"Conflicted. You?"
"Same. Granted, he's handy to have on our side. But this has got to be messing with your mind. I doan know that I could sit beside someone who'd recently tried to off me."
And who'd succeeded in the past. "The red witch wasn't exactly a fan of Aric's before he nearly skewered me, and she's not discerning. If she slips the leash . . ."
"I sure would miss him."
Smartass Cajun. "Part of me wants to hurt him for everything I've been forced to endure. But not like she would. Never like that."
Jack sighed. "Still in love with two."
"I wish I wasn't. I really do."
He gruffly said, "Whenever we get started together, he always rides in and rips us apart. We had a good thing goan before he came along."
Good thing? Jubilee could never have lasted. But the castle was life support, the spaceship on the surface of the moon. And Paul now ruled over it.
Did the Hanged Man sleep in the room I'd shared with Aric? Bile rose in my throat. What if he tried something with Lark? Mind-controlling her into his bed? "Jack, we're going to figure everything out. But first I've got to take Paul down. You won't talk me out of it, and I won't let you go in my place."
"We'll see about that." He brushed his scarred knuckles over my cheek. "I'd kiss you to take your mind off things, but I made you a promise not to pressure you. Considering how you respond to me, well, it wouldn't even be fair to the Reaper."
My lips twitched. "Very big of you."
"If you knew how bad I want more of what we enjoyed . . ." He leaned in to nuzzle my ear, his stubble giving me shivers. "This is a sacrifice without equal. Woman, you turned me inside out."
I sucked in a breath. "Mutual."
Snow crunched outside. Considering how quiet Aric could be, he must be purposely making noise. Can't stand to see us together? Should've decided to come take my icon sooner.
Jack pulled back from me, exhaling with disappointment. "Returned already?"
Aric had two bags in hand and Jack's bow slung over his armored shoulder. I braced against the cold as he climbed in the truck. He handed me my bag, then tossed Jack's stuff to him. "Your take is impressive, mortal."
Jack seemed surprised and reluctantly pleased by the praise. "Kentarch made it possible."
I pulled on gloves, a hat, a scarf, and a thicker parka. "But it was Jack's idea." Because of him, I now had a bounty of clothes.
"I doan like to keep all my eggs in one basket." Jack dragged on gear as well, then shouldered his bow. "We'll pack up the Beast before we leave, take some of our windfall with us."
Aric said, "The snow is deep, making the trail treacherous. I can carry her faster than she can hike." He pulled off his gauntlets. In readiness? He wouldn't feel the temperature as we would, and he'd probably take the cold just to have fewer layers between me and him.
Jack didn't like that a bit. "Or I can carry her." With his bad leg and my extra weight?
"Come, sieva." Aric offered his hand--as he had when he'd leaned out of the castle window, coaxing me closer.
I stared at his hand, wanting to tell him I didn't need his help. But didn't I? I'd slept for what felt like a dozen hours but was still exhausted, and I was starving again. When I'd trekked from this cave weeks ago, I'd needed Joules's help to make it to the road.
"Peekon?"
"I'll be okay." Lips pursed, I took Aric's hand.
He upped the ante. "I'd like to talk to you inside. Alone. Mortal, you may take your time."
I glanced at Jack. "I might as well get this over with."
Tick, tick, tick.
Before Jack could say anything, Aric drew me into his arms, then swept me from the truck into the freezing night.
I didn't know where to hold on to him. He had no such problems; one of his hands gently grasped my waist, the other palming the back of one thigh. He carried me as if nothing had happened between us, as if he'd just swooped me up to take me to bed.
Was he getting his fix? The thought made me shiver.
He mistook my reaction. "Almost there, love. It will be warm by the fire."
Though I was nervous to be this close to him, my body remembered his. Even with his armor, we fit. I still felt our soul-deep bond, could almost hear that endless wave along the shore.
As soon as the thought arose, I recalled his snide tone as he'd said, "By all the gods your tears cheer me."
On the way inside, we passed those lion bones. I'd never forget the taste of that meat. How desperate I'd been for it . . .
When we entered the firelit cave, my lips parted at the treasure trove of supplies. Food. Full gas cans. Fireplace logs and wood furniture to burn.
Though proud of the guys' haul, my surroundings rattled me. Too many memories lingered here. My gaze darted from one area to the next.
That patch of dirt was where I'd passed out, wondering if I'd ever wake up.
That rock shelf was where I'd contemplated drinking Kentarch's blood. Our friend was missing, aching for his beloved wife, and probably insane.
Beside that fire pit was where I'd eaten cat food. A couple of empty cans remained in a trash pile off to the side.
"You can put me down," I said, my tone sharp.
He crossed to the fire, then set me on my feet. "As you wish," he replied, ever gallant.
Pulling off my gloves, I took a seat by the flames and held my hands out to the heat. "You wanted to talk."
His gaze fell on my left hand. "You no longer wear my ring?" I thought he bit the inside of his cheek; regretting his opening line?
I pulled the ring out of my pocket and offered it back. "Maybe I should have destroyed it in retaliation. If you knew how much time and effort I spent crafting yours . . ."
"I can only imagine. I grieve it." He reached for my hand, closing my fingers around the ring. The contact of our skin made his voice grow raspy as he said, "Please honor me by keeping this for now."
I feigned an uncaring shrug, then pocketed it again.
Clearing his throat, he said, "You haven't made one for Jack?" He probably hated how hopeful he sounded.
"Been a little busy," I lied. I'd had far too much time in the tin can, but a part of me must've held out hope that I'd get Aric back. And a girl couldn't be committed to two guys. Right?
When I thought back over the last few weeks, I felt a fresh wave of sadness. I'd mistrusted Jubilee, hated being confined, but at least I'd had Jack by my side.
Talking every night. The warmth of his arms around me as the storms raged. Tee fluttering under his hand until Jack swore he could almost feel him.
My eyes widened. Tee. I'd grown so sensitive to his movements that I always woke, but I hadn't awakened for hours and hours in the truck. He still hadn't fluttered at all?
I reached up to touch my head. The knot was gone, but it'd been severe. And I'd bled a lot. How much can this kid take?
Aric glanced at the cave entrance and back. Feeling pressured for time? "You told me on the phone that you would choose me if I came for you. Did you mean that?"
"At the time, I did. I know you won't believe this, but Jack and I never got together before two nights ago."
"I do believe you. Why wouldn't I?"
"Because you've considered me a lying 'harlot' for longer than you haven't."
He flinched. "What made you decide to . . . take that step with Deveaux after waiting so long?"
"It doesn't matter why."
"Do you intend to be with him? I know you two had planned a future before Richter's massacre."
I gazed at the fire, couldn't even think about that now. "I don't know what will happen." What had Aric said? The future is fluid.
He sat beside me. "Talk to me, please."
Really? Be careful what you wish for. "I hope I didn't overstep when I promised Joules that you would help him and Gabe once we took back the castle--your home. If not for the Tower, I would have been eaten alive by wolves before Kentarch ever had a chance to rescue us. You remembe
r that, don't you? When you stood on that rise, ready to watch your pregnant wife be slaughtered."
His eyes were stark.
"But then, you didn't believe I was knocked up. You believed it was just more of my Empress conniving."
"When I left the sphere and my thoughts became my own again, I realized that you were out here, starving, and with child . . . our child . . . ." His voice grew ragged. "I relived all I did to you. Sieva, there are no words."
Why was I unleashing so much anger on him? Because I'd been hurt? So had he been. Because I didn't want to be in a position of choice again? If I never forgave Aric for what had happened to me over the hellish last two months, then my life would be easier. My heartache would be lessened. "I owe my life to Patrick Joules. Tell me, do you still regret that I spared him back in Requiem, Tennessee? You made me feel foolish, telling me, 'Have you lost your wits, creature?' Paul wasn't controlling you back then."
"You are teaching me, sieva. I understand now that players can change. We're not bound by the past. Joules and Gabriel are both welcome within the castle. I owe them both debts that I can never repay."
"More mouths to feed? You were already rationing."
"We still have fifty years. I was greedy for a decade or two more, so our child could live a full life."
"How's Paul going to manage the resources while you're away?"
Aric's expression told me he had concerns.
"That good, huh? I know you and Jack think you're going to talk me out of challenging him, but you won't. We don't have a choice. You feel how cold it is tonight. I don't plan on giving birth in this cave."
"Instead you plan on risking our son in an Arcana battle."
"Those who threaten my kid don't live long." I kept saying my kid. It didn't feel right to include Aric by saying our. And didn't Jack have as much claim? Without him, there'd be no kid. "If I'm in enough jeopardy"--and enraged enough--"the red witch should rise." The trick was sticking to the shallow end.
"Should? Should?" Aric stood, beginning to pace.
"She took me over completely in the battle with the Cups. It was like an out-of-body experience."
He slowed. "Ah, that is what the mortal hesitated to tell me."
"In fact, I don't recommend lowering your guard around me. When I knocked you out last time, the witch wanted to kill you. What if I lost control again? I could poison you in your sleep."
"You've unleashed her before and returned to normal."
"The return gets dicier each time." Rage was a type of madness, and I had enough on tap to lose my mind a thousand times over. "I'm coming to believe I'll eventually turn into her for good, just as I always have before. Only a matter of time. I'm her, and she's me."
"I don't believe that. You've come so far. And you won't harm me. Even in self-defense, you hesitated to strike against me."
My gaze lit on those cursed cat-food cans. The sight ratcheted up my fury even more. "I didn't have this much rage in me before. Facing off against you made me understand it better than I ever have. When you attacked, your eyes were filled with it."
"I had no control of myself!"
"What about when you first abducted me away from Jack all those months ago? Or when you stabbed my picture? You hated me back then, and it had nothing to do with Paul!"
"Sieva, I am so--"
"Evie!" I shot to my feet. "My name is Evie. But you don't call me that, because I'm interchangeable with the other Empresses, right? The names change, but the evil bitch remains the same? Then watch this evil bitch go take care of business."
"I call you wife. I am proud and humbled to do so."
"And I liked that, but can't I be more than either a wife or an enemy? Because right now I'm not fitting into either box you want to stuff me into!"
"I do not wish to do that." In a voice laden with regret, he said, "I only wish to make amends, to make things right between us once more."
His patience just stoked my fury. My God, pregnancy emotions were crazy. I couldn't catch my breath, felt like I was spinning around on Tess's carousel. Faster. Faster. Until I'd be flung out into nothing. "Amends? What if you can't make up for what's happened? What if we've lost too much?" Why hadn't Tee moved again? I clutched my stomach. Damn it, kid, do something. "I can't handle this! I just can't--"
"Hey, now." Jack hurried inside, striding between us. "Let's save some fight for the days ahead."
"Being in this place makes me remember things. Like licking an empty cat-food can while talking to him." I pointed accusingly at Aric. "Or Kentarch trying to feed me his blood. I should've tried to drink it. If not for me, then for . . ." My voice cracked.
Was I even expecting a kid anymore? Just like that, I burst into tears.
Jack pulled me into his arms. I could feel him waving Death away behind my back.
In a rasp, Aric said, "Please forgive me." His spurs were silent as he left the cave.
45
Death
I paced outside, sucking in lungfuls of air. The weight of a meteor rested on my chest. It must be that--my heart couldn't pain me this much otherwise.
I could hear my wife sobbing in the mortal's arms. Yet I could do nothing to comfort her. When we'd spoken on the phone, she'd predicted that the guilt would torture me.
It does.
I heard Deveaux murmur, "Shh, I got you."
Fists clenched, I stared at the sky. She'd once told me that he used to say that to her. Jealousy warred with despondency.
"Bebe," he continued in a hushed tone, "you might've caught a touch of PTSD. Not surprising, non? But remember, there's nothing we can't get through as long as we're together."
I flinched at that, cursing my enhanced hearing.
"Just breathe," he told her. "That's it, ma bonne fille."
"I-I can't do this anymore."
"If you can't be here, then let's go. I'll take you anywhere you want." I half expected Deveaux to walk out and tell me the two of them were setting off: Au revoir, Reaper.
She cried, "Y-you know where I want to go. To confront Paul. You t-told me if I could show you some powers, you would support me. I killed all the Cups." She cried harder at that.
How much more violence and grief could she be expected to suffer? I'd concluded that she'd been through too much trauma even before the Hanged Man had woven his insidious web.
He was my kill to make. And yet, I couldn't. After being in control for millennia, I could do nothing but endure this misery, lest I get taken in by that sphere once more.
The mortal was right--I was the biggest threat to them.
"Shh, shh, calme-toi. You got to breathe."
After all her trials, being near me while in that cave had pushed her past some limit that I'd never known existed.
She'd sent me awash in the scent of her deadly roses. Maybe she would poison me in my sleep. I deserved nothing less.
The day she'd fled the castle, I'd taken all of my rage combined through the ages, and I'd afflicted her with it.
Of my many past sins, that pained me most--and I'd been a murderous son. I put my head in my hands and squeezed.
So many sins. I'd left her unprotected against Ogen, her powers bound by the cilice. She'd nearly died in the grip of that devil--my ally! I'd kept Paul in the castle, despite her doubts, despite her pregnancy. While Deveaux kept trying to shoulder every burden for her, I'd let her grandmother's killer live in our home.
I hadn't trusted my wife's judgment when she'd needed me most.
I gazed back at the cave where she'd nearly starved. On the phone, she'd pleaded with me to come home, and I'd laughed. Home? Do you mean my castle?
If Deveaux hadn't come along, my wife and son would be dead. The babe might be even now. And how could she weather that? With me as a reminder of our bloody history? Or with Deveaux's understanding?
What right did I have to her? What if this had always been her story with Jackson Deveaux, and I truly was the villain?
46
The Emp
ress
Day 585 A.F.
A blur of movement outside of the truck caught my eye just as Jack and Aric both tensed. I straightened in my seat between them. "What was that?"
We'd been riding in silence since we'd left the cave. I was mortified by my breakdown. I usually handled my business better than that. And what was the point of my fury? I couldn't possibly punish Aric more than he was punishing himself.
He frowned, his eyes bloodshot. "A Bagman in a hurry." I wondered when Aric had last slept.
Last night, even the fire hadn't been enough to keep me warm, so Jack had climbed into my sleeping bag. I'd been dozing off when Aric had finally returned, hours after he'd left. Though nothing had happened between me and Jack, Aric had sat on the other side of the fire and met my gaze with pure anguish in his expression.
"Up ahead." Jack grabbed his bow from the backseat. "Three o'clock."
When Aric braked, I squinted into the snowy dark. Dozens of Bagmen swarmed along the roadside. Why had they gathered?
"My gods," Aric muttered, just as I caught sight of their meal.
A white horse. Thanatos.
He lay on his side in the bloody snow--but was still moving!
Aric slammed the truck into park, then leaped out. He drew his swords with a yell. Metal flashed in the headlights; Bagger heads and entrails went flying.
Once Aric had cleared the way and we saw what remained, Jack breathed, "Jesus."
I put my hand over my mouth. Thanatos's red eyes were crazed with fear and pain, his legs nothing more than bloody stumps pawing the air. His black armor had been torn away, chunks of skin missing from his flesh. Bite marks told a horror story--hours of torment.
"Is that horse immortal like Dominija?"
"No. Any horse that he claims as his own is mystically connected to him, but not immortal." Still, Thanatos had survived so much that I'd thought of him as deathless. "Aric's going to have to put him down."
"Stay here." Jack hurried from the truck to join Aric.
Ignoring him, I followed.
Aric had dropped to his knees beside Thanatos. "Whoa, stallion. Rest easy." His gaze held Thanatos's, which seemed to calm the horse, easing its wild-eyed movements. "I'm here. I will make the pain end." As he soothingly stroked a narrow swath of unbitten flesh, Aric clenched his other fist.
I sidled closer to them. "What about Lark? You could use her powers," I said, even as I pictured how vacant-eyed that sparrow had looked.