they hurried over to see what all the hubbub was about. What they found was Terrence crawling on the floor and swiping frantically.
“What happened?” Darrin asked.
“My tarantula,” Terrence answered hastily without looking up. “My mom and her friends were having a little party when they saw my tarantula.”
“So that’s what they were all screaming about,” Derrick said.
“Yeah, and if I don’t catch him soon then I’m pretty sure Mom will make me let him go. So will you guys please help me catch him?”
“Uh, where did you see him last?” Aaron asked as he slowly crept for the door, glancing nervously around the room.
Derrick noticed and a sly smile crossed his face. “Where are you going, Superkid?” he asked.
Darrin wondered if his threat to punch Derrick a new place to store his things had expired or not. It had been five days since then—maybe it had.
He decided not to punch Derrick. Instead he sighed as Aaron convulsed, shook his head, looked down at Terrence, and asked, “What’s going on?”
Derrick answered dramatically, “Terrence has lost his tarantula and he—needs—your—help!”
Superkid rolled his eyes. “You called me for that?”
Derrick threw up his hands. “Well, it’s not as if our town is crawling with supervillains. This is the best we can give you.”
Superkid huffed. “I never said I was a superhero.”
“Then why do you call yourself Superkid?”
“It’s…” Superkid shrugged, “…just my name.” He struggled to remember where he had gotten the name but the memory remained tantalizingly out of reach.
Terrence stared between Superkid and Derrick. He pointed at our young hero. “Am I missing something here?”
“Other than your sanity, no,” Superkid replied with sneer. Terrence reacted in surprise at this bold and mean-spirited quip from the usually mild-mannered kid, and Superkid added, “I don’t suppose you still think I’m a scaredy-cat, do you?”
Terrence gaped. “Where’d you get guts all of a sudden?”
“Same place you got your brains,” Superkid retorted.
Terrence turned to Darrin. “Is that even Aaron?”
Darrin shrugged. “He is now.”
Derrick explained before Terrence could ask, “Aaron’s got a split personality now. One side is the chicken—the Aaron side—and the other is his gutsy side—the Superkid side.”
“We’re not sure how it happened,” Darrin said. “One day, he knocked on my door and told me he was Superkid.”
Terrence gaped at Darrin and Derrick, eventually shaking his head. “You think that maybe all our teasing finally caused him to snap?”
“It might also have been exacerbated by the fact that you talk about him like he’s not even there,” Superkid interjected after he shook away his daze.
Darrin, Derrick, and Terrence turned sheepishly away. Superkid eyed them all and was struck by a sudden pang of guilt. Maybe he was being too hard on them. They were only having a little fun.
He dropped his gaze to the floor. Then he frowned thoughtfully. Then he crouched, picked something off the floor, and set it gently in his hand. He held it out to Terrence, who turned and then let his mouth drop open in surprise.
“This yours?”
Terrence could not believe his eyes. Sitting in Aaron’s (Superkid, actually; Terrence had not quite grasped the “split personality” concept) hand was his tarantula. Of course, the surprise to him was not that his tarantula had come back to him but the fact that it was Aaron (still Superkid) who was holding it without a single tremor of his hand! Terrence took his pet back wordlessly. He looked up at Superkid, who was smiling at him.
“You really are fearless,” he whispered in shock.
Okay, so it wasn’t the dramatic fight that I promised. As a matter of fact, that was actually kind of mushy. Just hang on a minute and we’ll try that again. I promise we’ll see some real action this time.
Poolington awoke the next day to a bright Sunday morning—never realizing that its peace and quiet was about to be shattered… for real, this time. Darrin was trying for a three-point shot backwards but accidentally threw it into the oak tree. Derrick was preparing to climb the tree to retrieve the ball when they heard another sort of commotion.
“Now what?” Derrick grumbled. The three friends trooped out to the front yard and, this time, were petrified.
Women and men ran screaming through the streets. Scanning further ahead, the three of them discovered the cause of it and felt their blood run ice-cold and their legs turn to raspberry jelly (pardon the adjective, I’m hungry for a scone). And what was the cause of their reactions?
Bigger than a single-room apartment! More terrible than a pile of dead worms! Able to lasso an entire town with a single spool of web. Originating from the lab of a mad doctor—a beast of hair… was a giant spider!
This massive menace charged through the town, chasing after citizens who were helpless ants at the mercy of its giant feet… well, actually, spiders don’t have feet, but you know what I mean.
“What the?!” Darrin exclaimed, staring at the gargantuan arachnid in horror.
“Where the heck did that thing come from?!” Darrin cried.
Aaron could only gape.
That mutated arachnid crashed through the town, wreaking havoc everywhere it turned. It slashed buildings with a powerful sweep of its hairy leg. It tipped lampposts with the powerful gravity of its hairy abdomen. But those were not its worst offenses, oh no. Its worst offense--the most terrible crime it committed--was the horrible song it was singing:
“The big and hairy spider came down into the town,
Out came the humans and began to run around,
‘Ha!’ went the spider and chased them down the lane,
And so the little town was never the same again!”
Truly a song to cripple the bravest of men! A song that sowed despair upon the hearts of the good citizens! A song that assaulted the delicate ear of the musically gifted with its raw voice!
Who in the face of such monstrosity could possibly retain his courage? Why, the only person who knew nothing of its opposite: Superkid!
Darrin and Derrick were a little slow to come to this conclusion though. Darrin gaped at it in horror and cried, “Somebody needs to stop that spider!” And quickly--the diabolical critter was wrapping the citizens in webbing and hanging them from trees.
“But how?” Derrick threw up his hands in despair. “It’s bigger than anything! No one’s going to stand up to it! Everyone’s too scared!”
And that was when Darrin finally got it. He thrust his finger into the air and said, “But not Superkid!” He turned to Aaron who had been sneaking away. Aaron suddenly snapped to attention and said bravely, “You called?”
“We need you to go squish a giant spider that’s attacking the town!” Darrin pointed.
Superkid followed the finger. His mouth suddenly dropped and his eyes widened. “Whoa! Where’d that thing come from?”
Darrin threw up his hands. “How should we know? But somebody needs to stop it!”
“And I’m the one for the job is what you’re getting at?” Superkid smiled wryly. “This is an ironic situation. Long have spiders been stepped on, and now there’s one doing the stepping! But fear not, good citizens!” Superkid thrust out his chest and said dramatically, “I, Superkid, shall rescue you from the wrath of an abnormally large crawler and teach him the meaning of poetic justice!”
“Then get your rump moving,” Derrick said impatiently, “before the people you’re saving become pancakes!”
Our hero glared at him. “You have no appreciation for pre-battle speeches.”
“Especially when the town’s being attacked by a giant spider!”
“All right!” Superkid threw up his hands in surrender. “I’m going!” And with that, he rushed in to save the day. Not wanting to miss out on some superhero action, his two friends followed.
r /> Meanwhile, the dastardly spider had started a new chorus as it bounced a yelling man on a string of web like a ping pong paddle:
“The big and hairy spider came down into the town,
Out came the humans and began to run around…”
The monstrous crawler was startled into dropping its ping pong when a voice began singing:
“Out came Superkid and kicked his hairy end,
And the big and hairy spider was never seen again!”
It turned to the source of the singing (which was only slightly better than the critter’s own) and found itself staring at a grinning kid.
“Was that you?” it growled at him.
“You mean was I the one singing?”
“Yes, that’s what I mean,” said the spider, who could just tell that this kid was going to be a nuisance. Never could it imagine just how much of a nuisance.
“Yep, that was me,” Superkid admitted. “It was just that your song was so inspiring, I just had to join in.”
The gargantuan creeper huffed. “Inspiring, huh? You suicidal, kid?”
Superkid responded heartily, “Heck no! Life’s too much fun!”
The ugly critter lowered his hairy head and breathed into our hero’s face. “You do realize you’re getting on my nerves, don’t you? And you do realize that I’m a giant spider?”
“Yes to the second, and to the first I could only hope.”
“Are you crazy then?”
“Nope, just fearless.”
“Oh really?” The monstrous spider’s face split into a nasty grin. “I think I might have a cure for that.” And without further warning, it kicked Superkid. Our diminutive hero flew into the air and