk, I stared at him in stunned silence, unable to fully process all that he was saying. Horror filled me, I was half afraid I might vomit. “They died because of me?” I croaked out.
Cade was suddenly before me. There was so much sorrow in his eyes, so much pain in his expression as his hands gently clasped hold of my cheeks. “They died because of me Bethany, because I was not strong enough to hide my newfound feelings, because I could not control what I felt for you. I promised myself that I would stay away from you after that, that I would keep my distance and keep you safe, no matter what I had to do to make sure of it. No matter how much it killed me to stay away when you were the only thing I wanted, the only thing I thought of. It didn’t matter how much it hurt me, how much your feelings were hurt, I had to keep you alive. I had to keep you away from them and I did everything I could to ensure your survival.”
My chest was so constricted with love and sorrow that I could hardly breathe. “The night of my dad’s funeral…”
“Your pain was so intense I could feel it all the way across town. No we aren’t empath’s,” he explained at my questioning, stunned look. “But I’m bonded to you somehow, I always have been. I’m connected to you in an intense, intimate way that cannot be broken. I couldn’t stay away from you that night, couldn’t let you go through that alone. I had to come to you because your pain was my pain. I wished every day after that I could return to you, but I couldn’t risk it. I just couldn’t.”
I didn’t realize I was crying until he wiped the tears from my cheeks. Didn’t realize how badly I ached for him until he bent and kissed me gently. “Even now,” he breathed against me. His breath was warm, sweet, and reassuring against my flesh. “I should have stayed away from you, I should have stayed gone. I felt your grief for me, your pain and loss even through the distance separating us. I struggled to keep my own agony concealed from them, struggled to convey to them that I was still one of them. That I wasn’t different, and I did well with it. I couldn’t leave right away though, couldn’t flee. To run from them would have put you in even more danger, they would have hunted me, searched for me relentlessly. I had to stay away, but I couldn’t bare your anguish, I had to give you hope…”
“My dream,” I whispered in awe.
“Yes, I wanted you to move on…”
“I couldn’t. I never could. I tried and I accepted the fact that you were wrong but I couldn’t move on from you Cade. It’s not, it’s not like that with me, I simply couldn’t…”
“Shh love, I know. I understand.” He kissed my cheeks gently as my voice broke off on a wrenching sob that lodged in my chest. “But your life could continue on with some hope in it; that was all I wanted to give you. And to hold you once more, even if it was just in a dream. But when they hurt you…” His words trailed off, his jaw clenched as his eyes simmered with black fire. “If you were killed, I would have known it. I felt your pain through my bond to you, to feel your death…
He inhaled a shuddery breath, for a brief moment the black shifted throughout his entire eye again. I was breathless as I watched him slowly reel the fury and despair back in. “I couldn’t live with that, I would have snapped. I had vowed to keep you safe my entire life, and in that moment I knew I had failed. I couldn’t stay away from you anymore; I couldn’t let them hurt you again. I convinced my kind that I would be more useful on the ground, as I knew more about humans and was more adept at blending in with them, and they agreed to let me come back. They don’t know where I am, but they believe that I am on their side. If they find me, if they catch us together, what they will do to you…”
“I don’t care,” I gushed out terrified that he would leave just so such a thing didn’t happen.
“I do and you will. But to leave you unprotected again, I can’t.” His fingers threaded through my hair, pushing it gently away from my face. His voice was fervent, he clung desperately to me. “I can help keep you safe Bethany. Those things won’t get hold of you again as long as I’m around. Whatever you decide, whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it. If you want me to leave…” His hands tightened on me briefly, a small shudder of agony ran through his body. “I will. Anything you want. Anything.”
I opened my mouth to respond, to tell him that I never wanted him to leave me. That though I was wounded, betrayed; aching with loss and confusion, I loved him just as much as he loved me. That I needed him just as badly as he needed me. We could deal with this. We would deal with this together.
But he placed his finger over my mouth before I could respond. “But there is one more thing that you need to know before you make your choice. One thing that could make you hate me forever.”
“That’s not possible,” I murmured around his finger. “I don’t hate you now.”
“You don’t know the worst thing I’ve done. There is something else I’ve kept from you.”
I swallowed heavily, fear trickled through me. I was certain that no matter what he said, it couldn’t possibly get any worse than everything that had been revealed tonight. Whatever else he had kept from me, I could take it, and we would be fine. But the fear in his eyes, the beaten look in his gaze caused doubts to filter through me. What could he possibly have done to make him look like a kicked puppy so badly?
“Ok, tell me,” I said softly.
I held my breath, my hands fisted, as I braced myself for whatever it was he was about to say. “No matter what happens, no matter what you decide about me, you cannot allow Bishop to take anymore of your blood.”
My breath exploded out of me, my hands relaxed as my body was rocked with shock. I had not been expecting that, not at all. I had expected that he had lied and there were other women, or even other aliens, or something, anything other than that. “Why not?”
His gaze searched mine; his hands were gentle yet strong against my face. “You are not completely human Bethany, not anymore.”
I had not been expecting that either.
CHAPTER 16
I froze, trapped like a deer in the headlights as I searched his face, looking for some sign he was kidding. Some sign that he was going to yell “Gotcha!” at any moment. Some sign that this was some sick, twisted joke that only an alien, with their quirky sense of humor would understand. Some sign that he was lying to me.
But there was none.
He simply stared at me, his eyes willing me to understand. Willing me to believe what he was saying. I frowned at him, confused, lost, baffled by his words. Then, slowly, a dawning sense of horror began to encase me. All of the changes I had sensed growing within me. The speed, the growing grace as my inherent clumsiness seemed to fade. The cravings. Meat, especially raw meat he had said. A gurgle, half sob and half hysterical laughter, surged up my throat.
It wasn’t what those creatures had done to me I realized. It wasn’t some strange alien germ that had infiltrated my wounds and begun to infect me. Their attacks on me aren’t what had brought forth the strange changes I felt coalescing through my body. It was him. “What did you do to me!?” I demanded.
He remained immobile, his eyes didn’t even flicker. “The ships started leaking gas into the air supply two weeks prior to The Freezing,” he explained instead of telling me what he had done. “The gas was odorless, tasteless, and undetectable to the human race. It’s not something your kind had ever heard of before, and to breathe it caused no ill harm unless it was coupled with a high frequency sound that most people cannot hear. Then it caused the muscles to freeze, the organs to shut down, and the brain to become suspended. It’s something similar to what you would know as cryogenics.”
“But cryogenics do
esn’t work,” I mumbled.
“Yet, it doesn’t work yet. And only because humans haven’t mastered it yet.”
I was in a state of shock, I felt as if I were trying to wade through a swamp but becoming constantly mired in place by mud. “Your kind has though.”
“Yes. They also designed it so that it would not affect people with type O blood.”
My eyes snapped back to his, I struggled to shake the strange stupor clinging to me. “Why?” I breathed.
“For the hunt, for the thrill. Humans are the most dangerous game after all. Type O is the most popular blood type, but there wouldn’t be enough left to be a serious threat, or at least that’s what they believe. They’re murderers; they enjoy the fear, the pleasure of hunting and torturing their kill. However, the human population outnumbered theirs. They couldn’t take the risk that your kind could cause severe damage, and massive casualties to them. They wanted the hunt, but they also wanted the assurance that they could win. It was decided to leave that number of the population mobile, while being able to easily capture and use the others for food and pleasure. Not everyone will be killed during the reaping process though.”
“They’ll be left behind for a later time.” I was finding it more and more difficult to breathe. The neck of my shirt suddenly felt too tight as it squeezed my windpipe. I slid my finger into it and tugged anxiously at it. I needed to breathe, I couldn’t breathe. “For breeding,” I choked. “For their children to restock Earth, maybe even my children.” I shuddered, I was going to throw up, no I would not have kids; I would never allow them to go through this misery. Never let them experience this terror, loss, sadness. And I most certainly would not lose them to the monsters hunting us now. “No children.”
His eyes were sad, he leaned closer to me. “Bethany…”
I shook my head, devastated by what he was telling me. I’d never really thought about children before, I’d assumed that one day I’d have them but they were never a real thought or plan in my life. I was stunned by the sense of loss that filled me. “No.”
“You don’t have to give that up Bethany. Your dreams…”
“Are changing every day. I’m not even sure I have them anymore Cade, there’s no guarantee past today. I simply want to enjoy every day that I get from here on out. Besides, could we… um is it even possible?”
Red crept up my cheeks as my hands closed around his. “I don’t know if conception is possible, but sex is.”
My face was on fire as I managed a small nod. “But if it is, our child, what would it be?”
He shook his head. “There’s no way to know Bethany, our breeding period is different than a humans. Our gestation is six months, the labor is not as intense, but our babies are larger. There is no way to know what would happen to you, what it would do to you, and it’s not a chance I am willing to take. Not with you.” He took a deep breath, something dark flickered through his eyes. “It doesn’t have to be me Bethany.”
I was stunned, shocked by his words. “Cade…”
His hands tightened on mine, he leaned closer, his eyes narrowed intently. “It’s not something I want Bethany. The idea of it...” He shuddered; his entire eye became completely black again. “It would shred me, but if you want a child…”
“No!” I cried, aghast at his words. “Cade that’s not what I want. That’s not what I meant.”
“You deserve to have as much of a normal life as you can have under these circumstances. You deserve to have everything that you want in this life. You could even come back to me; I would take you back always.”
“No! Stop it Cade! Stop it!” I was infuriated at his words, shaken by the fact that he thought I would do such a thing. “How could you think I would do that? What do you think of me?”
“I think you’re amazing. I also think that you deserve everything that this world has left to offer you, things I can’t offer you. I think I would do anything to see you happy even if it destroyed me. That’s what I think of you Bethany, that’s what I think of us. If one day you decide you want to have a child I will support you any way I can.”
“I don’t want a child Cade, not in this world, not to be hunted, afraid and hungry…”
“It may not always be like that.”
Anger flared hotly through me. “And I most certainly would not want another man’s child Cade. If we cannot have children then I will not have them. I’m ok with that. I am not ok with this conversation though so please stop, please.”
He sighed softly as he nodded slowly. “If that’s what you want.”
Though he said it, I knew he did not agree with it, or even consider the matter completely dropped as his eyes remained entirely black. I wasn’t willing to continue with the conversation, not when there were other more important things. “Why do you think I’m not completely human? What did you do Cade?”
He took hold of my hands, but they still felt eerily cold within his warm grip. “You’re not one of the Frozen Ones because of me love.” I stared at him, but I was having a hard time focusing on him. Here was my answer, finally, and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to hear it anymore. “Because I was able to change you.”
I struggled to see him, struggled to make out the face I loved so much through my suddenly blurred vision. “I don’t understand; how is that possible?”
He rubbed his hands over mine, his eyes distant as they slowly returned to the eyes I knew so well. “Don’t hate me.”
I swallowed the tight lump in my throat heavily. “Cade, what did you do?” I whispered.
“When they told me that they were going to start to release the gas soon, and who they intended to effect with it, I was determined to find out what your blood type was. I had to know what would become of you and if there was some way that I could stop it. I was able to get a hold of your medical records.” I didn’t ask how, I was certain he could do anything he put his mind to. Hell for all I knew my doctor was one of them too. “I considered allowing you to freeze and trying to keep you safe after that, but I knew there was no way I could guarantee your safety, or any certainty that I would be able to wake you up again. There was no way to know if they would kill you immediately if I brought you to one of the holding cells. To move you…”
I shook my head at him. I knew how hard it would have been to move me, to keep me safe in that state. We had lost my mom, and Peter, soon after The Freezing had occurred. It had been so difficult to keep my mother alive, so hard to even get her even that far into our journey. I didn’t need to hear it from him now, not when I already knew how hard it was.
“There was only one thing I could do, no matter how dangerous it would be for you. I gave you some of my blood.” My eyes shot up, my mouth dropped. I could only sit there and gape at him stupidly. “It was a risk, the biggest risk I have ever taken. My kind has performed many experiments on humans over the centuries; giving them our blood has been given to humans in the past. Few have survived.”
My insides were curdling up, but they were no longer the same insides that I had been born with. I recalled Bishop’s words about my abnormal cells and I wanted to cry. That hunger, that craving. Iron deficiency my ass, I thought derisively. I wanted to scream, I wanted to rip out my hair as I fled headlong into the woods, running until I simply couldn’t run anymore.
“I had to take the chance that you would survive the infusion of my blood into your system. You wouldn’t have kept moving after The Freezing if I didn’t take the chance. I hoped that my intense reaction to you, and the way that you affected me meant that you were special, that you would be able to handle my blood when most wouldn’t. That there was a reason I had met you; that you would survive whatever it did to you. After I gave it to you I monitored you carefully, watched you constantly. I searched for any sign that something might go drastically wrong. But you seemed to be doing well with it, thankfully. I didn’t know what I was going to do if it went the other way, it wasn’t a possibility I wanted to consider. If you had died...”
/> He broke off, anguish twisted his features. His hands tightened on my face, he leaned even closer. His onyx eyes filled my vision; I could feel his desperate need for my forgiveness, my understanding. I was still too shocked to offer him anything more than numbed silence at the moment. “My blood inside of you was how I was able to find you again; it was also how I was able to enter your dream. My blood linked us permanently; I’ll always be able to find you anywhere as long as you want me to. It’s how I found you the day of The Freezing, how I was able to save you.”
My eyes widened in surprise. I had thought it was just a lucky coincidence that Cade had been near the store that day; instead he had been following me, preparing to intervene when everything I knew went to hell. The depth of everything I had never known or suspected was staggering. My head was spinning, my heart lumbered painfully in my chest as I struggled to keep a tight grip on my unraveling composure.
“When did you do this? How did you do this?”
“Graduation. I was able to put some of my blood into your drink when you went to the bathroom.”
I had been roofied with alien blood at my brother’s graduation. I found sick humor in that knowledge. “What happened to the other people that survived?”
Cade closed his eyes, looking slightly pained. “They began to exhibit differences at a cellular level. They were studied for awhile, but ultimately destroyed when it was determined that the effects were nothing more than abnormal blood cells.”
“How long?”
“What?”
I cleared my throat as I struggled to get the words out. “How long were they allowed to live for, and studied, before they were killed?”
“A month, maybe two.”