Chapter 28
When morning came, Luitgard's fingers were still trembling as she secured the saddle bags to the back of her horse. There was no barrier. There was no Justin. There was no Goddess.
She was alone against Merek now and the odds were so incredibly stacked in his favour, that he only needed to pick the moment of his choosing. She rested her hand against the side of a saddle bag. She could feel the shape of the dagger beneath the leather. It was the only comfort she had, as little as it was. She knew how the society of these Christians worked. She was a woman now travelling alone. It was not only Merek she need fear.
She took a quavering breath and let her head fall back. She closed her eyes and willed away the tears that wanted to fall. Through the sheer force of her clenched jaw, she kept them at bay. She focused upon the acrid smell of the stables as it pierced the inside of her nose. The warmth of the horse next to her radiated over her hands as they rested against its side.
Whether she turned back or tried her luck in Rome, it did not matter now. She was in as much danger either way. She was alone either way. She would never again set eyes upon the beautiful smile of Justin. She had already forgiven every word Merek had said about him. Justin had said he had been told about the Mintharchs but not believed it. He had not lied about that.
Her head fell forward and came to rest against the side of the animal. She stood there for several moments with her eyes closed, just trying to breathe. When the vision of Merek's midnight visit came back to her, her eyes flew open and she straightened with a sharp intake of breath.
As she breathed out, anger flooded her. She had spent her life focusing upon the protection of her people at the sacrifice of herself. She had learned to be strong when it was necessary. She would not let one event of torment erase who she was.
She took the reins of her horse. With one last look at Justin's, which was still in its stall, she led hers from the stable. She ignored the raised brow of the stableman who was at least good enough to keep his silence about her new solitary travel. She forced her chin not to sag as she led the horse onto the lane.
She had walked several paces when she heard a voice from behind her.
"The point of having a horse is to ride it," he said.
She spun around.
Justin was standing in the middle of the lane. She blinked, but he did not disappear. He walked up to her.
"Sorry I'm late," he said.
She threw herself forward and tightly wrapped her arms around him.
"I was a spoiled idiot," she cried. "I take it all back, every word. I do not know what came over me. I do not know how I could have treated you like that."
He wrapped his arms around her and stroked her hair. "Exhaustion can turn the sweetest of people into a monster," he said. "I know you did not mean any of it."
The tears broke free of their restraints and fell silently down her cheeks as she refused to release him.
"Let me get my horse, and we can set off," he said. "We still have a few days of this abuse left."
She closed her eyes and pretended she could not hear him. She wanted to stay holding him. The world was vile and cruel. She was in no rush to return to it.
"Luitgard?" he asked.
"Merek came into my room last night," she said without meaning to. The words simply ejected her thoughts without her volition.
Justin grabbed her shoulders and held her back to look into her face. His eyes were wide.
"Did he hurt you?" he asked.
She shook her head.
"What did he do?" Justin did not seem convinced.
"He threatened me," she said. "But then he left."
His eyes flicked over her body as if to confirm she was telling the truth. Then his eyes closed and his jaw tensed. "I should never have left you," he said. "It was poor judgement." His eyes opened and he looked directly into hers. "I will not make that mistake again."
He looked down and took her hand in his and grabbed the horse's reigns with the other. As they walked back to the stable to get his horse, he said, "For the first time, I am thankful that Merek enjoys playing with his victims first. That at least has saved you this time."
She swallowed and nodded as she squeezed his hand. His return had pulled her back from the precipice. As stressed as she had been about continuing the journey alone, she had not realized exactly how terrified she had been until it was no longer a threat. Her relief was complete. A part of her mind tried to remind her that the largest tasks had yet to be done. Her journey was not over. The threats were not gone. But she could not find it in herself to care at that moment. She was too happy and relieved at what she would no longer have to face.
Within minutes, they were riding through the city streets together. They resupplied and headed for the gates.