They dissolved into laughter, but I could only stand there in shock. Really? That was how they thought of me? A disgruntled rumble started in my stomach and I felt it rise up at an alarming rate. I was nauseous a second later and felt vomit in my throat. Did they not realize what they had lectured me on a month ago? But maybe they didn’t remember it. Maybe they had forgotten how Jesse only had to snap his finger and I was at his beck and call.
A shiver raced up my spine. He was gone. I wouldn’t see him, I didn’t know when or if I would see him again.
When the bell rang, Marissa and Angie stopped sharing Snow White jokes at my expense and sighed. Angie groaned. “God, here we go. First period, girls.”
Marissa wiped at her eye and sniffed. “Yeah, we can do it. It’s the beginning of our last year.”
I looked at them as if they’d both lost their heads.
They rolled their eyes at my expression. Angie headed out first with a grin, “I’m off to college biology. See you two later.”
Two other cheerleaders whisked Marissa away before either of us could reply, but as I watched them, I was happy for them. Justin held his arm out for Angie as she came to his side, and the two of them walked together down the hallway. On the other end of the hallway was Marissa. Half of her friends seemed to bounce in excitement down the hallway while the other half, like her, seemed to sexily stalk down the hallway. Guys turned and watched their group. From the hidden smirks and winks, Marissa’s friends were fully aware of the power they had over the male population.
“Hi!”
I jumped out of my skin as I whirled around. Then I patted my chest and tried to regain my breath as I saw Eric there. He had a small grin that matched the whites in his blue eyes, which were warm as he looked down at me.
“Hi.”
“What class do you have?”
“I have a free period now.”
“So…”
“So, probably the library. Why?”
“Oh.” He bobbed his head in approval. “A bunch of us are headed to the cafeteria. Its way easier to work and stuff there, plus there’s the vending machines too. We can’t snack in the library. Or talk. You wanna come? It’d be fun to talk.”
“Talk?”
“Yeah. Talk. You know, see how your summer went and everything. I was looking for you at a bunch of the parties this last month, but I didn’t see you. Were you sick?”
“Oh no.” Jesse had been at those parties. “Nothing like that.” I hadn’t wanted to prolong the goodbye or worse.
“Oh. Okay.” He scratched his head. When one of the football players shouted his name, he flashed them a grin. “So do you want to come? It’d be fun. Chester was in Mississippi all summer and I guess he’s got some doozies for stories.”
“Uh.” I was lost. Did I want to talk? Did that stand for more? And then I shook my head at myself. I needed to relax. “Yeah. I’ll come to talk.”
His smile froze for a moment, but then he doubled its brightness. “Good. That’s awesome. I’ll buy you a soda even.”
I laughed at myself. Oh dear. Look at me, so tense at getting a soda from someone. I was an idiot. “Thanks. I’ll get the next time.”
Eric laughed beside me as we turned for the cafeteria. “Sounds great. Think of it as a date.” And he winked at me before he opened the door over my head and I passed under his arm.
As I went through, something flooded me. It felt good, relaxing. It felt right; my chest loosened a little bit. I could breathe easier. And then I watched in horror where Eric sat. He tossed his bag to one empty stool and hopped on the other one. As he rested his forearms on the table, his smile seemed contagious to the people across from him. One of them, as my heart skipped a beat, was Jesse’s ex-girlfriend, Sarah Shastaine.
She gave Eric a shy smile and then tucked a strand of her soft blonde hair back. When he turned and motioned for me to join them, she turned as well. The same horror was in her eyes. I saw it for a split second before she turned away, but it was enough. Hurt, fear, longing, and another emotion all flashed over her face. My chest was so tight again.
Sarah Shastaine was perfect. Angie and Marissa might’ve given me grief about being perfect, but she was the real deal. She was petite with a heart shaped face. She was nice. She was popular. So many guys lined up to date her and I heard one of them groan to his buddies. They wanted to scoop her up and shield her from the world. There was something fallen in her demeanor.
Had Jesse done that? Had he hurt her that much?
Had he broken her? Tears came to my eyes, but I held them at bay. Was he going to do the same to me? But that was preposterous. I hadn’t seen him in a month. I didn’t know the next time I would see him.
“Come on, Alex!” Eric gestured to me again. His smile seemed so genuine.
I was the worst person in the world.
As I sat, Sarah peeked up and gave me a cautious wave. “Hi, Alexandra.”
“Sarah.” My tone was equally as cautious. What was she going to say?
Then she cleared her throat. It was so soft and dainty sounding. All the bigger guys in the room positioned themselves towards our table. I knew they wanted to protect her still.
Her eyes were downcast as she played with her notebook. “How’s Jesse doing?”
From the slight hitch in her tone, I wanted to recoil backwards. She was still in love with him. I knew it. I was horrible. My voice came out raspy, “He’s…okay.”
She looked up. Her blue eyes were startlingly beautiful. They shimmered as they held mine captive. “Really?”
I jerked a shoulder up.
Another sad smile came from her before she dipped her head back down. “That’s good.”
I could hear the relief in her voice and cringed against it. She really still loved him.
“He deserves all the success that he’s had recently.”
I found myself nodding with her. “Yeah, you’re right. He’s doing really great.”
Then she grinned at Eric. “And you’re going to be as successful as him. You’ll lead our Wolverines to a state championship like him. I know it.”
“Yeah.” His grin slipped a bit and he leaned forward. The Adam’s apple in his throat bobbed up and down. As he cleared his throat, he glanced down at the floor. “I’ll sure try, I know that much.”
“What does she mean?”
He shrugged. “Nothing much.”
“Oh, that’s not true.” Sarah reached forward and placed her dainty hand over his. “He’s the starting forward this year. And our captain.”
“Really?”
He lifted another shoulder and looked away. “It don’t mean much.”
“It means a lot, Eric.” Sarah disagreed with him. Her sparkling eyes wouldn’t look away. “Jesse had big shoes for you to fill, but I have no doubt you’re up for the job. You’ll do wonderful.”
He laughed, but the sound was uneasy.
I straightened in my seat and reassessed Jesse’s perfect ex-girlfriend. Who was she kidding? I wasn’t intending to be mean, but Eric couldn’t fill Jesse’s shoes on his best day. Jesse was going to go professional. Everyone knew that. Eric would be lucky if he could get a scholarship at a lower level college. I might’ve checked out from a lot of school activities over the year, but that was the truth. Even I knew it. And for her to pump him up, make him feel as if he could do what Jesse could, told me a few things about Sarah Shastaine. For one, she wasn’t as nice as I thought. And two, did she want to set him up for failure? That wasn’t a friend in my mind.
But I bit my lip.
Eric seemed uncomfortable; he kept glancing at me. When I gave him a small smile, he relaxed, but his shoulders still drooped. And then I turned to Sarah. Her smile was still dazzling and the warmth in her eyes didn’t shift away.
Did she actually mean what she said? Did she not realize how harmful that was?
As she glanced at me one more time, my eyes widened. I had always thought of Sarah Shastaine as an angel, but now I wasn’t so sure. Then again, I had never asked why Jesse had suddenly ended his three year relationship with her. I always figured it was because of Ethan. It had been the same time he had stopped staying at our house and the beginning of when he turned from nice guy into cold hearted player last year.
Maybe there was another reason?
CHAPTER SIX
Two months went by quicker than I realized. Angie and I went to every football game. Justin played and Marissa cheered, so we supported both of them. I never told either of them of that weird day with Sarah in the cafeteria. We didn’t interact much after that. We had one class together and she was always partners with her two friends in the class. Eric was in the same class; he was usually my partner. And I thought about Jesse every day.
I tried not to. I really did, but I couldn’t help it.
The few times that my father was at home, he always had ESPN on in the background. And most of those times, there seemed to be a discussion about upcoming freshman that would be watched for the season. Jesse’s name was never left out. And then there was the time my mom had an entertainment gossip show on the television. Jesse’s dad had a movie premiere on the red carpet. The cameras always talked about Malcolm Hunt with a snapshot to Jesse, the future star basketball son of his.
That premiere turned into too many, along with all the other media interviews. It wasn’t customary to pay attention to the producer’s son, but when that son looked like Jesse Hunt and already had the reputation he did, most of them included his name in the interviews. And the same video footage of the time Jesse attended a premiere would roll. He’d been dressed in a black tuxedo with his hair still buzzed and the same unemotional look he’d had during his senior year. At least he hadn’t taken a date. I breathed easier when I saw he was solo, but then I told myself it didn’t mean a thing.
He never called. He hadn’t visited. There’d been no communication from him and I knew there wouldn’t be.
So when Homecoming rolled around at the end of October, I accepted Eric’s invitation to be his date, even though I wasn’t sure I should’ve. However, he didn’t seem to notice my reluctance or the guilt I carried after. He was all smiles every time in class and was eager to plan the details of the date.
“Hey, you.” Angie’s dressed swished around her as she carried it with one hand. She grimaced when she came into my bedroom and pouted at the sight of my bed. “We haven’t even gotten to the game and I already just want to fall asleep.”
“Look at you. You’re beautiful.”
And she was, in a princess-style green dress with taffeta underneath. It wasn’t Angie, but she said Justin picked it out. She aimed to please and that dress was going to please him. Her hair was her style. She had it piled high in a braid, intertwined with flowers. She always said she wanted it pretty, but simple and out of the way. It was that indeed.
She groaned as she turned my fan on and stood in front of it. “I don’t know about that, but I’m damn jealous right now. You’re lucky you didn’t make Homecoming Court otherwise you’d be wearing that gorgeous pink thing you’ve got in your closet instead of waiting until the last second to put it on. Oh no, you would be sweating your ass off right now, even though you know you’re going to be freezing it off at the game tonight.” A growl emitted from her throat as she cursed and sat on my bed. “I don’t give a rat’s ass if my dress is messed up. This thing looks ridiculous on me.”
I chuckled and turned back to the mirror to finish my make-up. It wasn’t much, some eyeliner and lipstick. I was done two seconds later. “You’re being a good girlfriend, that’s what you’re doing. And since you don’t really care about Homecoming while Justin does, you’re doing the right thing in my mind.”
“Mine, too,” she groaned. “But, hell, I’m suffering here. He doesn’t have to put on his tuxedo until after the game. He gets to run around and play during the entire thing, and show up on my arm all sweaty at halftime. It sucks being a girl.”
“I agree with that.”
Then she sighed. “Have you heard what Marissa’s plans are?”
When she started to stand up, but struggled, I caught her hand in mine and pulled her upright. Then I shook my head. “I don’t think she’s going to cheer tonight and change, just change into her dress in the locker room. That’s all I know.”
“I’d still like to know how she got Cord Tatum to come back to school as her Homecoming date. She’s got some balls for that one. I didn’t think any alumni returned to high school, especially if they went to Grant West and ran in the same circles as Jesse Hunt.” Angie laughed when she gathered her dress up once more to fit through my doorway again.
I stopped at her words and a shiver passed through me. She talked about him as if he weren’t a real person anymore. As she continued to muse about Marissa’s powers with the opposite sex, I realized that maybe Jesse had become nonexistent to her. He’d never interacted with her. He had only been another member on Justin’s sports team, whichever it was at the time.
When she continued down the hallway and down the stairs, I knew she hadn’t looked back.
I was still rooted in my bedroom. I hadn’t forgotten that Cord would be going to the dance with us and I hadn’t forgotten that he was friends with Jesse, but I hadn’t dwelled on it either. Now I couldn’t stop thinking about it and the idea of it; that I would be in the presence of someone connected with Jesse on a daily basis had me sweating.
I turned the fan on myself and counted from fifty to one.
I wasn’t going to see Jesse. This was ridiculous. What was wrong with me?
“Hey, get your cute butt down here. I want to get this night started so it’ll end faster. Hurry up!” I grinned as Angie’s voice caused my door to rattle.
When I went downstairs, I never stopped to look in the kitchen or living room. If anyone was in there, they didn’t care. I didn’t even think they were aware it was October.
When we got to the game, Angie waved and went one way. I went the other.
“Alex! Over here! Over here!” Ben pumped his hand back and forth in the air as he yelled over the crowd. He pointed to the seat beside him. “I have a seat for you! Over here!”
Some guys yelled at him to shut up, but my coworker beamed at me. He was dressed in our school’s colors, yellow and black. He wore a yellow hat, a yellow scarf, yellow gloves, and he even waved a yellow hankie in the air. His coat was black.
As I went through the crowd to his side, he clapped his hands from excitement. “Heya! I’m vibrating with giddiness tonight.”
“Why?” I brushed back my hair and tried to peer around the three guys in front of us.
“It’s Homecoming.” He spoke like it was the next up-and-coming invention that was going to change our lives. “Do you have a date? Wait. I heard that Eric Nathan asked you.” He nudged me with his elbow and winked. “Where is he? Why isn’t he sitting with you?”
I laughed and elbowed him back. “Because he’s on the Homecoming Court. They wait somewhere else.”
“Ooh. Wait. You’re his date. Don’t you have to go out there with him?”
“They paired him up with a girl who’s already on the Court. I don’t have to put my dress on until the dance.”
“Oh.” He sounded disappointed.
“You okay with that?”
“Yeah, whatever.” Ben sniffled and jerked forward.
“Ben.”
“What?” He didn’t look at me.
“Ben.”
“What?” He still didn’t look.
I sighed. “Are you going to the dance with anybody?”
“No,” he clipped out. His bottom lip was thrust out in a pout. “But, that’s okay. It’s not like it means anything to me. It’s not like I’m a senior too, and I have other friends that I could’ve gone with.”
My eyes closed. He hadn’t other friends. He had two others, but they were younger. Ben might’ve been my coworker and someone who cared about me, but he was seen as an outcast to everybody else. I was the insensitive one who didn’t look at things from his perspective.
“I’m sorry. Would you go with me and Eric?”
He turned in a flash, his smile blinding me. “Really?”
“Really.”
“Oh, thank you! Thank you!” He bundled me to him in a big hug and rocked me back and forth. “You’re so great.”